Saturday, April 30, 2005

But it was funny in the movies...

Wassup, Y'all!

Come on, admit it. You know when you went to this romantic comedy with your sweety you actually laughed at Julia Roberts' chronic cold feet and the silly shenanigans that followed. How could anybody stay mad at America's Sweetheart as she planned wedding after wedding and then jetted either on or just before the blissful day? Ahhh, that was a good concept - a nice twist where it was actually the bride who jacked up the wedding rather than the doofus groom, one of his doofus groomsmen or the seedy aftermath of a bachelor party gone very, very wrong. Today's news, however, shows the subtle line between comedy and crime...

Now I know my readers are well informed so by now you should know how the mystery of Jennifer Wilbanks, the missing Duluth, Georgia jogger turned out and it's doubtful Ms. Wilbanks will be inheriting the title of America's Sweetheart... I think the phrase 'Jacked up' is appropriate. I'll be real with, y'all. When I heard she was just a few days away from her wedding, the fact that she ducked out of town was my *first* thought. It was too obvious. But in this day and age of body snatching, I'd say the town did the right thing by closing ranks and searching for her rusty butt. But I'm still thinking:

Bridemaids - 14
Groomsmen - 14
Realizing you've got 600 invitations in the mail and don't really want to get married? - Priceless

You have to feel for old girl as I'm sure she won't be able to shrug off the aftermath of her actions as easily as Julia Roberts did. Can you imagine the reaction to the next set of wedding invites that she mails out? Wooooo. I'm still waiting to see how the fiance weighs in since the police were looking at him as a possible murder suspect and he had to submit to a polygraph. Not the best way to start a lifetime of wedded bliss, y'all. See - this is just why I prefer movies to real life. When it's over - it's over. It's just a *movie*. So while old girl is spending the next 1000 days indoors waiting for the heat to blow over, here are a few DVD titles that may be appropriate:

1) The Long Kiss Goodbye
2) The Long Cold Night
3) Dumb and Dumber
4) The Wedding Planner
5) Running Scared
6) Midnight Run
7) Leaving Las Vegas
8) Raising Arizona
9) The Vanishing
10) Bad Day On The Block (aka Under Pressure)

In the meantime I'm wondering if I can get some of their wedding cake for free? I like wedding cake. And the smooth player will recognize the golden opportunity of being able to console 14 distraught bridesmaids!!!

It's Not *ALL* Bad News...

It really is true that when one door closes and other one opens...



Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The Shame Of iPod Playlist Outings...

Wassup, Y'all!

As iPods become more ubiquitious (for the homeys down at Winky's Corner Store that means those joints are everywhere) enabling Poddites the ability to store thousands of songs in the palm of their hand, as in Spider-Man where old Uncle Ben told Peter Parker - 'with much power comes much responsibility', the same applies here to the content of your playlists, y'all. In the 'old days' before MP3 players or before MP3 players with lush, spacious harddrives, a Poddite was forced to choose wisely and only download songs to her player that were in popular rotation and reflected the Billboard selections. Now, however, many Poddites have gone into the closet and loaded up 'special' playlists with songs and artists they would never admit to their friends that they like. This unfortunate turn of events has led to an embarassing phenomenon that I like to call 'Playlist Outing'...

Scene Of The Crime:
It Was Colonel Mustard In
The Study With Milli Vanilli!

This normally happens when your boy innocently picks up your iPod and starts perusing your playlists. A skilled nosey Poddite will go straight to 'Browse Artist' to get the lowdown and then bust out laughing at his boy who's been hiding N'Sync and Bananarama behind macho playlists like 'Thug Cuts' and 'Gin & Juice'. When homeboy runs and tells your other boys about your metro-sexual taste in music - you've been outed, cousin. You roll into the party flexin' like Usher and end up gettin' bounced from the party because you're really homeboy on the right - Poindexter B. Whack. Shame, Shame. Then unfortunately once you start crying, you'll have to Blame It On The Rain, then suffer through a Cruel Summer and watch all the shortys go Bye Bye Bye (not like I'm really familiar with any of those songs, y'all and you damn sure know nary a one of those joints is anywhere near *my* iPod...).

