Thursday, July 31, 2008

Obama to Ludacris: You Don't Know Me Like That

Wassup, Y'all!

If you listened closely to the Smooth Barack campaign chatter related to Ludacris' 'Obama's Here' video you can almost hear Smooth cribbin' Luda's 'Get Back' lyrics talkin' 'bout, 'Yeet yeet WHOOP WHOOP!! Why you all in my ear?! Talking a whole bunch of $%#@ that I ain't trying to hear! Get back, M%^&*$%^&$er - you don't know me like that'.

Officially his campaign let it quickly be known that it didn't appreciate the lyrical content of his tribute video and likely wondered behind closed doors why homey couldn't be more like - calm, collected, thoughtful and non-controversial...

Hence the dilemma with rappers. Give 'em a little love and they return that kindness in turn, but in a fashion that's true to their roots. According to Luda, Smooth mentioned that he's one of his favorite rappers. Not sure if that's true or not especially based on his previous comments on some rap lyrics which he said, '...too often perpetuate misogyny, materialism, and degrading images that he doesn’t want his daughters or any children exposed to'. I'd have to agree with that sentiment. At some point there has to be a filter engaged between your brain and your mouth. Think what you want, there's no law against it (yet), but also think about the ramifications of everything you plan to verbalize.

Luda already knows that there's a bunch of folk nervous about the potential southside president thing so I'm not sure how he thinks it's helpful to Smooth's cause to 1) further diss Sister Hillary when she's out of the game ('Hillary hated on you, so that bi%ch is irrelevant'), 2) rap about paintin' the White House black (a concept he stole from George Clinton) and 3) emphasizin' how terrifying a Smooth presidency is to some folks and how there's nothing they can do about it - pretty strong words for a candidate who hasn't been elected yet. A lot can happen in 97 days - ask Al Gore and John Kerry about it. I believe it was Kanye who heard 'em say, 'Nothing's ever promised tomorrow, today'.

I'll be the first to say that Luda is a creative talent - the brother's rap lyrics are inventive and his acting is above par (compared to say Bow Wow or Chris Brown) but in the judgment department I have to say that the brother comes up lacking. He is forward thinking though, y'all cuz he almost penned the perfect words for Smooth to say when he gets a private moment with Luda's a$$: 'But now I'm here, you wanna stand around running your mouth?! [don't wanna] hear nothing you saying or spitting, so whats up! Don't you see [you ain't helpful]?! Man shut the f&%k up!!'

Can't say it any plainer than that, Luda. Yeet, yeet Whoop, Whoop!



Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Will and Jada on the Up High

Wassup, Y'all!

What the hell is the Up High you ask? Easy - it's the exact opposite of the Down Low and don't act like you don't know what that is. For the longest now, there have been lingering rumors about the Smiths and their "lifestyle". Some said they were swingers. In fact, ol Ty broached this topic back in '05 but there was never a confirmation or denial from Camp Smith...until recently. If you believe the 'interview' he gave to the UK Tabloid Now Magazine recently during his 'Hancock' UK press tour.

According to Big Willie, if he sees a hot shorty that piques his attention all he has to do is, '...tell my wife...I need to have sex with someone else'. Simple as that, y'all. It's like:

: 'Yo baby, Shawnice is lookin' hot tonight. I'm a go hit that right quick. I should be back before the kids go to sleep. Maybe a little later is she gets freaky.'

: 'Okay baby, have fun. Just be sure to wrap it up'

Will: 'Will do. Love you, Boo'

To which, ol Ty can only say, 'Daaaaaaaaamn!' (in a completely judgmental and that type of behavior is so wrong kind of way, y'all...). Thoughts after the jump...

First of all, this nonsense can't possibly be true as I haven't met a southside sister yet who wouldn't squelch that kind of talk from their man with a pot of hot grits. It may happen on some alternate earth in a galaxy far, far away, but here? It's hot grits in the grill EVERY time.

But let's say it is true and play this out. It would sure explain how Big Willy hasn't been caught rollin' out of the Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel at 2:45 in the morning like John Edwards. You have to know the number of women clamoring to get with Big Willy is pretty much off the charts - it' would take a BIG man to withstand that kind of temptation on a daily basis. A BIG man. So what's a man in that position to do who is tempted yet loves his wife? According to the article, Big Willy says,' is "healthy" to be attracted to other people and is okay telling his wife so'. See, y'all? It's all about honesty and respect in an open marriage, not hot grits and hurt feelings.

If this is true and we find that we're somehow okay with this because it's Big Willy and Jada we're talkin' about, Jenny Block from HuffPo put that type of 'Celebrity Pass' ridiculousness in pretty good context. Me? I'm more interested in just who Big Willy's been kickin' it with on the Up High. I have a couple thoughts but, of course that's just me speculatin'. But if you want to be on the Up High and still kinda keep it on the Down Low, hangin' out in Bollywood would probably work pretty well. Perhaps John Edwards will consider that for any future extracurricular late night milk runs. Still I said it back in '06 when I called out Big Willy for 'playin' both sides'. He dropped the following quote about his boo, Jada:

"You're so much stronger when your partner is strong. I honestly believe there is no woman for me but Jada. Of all the women I've met - and there've been a few - no one can handle me the way Jada does. Once you feel someone locked in on you, it's no contest. As fine as other women can be, as tempting sexually, I'm not going anywhere. This is it. I can't imagine what anyone else could offer."

