Thursday, January 31, 2008

Boy King Kwame to Motown: Resign? Damn That!

Wassup, Y'all!

I know, I know - but this stuff is just too juicy. It's like watchin' Jessie and Angie from 'All My Children' all over again, y'all. Anyway - you knew it was comin'. The somber, 'My Bad' from the Boy King with his kidz and faithful wife, Carlita at his side doing her best impression of Vanessa Bryant Hillary Clinton - staying strong, standin' by her man in the face of national embarrassment. That's some strong love, y'all though the Fred Sanford in me thinks it's more the lifestyle and perks she gets from ridin' Kwame's coattails, but what do I know? I'm just a brother livin' in his mama's basement.

Here's what I do know - Kwame punked out. He basically staged this photo op propaganda side show by holding it at his church and barring the press (check out the video here). Then again it was probably safer for the press to not be too close to Kwame in a church given the circumstances since indoor lightning is pretty dangerous. But you can't say Kwame didn't drop a few good ones during his non-threatening, non press conference. Check my favorites after the jump...

Kwame:
"I would never quit on you, ever. We've got a lot of work to do. And with your help, I am going to continue to lead this city in getting the work done."

Ty:
How 'bout startin' by paying back the $9 million to the City of Detroit to cover the court costs for a case that didn't have to happen?

Kwame:
"To all of you who have believed in what we have been doing in this city since 2002, to all of you who have believed in me and my leadership, to all of you who have stuck with me through difficult times, to all of you who have prayed for me, I'm sorry."

Ty:
Yes, you are.

Kwame:
[Later, when asked to drop some actual factuals about the undercover boot knockin']: "Because there are legal matters pending at this moment, unfortunately I am unable to discuss any of those issues at this time."

Ty:
Damn, that line is tired!

Kwame:
"Finally, and most importantly, I want to make a public apology to my wife, Carlita, who I fell in love with when I was 19 years old. We decided to build a family together and we did that. Our marriage has not been perfect, but it has been great."

Ty:
Great because I can knock boots with other women all around the country and she'll stay with me

Kwame:
"God bless you Detroit. I love you. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

Ty:
Man, if he didn't drop Detroit in there, I'd swear he was still textin' Christine...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Kwame & Christine: The Cliff Notes Video

Wassup, Y'all!

Just a quick hit. If you're like me and like to get your info quick, fast and in a hurry, here's a nice video summary of Kwame Kilpatrick's LOL-Gate (including clips of their indignant responses in court to questions about whether they were kickin' it or not). That's Ms. Thang, Christine Beatty, gettin' her eye roll on when asked point blank about participatin' in any extra-marital boot knockin' with Boy King Kwame.

It never ceases to amaze me how folks can just do The Bold Face under oath. The good news for Kwame and Christine is that they are the early front runners for the 2008 Knucklehead of the Year Award...

So for a quick morning treat, fire up some microwave popcorn, check the vid, then show up at the water cooler today and act like a LOL-Gate expert. LOL!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Hector's Open Letter to Mike Vick

Wassup, Y'all!

I caught this heartwarming story yesterday about one of Michael Vick's former fight dogs, Hector (thanks for the toss, Lady E!). Seems Hector got a second chance thanks to the Oakland, Calif.-based pit bull rescue and education group Bay Area Doglovers Responsible About Pit bulls (BAD RAP). You can check out other members of the 'Vick Rescue Dogs' on their website, but Hector is clearly the star and most motivated of the crew. I say this because as part of my research for this post, I came across an Open Letter he recently had published in the Oakland Tribune on the occasion of Mike Vick's transfer to Leavenworth Penitentary. It follows after the jump...

Deer Mike Vick,

I sea your bit$h a$$ managed two get a transfer to Leavenworth so you can git into their drug treatment program and maybe git out a little early. That's good, cuz I'm weightin' on your a$$. Not like the Tossed Salad Man is weightin on you right now, but like Biggie said when he said 'I'm in your mama's crib weightin', duct tapin' your fam' - more like that kind of weightin'.

Me and the crew are doin' fine now. We have nice spots to sleep, regular meals (no hot sauce or gunpowder mixed in) and folks who treet us right. I'm in a good place in my life right now. And even tho the good Lord tells us that we should let it go and leave it in hiz hands - you know I can't do that. That low growl under your bed the first night you get out? That'll be me. I'd keep sleepin' with won eye open, homey, cuz ol Hector is comin'. While you're countin' down the daze until we can meat again, let me leave you with a little lullabye my boy Phil Collie from down the street put together for me. It's sung just like that Phil Collins song 'In The Air Tonight'. It's special - just four you:

"You will feel me bitin' up your a$$ tonight, oh lord
I've been waiting for this moment, all my life, oh lord
Can you feel me biting up your a$$ tonight, oh lord, oh lord

Well, if you told me you were drowning
I would not lend a hand
I've seen your face before my friend
But I dont know if you know who I am
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off the grin, I know where you've been
Its all been a pack of lies

And you will feel me bitin' up your a$$ tonight, oh lord
I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh lord
Can you feel me bitin' up your a$$ tonight, oh lord, oh lord
And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh lord, oh lord"

Catchy ain't it? Hope that won sticks in your head tonight at lights out. Be seaing you.

