Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Free Rosario!

Wassup Y'all!

It didn't take long for the clowning in NYC to take a serious turn. I'm hanging outside Madison Square and catch the commotion up the street and get details that the cops clapped the silver braclets on my girl Rosario Dawson (a shorty supreme, might I add). I'm organizing the homeys cuz we ain't taking it no more! How'd Rosario get checked into the Greybar Hotel and Off the Chaney is still walking around a free man? Only in New York, y'all. Until her court appearance, I'll float y'all a glossy to remember her by...

C'mon now, Sipowitz! She's even kickin' the I Love NY gear!! NYPD - shame, shame.

Y'all may be noticing I'm not doing too much reporting on the convention that's cuz every time I sneak in I stand out like a sore thumb and security hustles me out. A brother can't catch a break up in that piece. So I'm outside MSG mingling with the salt of the earth folks and getting my laugh on about those parents up in arms about that Fact's of Life shorty Blair who wrote about putting a dab of hot sauce on her crumb snatcher's tongue to teach him not swear or speak out of turn. I just had to laugh about that one cuz I'm sure the parents complaining are the same ones with overweight kids who never miss a chance to let them stuff more food in their faces. I can see the dilemma - who's going to force their kid to put up with a minute's worth of tongue stinging vs. a lifetime of ridicule and health problems? Good call, y'all!

I see the nominations for the Darwin Awards are getting started early this year. I understand the front runner is the homey who got drunk with his buddy and decided to drive home. The buddy gets sick, hangs his head out the window to call Earl and the driver swerves, clips a telephone pole support wire and decapitates his partner. Here's where the story gets interesting, y'all. Old boy drives home, goes into his crib (bloody clothes and all) and falls asleep! Meanwhile headless Henry is just chilling in the passenger seat until a passerby spots him and calls the police. That's what I call a true friend - kill my ass and then leave me in the car all dead and decapitated. That's cold, my man!

Alright, y'all. I'm gonna pass the cap to see if we can scramble up some bail money for Rosario. In the meantime, she'll be honored as old Tyrone's Shorty of the Week.



Friday, August 27, 2004

Women's Beach Volleyball : Awwww Yeah!

Wassup Y'all!

After watching the hot postgame celebration of those shorties Misty May and Kerri Walsh , Old Tyrone has come to the conclusion that there is no better spectator sport than Women's Beach Volleyball...

How's is showing that on broadcast TV even legal? Wooooo. If I was running the Pro Beach Volleyball circuit, that joint would have it's own deal with DirecTV - The PBV Sand Serve Ticket. Matter fact, I'd probably kick it up a notch like old boy Emeril and recruit some stone hotties like Selma Hayek and Serena Williams to play in celebrity tournaments - y'all feel me? No? Let me drop a couple glossies and let you imagine the possibilities. As my dog Emeril would say: BAM

Feel me now? Thought you might. What network in their right mind wouldn't pick up that gold mine? That way, there'd be a little something for everybody - the hard body fans and the Daaaaaaaaamn body fans (if y'all need a little schooling on the Daaaaamn rating, check out my previous post on Halle Berry). Whoever gave the thumbs up to those uniforms ought to get at least one of John Kerry's medals. And while I'm on topic - big ups to the women's soccer team on their gold medal effort. I understand that Brandi Chastain managed to keep her jersey on this time - that's why I didn't lead with soccer...just playin' y'all!

Well, the Ides of August are almost upon us and that means some skullduggery is about to jump off in NYC as GW and the boys move center stage. For the fellas down at Winkey's corner store that means check your wallet at the door and don't bet on that Three Card Monte they'll be playin' on stage. I'll be there covering it live y'all. The hoopty's all gassed up and chromed out. Don't be scurred to watch them on TV, they can't come through the screen like old girl from "The Ring". But be warned, like old girl said in the movie - "Everyone will suffer...". Oooo, think I just gave myself a chill. Didn't think that would happen until Dick "Off The" Chaney hit the stage...

Alright y'all - I'm out! I need to see when Misty and Kerri are headed to Chicago to play up at North Avenue Beach cuz I'm there cousin!



Tuesday, August 24, 2004

High Blood Pressure? Try some Black Eyed Peas

Wassup Y'all!