If this Up High nonsense is true *and* there really were no hot grits involved, then Jada's got to be one of the strongest sisters I know. And if she's on board it's no wonder that Big Willy isn't going anywhere and can't image what anyone else would offer. It's interesting though when asked how he'd feel if Jada came to him to let him know she was headed out to knock boots with a 6'5" Jamaican fashion model named Francois, he confesses, 'I don’t know how I’d feel...but I know I would react better than if I found out about it afterwards.'

Riiiiight! Ol Ty is sensin' that divorce papers would be on the table before Jada got out 'I want to...'. Oh well, I'm going to try not to be judgmental on this one. What the Smiths do with their relationship is up to the Smiths. If that works and they're both happy and their kids become normal, productive members of society, who's ol Ty to judge? Anyway, Up High sounds so much better than Down Low, but tell you what - ol Ty is also lookin' at that Will and Jada relationship with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in a whole new light, y'all. A whole new light....



Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Rick Ross: Miami's Most Wanted

Wassup, Y'all!

Been on the road (still stuck in Philly as I type!) so my bad on the spotty postin'! I did have to choke on my Coke a little earlier this week when Mo'Kelly busted out 'thug' rapper Rick Ross tho. Seems as tho Big Rick (who in addition to stealin' his thug credentials also stole real rap thug Suge Knight's Big boy bald/beard look), despite repeated denials that he's a poseur, got busted out by Needless to say, my brother Ichiban and I got a good laugh up under that tomfoolery over the weekend.

Ichiban went one step further sayin' that Big Rick wasn't any better than northsider Jamie 'B-Rad' Kennedy who formed a rap posse with his 'crew' from Malibu, California in the tripped out flick, Malibu's Most Wanted.

In the future, all y'all wannabe poseur gangsta rappers need to take a few notes from Big Rick's cautionary tale to make sure that your suburban, Martha's Vineyard roots don't get put on full blast around the blogosphere. Ol Ty's Top Ten tips based on Big Rick's multiple faux pas's follow after the jump...

1) Burn your Department of Corrections personnel file when you quit
2) If you apply for and get a job as a correctional officer, change your SSN when you blow up as a rapper.
3) Don't give shouts to your mama *and* sister on both your job application *and* your thug CD liner notes
4) Use lye to alter your fingerprints from the ones emblazoned forever on your fingerprint card that reveals a clean criminal background.
5) Miss a couple days of work each week - thugs never have perfect job attendance
6) Alter your birth certificate - straight outta Compton sounds much better than straight outta Coahoma County (Mississippi).
7) Don't head out the door lookin' like Suge Knight's little brother
8) If your a$$ was fat big during your soft days, slim down for your thug persona (or vice versa)
9) Remember that 'stackin' paper' means pilin' up a little more than $25K
10) You normally get more street cred by being *in* a cell at lights out vs. being the one to call 'lights out'.

Lastly, be true to yourself. Seems to me the rap world could use a few more law and order personas like DJ Popo, John Liz-aw, Officer Serv or Coppa Plea. Just a thought, Big Rick. You'd be the first in line, cousin, wouldn't have to lie about your soft a$$ background and would get props for being unique instead being part of that thugged out, blinged out, mean mugging, me-too crew. Get clue, homey. Good news, tho. Despite your revealed softness, Ol Ty still plans to keep you in the hoopty rotation just for laughs.



Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Hang a noose, catch a bid

Wassup, Y'all!

After reporting more than a couple times about fools finding humor in hanging nooses (or in the Jena 6 case tryin' to intimidate the school's southside population) ol Ty was heartened to see this tomfoolery start to get the serious legal treatment it deserves. NS Shorty was kind enough to slip a note under Ty's door pointing him to an article in DiversityInc. that highlights moves by three state legistatures - Louisiana, Connecticut and New York - to make the act of hanging a noose punishable by jail time. That's right - hang a noose and do a bid.

DiversityInc. has been tracking the number of noose incidents nationally and notes that since last September there have been about 80. Ol Ty notes that just as many have occurred *above* the Mason-Dixon line as below and the middle of the country seems to have more sense than the east or west coasts. If you hit that last link it will take you to the article and an interactive version of that glossy that lets you see the details of each noose incident.

Hopefully this will make knuckleheads, particularly school students, think twice about knottin' a noose and proudly displaying it. The history of the noose remains nothing to joke about and it's nice to see folks starting to view hanging nooses as the hate crime it is.



Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Kwame and Marion both after bush...

Wassup, Y'all!

I have to admit it. When I first peeped this glossy of the honorable mayor of Detroit, Boy King Kwame Kilpatrick, I thought it was actually a glossy of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis - no lie. I was all like, 'Damn - Jam and Lewis are finally back in the mix!' Then I took a closer look and read the caption below and was all like, 'Damn. What's this fool up to now?'

As it turns out, it's really not about what the Boy King is up to now, rather it's about what he was up to when he was gettin' text freaky with his girl, former mayor Chief of Staff Christine Beatty (C-Beat). Turns out not only was Boy King gettin' text freaky behind his wife's back, he was givin' that same business to C-Beat by gettin' text freaky with other women behind her back. Dang! The list of women (not to mention the fine citizens of Motown) linin' up to whup Kwame's a$$ is gettin' longer by the minute, y'all...

But come on now! Is this new news a surprise to anybody? Boy King's been a player since way back. Add to that the ego and power trip that comes with being a big city mayor and it's a wonder this brother wasn't textin' come-ons to himself. Stuff like, 'From Kwame to Kwame: Damn Kwame, you know you one fine brother! To Kwame from Kwame: I know, right? I just can't help it. LOL!' You think Smooth Barack needs to be careful over in the Middle East? Please, just try and be Kwame strollin' down the center city Detroit these days. Word is a lot of missing bricks are just waiting for the right time to introduce themselves to the back of his head. LOL!

Now in sadder news, former Olympic sprinter Marion Jones (Mar-Jones! Who? Mar-Jones! Who?) who has been given the new first name of 'Disgraced' by the press, has reached rock bottom by abandoning any attempts at salvaging her dignity by reaching out to president Bush (G-Dub) for an end of term pardon. Man, that's low. First - do the crime, do the time. Second - a reach out to G-Dub? Mar-Jones would have more success reaching out to Clarence Thomas or Ward Connerly or Tony Soprano.

I doubt she gets a chance to feel that G-Dub love since his queue is gonna be pretty full with his own good ol boyz. And by the time Smooth's in a position to drop a pardon on her, she'll already be out. That's just bad timing, Mar-Jones - like your last few tries at the 100 meters without juice. Oh snap! Did I just type that out loud?



Ty Covers The Dark Knight

Wassup, Y'all!

Summary review? Oh HELL yes.

Spinners? 3.5/4

Still recoverin' from that joint, y'all. It's all that and a bag of chips, a pack of Twizzler, two boxes of Milk Duds, a box of Junior Mints, two medium popcorns and the gallon sized Diet Coke. Meaning it was long (hence the missin' 1/2 Spinner) but the payoff was worth it. There was some SERIOUS a$$ whoopage going on or as ol Ty likes to say, some serious mischief and mayhem. Grand Theft Auto 4 ain't got a thing on The Dark Knight, y'all.

Ten point mini-review after the jump, spoiler free...

Ty fell through this joint with his boy 'Tini Mack and our Queens. Me and 'Tini are hard core comic book fans - the Queens? Not so much but they're always up for a little action but by the end of this one their doos where fried, dyed and to the side. Here's how ol Ty scored it:
  1. Heather Ledger's Joker - off-the-chain. He'd give Hannibal Lecter the creeps
  2. PG-13 rating? That was straight wrong. Grown folks were squirmin' in this one
  3. Running time? At 2:30 minutes, it's about 30 minutes too long
  4. Miss Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes? Nope. Maggie Gyllenhaal sounded just like her
  5. Morgan Freeman was a bit under-utilized in this one. Michael Caine remains a perfect Alfred
  6. The new Bat Cycle is just plain sick. I better get one for Christmas!!
  7. Didn't catch the IMAX version but it's got to be insane with all that action footage
  8. Ty STILL owes Christian Bale an apology for doubting he could play Batman.
  9. Not sure what they can do to top this one but I'm willin' to wait 3 more years to see
  10. Franchise is still intact
Extra: The upcoming James Bond flick, A Quantum of Solace, is lookin' hot too, y'all!



Monday, July 21, 2008

DVR Alert: Black in America

Wassup, Y'all!

Two new episodes from CNN's highly regarded series Black in America debut this week, providing new opportunities for folks to get an objective view inside the southside nation (that includes you booshie negros up in Martha's Vineyard...). On Wednesday, July 23rd at 9 pm ET, the focus will be on 'The Black Woman and Family' (also known as 'The Southside Shorty & Fam' here in the Malone Zone). CNN breaks this episode down as an exploration of '...the varied experiences of black women and families and investigates the disturbing statistics of single parenthood, racial disparities between students and the devastating toll of HIV/AIDS...the progress of black women in the workplace and the status of the black middle class'.

Then on Thursday, July 24th at 9 pm ET, the focus shifts to 'The Black Man' (which truthfully should have been shot on location here in the basement, y'all, but that's just me...) to provide an evaluation of '...the state of black men in America and explores the controversial topics of black men and fatherhood; disparities between blacks and whites in educational, career and financial achievement; and factors leading to the dramatic rates of black male incarceration. The documentary also examines the achievements of black men and the importance of the positive influences of black fathers'.