However, there is *one* sure fire explanation to get any player out of a potentially embarassing outing. When you get caught with Michelle Branch or Hillary Duff on your joint, stay calm (player rule #1 for all situations) and tell the nosey Poddite that you're a player and on any given night you could be rolling back to the crib with a shorty of any persuasion hence you've loaded up appropriate playlists to put them at ease so you can seal the deal.

Homeboys - stick with me, I'll get you to where you need to go.



Sunday, April 24, 2005

Will And Jada Gettin' Recreational?

Wassup, Y'all!

Sometimes you have to wonder where some of these Internet rumors get their legs. A quick run through the cyber wires has detected an uptick in 'chatter' about our favorite south side couple Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. As the story is told, Big Willy Style and JPS have been practicing their swinging - the kind that doesn't require the equipment pictured in the glossy...

Now truth be told this wild a** rumor smacks of a lot of player hatin' as it's clear from the glossy below as well as another profiled in my Lil ' Jon - Family Man? post that Mr. and Mrs. Smith have a relationship that is still bringing the heat seven and a half years after tying the knot at their secret New Year's Eve Baltimore broom hop.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Gettin' Jiggy With It

For those of you who haven't followed the exploits of platinum plated cockhound Dr. Christian Troy from Nip/Tuck (check the link - he's the player with the red shades...) or aren't familiar with the concept of swinging (and you know old Tyrone had to look it up himself, y'all...), swinging is where a committed couple (either boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife) meet up with other like minded couples and trade partners. It's kinda like a version of that ABC show Wife Swap , where in addition to all the other household changes that occur when the new 'wife' shows up, the husband gets to sleep with her too. Wooooo - buck wild, I know. Anyway, somewhere along the line, Will and Jada got associated with this recreational activity. True or not true? Honestly I don't know one way or the other, but I'm leaning toward not true and it's probably just a rumor started by Paris Hilton to get the heat off of her and her fallout with cut buddy Nichole Richie (momma noooooo!).

Then again, with all these Sidekick hackings going on these days, could it be that one of the Smith sidekicks got hacked (do the Smiths even have Sidekicks?) revealing not only Will and Jada but Maria and Julio as well? Time will tell, as it normally does with these types of things. In the mean time, just in case it is true, I've posted an ad for an open minded partner who's currently available as that seems to be the only way I'll ever get with Jada...

Nichole Ritchie Going Solo



Thursday, April 21, 2005

Ain't No Sunshine When He Drives...

Wassup, Y'all!

Hey - what rhymes with DMX? This one is easy. Maaa fact, I've hooked y'all up with a hint in the glossy to the right. If any of you clever readers guessed 'car wrecks', you're excused from this semester's final since you're already getting an 'A'. That's right y'all - our boy DMX is back behind the wheel and back in the news after triggering a three car pile up in NYC that included a cruiser from New York's finest - no not shorty supermodel Petra Nemcova but the cops. If you ask me, the cops are probably the *last* crew you want to involve in a chain reaction crash if you're driving on a suspended license...

Man, back in the day DMX used to be my boy. He was kicking it in the movies, spittin' that gravelly rap and just generally flexin'. Then sadly, like many other entertainers who get caught in a puzzling thought process I can't quite understand, the brother just wigs the hell out. That whack a** thought process goes something like this: "Hmmmm, I'm doing good. Making tall chedda, I'm blinged out from head to toe, so frosty I could loan Alaska some ice. Got my four point pocket square workin'. Bought moms a crib. All the talk shows want me, all the studios are sending projects my way now what can I do to f**k this all up? No - I mean *really* f**k this all up cuz I don't roll half a**ed." *sigh*

In X's case his well thought out plan to throw it all away started last year out at Kennedy Airport when his dumb a** tried to carjack a car by impersonating an FBI agent. He managed to make it as far as the parking lot gate before crashing into another car and getting busted for criminal impersonation, weapon and drug charges. I'm figuring this is probably where his license got suspended, y'all. X did a bid for that tom foolery and it seems got out just in time to drive into the back of another car. I think the only people more dangerous behind the wheel of a car are Paula Abdul and Halle Berry. The only good news is that he really didn't hit NY hottie Petra Nemcova as she's already been through enough.