Miss me? Old Tyrone and the Winky's crew were taking time out to plan our Republican Convention protests. Seems NYC won't be too receptive to protesters so brothers have to be creative with their civil disobedience. With all the hatin' going on with the Elephants, you'd think that slimy sewer of hate goo from Ghostbusters II was really flowing through NYC's underground. I'm still waiting for them to drop their real madness - Kerry's unamerican, he had sex with a goat! - Kerry's not fit to lead, his Irish cousin's great grandfather was a black man! You know there's another shoe just waitin, y'all...

Anyway, I open the paper today and what do I spy with my little eye? 1 out of 3 Americans has high blood pressure and it's more pronounced among black folk. Somebody had to pay for that study? Shoot, I could have written that bad boy for free. Weak stock market (worried about the future), weak job market (worried about where next week's bread and medicine is coming from), John Kerry's weak campaign to date (just plain worried about another four years of GW and the mad bombers). As far as black folk go, man we've been jittery since the emancipation proclaimation. You got James Byrd Jr. dragged behind a pick up, Amadou Diallo reaching for a wallet and getting shot 41 times, Abner Louima's NYPD beatdown, and the hits go on. With the thought that you could get got at any moment, for any bogus reason - in 2004 - will get anybody's blood pressure percolatin'. These events not recent enough? Try Tennessee Republicans putting a racist on the ticket in the 8th congressional district. Can't wait to see James L. Hart's bumper sticker (with apologies to Taco Bell): Head for the border - unless you're Mighty Whitey!

Speaking of elephunk - man, I got a major jones going on for that magma hot shorty Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Now old girl is a certified way to get your blood pressure down and your temperature up.

I caught Miss Stacey Ferguson doing her thing at the recent Good Morning America Summer Concert Series at Bryant Park...and she was doing her thing, y'all! So it goes without saying who our Shorty of the Week is this week.

Now I know I promised y'all my take on this recent story of predicting the next President by checking out the amount of royal blood in their family trees and I will...just not tonight. Tonight I plan to break out my iPod and toast this week's shorty with a bassed out thump-thumper of 'Hey Mama'.

Back in a minute, y'all!



Monday, August 16, 2004

Puerto Rican Smack Down

Wassup Y'all!

See? Don't eat your Wheaties this is what happens. Ooooo - Dr. Naismith has got to be break dancing in bone box over this one. (Scream) Team USA (which happens to represent the country that invented basketball) got a well deserved beat down and exposed why being able to play fundamental basketball is a lost art in the raggedy US game. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, Shaq, KG, Kobe could have helped the cause, but come on, y'all. How fundamental is your game if you roll in from high school or one year of college ball?... No pure shooters, lackadaisical ball handling skill and all about trying to school somebody off the dribble. Yo homeys - take that yak back to Rucker Park (along with that San Juan whuppin' the Puerto Rican team laid on that a**). Shoot, why not step back and let Jenny from the block and Rosie Perez roll down the lane too? Shame, shame.

In happier news - old girl Sanaa Lathan pulled in some big weekend numbers in Alien vs. Predator. No surprise - about $32 million of the $38+ million came from my repeat business (keep it to yourself - I don't need to hear from my moms talking about another bump in the basement rent - besides y'all seen the news - GW's tax cuts have shifted the tax burden to my broke lower middle class butt. GW! Feel free to kick a brother when he's down). But I digress -- ain't nobody dropping duckets to see those two butt ugly aliens, the fellas are rolling in to peek prime shorty Sanaa. As far as I can tell she doesn't have any new flicks cued up so the pic below will have to hold you fellas for a few.

More in a minute as I'm digesting the latest on this crazy notion that US Presidential elections can be determined by the amount of royal blood that can be traced back to each candidate's ancestors. What??!

Also - where the heck it Chris Tucker hiding? Old boy needs to come back out of hiding to spare us anymore of that Shawn & Marlon Wayans nonsense. Who ever told those fools they were funny? Word on the street is old mother Tucker will be back with Rush Hour 3 next year, but what ever happened to that joint where he was going to star as the first black President? Come back, Chris!

I'm out. Think there's one last last showing tonight of AvP!



Saturday, August 14, 2004

Tiger Slump? Blame the Elin Effect

Wassup Y'all!

I know, I know. Ease up off Tiger Woods, our Caublinasian brother. I don't know y'all I got to say my piece on this joint and if Tiger can have a Tiger Slam, the brother can have a Tiger Slump. Just like the Tiger Slam wasn't an official grand slam, the Tiger Slump isn't an official slump, especially when his 'slump' would still be a career year for the lower echelon tour players. I submit that the slump is a direct consequence of the Elin effect, as in Swedish nanny, hottie fiance - Elin Nordegren. I submit the following picture for your inspection...

Now come on, y'all! Who can spend hours practicing golf when in the back of your mind you know you've got this waiting for you back at the crib? Our boy Tiger's only human. But y'all know I always go beyond the story and y'all know there's got to be more to it than a case of romantic jungle fever (or reservation fever or Thai kitchen fever or ...). Perhaps y'all forgot about that little food poisoning story that flew under the radar last year as Tiger was crushing folks at the Bay Hill Invitational. It seems Elin pulled a quick Lucretia Borgia and slipped Tigro a plate of pasta that gave him food poisoning and had him callin' EARL (no not his daddy - y'all know what I'm talking about). See, I'm saying old girl is stealing the brother's mojo. According to my undercover FL contact Lil Punch, the pasta play was unintentional - old girl actually meant to only slip in a little bit of salmonella, just enough to have Tigro pootin' through the Bay Hill tournament and get him off his game. Since that time, I suspect she's been slippin' him all kinds of mickeys as part of a vast, right wing conspiracy to replace him as the #1 golfer with Philly Phil Mickelson. What else could explain Tigro's inexplicable nose dive since the days of the jaw dropping Tiger Slam?

Tiger, brother, find you a girl who can cook man! Check out Thursday's blog, my brother, there's a fine shorty who's back on the market who I'm sure would welcome a call...

My work here is done. I'm out, y'all!



Thursday, August 12, 2004

Say It Ain't So Rick!

Wassup, Y'all!

Looks like old Tyrone will be doing more in NYC this month than covering the Republican Convention. Duty calls, y'all. The Malone phone was blowing up all yesterday with the news that Rick Fox, former Laker thug, has dropped divorce papers on Vanessa Williams. 'Nessa? Oh hell no! Don't worry baby - Tyrone's on the way with some of that south side snuggle to get you over this rough patch. The hoopty's all gased up, boo. I'll be right there...

Dang Rick, let me move your greasy behind into my Big Dummy file along with Eric Benet and Ike Turner. See now y'all know why sisters be burning our clothes in the back seat of our cars. Don't front Rick! The Enquirer peeped your ass engaging in all kinds of clownin'. You don't get any more journalistically solid than the National Enquirer, homeboy. Shame, shame. Actually y'all, I've been doing my own digging and the real skinny is even more shocking. My inside Laker contact Gin Fizz tightened me up with the Epson glossy you see here.

That's right, y'all! It was Phil Jackson in the conservatory with the candle stick! Apparently, Phil and Sly Fox have been kicking it together since the beginning of last season. You heard it here y'all - Rick's been on the Down Low. If y'all readers don't know what the Down Low is either fall through Winky's corner store when you're in Chicago or peep brother J.L King's book.

Woooo - looks like the Detroit Bad Boys exposed more than just the Lakers' weak game. Don't worry 'Nessa, I got the right stuff and I definitely saved my best for last. Just to cheer you up a little bit until I can get to you, I've designated you the official Tyrone Malone Shorty of The Week. That should give you that Miss American vibe all over again. Here's a free taste so brothers can compare 'Nessa to Phil and see if Rick made the right move or not. I'm leaning toward no...

A couple other insights before I close - to Mr. Donald Lucey, the British travel operator who's planning to sponsor a travel package to Iraq in September for ten willing participants -- didn't I tell you to stay away from that west side crack? Matter o' fact, I don't even think the west side homeys mix enough chemicals in their brew to warrant that kind of foolishness. However, if persist you must, I can point you to a few folks to add to your travel party, like GW, C-Rice, Rum Shot, Off The Chaney, Uncle Clarence and a couple others. We'll keep Colin stateside for now and see if we can get him into detox and back into shape...

Quick Crack on Mac: Word on the street is that John McEnroe's new talk show on CNBC pulled in a robust 0.0 rating (twice!!) Dude, if I'm not mistaken that's the same market share I pulled in last night and I don't even have a show. Perhaps a new career is in order. (John: I'm not hatin' man, I'm just sayin'). No hard feelings, J-Mac. You're a welcome guest on this blog anytime you're in Chicago!

Don't forget y'all Alien vs. Predator drops tomorrow so go out and support my girl Sanaa Lathan! Old girl was going to be my Shorty of The Week this week, but this recent Sly Fox revelation warrented a script flip.