Both episodes will be hosted by smooth shorty Soledad O'Brien, one of CNN's most ethnically diverse reporters (if she had married Tiger Woods, their kids would have qualified for the new racial category 'Global') so ol Ty is expecting two, well constructed, informative, thought provoking pieces. Kinda like my posts. We'll see if Soledad is able to bring the heat like ol Ty. Don't say I didn't let y'all know about this in PLENTY of time.



Thursday, July 17, 2008

Race Divide Still Wide Open and Jesse Ain't Helpin'

Wassup, Y'all!

It seems our boy J-Jack had more to say on his 'hot mic moment' than just his desire to castrate Smooth Barack. Fox News has been cagey with the complete video from jump street, but somehow, via an inside job, Mediabistro's TVNewser got a hot copy of the transcript and quickly published the fact that not only did J-Jack wax violent about Smooth Barack's nuts, he also said that Smooth is 'telling ni##ers how to behave..'.

That hypocritical comment refers to Smooth's unrepentant decision to continue speaking out against absence fathers and for more self-accountability within the southside nation. Here's a clip from an MSNBC interview with BET's Jeff Johnson that seeks to put this n-word madness (and Jesse's willing use of it) into context. (Update: Sorry, y'all - that clip has expired since the Red Lasso service has been temporarily discontinued - my bad on that...)

It seems to me that all of Jesse's comments during his 'hot mic' moment are going to drop sooner or later anyway, so what's holding Fox back from just giving up the whole off-the-cuff discussion? To his credit, Rev. Al jumped on Jesse just as he would any other serial n-word abuser but I think it's time to park Jesse in whatever undisclosed location they parked Rev. J-Wright - out of sight, out of mind.

At any rate, I'm sure we'll be hearing more of that in the days to come, but what's already in the hopper is a recent New York Times/CBS News poll that shows - unsurprisingly - that Smooth's candidacy has done little to close the American racial divide...

I say unsurprisingly since ol Ty knows our racial feelings in this country run deep. Things continue to get better, but there's no better way to speed that process along than by folks gettin' to know one another better and to stop staying so isolated in their own sides, but until that day arrives, here's where we currently stand:

  • Favorable opinion of Smooth
    • Southside: 80%, Northside: 30%

  • Race relations generally bad
    • Southside: ~60% yes, Northside: 34% yes

  • Progress made eliminating racial discrimination?

    • Southsiders: 40% none, Northsiders: less than 20%

  • Too much made of racial barriers facing Southsiders?

    • Southside: 50% no, Northside: 25% yes
True, a southside presidential candidate or president can go a long way toward dispelling misconceived notions about southsiders, but we won't see real progress until we all are a lot less nervous to mingle with players from the other side. As my boy 'Tini Mack and I observed the other day after he returned from a trip to Paris - France, y'all not Texas..tho the culture there can be equally foreign... - there is so much more that we have in common as people than things we don't.

We need to meet halfway on this y'all. In fact, there's a little bit of that going on here in the Malone Zone. Y'all have seen the comments from my boy D-Splash from D-Splash is a northside homey from Nebraska who's been readin' The Urban Eye for more than a few - a blog that caters to the southside point of view. No one is forcin' him to read it. He reads it to get the southside view of things and he enhances the conversation by providing his northside view of things. We don't agree on everything but we respect each others views and learn from the expanded conversation. Ol Ty's got mad respect for D-Splash and that's an attitude we need more of. Read, learn, listen, challenge and respect. It ain't that hard, y'all. Really.



Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Ty PSA - Hoopty Tires

Wassup, Y'all!

I caught this story on 20/20 over my basement email wire. I missed the original airing so I thought I'd check it out since I'm not known to rotate the tires on the hoopty too frequently. In my impressionable days I used to believe that as long as a tire had enough tread to touch Abe Lincoln's head on an upside down penny, you were good for another 100,000 miles or so. Now I see the folly of my logic, y'all. The way 20/20 broke it down is that any tire that's 6 years old or older has a higher potential for 'tread separation' - no matter how good the tread looks on the tire...

Even after hearing that I was like 'So? All you need to do is pull over and change that joint like any other flat tire'. This is the type of attitude you get when you know everything like me, y'all. And it's a wonder that ol Ty isn't dead yet. In the piece they did a controlled experiment with a 'professional driver on a closed course' who knew his tire was about to go and when it did go, ol boy was still unable to control his ride and ended up crashing. The thing with tread separation vs. a regular blowout is that once the tread is off the tire, it's like riding on an ice cube - there's no grip.

Turns out that tire dealers sometime sell old a$$ tires as new and because the tread looks good and they've never been used, they look like brand new tires despite the fact that they've been manufactured back when Lionel Richie was big. The good news is that there's actually a manufacture date on each tire, but it's in code and sometimes on the *inner' wall of the tire where you'd need to get up under the car to read it.

Anyway, the story is short enough to take in over some coffee and that plate of cold chicken that mama left out for breakfast. If it's just you ridin' around in your hoopty and you're normally in there with a open 40 and a blunt with the windows rolled up - no need to watch - something else is gonna take you out. But if you're ridin' around with your boo, your kids, nieces or nephews and/or your mama, do the right thing, y'all - watch and learn.



Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The New Yorker Can Kiss Ty's A$$

Wassup, Y'all!

And 'Lizabeth Hasselbeck too - more on that in a minute. The only positive aspect of that whack a$$, 'satirical' New Yorker Magazine cover is that responsible folks from both sides have recognized it for what it is - a tasteless attempt at satire. Southsiders have also recognized it for what it is - one of many lowball cheap shots that will continue to come fast and furiously as the fall campaign heats up.

Ol Ty finds it interesting that on a day where Smooth Barack stood before the NAACP and essentially brushed aside Jesse Jackson's misgivings about him 'talkin' down' to southsiders (under the extreme threat of de-nutting no less...), on a day where he pledged to continue holding us (and when I say 'us' y'all know who y'all are...) to task for being responsible, we get an extreme example of irresponsible, visual Yellow Journalism...

Believe me, y'all - as a cat who knows a little bit about satire, I get the point of the cover, but to publish that cover in this type of political environment, one already charged by racial divisions and characterized by a large segment of ill-informed voters is at best foolish and at worst reckless. Y'all know the ill-informed voters to which ol Ty is referring. Those half wits recently polled by Newsweek magazine that broke this way - '26% said Obama was raised a Muslim, 39% said he attended an Islamic school and 12% said he was sworn in to the Senate on a Quran'. Yes, those half wits who still fail to realize that none of that is true. Those would be same half wits that will somehow figure out how to put that image on bedsheets, T-shirts, tattoos and bumper-stickers. When y'all see it in the streets just be responsible and think 'Half Wit'.

But peoples, let's not get it twisted. This is not a racist cartoon. It would have been racist if they had pictured 'Chelle and Smooth sittin' in the Oval Office in black face, with oversized lips, eatin' watermelon and fried chicken and sayin' 'Dat's some goooood a$$ chicken'. That's racist, y'all. This foolishness is actually an accurate snapshot of what's inside the minds of those who cling to guns and religion - the crew that turned out to be Sister Hillary's most dependable voting bloc and the crew that the Republicans plan to pander to through the fall election by continuing to explicitly and overtly spoon feed them just this type of misinformation about Smooth and 'Chelle. It's just that simple.

The real problem with the cover is that the satire of it can only be realized by actually reading the article that it relates to, which won't be done by the vast majority of people who see that cover. Ol Ty submits that most of that aforementioned voting bloc can't even read let alone afford a luxury like a copy of The New Yorker (that statement would be an example of satire, y'all) so the point is missed. All they'll take away is that cover image, which, in their minds, confirms what they believed about Smooth and 'Chelle all along. That's not helpful.

Finally, y'all know the girls from The View had to weigh in on this (I'm only watchin' it for Whoopi and Joy y'all) and they were all feelin' just like Ty...mostly. Of course you have that Republican Kool-aid drinkin' hater 'Lizbeth Hasselbeck chirpin' in about how she agrees that the cover is in poor taste and that it missed the point. The point, according to 'Lizbeth is how Smooth is a pandering, flip-flopper (unlike Citizen McCain...) who plans to pander his way straight to the Oval Office. How 'Chelle managed to do an episode of the show with that chick and not shoot her a$$ with her AK-47 just shows you how classy she is.



Monday, July 14, 2008

Chocolate News: Ty's Missed Opportunity

Wassup, Y'all!

With the steady popularity of fake news shows - you know those satirically comical joints like John Stewart's The Daily Show and its spin-off, The Colbert Report featuring Steven Colbert - you knew that sooner or later someone would steal ol Ty's concept of doing a similar type of fake news show but from the southside perspective. You know something like The Malone Factor, South 101st or 40/40. Well, Comedy Central and David Allen Grier have beat ol Ty to it, y'all and plan to debut 'Chocolate News' this October - a show billed as 'a black, tongue-in-cheek version of “Dateline”'.

I smell a rat in the basement
. Someone has been talkin' out of school and I'll be 'interviewing' mama and my boyz in the basement later today to get to the bottom of it (Note to self: hit Home Depot for rubber hose and jumper cables and hit Rollow's barbershop for a bootleg copy of Eddie Murphy's new movie 'Meet Dave')...

So now that the news is out and ol Ty didn't even get a call to co-host let me start my early hatin'. David Allen Grier (or DAG-man to you and me - as in Dag, man! How'd you land this gig)? Okay, he was pretty funny on In Living Color back in the day but what's he done lately? And what about that whack a$$ name - Chocolate News? Sounds a touch exploitative, if you ask me. No wonder Dave Chappelle wanted to get to gone from that network! You could have gone with a smooth 'Southside Central' to play off that whole Comedy Central thing with an urban twist, but noooooo. Chocolate News. That was probably DAG-man's concept. That's weak, homey! Weak!

Okay, okay - I'll withold further snappin' until I see at least one episode. But I know I'm gonna hate it just on GP. Maybe. In the meantime, I think I hear mama walkin' around upstairs. Let me holler back at y'all a little later...



Friday, July 11, 2008

AMA to Black Docs: 'Our Bad'

Wassup, Y'all!

The recent American Medical Association apology to America's southside doctors for their previous discriminatory practices and shabby treatment is welcome and refreshing, yet ol Ty remains a bit cynical about their overall motives. What I'm reading is that the AMA's once bright beacon of medical power, influence and prestige has been dimming in recent years and while I'm sure a large portion of their membership is on board with the apology(ies) for all the right reasons, I have to believe that an equally large portion of the membership, particularly those enjoying the trappings of AMA leadership, have calculated this move very carefully to help stem the association's steady decline.

Ol Ty has very close ties to several southside doctors who help push up the percentage of southside doctors to a ridiculously paltry 3% of all American doctors. That number is pretty stunning given the fact that southsiders make up about 13% of the American population. But here's the ominous part, y'all. Here we have one of the largest medical associations coming clean about their previous racial insensitivies perpetrated for over a century against southside doctors. What kind of medical care were member doctors giving to southside patients?...

Damn. Didn't think about that did you? Well that's why you have me around. To get you to the story *behind* the story. It's interesting that the AMA found time to join the Commission to End Health Care Disparities along with the National Medical Association - the southside doctors version of the AMA - and other minority doctor groups. The purpose of the commission is to recognize the fact that the southside nation (as well as other minority nations) suffer diseases disproportionately higher than their northside counterparts - a condition that I believe the discriminatory practices of the AMA's member doctors helped to create in the first place.

Yes, family history, lifestyle and genes play a big role in that as well, but certainly not a bigger role than aggressive preventive care and proactive health education that normally comes from your primary care doctor. Is it any wonder that southside patients tend to better when under the care of a southside doctor? Sad but true.

What's sadder is the unspoken fact that some southsiders still feel that southside doctors are inferior to their northside counterparts. That gets back to southside doctors' underrepresented numbers in the physician population (if you don't see many, you wonder if they're as good) as well as the fact that early on, southsiders were systematically denied entrance into the best medical schools. In fact, this southside phobia is even more pronounced with eastside doctors (particularly those from India), which is also a patently ridiculous notion. We know intellectually that there are good and bad doctors from every side, yet some southside brains remain convinced that you can only get the best care from a northside doctor despite evidence to the contrary.

So I'm putting a note in the Suggestion Box at the AMA's Chicago headquarters. It's going to say in short, 'Dear AMA - thanks for doin' the right thing with your recent apology. It's a good first step but in addition to that, put your money where you mouth is and put together a Public Service Announcement or ad campaign with the tagline 'Show Some Love For The Southside Doctors -It's our fault you don't trust them. We're sorry for that too.' It's a little wordy, but it gets the point across very nicely.



Wednesday, July 09, 2008

On Jesse Jackson's 'Crude' Remark...

Wassup, Y'all!

The true extent of Jesse Jackson's animosity toward Smooth Barack became clear yesterday (though ol Ty broke that nonsense down for you back in March if you're keepin' score. Catch the too funny cartoon video of Smooth and J-Jack here...) when the ever present 'hot mic' picked up his whispered comments following an interview on Fox News. You can catch full coverage here if you haven't already been inundated by the virtual global microphones called the Internet and the TV news cycle respectively.

Now less than 24 hours after J-Jack uttered his heartfelt, off-the-cuff remarks, he finds himself in the center of a self-created storm of controversy, desperately seeking to put the genie back in the bottle by going to every public forum he can find to explain himself. I'm thinkin that he might want to put a call in to Tavis Smiley who can help him get early induction into 'The Smooth Barack Haters Club'. That's the growing association that provides refuge and counseling to southside nation power brokers who perceive their worth diminishing now that another, upstart southsider seeks to become the biggest power broker on the planet....

So let's look at J-Jack's beef with Smooth. According to his whispered comments he thinks Smooth 'talks down' to southsiders when he takes them to task on such things as parental responsibility and self improvement. J-Jack is so incensed by this that he voiced his desire to cut Smooth's nuts off (that's the non-technical term for testicles, y'all. Otherwise known by the various sides as 'stones', 'jewels', 'balls' or 'cajones'). In my opinion, it's been the southside leaders who continue to look back and advocate for institutionalizing our continued over dependence on the government that need to be emasculated. Ol Ty's not sayin' that safety-net, equality and training programs aren't needed, y'all - don't get it twisted. I'm sayin' those programs need to be continually evaluated and modified to ensure they're having the desired effect. Can't say I'm seeing the biggest effect in the urban centers among southsiders, y'all. So I'm all for a different approach rather than the same-o, same-o.

A little tough love at this point can't hurt. There are some things we need to hear that we won't like hearing. Smooth has been saying them. Cosby has been saying them. J-Jack? He still thinks the government can solve a core problem in the southside nation that is a direct result of the crumbling of the Nuclear Family concept. I touched on this a Monday. For an example of tough love, J-Jack has to look no further than his own namesake J-Jack, Jr. the new jack congressman from IL. J-Jack, Jr. laid his father out for his comments. Both rejected and denouncing his own father's words by sayin' in part, 'I thoroughly reject and repudiate his ugly rhetoric. He should keep hope alive and any personal attacks and insults to himself.' He was so hot he even referred to his own pop as 'Reverend Jackson'. Daaaaaang!

Of course, J-Jack, Jr. is doing his own positioning these days as national co-chair of Smooth's presidential campaign. He's a rising southside political star himself who may well be in position at some point to also make a credible run for president some day. The unfortunate thing is that the very name that propelled him to congress with its popularity in Chicago would likely be significant baggage nationally with small minded voters who tend to cling to guns and religion - y'all know the ones to which I am referring.

I'm sure we'll see more of J-Jack in the next few days than we really care to, putting his comment into a 'broader context' like he did with his 'Hymietown' comment back in '84 - another off-the-cuff, private comment that became public. That's cool because I can't see this static between he and Smooth as anything but positive for Smooth in the long run since those rural democrats that flocked to Sister Hillary have no love for J-Jack. When it comes to looking back with the old school guard or moving forward with the new jacks into a new day where we determine our path, I'm with Smooth - it's time to knuckle up and turn the page.



Ty Drops in on Mike Vick

Wassup, Y'all!

It's been about 111 days since the Mike Vick countdown clock went up to give Mike Vick something to look at while he's doin' his federal timeout so I thought it'd be a good time to check in with homey to see how his rollout away from the Tossed Salad Man is working out.

Currently, pilin' on is still in style as Mike Vick's seven largest creditors continue to hang outside the gates hollerin for the approximately $12.8 million he owes them. Takin' a page out of the southside 'Living Beyond Your Means' playbook, MV gave them the finger by filin' for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Dang. I know that brother owed ol Ty at least $7.50 for maintenance of the countdown clock. Guess I'm just a$$ out on that despite the fact that a judge ruled back in April that he could keep $16.5 million in bonus money he got from the Falcons. How the hell do you run through $16.5 million without breakin' off ol Ty's $7.50?...

Despite gettin' stiffed out of the bonus money, Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank has been doin' the right thing and correspondin' with Mike Vick from time to time. No word on whether Blank's letters show up laced with anthrax but all that would do is kill the guards who screen the mail before passin' it along to the yardbirds anyway. A-Blank says that Mike Vick is stayin' in shape by playin' football with the cons. Not organized football like in 'The Longest Yard' but pick up flag football like at the family reunion with Pookey an 'nem. You know those cats have to be runnin' back to the payphone back on the block hollerin' back at their boyz like, "Man, Mike Vick ain't all that. I be chasin' his little scramblin' a$$ down all the time. I shoulda gone pro." You know how we do.

Still, despite all the fun and hijinx goin' on at Leavenworth minimum security prison camp, with its touch football, S'mores and what not, Mike Vick still hasn't been granted entrance into the prison drug program that got him into the camp good life in the first place. Everybody and their mama have been speculatin' that the only reason Mike Vick decided to get with that program was to accelerate his release date (which would require me to adjust the countdown clock and bill cousin more money - which I also won't be gettin'). Yeah, you have to do 500 hours, pee in a cup a couple few times and say, "Hi, my name is Mike and I'm a drug addict' about 50 times while lookin' sincere, but on the flip side he could be out in a halfway house as early as January '09 lookin' for love from the NFL.

Clearly though, the Virginia state prosecutor has alternate plans for Mike Vick. Ol boy says he plans to wait until homey is released from Leavenworth to pursue their state case on dogfighting charges. That's cold, jack.

So Mike Vick has a Groundhog Day ahead of him, one which I'm sure is being cheered on by Virginia Tossed Salad Men from Lynchburg to Virginia Beach. That's appropriate since we all know that 'Virginia is for Lovers'. And once that Virginia ruckus is over? Well, don't forget that Hector still wants a quick word with Mike Vick too.

Bottom line? Mike Vick's still got a lot of scramblin' to do, y'all.



Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Shaq, Kobe, Nick and Mimi

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, I 'bout fell the hell out when I caught the word over on that - a mobile entertainment company - is offering ringtones (gratis) featuring Shaq's recently mentioned hook, 'Kobe, tell me how my a$$ tastes'. Dang!! If that ain't insult to injury, I don't know what is. Now not only will Kobe be drivin' by little wannabe, crumbsnatcher, street corner rappers droppin' that hook, but now when he's tryin' to get his swerve on in the club, every cell phone around him will be blowin' up Shaq's rap about him tossin' Shaq's salad. Ol boy's *got* to put out a comeback rap now.