Get Well Soon, Homegirl!

The only appropriate cap to this sad post is a quote from DMX himself - a few lyrics from his cut 'Ain't No Sunshine':

"You was ballin' a minute ago - in it for dough, then it was Yo! I swear to God I didn't know."

How to drive that is...



Monday, April 18, 2005

It's Spring And The Robins Are Out

Wassup, Y'all!

You know, growing up, I was one of those high maintenance crumbsnatchers - especially at the dinner table. Moms would go through all kinds of changes trying to get old Tyrone to eat the same tired a**ed vegetables and finally she had to figure out a way to combine the nasty with the tasty to encourage me to get them down. Stuff like cheese on the broccoli or cooking bacon in with the green beans - all in an effort to get it all to go down easy. So it comes as no surprise that this is the way I prefer to get my newscasts - delivered by shortys so fine, it really doesn't register that there's still so much heinousness going on in the world. It also makes me wonder when Sports Illustrated is finally going to get to the "Girls of the Network News" issue...

My Chicago homeys will certainly recognize the 9.2 Shorty Daamn Meter registrant above. Ol girl Robin Meade used to kick it on the local channel 5 news for NBC here in the Windy City and homeboys were lined along the streets from Wacker Drive down the Skyway as we all pleaded with her not to go as she made her way out of town to Atlanta to swoop the morning anchor slot at CNN. It's still nice to be able to wake up with homegirl, who seems to possess charm, beauty and a goofy sense of humor - all moms-worthy qualities (a sense of humor being key, y'all).

But as enamored as I am with Shorty Robin M., it's another morning Robin that gets my vote with that second to last necessary shorty quality. That Robin would of course be Robin Roberts who anchors the news segments on Good Morning America and weekend SportsCenter on ESPN (can you see where I'm heading here, y'all?). A fine shorty that knows sports and can get you access into all the major sports venues is like a free day inside Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory without an Oompa Loompa escort, y'all. It doesn't get much better than that. Plus old girl can shoot hoops and has a great sense of humor (I wonder if she's the one who finally loosened up old Dr. Condoleeza?? - *something* happened to old girl as she's now traveling the globe looking like a Vogue Magazine covergirl and actually hugging people!! - You go, Condi!). Now if I could just confirm that both Robins possessed that elusive final shorty quality, I could add them both to my Shorty Short List. What's that final shorty quality you ask? Well I can't say it any better than Ludacris did in 'Yeah!' - Verse 3, last line, second half. Trifling - yes, but sooooo true, y'all.



Saturday, April 16, 2005

Julissa & Free: Where's the Beef?

Wassup, Y'all!

I know a few of y'all have been asking yourselves: Dang - when's Tyrone gonna bring back the Daamn Meter Shortys? We'll y'all - today's the day. I've got a two for one on tap due to the non proven but persistent rumor that BET personalities Free and Julissa Bermudez (shorty on the right) *still* have a beef going on. To me this still smacks of some of that Why Can't Shortys Get Along tip that I previewed in the recent Wisteria Hysteria post. That post scratched the surface of the odd phenomenon where just as nature abhors a vacuum, shortys abhor social situations that feature more than one of their own kind (sometimes even if it's their own girl!)...