Your Frend Hector

Woooo - I don't know about, y'all but Ol Ty thinks that Hector still sounds like he has a few unresolved anger issues! Hopefully, with time, the crew at BAD RAP will help him work through them. If not - daaaang Mike Vick! You might want to reset your countdown clock, money!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Monday, January 28, 2008

Barack & Kwame - On Opposite Endz LOL!

Wassup, Y'all!

Okay, I've got good news and bad news on this one. The so so def good news is that Smooth Barack cruised in the South Carolina Primary. Clearly the question of Smooth or Hillary has been answered among South Carolina southsiders - hopefully those margins continue to hold in the other southern states. Smooth was eloquent as always in his victory speech - continuing to push his message of unity and determination to change from years of the status quo.

Over the past weeks we've seen how much that message has resonated and encouraged folks to get to the polls and vote and today Smooth landed the coveted Kennedy endorsement. It's heartening for a homey to see a such a prominent family of change agents recognize Smooth for what he is - a breath of fresh air and a unifying, inspirational figure - haters can hate, but Ol Ty is diggin' the message.

Unfortunately, y'all - the air in Detroit these days isn't quite so fresh now that Detroit's Boy King Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's dirty laundry has hit the clothes line. You'll remember me first highlightin' some early rumored, Kwame shenanigans involving a party at the mayor's mansion, strippers and his wife deliverin' a beat down, now ol boy's caught up in what Ol Ty has affectionately dubbed 'LOL-gate'...

My text happy homeys will recognize LOL as textin' shorthand for 'Laugh Out Loud'. My boyz use it all the time. So apparently does Detroit's Mayor and his Chief of Staff, Christine 'I Just Didn't Want To Get Caught' Beatty as it popped up 13 times or so in text messages they sent to each other...on city provided pagers...while they were textin' about their undercover lover shenanigans...after having sworn under oath that they weren't kickin' it...to say nothing of the fact that Kwame is still married. I expect some time soon we'll be seeing his public financial statement just like brother Shaq's.

I havent' tested the beat of the street in Motown but my sense is that folks are hot over this one particularly because this all came out as a consequence of a lawsuit that Boy King Kwame decided not to settle. Guess he was thinkin' that would have cut into his lavish mayoral lifestyle (like those Laker game tickets he mentions in his text message or the $864/night New York Suite he cribbed at, which wasn't). Ol boy has GOT to be Public Fool #1 - LOL! The brother had so much potential too...

I see his girl Christine had the common sense to resign (video here - poignant resignation letter here). Later textin' between her and Kwame probably went somethin' like this:

CB: I'm going 2 resign
KK: Damn that! I need u 2 take the heat off me!
CB: Your wife is lookin' 4 me! I'm out! C U Sucka - LOL!
CB: Will I ever c u again?
KK: LOL! Girl, meet me Sunday after the Superbowl - Glendale Super 8 - room 1313
KK: And bring some of those Red Lobster Cheddar biscuits u know i like...LOL!

I'm thinkin' Brother Kwame should consider a similar move (but you know he won't - ol boy's ego is too massive for that. LOL!). That's just some sad a$$ news, Detroit. Couldn't vote for Smooth in the Michigan Democratic Primary and now this. Keep ya head up! Y'all still got Eminem and 8 Mile.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Friday, January 25, 2008

Innocent homey in jail for 26 years on a HUMBUG!

Wassup, Y'all!

One of my boyz forwarded this jacked up CNN story to me earlier today. If you watch enough Law & Order like me and mama do, you'll know there's a concept called 'Attorney/Client Privilege' (ACP). ACP holds that anything a client tells his attorney in private is confidential and cannot be divulged publicly until the client has died. Keep this in mind as I relate the sad a$$ story of Alton Logan, a homey from Chicago who was convicted in 1982 for killing a McDonald's security guard.

Logan professed his innocence of the crime and two attorney's knew that he was telling the truth. Why? Because their client confessed to them that he committed the crime. Yet Logan sat in jail for 26 years until their client finally died, releasing them from ACP. Damn. That ain't even right - you'd figure that ACP would have some kind of safety checks. According to attorney interviewed (not either of the ones involved in this ruckus) the only time an attorney can break ACP is if a client tells them that he's *about* to commit a crime. After the fact - it's all cool...unless you're in jail for someone elses crime.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Shaq's wife asks "Where My Money At?"

