Sunday, February 25, 2007

Blingin' in the name of the Lord...

Wassup, Y'all!

You know, some posts almost seem to pull themselves together by themselves. In this case, I was sittin' home doing some serious backsliding on a Sunday (having not been to church in a few despite the end of football season), had a Bossip post on big money Atlanta preacher Creflo Dollar's bling-bling lifestyle marinatin' in my head and just read this morning that almost 16 million Americans live in "deep or severe poverty". After peepin' a few glossys of Creflo's Atlanta crib I got to wonderin' just how well off should church leaders be if they're doing what they're supposed to be doing?...

I know, I know - this is America and capitalism is the flavor we savor up here neighbor but I'm not sure I'm dialed into this whole 'prosperity gospel' concept,which continues to spawn big money 'prosperity preachers' who insist on connecting religious faithfulness (like faithfully tithing 10% of your salary to the church) to material riches. Don't get me wrong, y'all. I'm all for tithing to the church so that the churches can do the work they're designed to do (ministering, community outreach, charitable works, etc.) but I question why the congregations of some churches continue to pony up their hard earned and much needed money (I don't know anyone who wouldn't feel the impact of a 10% salary cut) when they see their church leaders lead such ostentatious lifestyles. I would be more likely to rally behind a church leader who at least put up the appearance that he was in the good fight with me and sacrificing similarly.

I admit that I'm not a follower of the Reverend Creflo Dollar or his World Changers Church International. I also admit that I know that brother Creflo isn't the only preacher 'doin' it real big' but his actual factuals did make me blink - a couple times. According to the New York Times, this is how Creflo is rollin', y'all:

1) Multimillion dollar Atlanta Mansion (paid for by the church)
2) $2.5 million dollar Manhattan apartment (paid for by Creflo)
3) 2 Rolls-Royces (provided by congregation members)
4) Private jets for personal travel

On top of this, brother Dollar collects an annual salary set by the governors of his Atlanta church but brother Dollar didn't feel compelled to reveal it to the Times. He also didn't feel compelled to let the Times look at the church's books (though, presumably, they are freely available to church members). So Creflo's rollin' like this despite being named the #36 most influential Christian (well behind #1 Bishop T.D. Jakes, #8 George W. Bush and #33 Rev. Ted Haggard. Ol boy did place in front of #44 Pope Benedict XVI who's only the leader of the entire Catholic Church so obviously Pope B.'s not too influencial...).

Now brother Creflo did say that he was 'one of the church's biggest givers'. Hmm...let me break that down in slo-mo. First with the cheddar he's hauling in he's 'one' of the biggest givers rather than 'the' biggest giver *and* isn't he just giving back money that the congregation gave to him? So essentially he's recycling someone else's hard earned money. Sounds like a little bamboozling to me.

There's no doubt there are many a church of that width and breadth could help (perhaps a few of those 16 million Americans in 'deep or severe poverity' -- meaning they have an annual income under $5,080 -- for instance). So what if you were 'given' two Rolls-Royces? There's no law that says you have to keep them. One option would be to trade them both in, get a late model Chevy Lumina and use the left over cash to help those in need of both ministering *and* financial support. Now if I saw something like that going on by a few of these 'prosperity preachers' I might decide to shut the hell up about this. Maybe...

Brother Creflo! It's time to break a little more off, homey. Share your blessings.



Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Tom Brady's Baby Mama Drama...

Wassup, Y'all!

Ahhh, suki, suki! Can it be that the NFL's new jack Golden Boy Tom Brady is caught up in his own baby mama drama!? I'm thinking 'yes' now that his former girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan, dropped the bomb that no single, dating homeboy ever wants to hear. Especially when you're trying to get your swerve on with Victoria's Secret supermodel Gisele Bundchen. I can't say that the playa hater in me is really feeling too bad for Tomcat. Bridget Moynahan followed by a Gisele Bundchen chaser? That's what ol Ty calls 'overachieving' and just like Icarus' silly butt (who was also feeling himself when he flew too close to the sun), Tomcat has crashed to earth with a deafening thud.