For some reason this rumor just won't go away and the scenario has resident 106 & Park co-host Free (shorty on the left) feeling a little heat from the 21 year old west side hottie. Lately during 106 & Park tapings, Julissa handles the audience participation segments while Free and her buster, braided up co-host AJ handle the guests and cue up the top 10 videos. I'm guessing the rumor got started by another shorty in the BET talent food chain who wants to bump them both out of the way...that's just how they roll y'all. Truely the more dangerous of the species...

I'm thinking it's just a lot of jibber jabber as the first thing people think about when two hot shortys enter each others gravitational fields is that a Big Bang can't be too far behind since Lord knows they'll *never* be able to get along and support each other. Add in the paranoia associated with being in the superficial entertainment business and their beef plot could almost write itself. All I know is that if they really are beefing - they both need Best Actress in a Lead Role Oscars because they're all smiles and sunshine on the set (just like the Desperate Housewives crew...). Man - that acting is deep, yo.



Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The Contender - Reality Done Right

Wassup, Y'all!

I'll admit I'm hooked on some of these reality shows. Y'all have seen a couple posts related to the Apprentice and Survivor (I even sank so low as to peep VH1's Surreal World when they had "the world's greatest hype man" Flava Flav bunking with Sly Stallone's old girl Brigitte Nielsen - Brigitte is a wild girl, y'all) and even that great white hype show The Bachelor/Bachelorette (which I'm boycotting until they can figure out how to get a brother or sister on) where it seems there's not a minority on the planet looking for love. Recently, I've been checking out the latest Mark Burnett offering The Contender and of all the competition reality shows, I'm feeling this one - Burnett with capable assists from Sly Stallone and Sugar Ray Leonard finally got it right...

Flav & Brigitte
How Can You Not Watch
These Two In A Hot Tub??

The trend I favor is what I call the Robin Hood Principle, which is, take from the rich and give to deserving. That's why I appreciated Oprah's car give away since it targeted an audience full of folks who needed new cars as opposed to that "My Favorite Things" greed-fest (although I wouldn't complain if my butt ended up in the audience the day that joint taped...). Extreme Home Makeover - same deal. Find a needy family and hook their a** up big time. Lately the latest installments of these reality shows have featured contestant who've obviously watched the shows, heard the reaction and are now playing for the camera and the publicity as they perform in an artificial competition. This is where The Contender diverges from the beaten path. Sure it has it's manufactured moments - dopey competitions to determine who gets the honor of calling out who to fight, but the main focus is to gather a group of actual boxers and have them fight against each other in the ring to determine who'll get to fight the premier fight in Las Vegas for a $1 million dollar purse.

For the most part these guys are club fighters, on the outside looking in trying to get to a big payday in their chosen profession. They come from humble backgrounds, for the most part, and fighting is pretty much all they know. Just like with Extreme Home Makeover - some of their family stories will even make a thug drop a tear and in some cases as two of them prepare for a fight where the loser is headed home, you really want them both to win (in a few cases though there's a clear buster you want to see get dropped). Because of their personal situations and their desire to prove themselves and not disappoint their families, when they lose these boys take it hard and you pretty much see a grown man cry every week. It's heartbreaking, y'all - but it's real, like life. To show how real, one of the boxers, Naijai Turpin, a young brother from Philly, put his all into his fight, but came up short. The brother was devastated and five weeks after he taped his segment, he committed suicide. It doesn't get anymore real than that, y'all. And because these boys see this competition as their ticket out, the five round bouts are straight up slugfests - boxing the way boxing is supposed to be. Not that heavyweight mess with all that clinching and leaning going on for twelve rounds.

Anyway - never thought I'd get hooked on a show that didn't feature either non-stop explosions, 'Oh Snap' gadgets or a bevy of bikini-clad shortys but I did on this one. As I said - it's reality done right. Give it a peep if your rotation is starting to get stale with the same ol, same ol.



Sunday, April 10, 2005

Wisteria Hysteria

Wassup, Y'all!

You know it had to happen sooner or later. I'm just surprised it took this long, y'all. News is running rampant over the internet about the story behind this Desperate Housewives Vanity Fair photo shoot and it seems beauty (or in this case female harmony) is only skin deep...