Alright, I'm out. If I pull out now, I can be in upstate New York in about twelve hours - thirteen if I include a quick side trip to pick up a few Radio Shack trinkets for my boo 'Nessa.



Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Wanted: Creative Rappers

Wassup, Y'all!

First - bad news.... My Halle Berry "Be My Boo" job application was denied again. That's three strikes for old Tyrone, y'all so I guess it's time to move on. So let me just pull out my list and pencil her name off and see who's next...well what do you know? Sanaa Lathan! And just in time too since her new movie Alien vs. Predator is about to drop. Look for me escorting her down the red carpet at the next Oscar's y'all. I got a feeling about this one!...

Okay - now on to the main point of today's blog. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of hip hop and 106 & Park and what not, but y'all I'm telling you, I had my little niece up in the hoopty the other day and I'm piping my iPod through my banging Nakamichi amplifier and trunk mounted Nakamichi speaker array and found myself with a dilemma. Is there a way to separate the banging beat from those foul lyrics? See I'm already hip to that game of dropping some duckets for a hot single only to see the hotter remix come out about a month later. Y'all also think you're slick with offering both an 'explicit' and 'clean' version (with more skips in it than a Sprint cell call in mid-town Manhatten at lunch time) of your cuts. When you get done slicin' and dicin', y'all rappers can make about a G note from one sharp cut. I say it's time to give back to community.

Here's what you do:

Issue one version of your cut - this should in all cases be an extended remix of your jam.

Next, be creative and substitute some valid words for all those foul lyrics. Here's a little starter kit from your boy Tyrone. Drop ni**er/ni*ga and use 'brother/brotha'. Drop bi*ch and use 'sister'. Drop 'ho' altogether although 'doe' would work in a pinch. Drop sh*t and use 'stuff' or 'sheet' if you want to be edgy. Drop F*ck and use 'tap' unless it's intended in a non-sexual way, in that case use 'forget'. Instead of 'smoke weed every day', try 'just read every day'. See y'all - it's not that hard. Consider it a public service to all the players out there who are trying to jam in their hoopties and drive their little nieces around. This way we can keep out hands on the hydraulic switches instead of the pause or song skip button. Hook a brother up!

Finally, I tightened up a new hot link for y'all. The Boondocks is now available for perusing so you can get your laugh on. Those little roughnecks are a trip!

I'm out! Got to got snap a few glossies to paperclip to my Sanaa Lathan "Be My Boo" job application and pick up a new bottle of Burberry Cologne to scent my envelope. Yes, yes, y'all - old Tyrone is going all out this time - I'll let you know how it goes.



Sunday, August 08, 2004

How do you spell 'Carpetbagger'?

Wassup, Y'all!

That would be K-E-Y-E-S for those takin' the test. Yes, yes, y'all. Maryland resident and new GOP 'go to' guy, Alan 'Skeleton' Keyes has made it official. He'll be Barack Obama's opponent for the vacant Illinois Senate seat. Can't say the debates won't be erudite entertainment (for you brothers down a Winky's corner store, that's how Hah Vahd brothers say 'knowlegeable')...

Can the world stand two Harvard educated brothers going toe to toe?

Can the United States Senate survive a fifth black senator since the U.S. Senate has been open for business, y'all? What's that work out to? Lemme see now, congress has been in business since 1789, it's 2004, hmmm, take away 1, okay 215 years since the first gavel fell, now divide the number of years by Senate term which is 6 and round up to get 36 possible times a black person could get elected to the Senate. Now divide the number of actual black folks that have been elected (including the one coming in from Illinois barring assassination prior to seating...) by the number of sessions a black person could have been elected and we get 0.14... And there you have it, y'all. 0.14 black folks elected to the US Senate per term since the opening gavel in 1789. I vote we establish 0.14 as the official United States That's A Damn Shame ratio. I was feeling kinda put out by that ratio until I crunched the Hispanic and Native American (who ran the joint before we did) numbers. Trust me y'all - you don't want to know...

Anyway, get out your Webster's y'all. When Skeleton Keyes hits the podium you're gonna need some fast fingers. (Alan: Man, I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin' - I saw you in the '96 and '00 debates. How do you think I learned the word 'erudite'?)

