Wassup Y'all!
I just stopped in from a quick trip over at iTunes and caught the new Public Enemy / Moby collabo - Make Love F**K War. That joint is HOT! The video reminds me of a cross between Alicia Keyes "Diary" around the world concert footage and Michael Moore's Farenheit 911. It's an anti-war piece y'all so if you ain't feeling it don't check it out.........Okay, now that all the Republicans have left the room we can talk freely.
Man, it's good to see Public Enemy back on the beat! They may not be the most successful rap act on the boulevard, but Chuck D and Flava never stop keepin it real. Fight The Power, Can't Truss It - those boys are the real town cryers, letting folks know what's what.
This new joint is all that and Moby laid a fat beat down on the track - Moby/P-E! Despite Peanut M&M's views on Moby, talent is talent and Fat Boy Slim's got nothing on Moby when it comes to a thumpin club beat. I also like that diversity - who the heck would have put Moby and Public Enemy in the same room? If you ask me - that's why America is the greatest country. Talent is color blind and when you mix different techniques like they did, you end up with a JAM like MLFW. Do yourself a favor before you download the track, peep the video. It kinda makes you ask yourself - WHAT THE HECK ARE WE DOING? I just caught a little piece of This Week With George Snuffelufagus and he profiled a photographer who was so fed up with no one really covering and reporting on the war wounded from Iraq that she put together her own photo collection together for public view. We may have recently crossed the tragic 1000 figure for war dead, but the figure for war wounded is around 7000! In a lot of those cases we're not talking John Kerry sized shrapnel wounds, but grievous, life altering wounds... Just makes the message in MLFW all the more relevant. GW shame, shame. All this for a family grudge (cuz we sure know there are no WDMs or links to Al Qaeda up in that piece).
I guess the other question which continues to go unasked is: How many Iraqi civilians have been killed in the war? Is it more than Saddam dropped out? If so, WHAT THE HECK ARE WE DOING? Lately it hasn't even been a red state / blue state debate. I'm a blue state guy but when I listen to a moderate voice like John McCain, I'm thinking the red state crew can't be that bad - it must just be GW, Off The Chaney and the rest of his fear mongering administration. Everybody keeps asking "Have you ever seen such a nasty campaign?" to which I reply, didn't Pappa Doc Bush roll out Willie Horton? The apple sure don't fall far from the tree....
Anyway - sorry to be so surly in this joint. I'm still tripping on the point jacking that happened to my girl Serena in the US Open. That was some serious umpire player hating going on y'all! Check out MLFW, y'all. I defy you not to nod your head to that beat.
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Monday, September 06, 2004
What's the Deal in Florida?
Wassup Y'all!
First, I need to apologize for my lackadasical reporting as of late. Old Tyrone's been a little distracted since I heard that Destiny's Child was getting back together to help the NFL kick off their season on Thursday. That's right, y'all! Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle are back for three times the fun. When I should have been blogging, I was thinking about Kelly's shimmy shake in their Bootilicious video (old girl is a fine, tall drink of Cherry Kool-Aid)...
Yeah, Beyonce is eye candy (especially in that "Crazy In Love" video - wooooo), but Kelly's the down home sister brothers want to take home to meet moms. Speaking of eye, that brings me to today's blog topic - what's the deal with Florida and those hurricanes? Man FL is getting spanked homeys and to add insult to injury, there's another bad boy brewing out in the Atlantic (Ivan the Terrible). So I had to ask myself, just what did Florida to to deserve such a biblical beat down? Hmmmm, perhaps it's not what Florida did (2000 Presidential election day shenanigans) so much as what Florida shouldn't do in a couple months. I submit the new poster child for hurricane alley is getting one of those chilly warnings about what could come if more election year shenanigans ensue. You know, like on the Soprano's when you've just taken out a sizable loan from the family and they take you to dinner, schmooze it up with you - "more bread? C'mon, have a little more of that ziti" - then walk you out back where a non-paying client is getting shoved into a wood chipper. See, that's what they call a warning, y'all.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not making light of the hardships our fellow citizens are enduring with these single minded hurricanes. After all, they did have to reschedule the FSU-Miami game. That's pretty harsh. Anyway, this FL/hurricane business is just another one of those things that make you go Hmmmmmmm.
Moving on - I was dipping and dodging through TV and the newspapers the other day and happened upon two outlandish boasts that both referred to my boy, old school crooner Teddy "Lady's Get 'em Ready" Prendergrass. Sometimes you just have to laugh. Like Whitney referring to bad boy Bobby Brown as the King of R&B after one hit album and a rap sheet longer than her hair extensions! King of Fulton County lock up, maybe, but R&B? According to R. Kelly - "What's R&B without the R?" Anyway, within days of each other I hear Ronnie from the rejuvenated group New Edition, propping their new album (on Diddy's Bad Boy label) and talking smack that there's a track on the album featuring Johnny Gill that will make him the new Teddy Prendergrass! C'mon now! Johnny's got some deep pipes but it takes a little more than that to bump Teddy out the blocks. How many ladies have been freely throwing their draws onstage at a Johnny Gill concert? Uh huh - see what I'm saying? Now flash forward a couple days and I read about Nelly propping his new double album set - Sweat/Suit. Actually that's a good gimmick - one album with fresh hip hop club beats and one with smoother, slow jams. Anyway, everybody knows Nelly and Jaheim collaborated on their current hot cut 'My Place' and didn't Nelly step out there and claim that Jaheim was the next Teddy Prendergrass? C'mon now! Jaheim? Yeah - old dude's got the pipes too and the cut is HOT, but for those who read my blog on carpetbagging Alan 'Skeleton' Keyes, you'll know comparing Jaheim with Teddy is like comparing Macy Grey with Beyonce (and I'm not referring to vocal stylings...). Y'all fools get off Teddy!