Still, all that's neither here nor there, my question is how will the sports talking heads treat this news? Will they lump Tomcat in with all the southside players who leave single mothers in their wakes or will he get a northside, 'Golden Boy' pass?...

First of all, just like Denis Leary in 'Rescue Me' - how's Tomcat pullin' this off without eatin' a ton of sandwiches? Granted Bridget was six years older than he was but Gisele is three years younger so I'm almost sure that Tomcat will need a sandwich or two in the days ahead to keep up with ol girl.

Anyway, back to my point, y'all. I've noticed that sports talks show hosts tend to contribute to the perception that fathering children out of wedlock is a phenomenon exclusive to southside athletes which we all know isn't the case. My view is that there's a common level of indiscriminate slinging going on on all sides especially among the rich, famous and athletic.

Tom Brady, two time Superbowl MVP and quarterback of the 'love to hate 'em cuz they're real good' New England Patriots tends to be mentioned most as the best quarterback in the NFL (at least until Payton Manning finally won the big one) so I'm interested to see if there will be any negative blowback on his squeaky clean, Madison Avenue image. I'm thinking 'no' but we'll see.

This before and after glossy of Scary Spice Melanie Brown gives Tom a possible glimpse of what he'll be dealing with in about six months. Melanie, as we all know, came out a while back claiming that she was pregnant with Eddie Murphy's baby. Eddie man'ed up and promptly said the baby wasn't his (not sure where Tomcat stands on Bridget's announcement...) and he's waiting for baby delivery and DNA testing before considering doing the right thing. If the baby is his (and it seems like it is), ol Ty can excuse Mel B.'s after picture since she's both stressed out from pregnancy *and* rejection. That's rough Eddie!

So homeboys what's the moral to this story? That's right - no glove, no love. How hard is that????



Sunday, February 18, 2007

Tim Hardaway, I-Dub & Shirley Q. Liquor...

Wassup, Y'all!

It's gotten so crazy that ol Ty had to dig deep and come up with a new award intended for knuckleheads who just can't seem to keep their mouths shut when they know they should. You've read about a few of them here in the Malone Zone - Kramer (Michael Richards), I-Dub (Isaiah Washington) and now the newest knucklehead on the block, former NBA star Tim 'I hate Gay People' Hardaway (aka Little Timmy). Now Little Timmy has to be the *biggest* knucklehead to date given that the furor over I-Dub's comment and the ensuing career fallout is still fresh news! So I had to do it y'all...

Hence forth, I plan to begin bestowing the Run DMC 'You Talk To Much' Big Mouth Award on knuckleheads afflicted with the malady known as diarrhea of the mouth which causes an inability to know when and be able to shut the hell up. My rap historian readers will recognize the following snippet from the Run DMC 'You Talk To Much' jammy-jam:

"You talk about people, you don't even know
And you talk about places, you NEVER go
You talk about your girl, from head to toe
I said your mouth's moving fast, and your brain's moving slow

You talk too much You never shut up!!
I said you talk too much Homeboy you never shut up"

Yes - I agree. It's almost too appropriate. So here you go Little Timmy - congrats on being the first knucklehead recipient. And based on a comparison of Little Timmy's comments to I-Dub's (who went into treatment for saying fa**ot), you have to figure that Little Timmy will need to go through a 52 step program.

It's laughable that after going off and laying out his views the way he did, that after his banishment from NBA All-Star Weekend activities and the first wave of recriminations that poured in from all over, Little Timmy quickly backed off his statements with the now patented, weak azz, after the fact apology. It's like those fools who who think saying 'No disrepect' will excuse anything that follows. Like, 'No disrespect but your mama's face looks like the butt end of an elephant." It doesn't work like that y'all.

I also appreciate Payalisha over on Marinate On This pointing out the apparent double standard in the gay community surrounding the seeming acceptance to gay comic Charles Knipp's blackface character 'Shirley Q. Liquor,' a fool who makes money going to various venues playing Shirley Q. Liquor, an inarticulate black woman on welfare with 19 kids. Check out the clip on Marinate and then the welcomed follow up by Jasmyne Connick on which outlines how potential Knipp venues are finally catching wise to his ridiculous minstrel ruckus and shutting him out. At least some folks have some common sense...