I need to get crackin' on my T-shirts before the NBA season rolls back around. Y'all know the ones - they're white, sizes go from small to XXXL (cuz Mo'Nique's gonna want one) and they feature a black silhouette of steam coming off an upside down donkey on a dinner plate, a stick figure wearing a #8 Laker's jersey and napkin around his neck holding up a knife and fork with 'Kobe, Tell me' curved over the top and 'how my a$$ tastes' curved under the bottom. Those are gonna be hot sellers, y'all. Holler back with your advanced orders before I go into full production.

And straight out the 'Never saw it comin', y'all' files - word hit the basement that the two month old marriage between Nick Cannon and Mariah 'Mimi' Carey is on the rocks. Not because those two could make a bag of rocks look smart but because of Mimi's 'Diva behavior'. Wow. Mimi never struck me as that type, y'all.

All I know is that these two better not break up until a sex tape 'accidentally' leaks. Y'all know those celebrity sex tapes are the new celebrity children's books. Celebrities aren't too original when it comes to figuring out how to stay in the public eye. Anyway, it sounds like Mimi is layin' the whip to NC Tina Turner style - nice and rough. Word to the wise on this one, homeys - all that glitters is NOT gold. When we will ever learn?



Monday, July 07, 2008

'Chelle Obama: The Angry Black Woman Makeover

Wassup, Y'all!

Lost in the recent focus on the dress 'Chelle wore on her appearance on 'The View' was the fact that her appearance was actually part of a strategy to 'soften' homegirl's image. Since her vilification over her 'proud' comment (which the current First Lady classily brushed aside) political operatives on the right continue to tap into the stereotype of 'The Angry Black Woman' to try to scare voters away from Smooth Barack in November.

First, ol Ty thinks it's a damn shame that the Smooth camp thinks that it even needs to humor that foolishness, but in a time where 10% of the electorate *still* believes that Smooth is a Muslim, every pieces of nonsense that gets floated up by knuckleheads has to be explained or addressed. It wasn't too long ago that Smooth finally gave in and started consistently wearing a damn flag pin on his lapel to quash that persistent Internet nonsense that his not wearing one proved that he was unpatriotic. So now here we are with 'Chelle - out there tryin' to shed the perception that she's an 'angry black woman', unfit for the genteel mantel of First Lady-ship. Talk about some ol bull$hit...

So ol Ty got to askin' himself, 'Self? Where'd this ol 'angry black woman' bull$hit get started anway? Well for one there's the 'urban cycle'. That's where young southside shortys with no parenting skills are raising babies. They have no parenting skills because they themselves were raised by young southside shortys with no parenting skills. The concept of a nuclear family in that environment is foreign - no daddies around. And because there are no daddies around, the whole burden falls on those young southside shortys some of whom eventually become angry and hostile and all that negative energy is directed to either the new men in their lives or their kids. Y'all seen it at the mall. Sisters with no patience, hollerin' and blusterin' they way through a store, beratin' and draggin' their kids along, darin' any fool to step in and have a word with them. Standin' next to an unpinned handgrenade would be safer than that.

Then there's the pervasive touch of Hollywood. Can't have a TV show that features a black woman who's not caustically sarcastic or sassy (ok - there are a few but you get my point). And the movies? We get Angela Basset's Bernadine in 'Waiting to Exhale' dumpin' her (cheating) man's expensive suits in his high end car and settin' it on fire. We get Vanessa Williams' Teri in 'Soul Food' pullin' a knife on her (cheating) husband in the kitchen at a family gathering. We get Regina King's Lisa spraying the floor with baby oil outside her (cheating) husband's shower and then beating him with a belt when he exits the shower and slips on the baby oil. We get Halle Berry's Leticia in Monster's Ball beratin' her overweight son about his eating habits. I could go on forever but y'all don't have the time. You get my drift.

Of course all this overlooks the majority of southside shortys who are handlin' their business the way it should be handled. In many cases, southside shortys are handling the whole load and, consequently, they handle their business just like homeboys do. They don't suffer fools gladly and they're firm and assertive in their dealings - two qualities that tend not to sit well with homeboys who don't appreciate their authority challenged by 'a woman' nor with old school women who think that their place is in the home and decisions need to be made by 'a man'. Hence The Angry Black Woman stereotype.

There's no denying that 'Chelle is a high powered sister - but so is Condoleeza Rice and you don't hear folks droppin' that stereotype on her. If you ask me - I'm thinkin' the whole First Lady concept needs some shakin' up to bring it into the 21st century. Shortys ain't all about tea and crumpets and fine china and folded napkins anymore. Women have stepped up, jack and it'll be refreshing to see a First Lady that can drop it like it's hot and rock that role the way it should be rocked.



Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Ty's off doin' the needful

Wassup, Y'all!

My schedule is still out of whack - I'm helpin' one of my boyz through a fam crisis so posts will be a bit sporadic for a few. Keep an eye on the Real Time Ty feed in the right sidebar to get a finger on the pulse in the basement. The other approach for that is to subscribe to the feed directly via Twitter to stay in the know.

I'll holler back soon, y'all! Dont' kick a brother to the curb!