Alright I'm out! I'm still trying to get all that foul graffiti off the hoopty. Seems the Republicans were sharing a little more than just love (y'all know I'm kiddin', right?) at the convention. I've been scrubbing for about a day now and still can't get that picture of an elephant dropping his draws off the hoopty's hood. If y'all responsible are reading this blog (y'all know I'm kidding, right?) all I have to say is - that just ain't riiight!! Those were some big ass draws!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
First, I need to apologize for my lackadasical reporting as of late. Old Tyrone's been a little distracted since I heard that Destiny's Child was getting back together to help the NFL kick off their season on Thursday. That's right, y'all! Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle are back for three times the fun. When I should have been blogging, I was thinking about Kelly's shimmy shake in their Bootilicious video (old girl is a fine, tall drink of Cherry Kool-Aid)...
Yeah, Beyonce is eye candy (especially in that "Crazy In Love" video - wooooo), but Kelly's the down home sister brothers want to take home to meet moms. Speaking of eye, that brings me to today's blog topic - what's the deal with Florida and those hurricanes? Man FL is getting spanked homeys and to add insult to injury, there's another bad boy brewing out in the Atlantic (Ivan the Terrible). So I had to ask myself, just what did Florida to to deserve such a biblical beat down? Hmmmm, perhaps it's not what Florida did (2000 Presidential election day shenanigans) so much as what Florida shouldn't do in a couple months. I submit the new poster child for hurricane alley is getting one of those chilly warnings about what could come if more election year shenanigans ensue. You know, like on the Soprano's when you've just taken out a sizable loan from the family and they take you to dinner, schmooze it up with you - "more bread? C'mon, have a little more of that ziti" - then walk you out back where a non-paying client is getting shoved into a wood chipper. See, that's what they call a warning, y'all.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not making light of the hardships our fellow citizens are enduring with these single minded hurricanes. After all, they did have to reschedule the FSU-Miami game. That's pretty harsh. Anyway, this FL/hurricane business is just another one of those things that make you go Hmmmmmmm.
Moving on - I was dipping and dodging through TV and the newspapers the other day and happened upon two outlandish boasts that both referred to my boy, old school crooner Teddy "Lady's Get 'em Ready" Prendergrass. Sometimes you just have to laugh. Like Whitney referring to bad boy Bobby Brown as the King of R&B after one hit album and a rap sheet longer than her hair extensions! King of Fulton County lock up, maybe, but R&B? According to R. Kelly - "What's R&B without the R?" Anyway, within days of each other I hear Ronnie from the rejuvenated group New Edition, propping their new album (on Diddy's Bad Boy label) and talking smack that there's a track on the album featuring Johnny Gill that will make him the new Teddy Prendergrass! C'mon now! Johnny's got some deep pipes but it takes a little more than that to bump Teddy out the blocks. How many ladies have been freely throwing their draws onstage at a Johnny Gill concert? Uh huh - see what I'm saying? Now flash forward a couple days and I read about Nelly propping his new double album set - Sweat/Suit. Actually that's a good gimmick - one album with fresh hip hop club beats and one with smoother, slow jams. Anyway, everybody knows Nelly and Jaheim collaborated on their current hot cut 'My Place' and didn't Nelly step out there and claim that Jaheim was the next Teddy Prendergrass? C'mon now! Jaheim? Yeah - old dude's got the pipes too and the cut is HOT, but for those who read my blog on carpetbagging Alan 'Skeleton' Keyes, you'll know comparing Jaheim with Teddy is like comparing Macy Grey with Beyonce (and I'm not referring to vocal stylings...). Y'all fools get off Teddy!
Alright I'm out! I'm still trying to get all that foul graffiti off the hoopty. Seems the Republicans were sharing a little more than just love (y'all know I'm kiddin', right?) at the convention. I've been scrubbing for about a day now and still can't get that picture of an elephant dropping his draws off the hoopty's hood. If y'all responsible are reading this blog (y'all know I'm kidding, right?) all I have to say is - that just ain't riiight!! Those were some big ass draws!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Free Rosario!
Wassup Y'all!
It didn't take long for the clowning in NYC to take a serious turn. I'm hanging outside Madison Square and catch the commotion up the street and get details that the cops clapped the silver braclets on my girl Rosario Dawson (a shorty supreme, might I add). I'm organizing the homeys cuz we ain't taking it no more! How'd Rosario get checked into the Greybar Hotel and Off the Chaney is still walking around a free man? Only in New York, y'all. Until her court appearance, I'll float y'all a glossy to remember her by...
C'mon now, Sipowitz! She's even kickin' the I Love NY gear!! NYPD - shame, shame.
Y'all may be noticing I'm not doing too much reporting on the convention that's cuz every time I sneak in I stand out like a sore thumb and security hustles me out. A brother can't catch a break up in that piece. So I'm outside MSG mingling with the salt of the earth folks and getting my laugh on about those parents up in arms about that Fact's of Life shorty Blair who wrote about putting a dab of hot sauce on her crumb snatcher's tongue to teach him not swear or speak out of turn. I just had to laugh about that one cuz I'm sure the parents complaining are the same ones with overweight kids who never miss a chance to let them stuff more food in their faces. I can see the dilemma - who's going to force their kid to put up with a minute's worth of tongue stinging vs. a lifetime of ridicule and health problems? Good call, y'all!
I see the nominations for the Darwin Awards are getting started early this year. I understand the front runner is the homey who got drunk with his buddy and decided to drive home. The buddy gets sick, hangs his head out the window to call Earl and the driver swerves, clips a telephone pole support wire and decapitates his partner. Here's where the story gets interesting, y'all. Old boy drives home, goes into his crib (bloody clothes and all) and falls asleep! Meanwhile headless Henry is just chilling in the passenger seat until a passerby spots him and calls the police. That's what I call a true friend - kill my ass and then leave me in the car all dead and decapitated. That's cold, my man!