Now y'all know as much as shortys like to prop their solidarity when it comes to their causes - equal pay for equal work, the right to choose, the right to fight in the armed forces, etc. - it's more than a little ironic that any group of shortys left together too long in a room will eventually resort to cannibalism - not literally y'all (that's nasty) but in the figurative sense. It seems that no matter how good things are, instinctual jealousies will always bubble up to the surface and when they do homeboys, it's time to get to gone. You don't want to be anywhere near the scene of the inevitable crime. So now it seems this force of nature has found its way to the cozy confines of Wisteria Lane.

Just like in every band or every breakout show (and this season there's been none bigger than DHW) there's normally one member who breaks out. Destiny's Child has Beyonce, No Doubt has Gwen Stefani, B2K has Omarion and DHW has the foine Teri Hatcher. This choice is arguable (particually since I'm partial to that fine shorty Eva Longoria) but it seems to be borne out by FHM's (the Bible) Top 100 Sexiest Women 2005 List. Hottie Hatcher clocks in at a strong #7, while Eva clocks in at #38 and the rest of the Wisteria wives didn't even hit the list. Clearly, the other four stars, aware they're attached to one of the biggest shows their careers have ever seen, are painfully aware that the spotlight is shining most brightly on Hottie Hatcher, hence the emergence of the green eyed monster. The above glossy comes from the photo shoot for Vanity Fair's May issue (now must reading) and background details of the shoot included demands from the other 'wives' that hottie Hatcher not get to choose her outfit first or appear in the center of any group photo (like Beyonce always seem to do). When it appeared that things weren't going that way, word is things got hot with Marcia Cross storming off and Hottie Hatcher crying into her cell phone (likely to a girlfriend saying something like - "why do they all hate me? I can't help that I'm fine...). Come on now, y'all! Cut out all that drama and get back to business - there's enough publicity to go around! Matter of fact, let me post a glossy of Hottie Hatcher to see what all the fuss is about:

Hottie Hatcher
Uh Oh...

Hmmm...maybe the other four have a point. I bet their agents are getting an earful right about now...



Friday, April 08, 2005

Rotation Updates & Mimi's Emancipation

Wassup, Y'all!

Hey - what the heck does Mimi (Mariah Carey) need emancipating from? Is this like a Prince and Warner Brothers thing or like Jen getting emancipated from Brad or reality getting emancipated from O-Town? What's the deal? If anyone knows the details behind the title of Mimi's upcoming CD give me a shout out as we continue to count down to the return of "The Voice". Forget the voice, I was just glad to see her in the return of The Video (of the first single It's Like That) and kicking The Dress with The Plunging Neck Line...

Rotation Updates...Mimi has made it into the hoopty, y'all. It's Like That has cracked the Hoopty New School Rotation (despite the fact the CD doesn't drop until 4/12). Yesterday, I pull the hoopty up into the work parking lot - weather was good, windows were down, sound system pumpin' - and I'm wondering why I'm getting these annoyed looks from two north side shortys walking across the lot. I'm thinking Player Haters until I actually focus on what's playing - 50 Cent's Disco Inferno and 50's just rapping away about shake that ass, girl! Damn - hate it when that happens. I've been listening to so much hip hop I'm immune to the foul lyrics - though evidently my shorty coworkers aren't so now I'm waiting for the sexual harassment papers to drop...

Inspector Gadget...Y'all should also note that I've added another link to my Rib Tips and Hot Links rotation - the high tech gadget blog - Engadget. If you're into gadgets and want to stay on the curve with what's hot, what's not and the storys behind, drop this blog into your rotation but beware - these cats drop updates pretty much non-stop. They've also got regular podcasts for fun on the run....