Wassup, Y'all!

You know the problem with getting divorced? There's no privacy since the proceedings have to go through public court. Case in point, Shaquille O'Neal and his soon to be ex wife Va'Shaundya are going through a divorce and what should hit the internet but Mrs. Shaq's 'Motion to Compel Sworn Financial Affidavit'? Oh snap! This is a typical move in divorces so that one spouse can see where the other spouse is spendin' their ducats.

Naturally in Shaq's case that brother has a lot of ducats to spend so it's also only natural that according to the affidavit Mrs. Shaq 'prays this court' to have Shaq pay her attorney's 'fees, costs and suit money' and 'Grant any other relief deemed just and proper'. So before Mrs. Shaq and her attorney can zero in on a just and proper dollar amount to ask for, Shaq has to show them where he's hidin' spending his money....

Based on his $1.8 million monthly salary (which seems low to me but who am I to question Sheriff Shaq?) USA Today broke down his actual financial factuals like this, y'all:

Mortgage: $156,116
Monthly electricity (utilities): $10,065
Monthly telephone: $3,345
Month food and home supplies: $12,775
Monthly cable TV: $1,495
Monthly maid service: $22,190
Monthly gasoline and oil: $24,300 (Damn those Hummers! Got to go green, baby!)
Monthly clothing: $17,220

Ty's add on's:

Monthly Gifts: $60, 417 (how do I get on Shaq's gift list??)
Monthly Vacations: $110, 505 (Man, does Jay-Z roll like this?)

Monthly electric $10,065!?? Man, what I'm I complaining about? And how the hell can cable cost $1,495 a month? What kind of jacked up Comcast package is that? Finally, $17 grand for clothes...a month! Now I've seen Shaq's suits and I know the Goodwill doesn't charge that much even for their best stuff.

Sounds like the oke-doke is going on to me, Shaunie! My advice is to get your lawyers to dig a little deeper. After all, this is for the kidz!

The good news from all this? The NBA pays medical and dental, y'all! Now that's employer love. The bad news for Shaq? After totaling income and expenses, ol boy still has a surplus of $450 grand a month. Hmmm...subtract $449,995 a month for Shaunie and the kidz and I guess Shaq will have to trade in that Hummer for a Hyundai. I'll refer y'all back to another of my timely posts on this topic...

Man, can't we all just get along?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Ty's Glossy of the Week: Erykah Badu


I have no words, y'all. You can't say this sister isn't an original. Not only is she kickin' the amoeba 'fro, she's also rockin' the Fearless Flys! Clearly she needs the power from those glasses to keep her head upright. No need to call Tyrone (no relation) - he's up in that 'fro too :-) You can check out the whole Badu glossy collection at Splash News...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Obama v. Clinton drops into THIRD gear...

Wassup, Y'all!

Wow - the gloves are off. After watching last night's debate and seeing that high level of rancor develop between Smooth Barack and Hillary Clinton (all of which was instigated by Hillary), you know that all chances of that 'mythical Obama/Clinton or Clinton/Obama ticket' are all but gone. Not that it would have happened anyway as I'm sure neither would appreciate takin' a back seat to the other but it's clear now that old school politics, perfected by the Bushes and Clintons, is still the order of the day.

That Hillary was quick to drop into the mud and obscure the real issues with her divisive side tracks into Smooth's record rather than standing on her own record and accomplishments, speaks volumes of the type of Presidency she would perpetrate. It's gonna be the same old mess we've had served up for nearly 16 years. No attempt to unite parties or minds (which you need to get anything done), no attempt to broaden the Democratic base, just the same polarizing politics that have gotten us to where we are today...

Clearly old girl didn't listen to a word of Smooth's speech delivered at Atlanta's famed Ebenezer Baptist Church - home church of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. In another stirring speech, Smooth said the following:

"So let us say that on this day of all days, each of us carries with us the task of changing our hearts and minds. The division, the stereotypes, the scape-goating, the ease with which we blame our plight on others - all of this distracts us from the common challenges we face - war and poverty; injustice and inequality. We can no longer afford to build ourselves up by tearing someone else down. We can no longer afford to traffic in lies or fear or hate. It is the poison that we must purge from our politics; the wall that we must tear down before the hour grows too late."

More and more the choice on the Democratic side is this:

Choice A: I can beat the Republicans in November
Choice B: I can unite the country (and by doing so beat the Republicans in November)

Is that really even a choice?

Man - Bill and Hillary are pretty much using up all the 'good will' reserve they had built up with me. I wonder if the southside nation is beginning to feel the same way?? I'm sure Bill's cat nap during Martin Luther King, III's remarks yesterday at the Convent Avenue Baptist Church in Harlem can't help that cause...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Monday, January 21, 2008

Martin Luther King Day

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word."