Alright, y'all. I'm gonna pass the cap to see if we can scramble up some bail money for Rosario. In the meantime, she'll be honored as old Tyrone's Shorty of the Week.
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
It didn't take long for the clowning in NYC to take a serious turn. I'm hanging outside Madison Square and catch the commotion up the street and get details that the cops clapped the silver braclets on my girl Rosario Dawson (a shorty supreme, might I add). I'm organizing the homeys cuz we ain't taking it no more! How'd Rosario get checked into the Greybar Hotel and Off the Chaney is still walking around a free man? Only in New York, y'all. Until her court appearance, I'll float y'all a glossy to remember her by...
C'mon now, Sipowitz! She's even kickin' the I Love NY gear!! NYPD - shame, shame.
Y'all may be noticing I'm not doing too much reporting on the convention that's cuz every time I sneak in I stand out like a sore thumb and security hustles me out. A brother can't catch a break up in that piece. So I'm outside MSG mingling with the salt of the earth folks and getting my laugh on about those parents up in arms about that Fact's of Life shorty Blair who wrote about putting a dab of hot sauce on her crumb snatcher's tongue to teach him not swear or speak out of turn. I just had to laugh about that one cuz I'm sure the parents complaining are the same ones with overweight kids who never miss a chance to let them stuff more food in their faces. I can see the dilemma - who's going to force their kid to put up with a minute's worth of tongue stinging vs. a lifetime of ridicule and health problems? Good call, y'all!
I see the nominations for the Darwin Awards are getting started early this year. I understand the front runner is the homey who got drunk with his buddy and decided to drive home. The buddy gets sick, hangs his head out the window to call Earl and the driver swerves, clips a telephone pole support wire and decapitates his partner. Here's where the story gets interesting, y'all. Old boy drives home, goes into his crib (bloody clothes and all) and falls asleep! Meanwhile headless Henry is just chilling in the passenger seat until a passerby spots him and calls the police. That's what I call a true friend - kill my ass and then leave me in the car all dead and decapitated. That's cold, my man!
Alright, y'all. I'm gonna pass the cap to see if we can scramble up some bail money for Rosario. In the meantime, she'll be honored as old Tyrone's Shorty of the Week.
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Friday, August 27, 2004
Women's Beach Volleyball : Awwww Yeah!
Wassup Y'all!
After watching the hot postgame celebration of those shorties Misty May and Kerri Walsh , Old Tyrone has come to the conclusion that there is no better spectator sport than Women's Beach Volleyball...
How's is showing that on broadcast TV even legal? Wooooo. If I was running the Pro Beach Volleyball circuit, that joint would have it's own deal with DirecTV - The PBV Sand Serve Ticket. Matter fact, I'd probably kick it up a notch like old boy Emeril and recruit some stone hotties like Selma Hayek and Serena Williams to play in celebrity tournaments - y'all feel me? No? Let me drop a couple glossies and let you imagine the possibilities. As my dog Emeril would say: BAM
Feel me now? Thought you might. What network in their right mind wouldn't pick up that gold mine? That way, there'd be a little something for everybody - the hard body fans and the Daaaaaaaaamn body fans (if y'all need a little schooling on the Daaaaamn rating, check out my previous post on Halle Berry). Whoever gave the thumbs up to those uniforms ought to get at least one of John Kerry's medals. And while I'm on topic - big ups to the women's soccer team on their gold medal effort. I understand that Brandi Chastain managed to keep her jersey on this time - that's why I didn't lead with soccer...just playin' y'all!
Well, the Ides of August are almost upon us and that means some skullduggery is about to jump off in NYC as GW and the boys move center stage. For the fellas down at Winkey's corner store that means check your wallet at the door and don't bet on that Three Card Monte they'll be playin' on stage. I'll be there covering it live y'all. The hoopty's all gassed up and chromed out. Don't be scurred to watch them on TV, they can't come through the screen like old girl from "The Ring". But be warned, like old girl said in the movie - "Everyone will suffer...". Oooo, think I just gave myself a chill. Didn't think that would happen until Dick "Off The" Chaney hit the stage...
Alright y'all - I'm out! I need to see when Misty and Kerri are headed to Chicago to play up at North Avenue Beach cuz I'm there cousin!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
After watching the hot postgame celebration of those shorties Misty May and Kerri Walsh , Old Tyrone has come to the conclusion that there is no better spectator sport than Women's Beach Volleyball...
How's is showing that on broadcast TV even legal? Wooooo. If I was running the Pro Beach Volleyball circuit, that joint would have it's own deal with DirecTV - The PBV Sand Serve Ticket. Matter fact, I'd probably kick it up a notch like old boy Emeril and recruit some stone hotties like Selma Hayek and Serena Williams to play in celebrity tournaments - y'all feel me? No? Let me drop a couple glossies and let you imagine the possibilities. As my dog Emeril would say: BAM
Feel me now? Thought you might. What network in their right mind wouldn't pick up that gold mine? That way, there'd be a little something for everybody - the hard body fans and the Daaaaaaaaamn body fans (if y'all need a little schooling on the Daaaaamn rating, check out my previous post on Halle Berry). Whoever gave the thumbs up to those uniforms ought to get at least one of John Kerry's medals. And while I'm on topic - big ups to the women's soccer team on their gold medal effort. I understand that Brandi Chastain managed to keep her jersey on this time - that's why I didn't lead with soccer...just playin' y'all!
Well, the Ides of August are almost upon us and that means some skullduggery is about to jump off in NYC as GW and the boys move center stage. For the fellas down at Winkey's corner store that means check your wallet at the door and don't bet on that Three Card Monte they'll be playin' on stage. I'll be there covering it live y'all. The hoopty's all gassed up and chromed out. Don't be scurred to watch them on TV, they can't come through the screen like old girl from "The Ring". But be warned, like old girl said in the movie - "Everyone will suffer...". Oooo, think I just gave myself a chill. Didn't think that would happen until Dick "Off The" Chaney hit the stage...
Alright y'all - I'm out! I need to see when Misty and Kerri are headed to Chicago to play up at North Avenue Beach cuz I'm there cousin!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
High Blood Pressure? Try some Black Eyed Peas
Wassup Y'all!
Miss me? Old Tyrone and the Winky's crew were taking time out to plan our Republican Convention protests. Seems NYC won't be too receptive to protesters so brothers have to be creative with their civil disobedience. With all the hatin' going on with the Elephants, you'd think that slimy sewer of hate goo from Ghostbusters II was really flowing through NYC's underground. I'm still waiting for them to drop their real madness - Kerry's unamerican, he had sex with a goat! - Kerry's not fit to lead, his Irish cousin's great grandfather was a black man! You know there's another shoe just waitin, y'all...
Anyway, I open the paper today and what do I spy with my little eye? 1 out of 3 Americans has high blood pressure and it's more pronounced among black folk. Somebody had to pay for that study? Shoot, I could have written that bad boy for free. Weak stock market (worried about the future), weak job market (worried about where next week's bread and medicine is coming from), John Kerry's weak campaign to date (just plain worried about another four years of GW and the mad bombers). As far as black folk go, man we've been jittery since the emancipation proclaimation. You got James Byrd Jr. dragged behind a pick up, Amadou Diallo reaching for a wallet and getting shot 41 times, Abner Louima's NYPD beatdown, and the hits go on. With the thought that you could get got at any moment, for any bogus reason - in 2004 - will get anybody's blood pressure percolatin'. These events not recent enough? Try Tennessee Republicans putting a racist on the ticket in the 8th congressional district. Can't wait to see James L. Hart's bumper sticker (with apologies to Taco Bell): Head for the border - unless you're Mighty Whitey!
Speaking of elephunk - man, I got a major jones going on for that magma hot shorty Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Now old girl is a certified way to get your blood pressure down and your temperature up.
I caught Miss Stacey Ferguson doing her thing at the recent Good Morning America Summer Concert Series at Bryant Park...and she was doing her thing, y'all! So it goes without saying who our Shorty of the Week is this week.
Now I know I promised y'all my take on this recent story of predicting the next President by checking out the amount of royal blood in their family trees and I will...just not tonight. Tonight I plan to break out my iPod and toast this week's shorty with a bassed out thump-thumper of 'Hey Mama'.
Back in a minute, y'all!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Miss me? Old Tyrone and the Winky's crew were taking time out to plan our Republican Convention protests. Seems NYC won't be too receptive to protesters so brothers have to be creative with their civil disobedience. With all the hatin' going on with the Elephants, you'd think that slimy sewer of hate goo from Ghostbusters II was really flowing through NYC's underground. I'm still waiting for them to drop their real madness - Kerry's unamerican, he had sex with a goat! - Kerry's not fit to lead, his Irish cousin's great grandfather was a black man! You know there's another shoe just waitin, y'all...
Anyway, I open the paper today and what do I spy with my little eye? 1 out of 3 Americans has high blood pressure and it's more pronounced among black folk. Somebody had to pay for that study? Shoot, I could have written that bad boy for free. Weak stock market (worried about the future), weak job market (worried about where next week's bread and medicine is coming from), John Kerry's weak campaign to date (just plain worried about another four years of GW and the mad bombers). As far as black folk go, man we've been jittery since the emancipation proclaimation. You got James Byrd Jr. dragged behind a pick up, Amadou Diallo reaching for a wallet and getting shot 41 times, Abner Louima's NYPD beatdown, and the hits go on. With the thought that you could get got at any moment, for any bogus reason - in 2004 - will get anybody's blood pressure percolatin'. These events not recent enough? Try Tennessee Republicans putting a racist on the ticket in the 8th congressional district. Can't wait to see James L. Hart's bumper sticker (with apologies to Taco Bell): Head for the border - unless you're Mighty Whitey!
Speaking of elephunk - man, I got a major jones going on for that magma hot shorty Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Now old girl is a certified way to get your blood pressure down and your temperature up.
I caught Miss Stacey Ferguson doing her thing at the recent Good Morning America Summer Concert Series at Bryant Park...and she was doing her thing, y'all! So it goes without saying who our Shorty of the Week is this week.
Now I know I promised y'all my take on this recent story of predicting the next President by checking out the amount of royal blood in their family trees and I will...just not tonight. Tonight I plan to break out my iPod and toast this week's shorty with a bassed out thump-thumper of 'Hey Mama'.
Back in a minute, y'all!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Monday, August 16, 2004
Puerto Rican Smack Down
Wassup Y'all!
See? Don't eat your Wheaties this is what happens. Ooooo - Dr. Naismith has got to be break dancing in bone box over this one. (Scream) Team USA (which happens to represent the country that invented basketball) got a well deserved beat down and exposed why being able to play fundamental basketball is a lost art in the raggedy US game. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, Shaq, KG, Kobe could have helped the cause, but come on, y'all. How fundamental is your game if you roll in from high school or one year of college ball?... No pure shooters, lackadaisical ball handling skill and all about trying to school somebody off the dribble. Yo homeys - take that yak back to Rucker Park (along with that San Juan whuppin' the Puerto Rican team laid on that a**). Shoot, why not step back and let Jenny from the block and Rosie Perez roll down the lane too? Shame, shame.
In happier news - old girl Sanaa Lathan pulled in some big weekend numbers in Alien vs. Predator. No surprise - about $32 million of the $38+ million came from my repeat business (keep it to yourself - I don't need to hear from my moms talking about another bump in the basement rent - besides y'all seen the news - GW's tax cuts have shifted the tax burden to my broke lower middle class butt. GW! Feel free to kick a brother when he's down). But I digress -- ain't nobody dropping duckets to see those two butt ugly aliens, the fellas are rolling in to peek prime shorty Sanaa. As far as I can tell she doesn't have any new flicks cued up so the pic below will have to hold you fellas for a few.
More in a minute as I'm digesting the latest on this crazy notion that US Presidential elections can be determined by the amount of royal blood that can be traced back to each candidate's ancestors. What??!
Also - where the heck it Chris Tucker hiding? Old boy needs to come back out of hiding to spare us anymore of that Shawn & Marlon Wayans nonsense. Who ever told those fools they were funny? Word on the street is old mother Tucker will be back with Rush Hour 3 next year, but what ever happened to that joint where he was going to star as the first black President? Come back, Chris!
I'm out. Think there's one last last showing tonight of AvP!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
See? Don't eat your Wheaties this is what happens. Ooooo - Dr. Naismith has got to be break dancing in bone box over this one. (Scream) Team USA (which happens to represent the country that invented basketball) got a well deserved beat down and exposed why being able to play fundamental basketball is a lost art in the raggedy US game. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, Shaq, KG, Kobe could have helped the cause, but come on, y'all. How fundamental is your game if you roll in from high school or one year of college ball?... No pure shooters, lackadaisical ball handling skill and all about trying to school somebody off the dribble. Yo homeys - take that yak back to Rucker Park (along with that San Juan whuppin' the Puerto Rican team laid on that a**). Shoot, why not step back and let Jenny from the block and Rosie Perez roll down the lane too? Shame, shame.
In happier news - old girl Sanaa Lathan pulled in some big weekend numbers in Alien vs. Predator. No surprise - about $32 million of the $38+ million came from my repeat business (keep it to yourself - I don't need to hear from my moms talking about another bump in the basement rent - besides y'all seen the news - GW's tax cuts have shifted the tax burden to my broke lower middle class butt. GW! Feel free to kick a brother when he's down). But I digress -- ain't nobody dropping duckets to see those two butt ugly aliens, the fellas are rolling in to peek prime shorty Sanaa. As far as I can tell she doesn't have any new flicks cued up so the pic below will have to hold you fellas for a few.
More in a minute as I'm digesting the latest on this crazy notion that US Presidential elections can be determined by the amount of royal blood that can be traced back to each candidate's ancestors. What??!
Also - where the heck it Chris Tucker hiding? Old boy needs to come back out of hiding to spare us anymore of that Shawn & Marlon Wayans nonsense. Who ever told those fools they were funny? Word on the street is old mother Tucker will be back with Rush Hour 3 next year, but what ever happened to that joint where he was going to star as the first black President? Come back, Chris!
I'm out. Think there's one last last showing tonight of AvP!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Tiger Slump? Blame the Elin Effect
Wassup Y'all!
I know, I know. Ease up off Tiger Woods, our Caublinasian brother. I don't know y'all I got to say my piece on this joint and if Tiger can have a Tiger Slam, the brother can have a Tiger Slump. Just like the Tiger Slam wasn't an official grand slam, the Tiger Slump isn't an official slump, especially when his 'slump' would still be a career year for the lower echelon tour players. I submit that the slump is a direct consequence of the Elin effect, as in Swedish nanny, hottie fiance - Elin Nordegren. I submit the following picture for your inspection...
Now come on, y'all! Who can spend hours practicing golf when in the back of your mind you know you've got this waiting for you back at the crib? Our boy Tiger's only human. But y'all know I always go beyond the story and y'all know there's got to be more to it than a case of romantic jungle fever (or reservation fever or Thai kitchen fever or ...). Perhaps y'all forgot about that little food poisoning story that flew under the radar last year as Tiger was crushing folks at the Bay Hill Invitational. It seems Elin pulled a quick Lucretia Borgia and slipped Tigro a plate of pasta that gave him food poisoning and had him callin' EARL (no not his daddy - y'all know what I'm talking about). See, I'm saying old girl is stealing the brother's mojo. According to my undercover FL contact Lil Punch, the pasta play was unintentional - old girl actually meant to only slip in a little bit of salmonella, just enough to have Tigro pootin' through the Bay Hill tournament and get him off his game. Since that time, I suspect she's been slippin' him all kinds of mickeys as part of a vast, right wing conspiracy to replace him as the #1 golfer with Philly Phil Mickelson. What else could explain Tigro's inexplicable nose dive since the days of the jaw dropping Tiger Slam?
Tiger, brother, find you a girl who can cook man! Check out Thursday's blog, my brother, there's a fine shorty who's back on the market who I'm sure would welcome a call...
My work here is done. I'm out, y'all!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
I know, I know. Ease up off Tiger Woods, our Caublinasian brother. I don't know y'all I got to say my piece on this joint and if Tiger can have a Tiger Slam, the brother can have a Tiger Slump. Just like the Tiger Slam wasn't an official grand slam, the Tiger Slump isn't an official slump, especially when his 'slump' would still be a career year for the lower echelon tour players. I submit that the slump is a direct consequence of the Elin effect, as in Swedish nanny, hottie fiance - Elin Nordegren. I submit the following picture for your inspection...
Now come on, y'all! Who can spend hours practicing golf when in the back of your mind you know you've got this waiting for you back at the crib? Our boy Tiger's only human. But y'all know I always go beyond the story and y'all know there's got to be more to it than a case of romantic jungle fever (or reservation fever or Thai kitchen fever or ...). Perhaps y'all forgot about that little food poisoning story that flew under the radar last year as Tiger was crushing folks at the Bay Hill Invitational. It seems Elin pulled a quick Lucretia Borgia and slipped Tigro a plate of pasta that gave him food poisoning and had him callin' EARL (no not his daddy - y'all know what I'm talking about). See, I'm saying old girl is stealing the brother's mojo. According to my undercover FL contact Lil Punch, the pasta play was unintentional - old girl actually meant to only slip in a little bit of salmonella, just enough to have Tigro pootin' through the Bay Hill tournament and get him off his game. Since that time, I suspect she's been slippin' him all kinds of mickeys as part of a vast, right wing conspiracy to replace him as the #1 golfer with Philly Phil Mickelson. What else could explain Tigro's inexplicable nose dive since the days of the jaw dropping Tiger Slam?