These Guys Are Good...if any of y'all follow golf, you'll know that's the tag line to the PGA Tour promo commercials. Now old Tyrone is known to perpetrate on the public courses from time to time (though I mainly spend my time on the driving range scoping shortys) so I'll dip in and check the golf scores - particularly this week since it's The Masters. Anyway, I like to check the top and bottom of leaderboard and today I see Billy Casper's scorecard (I don't really know old boy but I've heard his name before) and I see 106 next to his name. Must be a typo since par at Augusta is 72. So I check the details and that's really the score he posted before withdrawing from the tournament. 34 over par!! Guess he won't be making any PGA Tour Promos....dag Billy!

The Dark Side of Tivo...Since TiVo moved into the crib, I have to admit I've had nothing but love for the little guy. I've gotten so used to it, I rarely ever watch a show live anymore and I'm more likely to archive two or three weeks of a show I like then watch them back to back like a DVD box set. This set up works great for those shows with killer cliff hangers like 24 or Lost. When one show ends and they put up the previews of the upcoming episode, I'm like HA! Hold up - let me just cue that bad boy up...but with the power comes a jacked up downside, y'all. Now I'm noticing that when it comes to these 'Water Cooler' shows that either your co-workers are talking about what happened during that week's episode or the news shows on the station they air on do pre and post show hype thereby spoiling the mystery of all that golden archived footage!! This just happened for last week's episode of Lost. They've been hyping all season long that a major character would die before the show ended for the season and that episode just happened to be this Wednesday. Did I watch it live? What do you think? How did I find out about one of the show's major plot twists? Brushing my damn teeth while watching Good Morning America, y'all. That hurts...

All right - I'm out. Friday night = late night movie watching...



Tuesday, April 05, 2005

All Eyes on Garcelle

Wassup, Y'all!

Trolling through my TiVo backlog, I finally got around to checking out the new ABC PI series Eyes and I have two quick observations: 1) ABC keeps swinging for the fences (Jake in Progress excluded) as they add yet another tight show to an already tight Wednesday night line up w/ Alias and Lost and 2) I think Haitian Hottie Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon has finally found the perfect role...

If the pilot is any indication of things to come, I'm liking Eyes chances - particularly with such strong lead-in shows. Any show that ends with shorty Garcelle smiling coyly at an insider rat uncovered at their PI firm just before blowing him away with a gunshot to the neck has me looking forward to the next episode, y'all. I like those smooth, cool as ice shortys and obviously Garcelle could show up in a potato sack and I'd be hooked - I'm easy like that. Fortunately today's glossy has her showing up in a little less than that...

Garcelle & Carmen
Yep - The Eyes Have It

The dark side of Spring...That would definitely have to be those goofy looking bicycle riders who insist on wearing those whack looking helmets and tacky, tight a** biker shorts. Don't get me wrong, y'all - on a well equipped shorty those tight racing tops and biker shorts can cause a twenty car pile up on the highway, but that same ensemble on a homeboy is just foul. Man - with *all* the fashion designers out there, how is it possible not one has come up with a fashionable bicycle helmet or some sensible shorts?? There's no way to dress those bad boys up - no way to cop a single cool point kicking those monstrosities. Every person I see ends up looking like a alien cast member from the movie Enemy Mine.

Don't Let This Happen To You...

Other than that the shorty side of Spring is looking good, y'all. Think I even spotted my first pair of 'butter soft' Havaianas south of the Canadian border. Women's Pro Beach Volleyball down at North Avenue Beach can't be too far behind. Woooooo.



Sunday, April 03, 2005

The Rise of Digital Wayne's Worlds

Wassup, Y'all!

With the success of Sin City at the box office this weekend and a peep at the personal backstory of renegade director Robert Rodriguez who seems to be able to concoct anything in his homespun Austin, Texas movie studio, the writing is on the wall y'all and from where I'm sitting it's all good...