Martin Luther King, Jr.
1929 - 1968


Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty's Monday Microwavables

Wassup, Y'all!

Thought I'd start servin' up some warm and tasty hits to get your Mondays off right!

Our boy Pacman Jones just can't seem to figure out that Pacman + Strip Club = Trouble *** Forest Whitaker looks to continue his run of biographic roles by playing Al Collins, the coach who guided Louisiana's John Ehret High to the state basketball title "a year after Hurricane Katrina tore apart the school and displaced most of its students" - I caught the story on ESPN - good stuff, y'all! *** Not to be left out Will Smith is considering playing Chicago 7 radical Bobby Seale for Steven Spielberg - wonder if there's a slot in that joint for Jamie Foxx like there was in 'Ali' so that brother can get his career back on track? *** Former NFL star Bam Morris has some words of advice on how to avoid the Tossed Salad Man for Leavenworth's newest tenent, Mike Vick... *** After being caught doin' 101 on I-71, Cleveland Cavilier LeBron James said, "I'm not going to jail or nothing like that. I wasn't drunk. I was just speeding. That's it." Ol boy probably didn't realize that those twelve school kidz he hit weren't I-71 potholes... *** Ice Cube is considering steppin' into Mr. T's shoes to play Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracas in John Singleton's remake of 'The A-Team'. If that ain't perfect castin', I don't know what is... *** Caught the trailer to Step Up 2 - The Streets and the dancin' is looking pretty hot - the sound track features Missy, T-Pain, Flo Rida, Danity Kane and Pretty Ricky (how'd Akon and Ne-Yo miss out?). The exact southside version of this joint is called 'How She Move' (stop hatin' - there's a writers strike on, y'all!). Sadly, can't say I felt that trailer as much... *** The Broadway version of 'A Raisin In The Sun' featuring Diddy, Sanaa Lathan, Phylicia Rashad and Audra McDonald is headed to Sundance then to the small screen on ABC - Monday, February 25 (8-11PM E) - Ol Ty was fortunate to catch this joint in NYC and Sanaa Lathan looks just as good in person, homeboys. Try to catch that bad boy...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Eddie Holler's "We Want Prenup!"

Wassup, Y'all!

I know I said I wouldn't post today, but I just saw this news about the real reason behind the Eddie Murphy / Tracey Edmunds fake marriage implosion and had to get a word in edgewise. Word is Eddie asked ol girl to sign a pre-nup and she said 'Hell to tha Nizzo'. You have to wonder about that (if it's true) since you would figure that Tracey has a ton of her own assets that she would want to protect (but not on the Eddie Murphy Shrek residuals level).

So apparently, Kanye's advice is resonatin' with homeboys these days, to wit:

"If you ain't no punk holla' we want pre-nup WE WANT PRE-NUP!, yeah
It's something that you need to have 'Cause when she leave yo' ass she gon' leave with half"

Cuz we all know that Eddie knows a lot about half...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Ty Catches 'Cloverfield'

Wassup, Y'all!

What the hell was that? That joint was like 'The Blair Witch Project' on steroids. If you're a fan of that old NYPD Blue herky, jerky, nausea inducing, jittery camera work, you'll love this joint. The story is pretty good but it felt worn after seeing similar mayhem and destruction in NYC in 'I Am Legend' (not to mention 9/11). The camera work is jacked up because the entire move is filmed from the point of view of a personal video camera. The good news about that? Since a personal video camera's battery lasts about 84 minutes, that's how long this joint lasted. The bad news? Ol Ty ralphed in his medium popcorn bag during the first five minutes when the camera work is at it's worst.

Can't say I agree with Rottentomatoes.com's 77% freshness rating on this one. This joint could only register 2 Spinners on the Hooptometer. Hopefully J.J. Abrams can deliver a little more meat with 'Star Trek'. He's on the right track with casting Zoe Saldana as Uhura, but ol girl can only carry a movie so far (like just past the credits...). Well see...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Friday, January 18, 2008

Billionaire Bob Backpedals Bull$hit

Wassup, Y'all!

Speaking of donkeys - fresh in from the 'What a surprise' department comes word to the basement that Billionaire Bob Johnson, BET founder, former BET CEO and current Clinton campaign attack dog, has issued an apology for some bull$shit he alluded to about Smooth Barack, then claimed he was alluding to something completely different, then came clean and basically admitted that people were right about his original allusion and he's sorry. What 'chu talkin' 'bout, Ty? I'm sorry, y'all. I've been listening to these politicians answer questions for so long now that I'm beginning to talk like them too. My bad. Let me try again....