Tiger, brother, find you a girl who can cook man! Check out Thursday's blog, my brother, there's a fine shorty who's back on the market who I'm sure would welcome a call...
My work here is done. I'm out, y'all!
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Say It Ain't So Rick!
Wassup, Y'all!
Looks like old Tyrone will be doing more in NYC this month than covering the Republican Convention. Duty calls, y'all. The Malone phone was blowing up all yesterday with the news that Rick Fox, former Laker thug, has dropped divorce papers on Vanessa Williams. 'Nessa? Oh hell no! Don't worry baby - Tyrone's on the way with some of that south side snuggle to get you over this rough patch. The hoopty's all gased up, boo. I'll be right there...
Dang Rick, let me move your greasy behind into my Big Dummy file along with Eric Benet and Ike Turner. See now y'all know why sisters be burning our clothes in the back seat of our cars. Don't front Rick! The Enquirer peeped your ass engaging in all kinds of clownin'. You don't get any more journalistically solid than the National Enquirer, homeboy. Shame, shame. Actually y'all, I've been doing my own digging and the real skinny is even more shocking. My inside Laker contact Gin Fizz tightened me up with the Epson glossy you see here.
That's right, y'all! It was Phil Jackson in the conservatory with the candle stick! Apparently, Phil and Sly Fox have been kicking it together since the beginning of last season. You heard it here y'all - Rick's been on the Down Low. If y'all readers don't know what the Down Low is either fall through Winky's corner store when you're in Chicago or peep brother J.L King's book.
Woooo - looks like the Detroit Bad Boys exposed more than just the Lakers' weak game. Don't worry 'Nessa, I got the right stuff and I definitely saved my best for last. Just to cheer you up a little bit until I can get to you, I've designated you the official Tyrone Malone Shorty of The Week. That should give you that Miss American vibe all over again. Here's a free taste so brothers can compare 'Nessa to Phil and see if Rick made the right move or not. I'm leaning toward no...
A couple other insights before I close - to Mr. Donald Lucey, the British travel operator who's planning to sponsor a travel package to Iraq in September for ten willing participants -- didn't I tell you to stay away from that west side crack? Matter o' fact, I don't even think the west side homeys mix enough chemicals in their brew to warrant that kind of foolishness. However, if persist you must, I can point you to a few folks to add to your travel party, like GW, C-Rice, Rum Shot, Off The Chaney, Uncle Clarence and a couple others. We'll keep Colin stateside for now and see if we can get him into detox and back into shape...
Quick Crack on Mac: Word on the street is that John McEnroe's new talk show on CNBC pulled in a robust 0.0 rating (twice!!) Dude, if I'm not mistaken that's the same market share I pulled in last night and I don't even have a show. Perhaps a new career is in order. (John: I'm not hatin' man, I'm just sayin'). No hard feelings, J-Mac. You're a welcome guest on this blog anytime you're in Chicago!
Don't forget y'all Alien vs. Predator drops tomorrow so go out and support my girl Sanaa Lathan! Old girl was going to be my Shorty of The Week this week, but this recent Sly Fox revelation warrented a script flip.
Alright, I'm out. If I pull out now, I can be in upstate New York in about twelve hours - thirteen if I include a quick side trip to pick up a few Radio Shack trinkets for my boo 'Nessa.
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Looks like old Tyrone will be doing more in NYC this month than covering the Republican Convention. Duty calls, y'all. The Malone phone was blowing up all yesterday with the news that Rick Fox, former Laker thug, has dropped divorce papers on Vanessa Williams. 'Nessa? Oh hell no! Don't worry baby - Tyrone's on the way with some of that south side snuggle to get you over this rough patch. The hoopty's all gased up, boo. I'll be right there...
Dang Rick, let me move your greasy behind into my Big Dummy file along with Eric Benet and Ike Turner. See now y'all know why sisters be burning our clothes in the back seat of our cars. Don't front Rick! The Enquirer peeped your ass engaging in all kinds of clownin'. You don't get any more journalistically solid than the National Enquirer, homeboy. Shame, shame. Actually y'all, I've been doing my own digging and the real skinny is even more shocking. My inside Laker contact Gin Fizz tightened me up with the Epson glossy you see here.
That's right, y'all! It was Phil Jackson in the conservatory with the candle stick! Apparently, Phil and Sly Fox have been kicking it together since the beginning of last season. You heard it here y'all - Rick's been on the Down Low. If y'all readers don't know what the Down Low is either fall through Winky's corner store when you're in Chicago or peep brother J.L King's book.
Woooo - looks like the Detroit Bad Boys exposed more than just the Lakers' weak game. Don't worry 'Nessa, I got the right stuff and I definitely saved my best for last. Just to cheer you up a little bit until I can get to you, I've designated you the official Tyrone Malone Shorty of The Week. That should give you that Miss American vibe all over again. Here's a free taste so brothers can compare 'Nessa to Phil and see if Rick made the right move or not. I'm leaning toward no...
A couple other insights before I close - to Mr. Donald Lucey, the British travel operator who's planning to sponsor a travel package to Iraq in September for ten willing participants -- didn't I tell you to stay away from that west side crack? Matter o' fact, I don't even think the west side homeys mix enough chemicals in their brew to warrant that kind of foolishness. However, if persist you must, I can point you to a few folks to add to your travel party, like GW, C-Rice, Rum Shot, Off The Chaney, Uncle Clarence and a couple others. We'll keep Colin stateside for now and see if we can get him into detox and back into shape...