Thursday, February 15, 2007

Thursday Crackbacks - 2/15/07

Wassup, Y'all!

I still can't figure out what all the ruckus is over Eddie Murphy's over the top portrayal of his big babe wifey in his new movie 'Norbit'! If Mo'Nique (self appointed spokesperson for big sisters) hasn't clocked in with a complaint then why all the yappin'? Crunk & Disorderly breaks down the actual factuals on this one but let me address the following complaint from southside activist Najee Ali specifically:

"Eddie Murphy's billboard disrespects Black women and continues to perpetuate negative stereotypical images that large Black women are sexually aggressive, unattractive, violent and promiscuous. These types of negative images are damaging to our community and to have this ad campaign unveiled during Black History Month is a slap in our face and disrespectful,"

Najee, you ever take in a Mo'Nique concert, homey? Back up off Eddie and his $34.2 million week 1 opening. It's a PARODY, man! If Mo'Nique (aaaand Martin Lawrence) can make cheddar off that stuff without you huffin' and puffin', stop hatin' on Eddie...

How's Barack's Announcement Playin' in Peoria? Man, didn't take long for the southside haters to show up outside Smooth Barack's door. I was perusing a post over on about Smooth's announcement and that joint generated about a billion comments - comments which provide an interesting glimpse into the two southside camps forming both in support and opposition to Smooth's run for the White House. Similarly, over in South Carolina, two key southside political leaders are coming out in support of Hillary. One, State Senator Robert Ford, even went so far as to say, "It’s a slim possibility for him [Obama] to get the nomination, but then everybody else is doomed,” Ford said. “Every Democrat running on that ticket next year would lose — because he’s black and he’s top of the ticket. We’d lose the House and the Senate and the governors and everything. I’m a gambling man. I love Obama,” Ford said. “But I’m not going to kill myself.” Ol boy must be headed over to Clarence Thomas' crib for canapes later this week...

C&D also dropped some companion pics to accompany the debut of Sports Illustrated annual swimsuit issue. Somehow Beyonce negotiated her butt onto the cover - man, you can't say ol girl doesn't have a Chicago worthy PR machine backin' her up, and now, somehow, after checkin' out this glossy I'm suddenly forgetting exactly what my complaints were about her...yes, y'all - that is triflin'...

The verdict is in on exactly what caused Gerald Levert's premature great gettin' up day and despite my views otherwise, sadly it turns out that the cause was all too preventable. quotes the coroner as saying that GL had a fatal mix of unrelated drugs in his system. To wit: Vicodin, , Percocet and Darvocet, along with anxiety medication Xanax and two over-the-counter antihistamines". Hmmm, add a KFC two piece, some Louisiana Hot Sauce and some Lowery's Season Salt and that will just about do it every time, y'all. Seriously - you know those warning labels that all drugs come with? The ones with the skull and cross bones right next to them? Might be good to read those bad boyz from time to time and stop assuming it's all good...

Finally, y'all know I like to have a little fun with ol girl Condolezza from time to timeso I appreciate Skeptical Brotha pointing out a new Condolezza parody music video (done to Fergie's cut 'Fergalicious') - it's pretty funny - check it out and get your laugh on. We only have until January 2009 to enjoy her before she's gone...



Monday, February 12, 2007

Mary J. and her 55 closest friends...

Wassup, Y'all!

Come on now! For anybody who watched the Grammy's last night (or any award show for that matter) you have to feel me when I'm saying - STOP THE DAMN MADNESS WITH THE SHOUT OUTS! I know Mary J. is the girl and all (and two snaps up on your three well deserved G-Rammys, homegirl!) but I think ol girl is *still* thanking folks for her Grammy success*....

The official count for Mary J's acceptance speech shout outs clocked in at 55! 55, y'all! What kind of ruckus is that? You figure each shout out had to take at least 1 second so ol girl had the nerve to stand up there after she won her first trophy for almost a damn minute rolling through pretty much everybody - Ray Ray from around the way, Shontay's Salon for the tight Grammy weave, Tayquan who brings me my spring water everyday, Rita who keeps my bathroom tight with those Charmin Mega Rolls, my paperboy Calvin for gettin' my paper to me, y'all get the picture. Drive me a Chevrolet? How 'bout Write Me a Short Acceptance Speech?

It was too appropriate that Mary J. and Luda performed his hit Runaway Love cuz Luda's azz was at it too when he broke out his long list of shout outs after winning his hardware. I had to give him some props though for saving his final shout outs for critics Bill O'Reilly and Oprah. BOR I can understand but her royal O'ness? Dannng! Seems to me that ol girl could open more doors for homey than he could for himself but hell hath no fury like a brother feeling himself (Exhibit A: Bow Wow). That's a trip - Oprah's butt all caught up in a rap beef! Still it will be interesting to see/hear her reaction should she address his shout out publicly. Wonder if we'll see her thoughts in next month's O Magazine?

Finally, in a milestone side note - this happens to be ol Ty's 300th post! Damn - who knew a brother could type so much? It's been a long, fun ride since my first post back in July 2004. I appreciate my long time readers Pheebs (who dropped the first Malone Zone comment), 'Tini Mack, HD, NS Shorty, Mama, Wilson the maintenance man, Michael Dell for the laptop, Bill Gates for the software, Lil Pops down at Winky's, Mary J. Blige for showing a brother how to drop some shout outs... :-) Thanks, y'all.



Saturday, February 10, 2007

The Barack-Star U.S. Tour Begins...

Wassup, Y'all!

It's on. Smooth Barack is in it to win it too. Just like that - in Springfield, Illinois, on a cold, sunny February morning, the country has finally fielded (in my opinion) the first, legitimate southside presidential candidate. If y'all got a chance to catch Smooth's announcement speech (if not check it here), y'all already know the brother has an uncanny knack for stringing words together. I caught his announcement on CNN and continue to like what I hear. I know one thing, anybody up against this brother in any televised debate better come correct cuz Smooth's got the whole oratory package working - smooth delivery, memorized, thoughtful , inspiring content, a self-deprecating demeanor and an amazing ability to relate everything back to the founding ideals of the country. That should equate to something unheard of in quite some time - must see political TV. Despite all that ol Ty still has one nagging concern about all this...

Y'all outside Chicago may not be familiar with Father Michael Pfleger, leader of the St. Sabina Catholic Church in Chicago - one of the few Catholic churches in Chicago that makes it its business to embrace and advocate for Chicago's southside population. Ebonically speaking, Father Pfleger is a down homey and as I was reviewing the off the hook roster of speakers coming to speak at the church as part of their African American Speakers Series, a small, unrelated link titled: "Leave Obama Alone"
caught my eye.

The link leads to a short article written before Smooth threw his hat in the ring but it outlines a concern that sadly remains very real for any legitimate southside political candidate (especially one on a stage as large as this one). The article speaks to Smooth's concern for the physical safety of he and his family should he undertake a run for President. Amazingly, Father Pfleger - a northside, catholic priest - put out an interesting notion for how this situation should be handled. In a nutshell he advocates that folks make it known that if any harm should come to Smooth that there will be extreme consequences and repercussions similar to those seen in Watts, Detroit and Florence and Normandy on Rodney King verdict day. Father Pfleger (clearly no ordinary cat) is saying folks should take it to the streets y'all - wow! If that doesn't tell you that this won't be your grandfather's campaign season I don't know what will.

We're now clearly at a different threshold and I have to give some props to nationally syndicated, southside columnist Deborah Mathis for recognizing this and for informing the southside nation that we have some "heavy lifting" of our own to do with respect to the approach we take to Smooth's candidacy. In her column "If Black Folks Really Want Barack Obama to Be President, Here’s What We – and He - Must Do", D-Mat rightly tells us not to expect (and not to jump off the bandwagon we're so quickly climbing on) Smooth to run as the 'southside candidate' whose business it will be to primarily advocate for southside issues. In order to win, Smooth must have broad appeal and, truthfully, we shouldn't expect anything different in anyone who aspires to be President of the United States.

Godspeed brother Barack - do your thing, homey...and BIG props for *finally* making politics interesting again.



Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Race Relations: It Ain't Soup Yet

Wassup, Y'all!

I know you've been missing me cuz I've been missing myself! I've been tending to some out of state family business but I'm back in mama's COLD AZZ Chicago basement typing away. During my travels I finally got a chance to peep the February 2007 issue of Ebony (for a good overview of the dilly between Ebony/Jet and southsiders check out Skeptical Brotha). Despite Smooth Barack on the cover, my interest was directed toward an article about the history of the N-word ("Enough! Why Blacks - and Whites - should never use the N-word again") and why Johnson Publishing (the publishers of Ebony/Jet) plan to never use the word in their mags again (unless signed off on explicitly by the editor...). Part of the article includes a short side panel article titled 'Just One More Angry Nigger' by Michael Johnson and it is this article on which ol Ty wishes to expound...

Michael Johnson is the founder and president of the Baartman-Biko Environmental Research Institute in the Western Cape of South Africa. MJ's the son of a southside Catholic father and a northside Jewish mother and as you can see from the companion glossy he looks just like a northsider (it all depends on the genetics y'all as Smooth Barack's parents are also southside and northside yet he looks distinctly southside...). History tells us that if you have one drop of southside blood running through your body (let alone 50%) you are a southsider. MJ writes the article from the perspective of a southside man in a northside body. Looking the way he does, he has been allowed the relatively unique experience of mingling with northsiders and being privvy to their innermost racial thoughts because they think he's one of them.

Remember my old 'It Don't Matter If You're Black or White' post? That joint talked about several cases of 'passing' (camouflaging yourself so you can operate freely in an opposite culture) including the still funny bit that Eddie Murphy did on SNL. Well apparently nothing has changed on that front and, not surprisingly, MJ discussed how everywhere he went and in every social setting he hung out in, invariably the folks around him (note: not all but there would always be a few) would refer to southsiders by the word they've grown most comfortable with - niggers (or 'silly negro' if you take Eddie Murphy's PC route).

Just recently Paris Hilton was seen in her 'private' video collection droppin' the N-word like she was all comfortable with it. Similarly, you have the next generation of leaders at Clemson University stuntin' like their daddies by kicking it at a 'gangsta' theme party.

You'll hear many northsiders postulate on how far race relations have come and how southsiders need to stop living in the past since slavery ended back in the 1800's. Seems to me that since Ebony & Jet's primary demographic is southsiders, their stand on the N-word is only meeting half the need. Might be good if northside parents start muting that noise as well since that ugly racial culture is still percolating dangerously close to that 'sweetness and light' surface especially since these days you never really know who is standing right next to you (note to the homeboys in Smitty's barbershop (Chicago) - you might want to mute those northside jokes too when Smooth Barack is in the chair...).

All y'all need to get a clue! Increase the peace people! One planet. One race (human). One love.



Superbowl Ads were WHACK!

Wassup, Y'all!

Not sure what the HELL the ad companies were up to this Superbowl (XLI) but it sure didn't include having a creative clue. Those joints this year were turrrible, y'all!

Here's a link to what they should be aspiring too once again - remember this joint? If it doesn't make you laugh check your toe tag to make sure you're in the right morgue...



Friday, February 02, 2007

Day Finally Breaks! Episodes Up!

Wassup, Y'all!

** Update **

Per DLT's comment, has 3 more episodes to drop after the 4 mentioned below. Not sure when the drop date is yet but for those concerned readers, you can continue to get up-to-the-minutes updates over at the Daybreak Blog.

**** Update End ****

Quick hit - my boy DLT hipped me to the fact that ABC has finally put up the final episodes of Taye Diggs quickly canceled, but all good drama Daybreak over on (hit the 'Full Episodes' link at the top, then click the 'Launch Now' button to get to it. For some reason, they don't show a picture of Daybreak when you get to the 'Full Episodes' page. At any rate, they have the final four episodes up (last one is 1/29/07) and I'm assuming the last one will resolve everything with a nice little bow. I'll holler back with my thoughts on those joints once I get a chance to peep them so I can provide y'all with my expert opinion. :-)