In my Monday post, much was being made about comments that Bob Johnson made at a Hillary Clinton rally that sounded like this:

"As an African American, I am frankly insulted that the Obama campaign would imply that we are so stupid that we would think Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been deeply and emotionally involved in black issues, when Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood, that I won’t say what he was doing in the neighborhood but he said it in his book…”

Pretty much anyone with a brain knew what he was hinting at - Smooth's admitted drug use as a youth. When immediately questioned about the comment Billionaire Bob played it off saying his comments referred to Smooth's work as a community organizer in Chicago "and nothing else. Any other suggestion is simply irresponsible and incorrect,". This jibber-jabber came in a statement from the Clinton campaign. Now, as pressure mounted on his dumb, irresponsible and incorrect a$$, he decided to issue an official apology for his comments. Strange move since all he was talkin' about was Smooth's community organizing... Ol boy's mea culpa went like this:

"I'm writing to apologize to you and your family personally for the un-called-for comments I made at a recent Clinton event," Johnson said in a statement. "In my zeal to support Senator Clinton, I made some very inappropriate remarks for which I am truly sorry. I hope that you will accept this apology. Good luck on the campaign trail."

You can check the news report video here (thanks for the toss Lady E.!). Is it any wonder that BET is a hot mess? If I were Smooth I'd say 'bump that' Billionaire Bob. You want to really apologize? Put your money where your mouth is and drop some ducats into my campaign.

Man, crow really is a dish best serve cold, y'all.


Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Thursday, January 17, 2008

TO's Crying Game

Wassup, Y'all!

Speaking of 'weird cats' - what the hell is this ruckus? I know I'm late on it, but I can still say WTF, TO? Despite helpin' ol Ty's fantasy football team win the title, I still ain't got no love for Money ever since his shenanigans in Philly! Now this brother is droppin' a tear over the heat Tony Romo is taking for being more focused on Jessica Simpson in Mexico than on the New York Giants in Texas Stadium. Where was all this quarterback love when you were throwing Donovan McNabb under the bus, homey? Please. Hold up, while I get my laugh on, fool.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

The Party stops for Eddie & Tracey

Wassup, Y'all!

Girl I can't understand it why you want to hurt me,
after all of the cash I've spent on you things I've done for you.
- Eddie Murphy, Party All The Time

Dang! Looks like the party's over. Even K-Fed's and Brickney's dysfunctional a$$es lasted longer. After having all the shortys swooning with his romantic nuptuals in Bora Bora, Eddie Murphy turned all Brody and laid down the law with his new, unofficial bride Tracey Edmunds and now rumor has it that the two will 'remain friends' and official marriage is off the table. Apparently Johnny Gill was feelin' left out. There's still alot of he said/she said goin' on but word is these two fools were already arguing after their Cinderella ceremony.

Cuba Gooding Jr. alluded to Eddie being a weird cat during their filming of 'Norbit' and this type of ruckus only helps confirm that. Guess he is a donkey after all.

In happier news, the most exotic couple I've seen, Djimon Hounsou and fashion mogul Kimora Lee, seem to be headed toward a future broom jump of their own. Man, they'd have some interesting lookin' kids.... Djimora is looking like Seal & Heidi 2.0.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Bush too busy for 'The Great Debaters'

Wassup, Y'all!

I saw this blurb a bit ago and had to stop and ponder for a minute. Now how does G-Dub have time for 'Harry Potter' and 'Charlotte's Web' but not 'The Great Debaters'? Could it be that it portrays Jim Crow Texas in an unflattering light? Could it be that they chose to debate at Harvard instead of Yale? Could it be that the subject matter focuses on oratory excellence? Michael Moore's not in it, so what's the dilly? Who knows. What ol Ty does know is that if it was a film he wanted to see, he'd make time - it's not like he's the President or anythi...oh, my bad. It's still 2008 - dang.

Oh well, at least he can still get jiggy with the homeys from time to time...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Southside Police Blotter: MJ, OJ , Bobby & Steroids

Wassup, Y'all!

You know a police blotter isn't complete without a Bobby Brown sighting or an OJ sighting for that matter. But what I plan to focus on today basement dwellers is the MJ sighting. No, not #23 Michael Jordan, but #057-33-0975 Marion Jones who recently crossed the tape and was awarded a 6 month bid in prison. In a eerie coincidence, no sooner did news drop on her sentencing for lying to FBI agents about her steroid use than news began sprouting up all over the blogosphere about an Albany Times Union story proporting that 'thousands of celebrities' have either received or used steroids and injectable Human Growth Hormone.

The who's who list includes Mary J. Blige (how do you think her hair turned blonde, y'all??), 50 Cent (why do you think this brother has a beef with everybody, y'all??), Tyler Perry (why does Madea look like a linebacker, y'all??) and Wyclef Jean (why...uh...why...uh...dollar bill...I got nothin', y'all). One might ask what celebrities have to gain from this type of ruckus? Mo'Kelly breaks down the actual factuals over on his mug, but the bottom line is when you're in an industry that pimps looks, you have to do what you can to pimp your ride (in a manner of speakin'). Now I haven't seen the entire list but I know it's all a sham if that bad boy doesn't include the following glaring abusers...