Quick Crack on Mac: Word on the street is that John McEnroe's new talk show on CNBC pulled in a robust 0.0 rating (twice!!) Dude, if I'm not mistaken that's the same market share I pulled in last night and I don't even have a show. Perhaps a new career is in order. (John: I'm not hatin' man, I'm just sayin'). No hard feelings, J-Mac. You're a welcome guest on this blog anytime you're in Chicago!
Don't forget y'all Alien vs. Predator drops tomorrow so go out and support my girl Sanaa Lathan! Old girl was going to be my Shorty of The Week this week, but this recent Sly Fox revelation warrented a script flip.
Alright, I'm out. If I pull out now, I can be in upstate New York in about twelve hours - thirteen if I include a quick side trip to pick up a few Radio Shack trinkets for my boo 'Nessa.
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Wanted: Creative Rappers
Wassup, Y'all!
First - bad news.... My Halle Berry "Be My Boo" job application was denied again. That's three strikes for old Tyrone, y'all so I guess it's time to move on. So let me just pull out my list and pencil her name off and see who's next...well what do you know? Sanaa Lathan! And just in time too since her new movie Alien vs. Predator is about to drop. Look for me escorting her down the red carpet at the next Oscar's y'all. I got a feeling about this one!...
Okay - now on to the main point of today's blog. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of hip hop and 106 & Park and what not, but y'all I'm telling you, I had my little niece up in the hoopty the other day and I'm piping my iPod through my banging Nakamichi amplifier and trunk mounted Nakamichi speaker array and found myself with a dilemma. Is there a way to separate the banging beat from those foul lyrics? See I'm already hip to that game of dropping some duckets for a hot single only to see the hotter remix come out about a month later. Y'all also think you're slick with offering both an 'explicit' and 'clean' version (with more skips in it than a Sprint cell call in mid-town Manhatten at lunch time) of your cuts. When you get done slicin' and dicin', y'all rappers can make about a G note from one sharp cut. I say it's time to give back to community.
Here's what you do:
Issue one version of your cut - this should in all cases be an extended remix of your jam.
Next, be creative and substitute some valid words for all those foul lyrics. Here's a little starter kit from your boy Tyrone. Drop ni**er/ni*ga and use 'brother/brotha'. Drop bi*ch and use 'sister'. Drop 'ho' altogether although 'doe' would work in a pinch. Drop sh*t and use 'stuff' or 'sheet' if you want to be edgy. Drop F*ck and use 'tap' unless it's intended in a non-sexual way, in that case use 'forget'. Instead of 'smoke weed every day', try 'just read every day'. See y'all - it's not that hard. Consider it a public service to all the players out there who are trying to jam in their hoopties and drive their little nieces around. This way we can keep out hands on the hydraulic switches instead of the pause or song skip button. Hook a brother up!
Finally, I tightened up a new hot link for y'all. The Boondocks is now available for perusing so you can get your laugh on. Those little roughnecks are a trip!
I'm out! Got to got snap a few glossies to paperclip to my Sanaa Lathan "Be My Boo" job application and pick up a new bottle of Burberry Cologne to scent my envelope. Yes, yes, y'all - old Tyrone is going all out this time - I'll let you know how it goes.
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
First - bad news.... My Halle Berry "Be My Boo" job application was denied again. That's three strikes for old Tyrone, y'all so I guess it's time to move on. So let me just pull out my list and pencil her name off and see who's next...well what do you know? Sanaa Lathan! And just in time too since her new movie Alien vs. Predator is about to drop. Look for me escorting her down the red carpet at the next Oscar's y'all. I got a feeling about this one!...
Okay - now on to the main point of today's blog. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of hip hop and 106 & Park and what not, but y'all I'm telling you, I had my little niece up in the hoopty the other day and I'm piping my iPod through my banging Nakamichi amplifier and trunk mounted Nakamichi speaker array and found myself with a dilemma. Is there a way to separate the banging beat from those foul lyrics? See I'm already hip to that game of dropping some duckets for a hot single only to see the hotter remix come out about a month later. Y'all also think you're slick with offering both an 'explicit' and 'clean' version (with more skips in it than a Sprint cell call in mid-town Manhatten at lunch time) of your cuts. When you get done slicin' and dicin', y'all rappers can make about a G note from one sharp cut. I say it's time to give back to community.
Here's what you do:
Issue one version of your cut - this should in all cases be an extended remix of your jam.
Next, be creative and substitute some valid words for all those foul lyrics. Here's a little starter kit from your boy Tyrone. Drop ni**er/ni*ga and use 'brother/brotha'. Drop bi*ch and use 'sister'. Drop 'ho' altogether although 'doe' would work in a pinch. Drop sh*t and use 'stuff' or 'sheet' if you want to be edgy. Drop F*ck and use 'tap' unless it's intended in a non-sexual way, in that case use 'forget'. Instead of 'smoke weed every day', try 'just read every day'. See y'all - it's not that hard. Consider it a public service to all the players out there who are trying to jam in their hoopties and drive their little nieces around. This way we can keep out hands on the hydraulic switches instead of the pause or song skip button. Hook a brother up!
Finally, I tightened up a new hot link for y'all. The Boondocks is now available for perusing so you can get your laugh on. Those little roughnecks are a trip!
I'm out! Got to got snap a few glossies to paperclip to my Sanaa Lathan "Be My Boo" job application and pick up a new bottle of Burberry Cologne to scent my envelope. Yes, yes, y'all - old Tyrone is going all out this time - I'll let you know how it goes.
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Sunday, August 08, 2004
How do you spell 'Carpetbagger'?
Wassup, Y'all!
That would be K-E-Y-E-S for those takin' the test. Yes, yes, y'all. Maryland resident and new GOP 'go to' guy, Alan 'Skeleton' Keyes has made it official. He'll be Barack Obama's opponent for the vacant Illinois Senate seat. Can't say the debates won't be erudite entertainment (for you brothers down a Winky's corner store, that's how Hah Vahd brothers say 'knowlegeable')...
Can the world stand two Harvard educated brothers going toe to toe?
Can the United States Senate survive a fifth black senator since the U.S. Senate has been open for business, y'all? What's that work out to? Lemme see now, congress has been in business since 1789, it's 2004, hmmm, take away 1, okay 215 years since the first gavel fell, now divide the number of years by Senate term which is 6 and round up to get 36 possible times a black person could get elected to the Senate. Now divide the number of actual black folks that have been elected (including the one coming in from Illinois barring assassination prior to seating...) by the number of sessions a black person could have been elected and we get 0.14... And there you have it, y'all. 0.14 black folks elected to the US Senate per term since the opening gavel in 1789. I vote we establish 0.14 as the official United States That's A Damn Shame ratio. I was feeling kinda put out by that ratio until I crunched the Hispanic and Native American (who ran the joint before we did) numbers. Trust me y'all - you don't want to know...
Anyway, get out your Webster's y'all. When Skeleton Keyes hits the podium you're gonna need some fast fingers. (Alan: Man, I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin' - I saw you in the '96 and '00 debates. How do you think I learned the word 'erudite'?)
Alright, I'm gonna hop off Skeleton for a minute (plenty of time to hop back on in the days to come) although I did see Smooth Barark drop his appropriate quote about the clownin' going on. When asked about the choice of Skeleton to represent the right, he said it was:
"a hopeful sign for the country"
- Smooth Barack
Hmmmm, he must have peeped my That's A Damn Shame ratio...
In other news, I was rolling in the hoopty with my home slice Tater Tot and bumped up on Nelly's new slow jam "My Place". Nelly seems to have found the formula for hip-hop slow jams. It's a good follow up to that 'Dilemma' joint he cut with Kelly Rowland (that slim goody shorty from Destiny's Child). Me and Tot were vibing on the hook - big ups to Jahiem - but we were both like - What's up, Nelly? Kelly Rowland to Jaheim??? Man, y'all know Jahiem be hanging with Flava Flav, Lil Jon, Petey Pablo, Jodeci and Anthony Mason in the 'FMFR Club' (face made for radio). Shoot - Tot should probably be up in that joint too, but I digress... (Jahiem: Man, I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin'...) Anyway - shout out to Nelly: Dude, I appreciate you sharing the love with the other brothers, but come on, now! Let's tilt back toward the shorties - brothers just can't get into a slow jam thinking about you and Jahiem. Ya heard me?
I'm out y'all. It's Sunday night and I got a few job interviews to hit in the morning. Word on the street is that Halle hasn't made her mind up yet(contrary to those tabloid rumors of a hook up with that buster Michael Ealy), so I'm submitting my paperwork for consideration...again. I'll let you know how that goes.
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
That would be K-E-Y-E-S for those takin' the test. Yes, yes, y'all. Maryland resident and new GOP 'go to' guy, Alan 'Skeleton' Keyes has made it official. He'll be Barack Obama's opponent for the vacant Illinois Senate seat. Can't say the debates won't be erudite entertainment (for you brothers down a Winky's corner store, that's how Hah Vahd brothers say 'knowlegeable')...
Can the world stand two Harvard educated brothers going toe to toe?
Can the United States Senate survive a fifth black senator since the U.S. Senate has been open for business, y'all? What's that work out to? Lemme see now, congress has been in business since 1789, it's 2004, hmmm, take away 1, okay 215 years since the first gavel fell, now divide the number of years by Senate term which is 6 and round up to get 36 possible times a black person could get elected to the Senate. Now divide the number of actual black folks that have been elected (including the one coming in from Illinois barring assassination prior to seating...) by the number of sessions a black person could have been elected and we get 0.14... And there you have it, y'all. 0.14 black folks elected to the US Senate per term since the opening gavel in 1789. I vote we establish 0.14 as the official United States That's A Damn Shame ratio. I was feeling kinda put out by that ratio until I crunched the Hispanic and Native American (who ran the joint before we did) numbers. Trust me y'all - you don't want to know...
Anyway, get out your Webster's y'all. When Skeleton Keyes hits the podium you're gonna need some fast fingers. (Alan: Man, I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin' - I saw you in the '96 and '00 debates. How do you think I learned the word 'erudite'?)
Alright, I'm gonna hop off Skeleton for a minute (plenty of time to hop back on in the days to come) although I did see Smooth Barark drop his appropriate quote about the clownin' going on. When asked about the choice of Skeleton to represent the right, he said it was:
"a hopeful sign for the country"
- Smooth Barack
Hmmmm, he must have peeped my That's A Damn Shame ratio...
In other news, I was rolling in the hoopty with my home slice Tater Tot and bumped up on Nelly's new slow jam "My Place". Nelly seems to have found the formula for hip-hop slow jams. It's a good follow up to that 'Dilemma' joint he cut with Kelly Rowland (that slim goody shorty from Destiny's Child). Me and Tot were vibing on the hook - big ups to Jahiem - but we were both like - What's up, Nelly? Kelly Rowland to Jaheim??? Man, y'all know Jahiem be hanging with Flava Flav, Lil Jon, Petey Pablo, Jodeci and Anthony Mason in the 'FMFR Club' (face made for radio). Shoot - Tot should probably be up in that joint too, but I digress... (Jahiem: Man, I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin'...) Anyway - shout out to Nelly: Dude, I appreciate you sharing the love with the other brothers, but come on, now! Let's tilt back toward the shorties - brothers just can't get into a slow jam thinking about you and Jahiem. Ya heard me?
I'm out y'all. It's Sunday night and I got a few job interviews to hit in the morning. Word on the street is that Halle hasn't made her mind up yet(contrary to those tabloid rumors of a hook up with that buster Michael Ealy), so I'm submitting my paperwork for consideration...again. I'll let you know how that goes.
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)