Alright, I'm gonna hop off Skeleton for a minute (plenty of time to hop back on in the days to come) although I did see Smooth Barark drop his appropriate quote about the clownin' going on. When asked about the choice of Skeleton to represent the right, he said it was:

"a hopeful sign for the country"
- Smooth Barack

Hmmmm, he must have peeped my That's A Damn Shame ratio...

In other news, I was rolling in the hoopty with my home slice Tater Tot and bumped up on Nelly's new slow jam "My Place". Nelly seems to have found the formula for hip-hop slow jams. It's a good follow up to that 'Dilemma' joint he cut with Kelly Rowland (that slim goody shorty from Destiny's Child). Me and Tot were vibing on the hook - big ups to Jahiem - but we were both like - What's up, Nelly? Kelly Rowland to Jaheim??? Man, y'all know Jahiem be hanging with Flava Flav, Lil Jon, Petey Pablo, Jodeci and Anthony Mason in the 'FMFR Club' (face made for radio). Shoot - Tot should probably be up in that joint too, but I digress... (Jahiem: Man, I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin'...) Anyway - shout out to Nelly: Dude, I appreciate you sharing the love with the other brothers, but come on, now! Let's tilt back toward the shorties - brothers just can't get into a slow jam thinking about you and Jahiem. Ya heard me?

I'm out y'all. It's Sunday night and I got a few job interviews to hit in the morning. Word on the street is that Halle hasn't made her mind up yet(contrary to those tabloid rumors of a hook up with that buster Michael Ealy), so I'm submitting my paperwork for consideration...again. I'll let you know how that goes.



Friday, August 06, 2004

Clowning in The Land of Lincoln

Wassup, Y'all!

Woooo I'm trippin' y'all. Today the Grand Old Party reached into their bag of dirty tricks and pulled out some keys - homeboy conservative Alan Keyes to be exact. Now y'all know as well as I do that that old 'Skeleton' Keyes would have been laughed off the Illinois Republican Primary ballot that featured a who's who of rich, white men, but now all the sudden that smooth Barack has streaked across the political firmament for the Democrats in Illinois, the Illinois republicans have found religion and can back a black candidate (who's not even from the state of Illinois). Hmmmm - sounds a tad disengenuous to me but shoot - I still live in my mama's basement, what do I know?...

Matter o' fact it's been a banner day for GW's party. Somehow the same crew that could dig up enough dirt to put J. Edgar Hoover to shame, can't figure out a way to keep an avowed racist off the ticket in Tennessee. Don't hate on them - I'm sure they tried hard. But despite their best efforts somehow James L. Hart will still be their standard bearer for congress in Tennesse's 8th district. Somewhere in Louisiana you know David Duke is dusting off the robe and gearing up for another run...

I'm looking forward to rolling the hoopty over to NYC and Madison Square for the GOP convention, y'all. I thought Reverend Al could keep folks entertained with his witticisms. Shoot - GW can hang with him any day. Case in point - GW managed to squeeze in the signing of the defense spending bill yesterday between campaign stops (which I guess means he still has time to run the country) and dropped his latest pearl of wisdom - dubbed a 'Bushism' by the liberal media. To wit:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
- Your Commander-in-Chief GW

Now ask youself - have truer words every been spoken? Who says GW is being misleading? Stop hatin' y'all. I say this statement is concrete proof that he's on the up and up.

In other, more relevant news - moment of silence please for the passing of Rick James. I remember busting out of L7 like it was yesterday, y'all. Brother Rick taught us young bucks many a lesson on Mary Jane, Super Freaks, and most important of all not to bring very freaky girls home to mama (ever wonder why I'm living in the basement instead of mama's tight guest room upstairs?) Rest in peace, Brother Rick. Me and the fellas will pour a little out for you next time we pass the bottle.

In honor of today's opening of 'Collateral' I'm going to hit y'all with a new Shorty of The Week a couple days early. In fact, you'll like this one y'all - it's a two-for-one (something you'll never see down at Winky's corner store). You're welcome.

Gotta jet. In honor of Brother Rick, I'm off to find some very freaky girls to console...



Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Disney Proud? Mos Def'initely!

Wassup, Y'all?

Just hanging with the homeboys at Winky's pondering my next move. I noticed AJ found his way back from vacation and eased his butt back next to my girl Free on 106 & Park! Dude - stop blocking!! I was digging Free's solo act - old girl is foine (and somehow looks foiner without you blocking all the time)!...