First, Vida Guerra. I know you shortys out there are thinkin' that ol Ty is just using this news story as a flimsy opportunity to post gratuitious glossys of scantily clad shortys. I'm hurt by the insinuation. I'm breakin' news here, y'all! Do you think it's a coincidence that this glossy of Vida was snapped at the premier of Tyler Perry's 'Madea's Family Reunion'? Me neither. Check the archives - ol Ty has long said that a body like that couldn't be natural. There's has got to be some HGH at work here. Got to. So Vida gets no dap in my book and she has *got* to be on the list.

Exhibit #2? Nicole Austin (aka Ice-T's girl, Coco). Now come on! Errrbody knows that chick ain't natural! When have you seen a woman with her genetic makeup bring the power like that? Exactly - never. Here is a clear example of what happens with regular HGH injections into the hind part area. What you don't see on her airbrushed glossys is the beard and back stubble that her waxing can't keep up with. Shortys - y'all are feelin' me now, right? Two seconds ago you were all hatin' and what not, now it's like 'hmmm...you know what? Ol Ty is on to somethin'. You know Coco's got to be on the list too.

Finally, Exhibit C, Buffy The Body. Damn. Here you see...uh...well, it's kinda obvious that...or maybe she's retainin' water...uh...okay, I got nothin'. I admit I was triflin' on this one and just wanted to put the glossy up. Ol Ty's human too - don't hate. I mean you could make a case that the 'Buff' in Buffy comes from steroids. She is all swole like Fiddy or like D'Angelo before he stopped usin' and began a long term relationship with the buffet at Sizzler. I also hear that the formerly buff Eminem is now being referred to as The Real Grim Shady in the wake of his mom's book which alleges a big weight gain, acne and addiction to pills (not to mention homeboy's erratic, hair trigger temper - typical reaction to steroid use followed by weight gain once you kick the habit. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. Of course, he could also be depressed due to the death of his boy Proof, the implosion of his romance with love her/hate her ex-wife Kim, blah, blah, blah, but that story is nowhere near as juicy...

Matter of fact, given the alleged wide scope of celebrity steroid (ab)use, I might have to throw Regina King under the bus as well, since she was looking pretty buff in 'This Christmas'. Don't think I didn't notice R-King! You're not as slick as you think trying to distract a brother with that lingerie, homegirl. As you can see from this post - nothing can distract ol Ty when he's on the case! Serena! Don't think I forgot about you either, homegirl!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Monday, January 14, 2008

Obama v. Clinton drops into second gear

Wassup, Y'all!

Just caught a tight post over on Skeptical Brotha about BET founder and former CEO Bob Johnson, pimpin' for the Clinton campaign and being used as an ill advised tactical weapon against the Obama campaign. By now, all basement dwellers should know my feelings on Bob Johnson. You only have to look at how shabby BET is (Skep's description of it being 'internationally embarassing' is right on point - if you caught a BET feed in a foreign country you would draw some pretty jacked up (and incorrect) conclusions about the southside community...). Check this upcoming Boondocks clip to see that Aaron McGruder is also feelin' me on this...

In these last few days since the New Hampshire primary with Bill and Hillary quickly dropping back into the same politics that got Bill elected to two terms, I have to admit, the bloom is off the Clinton rose for me. Now we see the vast difference between the virtual 'first black President' and the potential real first black President. The messed up part is that the Clinton campaign will have no shortage of 'respectable' southsiders to stand next to them at news conferences to help them throw Smooth Barack under the bus and how sad is that? Billionaire Bob will be the first of many but I wonder who told Hillary that southsiders even listen to Bob Johnson, let alone like or respect him? Who's next? Clarence Thomas? Ward Connerly?

It's amazing how quickly the democratic air of peace and love left the room. All of this makes the upcoming primary in South Carolina all the more interesting. It will be the first state where a large southside voting block can make a statement either for or against Smooth. Can't say I don't have that date circled on my calendar.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Mario Van Peebles bring New Jack to Pine Valley

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, look who's easin' up the ave to ABC soap All My Children's Pine Valley. When I first caught this news I'm like 'Dang - a soap!? What happened to ol boy's career?' But then I was reminded of a comment by Ms. Go over at D.C.Girl@TheMovies on my post crackin' on Cuba Gooding Jr.'s weak role selections. Ol girl said simply that 'Cuba's got a mortgage to pay!'. I guess the same holds true for MVP. Wonder if he'll end up mackin' Erica Kane? Still, bringin' his New Jack vibe to a soap opera feels like a setback, but a quick look at his upcoming movie projects on IMDB reveals that there aren't big thangs poppin' on his movie docket either...

He's got a joint in post production for 2008 called 'Multiple Sarcasms' - "A quirky relationship drama about a middle aged, successful architect who goes through a mid-life crisis and becomes a playwright". Hmmm, sounds like that joint should earn about $1.25 domestically and $0.30 internationally. The only other thing in the pipeline is a self written ,2009 pre-production joint called 'The Uniter' - "A fugitive escapes from the future back to the present day in order to teach a young kind how to use his innate abilities to bring the world together before global war tears it apart". Zzzzzzzz. So I estimate his total movie earnings over the next two years to be about $5.35...before taxes.

Suddenly playin' 'Samuel Woods, a U.S. District Attorney who is running for the Senate' in Pine Valley doesn't look so bad. Wonder if smooth poppa Melvin thinks this Pine Valley move will be as baaadaaaasss as Mario?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Friday, January 11, 2008

Ty Finally sees 'The Great Debaters'

Wassup, Y'all!

For some reason, the early reviews from my peeps seemed to imply that they really weren't feelin' this joint. I know the shortys out there weren't particularly feelin' Denzel's nappy doo, which is triflin' since we all know it ain't all about the Brooks Brothers and Afro Sheen don't we homegirls? Anyway, I liked that joint, despite it being predictable as mama coming down to the basement to ask me for some rent money every month. But again, if you look at the movie behind the movie, you get a dose of American reality that's hard to shake off when you leave the theater despite the movie's feel good ending (no spoiler there y'all since it's inspired by a true story)...

Since the story takes place in Texas in the mid 1930's you know it touched on some deep subject matter - Jim Crow laws, the fragility of life for black men in the south and lynching as a family activity. This is what I mean when I say, 'the movie behind the movie'. It's always nice to get a reality check from time to time. It keeps me alert and on point and brings clearer context to comments like Seinfelds' Michael Richards' "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f***ing fork up your ass" and more recently The Golf Channel's Kelly Tilghman's ignorant offhand "lynch [Tiger Woods] in a back alley". Kramer's comment was meant to be malicious to combat hecklers, Tilghman's was just a very poor word choice, but both would do well to actually spend a little time on Martin Luther King Day to get acquainted or reacquainted with the excellent PBS documentary 'Eyes on The Prize'. Word choice matters. Those wounds from back in the day run deep. That said, I agree with most folks that Rev. Al just needs to sit down and get a real job.

I'm givin' it 2.5 Spinners even though the ending mirrored Pride's (a movie also inspired by true events and also starring Kimberly Elise) almost scene for scene and I thought Jurnee Smollett was a little overmatched in her role but I got to give it up to homegirl for steppin' up to more substantial roles - that's the only way to get better. Denzel and Forest Whitaker are just good in every role they step to, but no Oscars this time around, and as I mentioned in my pre-review - big ups to Oprah and Denzel for bringing films like this one to the big screen.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Tavis Smiley Hatin' on Smooth Barack?

Wassup, Y'all!

I was lunchin' the other day with a few of my crew - 'Tini Mack, Cat Daddy and Lady E - and we were discussin' the outcome of the Iowa Caucasus over some sandwiches. Lady E, who needs her own chair on the George Stephanopoulos Sunday morning show, was hot because she heard Tavis on the Tom Joyner Morning Show tellin' southsiders not to fall in love with Barack Obama and to "...make Senator Obama work for our vote just like he's working for the Independents in New Hampshire". Tavis also went on to say, "...just because you're black doesn't mean you don't have to deliver the bacon, you got to deliver to black people...". Lady E's saltiness came from Tavis' implication that we need to hold Smooth to a higher standard than we would the northside presidential candidates. I've listened to the clip over at Mo'Kelly's (that brother's a little long winded and won't give a brother a holler back but he's a good read) and I have to admit, ol Ty is conflicted on this one...

Granted it's been hard not to get caught up in the fact that Smooth is the first viable southside Presidential candidate. Iowa threw fuel on the fire and New Hampshire threw in a dose of reality. Personally, I think Smooth needs to be held to the same standard as any other candidate we choose to vote for - no more, no less - and I also believe that in order to make a successful bid for the Whitehouse Smooth can't just advocate for the southside nation - he has to advocate for the nation.

Deborah Mathis breaks this down in her article 'If Blacks Folks Really Want Barack Obama to be President, Here's What He and We Must Do'. That's the train I'm on, y'all. I think as a southsider, Smooth is already in tune with the needs of the southside nation (listen to his speeches and tell me he's not) so we'll be on his mind on Day One (the same way the needs of the shorty nation will be on Hillary's mind). I'm pretty sure that won't be the case with any of the northside candidates.