The switch from analog media to digital has opened up the possibility that anyone with a bit of creative talent and a little walking around money can completely eliminate the middle man (aka studios, distributors, publishers, etc.) and bring their creative creations directly to the viewing or listening public. Anybody with a PC and a dream can have their Podcasts reaching a global audience with the click of a mouse circling the globe over the internet (old Tyrone is going to have to give that a close look) or edit, score and FX the heck out of their digital movie footage. Senor Rodriguez' Troublemaker Studios is located very east of Hollywood, yet it has cranked out a large number of movies including the 'El Mariachi Trilogy', the Spy Kids franchise and now Sin City - all completely done in house (literally).

I'll admit the 'green screen' movies - those with no actual sets (or very few) that are shot against a green screen with virtual sets added later - are novel and not quite there yet, but they point to an interesting future of possibilities. In Sin City's case, it allowed a director to literally bring a comic book to life - with (in my opinion) great success. As this type of technology gets better, there won't be anything that can't be rendered into a movie. For example, here's a shot of Dr. Aki Ross - a 'virtual' actress who starred in the the movie Final Fantasy - The Spirit Within back in 2001. Old girl looked this good four years ago, she ought be ready to get a SAG card now. And although the movie didn't do well - if I were a flesh and bones actor I'd be a little nervous about my future since artists can now craft 'actors' with any look a director may be after...

Dr. Aki Ross
My first Virtual Shorty

Whether that's good or bad that's not for old Tyrone to say, but it's pretty cool to consider as is the prospect that little guys can get into the mix. Sure that sets the table up for a lot of bad stuff, but it will also shine the spotlight on a lot of talent that can't get heard (or a meeting) by the Big Boys and I'm all for that.

Guess Why I Watched Guess Who...One guess and it's a pretty easy one y'all - salsa shorty Zoe Saldana. Old girl moved onto the Malone Zone radar when she starred in the black college band movie Drumline. That joint took me back to my own black college days kicking on yard and jamming with the band at the football games (note to readers: if you've never checked out a black college band and only seen the other kind, man - it's like the difference between a rocking club scene and the Bolshoi Ballet! Check one out - you'll never go back :-) ). Anyway, when Zoe stepped to the screen in that joint, I knew shorty would be going places and now she's made it all the way to a famous (non virtual) glossy post in the Malone Zone. Go 'head Zoe.

Zoe Saldana
Boom Shakalaka



Saturday, April 02, 2005

Shaq to Kobe: Where's your Messiah Now?

Wassup, Y'all!

You know I'm not one to say I told you so, but didn't I? With the NBA steaming toward the post season (which always seems anti-climatic after March Madness - can you believe those Elite Eight games??) a quick look at the playoff standings show Miami (Shaq) as the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference and a heartbeat away from the best record in the league and the Lakers (Kobe) shut out from a playoff berth and fading fast. To quote my girl Pheebs - hahahaha...

Just like that naysayer Dathan in The Ten Commandments, who despite every miracle Moses presided over, was always talking smack to the crowd asking 'Where's your Messiah nooooow?', Kid Kobe has to be coming to grips with the fact he may never sniff the NBA Finals again let alone another championship trophy. Just like in the days when Chicago was ringing up championships like single scoops at Baskin Robbins in the summertime, even Michael Jordan recognized the value of Scotty Pippen. As in most cases, be careful what you wish for.

Shaq & Kobe in Happier Days
Pretty Clear Who's Carrying Who

Sinfully - caught an opening day showing of Sin City and that joint was off the hook! Ultra violent, smart, funny, stylish graphic novel look and a bevy of sexy hookers - what more can a homeboy ask for? Jessica Alba and Rosario Dawson clock in with their standard 9+ Daamn Meter Ratings, but the sleeper in the movie was sexy shorty Carla Gugino who spends her first three minutes on screen in nothing but a thong giving new meaning to the phrase 'hottie with a body'. Woooooo. I'm giving it 3.5 Spinners y'all and proffer the following glossy for your close inspection.

Carla Gugino
Extremely Overdressed

Old Carla's a loooong way away from Spy Kids in this one. Gonna be a lot of freeze framing going on when the Sin City DVD drops...