Hey - guess what I discovered over a bowl of Saturday morning Sugar Smacks with my neice? That's right y'all. The best Saturday morning cartoon since Halle Berry's Catwoman (okay - that wasn't officially a cartoon, but you get my meaning). Don't miss an episoide of The Proud Family - that joint is too funny and it's always nice to see a well rounded African American cartoon family. The voice work is excellent and the dialogue sounds like the Dan Ryan Woods on the Fourth of July. If it's possible to jones for a cartoon character man Penny Proud's moms is banging - you know what I'm saying? Just to show you that life imitates art, check out my Shorty of the Week. It's none other than Paula Jai Parker who lends her sexy voice to Mrs. Trudy Proud (or Trudyyyyyyyyy as Pops Proud calls her). Old boy from Living Color (Let me give you my card. BAM!) Tommy Davidson is the voice of Oscar Proud and Penny is voiced by that little shorty Kyla Pratt who played the young Sanaa Lathan in Love and Basketball. Ahhhhh, somehow all roads lead back to Sanaa Lathan... Word is Kyla will be in the live action cut of Fat Albert (and the Cosby Kids) later this year.

Last week's episode featured a cameo by my boy Mos Def, who in my opinion is one of the most underrated black actors today. I just caught him again in Brown Sugar a few days ago (almost missed him cuz I was looking at Sanaa Lathan...). Old boy is good in every role I've seen him in. He was playing his role as MC of the Def Poetry Jam (or in this case Wizard Kelly's Poetry Jam - Wizard Kelly is the Proud Family's version of Magic Johnson - a basketball entrepreneur). Check it out on Saturday's y'all on ABC/Disney (no I don't own any stock, hater). You know you're just rolling out the rack at that time anyway. Check this article for all the actual factuals. And don't forget to use some COLD milk on your Sugar Smacks - kids are optional but always a good cover in case your boys bust up in the joint while you're watchin'. Gotta jet - I hear they're selling advanced tickets to Alien vs. Predator starring Sanaa Lathan...



Monday, August 02, 2004

Jamie Foxx The Next Forest Gump?

Wassup, Y'all!

I figured I'd jump in here first before Jamie's next movie 'Collateral' drops on Friday. The buzz is already building for J-Foxx as Tom Cruise's unwilling sidekick just ahead of his star turn as Ray Charles in the 'Ray' bio pic. Of course, y'all I saw this coming way back during Booty Call. That scene where old boy was wrapped up in Saran Wrap - something about his method acting just said 'Oscar' to me...

He followed that up a little later in 'Ali' when he played Drew 'Bundini' Brown (rumble, young man, rumble - Ahhhhhhh) and suddenly you could see a little bamboozling going on. J-Foxx is a dramatic actor in comedian's clothing like that other fool Tom Hanks. Hmmm, Bosom Buddies / Jamie Foxx show...Turner and Hooch / Booty Call...Sleepless in Seattle / Breakin' all the Rules...Philadelphia / Any Given Sunday...Forest Gump / Ray. Seems to be a little symmetry going on in the universe, y'all.

Who knew?

Looks like Sam-u-eL, DenzeL and WilL will be getting some company at the top. They might start seeing a new set of fingerprints on that limited set of scripts circulating for the melanin enriched actors. Quiet as kept, Denzel and Sam-u-el seem to be in a rut - same acting style - different roles. Might just be me, but we know that's never the case, y'all.

And what's the deal with "The Village"? Man, not one fly in the buttermilk (and once I saw how crazy they were to get into that situation, you can understand why). I got to give it up for Nighty-Night - he knows how to drop a twist (and keep it quiet), but that joint was like Eddie Murphy in the alley with that transvestite. Looking good when you pull up, a shocking twist when you get right in the middle and eventually, one hell of an unsatisfying evening. (Eddie: Man, I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin')

Gotta run, y'all. Homeland's dropped Condition Orange on us, so I need to roll by Winky's corner store to get my batteries and duct tape together. I'll holler!



P.S. If y'all are looking to get your reggae swerve on you can't go wrong with the new cuts by Beanie Man - "King of the Dancehall" and Kevin Lyttle - "Turn Me On". Shoot I could watch that "Turn Me On" video allllllll day. One peep and you'll be feelin' irie, mon! Reggae's gettin' hot these days, y'all. For you sisters who are looking for equal time, Tanya Stephens comes correct with an oldy but goody - "It's a Pity (you already have a wife)" Ahhh, my people, my people!