I also understand Tavis' argument of not just buying a bill of goods without looking it over, but come on - does anybody really think that Smooth would deliver less for the southsiders than any northsider candidate out there? So we're left with the argument of 'electablity' - the notion that Smooth will never be elected, so we better just align ourselves now with someone who we think can be so we can catch the crumbs they cast our way when they take office. How well has that plan been working to-date, y'all? Uh huh - thought so. I don't know about y'all but Ol Ty's on the 'Yes, We Can' train. It may hit a wall, get blown up or run out of track, but I'm on it because, even if any or all of that happens, there will at least be more track laid for the next southside candidate and eventually, one of their trains is gonna get to the station intact and on time.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Smooth Barack Concedes in NH

Wassup, Y'all!

Spike! Denzel! See!? Man, Smooth Barack needs to channel Wyclef Jean, stop by your cribs and ask 'Where my money at?'. Okay, you may not be responsible for sister Hillary's big comeback (wow - with all the polls and woofin' Ol Ty didn't even see it comin', y'all) but a brother has to point a finger somewhere. That's why they play the games, y'all and what's become crystal clear is that *every* vote is gonna count from here on in. So for my southside homeys in South Carolina - all eyez are on you. Tonight, I think my boy Skeptical Brotha put it best with his post NH headline: "Hillary Defeats Obama, Negros come back to earth". Ouch (but on point).

The one thing I'm really diggin' out of all this? People are finally goin' out to vote! Man - we missed y'all the last two general elections. I guess G-Dub was good for something...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Spike and Denzel holdin' out on Smooth Barack

Wassup, Y'all!

Now that Smooth has a little wind at his back (I'm callin' my peeps in NH and askin' them to vote twice today) folks are takin' note of who's been chippin' into his campaign coffers. Turns out that to-date movie boyz Spike Lee and Denzel Washington have popped up on the 'talk is cheap' ledger, having been recently outed as non donors to the Smooth campaign. Actually, Denzel's wife, Paulette did chip in a nice sized check but apparently she did the smart thing and signed her name to it. That way she can be assured of an ambassadorship to Paris or Tahiti while Denzel will be assured of getting his tax returns audited every year and Spike will begin to find that his filming licenses start to get strangely rejected every year. Y'all know you got to pay to play! Denzel! Spike! Stop being tight and go 'head and break a bit off for Smooth. You can't take it with you!

Also named in the tight 'Hey, it's *my* money' list: Diddy, Jay-Z & B. (wait 'til those 40/40 clubs start losing their liquor licenses!). On the bandwagon and waiting for their ambassadorships: Will Smith and Eddie Murphy (he only *plays* a donkey, y'all).

The rest of y'all better not wait too late. There is no CP time in politics!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Monday, January 07, 2008

Texas Cannibal Embarrasses Ty!

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, just when ol Ty was gettin' all righteous over Dallas County's jacked up record of convicting innocent men and how they need to rethink their use of the death penalty along comes Christopher McCuin, a 24 year old southside fool from Tyler, Texas who allegedly bludgeoned his 21 year old girl friend to death, cut her up, then called the police so they could come to his crib and find "...a human ear boiling in a stovetop pan and raw flesh on a nearby plate, with a fork stuck in it."

Needless to say - if the charges prove true, Ol Ty has no qualms with strappin' his Hannibal Lecter butt to either Ol Sparky or Ol Spike, The Magic Cocktail.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Stick and Move: Ty finally saw I Am Legend

Wassup, Y'all!

I know, I know, but I was busy, y'all. You have no idea the time it takes me to roll out of bed every morning!

Anyway, I did get a chance to peep I Am Legend on Friday and if you connect with the movie behind the movie (and stop all that woofin' about weak special effects) that joint is pretty haunting. I like movies that put somethin' on your mind and have you leavin' the theater ponderin' some things. 'Legend' did that for me. Big Willy did his thing so there was enough action to keep things flowin', but the idea that scientists could put together a 'cancer curing virus' and start using it without fully understanding what the side effects were kinda reminds me of the type of ethically dubious and dangerous genetic engineering going on today. In 'Legend', this type of experimentation led to the death of 90% of the world's population and the mutation of another 9%. Now, I'm in the theater absorbin' this horrific 'what-if' scenario after readin' a real article about South Korean scientists cloning cats that glow...

Just the lead paragraph to that article was enough to have me on the pot for most of the day, y'all:

"...they have cloned cats whose genes have been altered so that they glow in the dark - taking advantage of a technological twist that could someday be used to make more dramatic genetic changes in all sorts of creatures."

For those of y'all who haven't see the movie - I recommend you read that article, THEN go see 'Legend' and tell me if you don't leave the theater with your hair standin' up. That joint is bleak, sad, cautionary and very much worth a peep. 2.5 Spinners.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone