Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Why Johnny's a Broke A$$

Wassup, Y'all!

Remember those little expos├ęs that used to come out back in the day exposing the poor job the school system was doing educating tomorrow's youth? Y'all know the ones - 'Why Can't Johnny Read?', 'Why Can't Johnny Write?', 'Why Can't Johnny Get A Damn Job And Move Out?'. Well Sports Illustrated - SI to you and me - started wondering why, after being given so much, that athletes tended to end up broke more often than not.

Before reading the article ol Ty was all like, "If I could just get me some of that T-O money life would be all good. Crack crib, fleet of cars, easy access to VIP (where I'd find Dwayne Wade hobnobbin' with Sanaa Lathan and Gabrielle Union), enough singles to make it rain down at Magic City every night and not have to worry about picking my singles back up like Pac-Man Jones' cheap a$$". That's a pretty good bedtime story, y'all, but just as karma tends to even out life, that other truism that 'a fool and his money are soon parted' seems to apply particularly well to athletes...

The article is pretty eye-opening. It throws around some ridiculous actual factuals like:
  • By the time they have been retired for two years, 78% of former NFL players have gone bankrupt or are under financial stress because of joblessness or divorce (more on that later)
  • Within five years of retirement, an estimated 60% of former NBA players are broke

Now don't go thinkin' that the recent 'economic downturn' had anything to do with this. These knuckleheads were throwin' their chedda out the car window even during the Clinton boom years.

Much of this is attributed to young minds who don't 'have time' to be bothered with the boring details of their money - like how it should last them their entire lives. Instead they outsource the management of their money to third party crooks family members or accountants who are always happy to handle millions of dollars no questions asked. It seems to me that if young southside athletes are going to listen to anybody it would be someone that looks like them and is clockin' major figures like Oprah who consistently says that she *always* signs every check that goes out. Instead it's how many cars can I get, how can I get a Shaq or Kobe crib or 'my boy Rolly really needs a recording studio to jump start his rap career'. Those boyz are all heart and no head - at least no 'big head'.

The 'little head' has also led many a brother into financial ruin. Kanye broke it down with Jamie in 'Golddigger'. There's a reason why honeys don't mess with broke brothers - there's no instant upside. Mess with a rich brother on the other hand and this too can be you Juanita Jordan. According to the article, the divorce rate for pro athletes ranges from 60%-80% and husbands 'routinely lose half of their net worth'. Understandably, agents - to whom athletes are their bread and butter, 'very strongly' recommend pre-nups yet the percentage of pre-nups among athletes is appreciably lower compared with nonathletes at the same economic level. Whaaat? Talk about nose wide open

Still I have to give it up to my boy Dikembe Mutombo. His girl refused to sign a pre-nup the day before their wedding (okay - that is tacky timing). 500 guests were converging on the wedding site - including Dikembe's crew from the Democratic Republic of Congo, yet ol girl still said, 'Hell no' and Dikembe called off the wedding and had to come out of his pocket to the tune of $250K to pay everything off. I guess women without pre-nups also don't fly in 'the House of Mutombo'. Daaaaaaaang, 'Kembe! Don't hurt 'em like that!!

With money flowing like this can a 'Tyrone Malone Athletic Financial Services' business be too far behind? I think not. After all - I still need to get me some of that T-O money, y'all.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Monday, April 27, 2009

The REAL Stedman Graham

Wassup, Y'all!

Now you know ol Ty's been wolfin' about Oprah's man's cushy gig for a while now. Mainly I've been pushin' back on the shortys askin' them why they think it's okay for Big O to have Stedman as as 'kept man' year after year but if Steddy was the one with all the loot and he played Big O like that, they'd be screamin' bloody murder about how homeboy 'needs to be a man' and step up to his commitments. That, basement dwellers, is what ol Ty calls a ridiculous double standard

In the meantime, homeys the world over are hatin' big time on a brother who can seemingly have his cake (enjoy the spoils of Big O's loot) and eat it too (not be bothered with getting married to enjoy the spoils of Big O's loot). But one thing as always bothered ol Ty - just what does Steddy do when Big O comes callin' in the bedroom? Well it seems that Comedy Central has that all figured out...

Now I'm not gonna give it all away, but apparently - according to the video - Steddy has come up with an ingenious way to dodge Big O's amorous advances. Now some of you homey's who have become used to the airbrushed Oprah on the cover of her magazine may ask, 'Man - why even dodge Oprah? Ol girl's kinda cute'. Au contraire, Petite Pierre. Steddy knows better, y'all. There's a bit of a difference between O Magazine Oprah and 'Just Rolled Out Of Bed Oprah' - quite a bit. Yes, I know that's triflin' but if you don't believe me, look at what Tony Parker wakes up to. Good googly-moogly.

The moral to this story fellas? All that glitters ain't gold...unless you're helpin' Oprah stack her chedda.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Return of Tyrone Malone

Wassup, Y'all!

First - sorry for the long pause for the cause. Second - it's good to be back. Third, 'Where you been, Ty?'

I know many of you have been thinking that ol Ty had gone Hollywood. That he left his millions of adoring blog fans to pursue the almight dollar, date a few Hollywood starlets and spend his late nights and early mornings hittin' all the clubs and swillin' down bottles of Patron up in VIP. Naw, as appealing as that ruckus sounds, ol Ty's absence from the stage was caused by a much more down to earth circumstance...

For the last six weeks ol Ty has been spending time with Papa Malone who had been battling cancer for the last couple years. I realize that I haven't made mention of PM on the blog since my main residence is in Mama Malone's basement but rest assured that PM has been just as big an influence on ol Ty's life. I'm sorry to report that Papa Malone passed on the morning of April 3rd and I've been one grieving brother.

During the last six weeks while PM's illness went from bad to worse, I couldn't bring myself to blog, y'all because the humor just wasn't in me. Even now it's a little hard to dredge up but since my humor flowed directly from Papa Malone, I know that ol boy would want me to keep on keepin' on.

So I'll be back into regular rotation on Monday. I've been collectin' a few choice tidbits over the interim. Before I go, ol Ty would like to give a major shout out to my web girl Diva over at 3BlackChicks.com for hollerin' at a brother during a dark time and reminding him that bloggin' it out can also help get a brother back on the straight and narrow. Thanks, homegirl - your reach out was timely indeed.

So buckle up, y'all. The basement's back in effect. Pop back in on Monday to get back into the actual factuals.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

He's Coming...

Wassup, Y'all!

Get ready... The wait is almost over... What's he been doing? Where's he been? What's the deal? It's been a long time, he shouldn't have left you without a dope blog to read through. Your boy is getting ready to re-enter the building. Keep a look out.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone