MLK Memorial - Where's Dexter?

Wassup, Y'all!

Begun at last. Begun at last. Thank God Almighty it's begun at last! That's right y'all. Approved for National Mall construction in 1996 by 'southside' President Bill Clinton, posted on in 2005 by Tyrone Malone, the Martin Luther King Memorial has finally broken ground with an expected debut date sometime in 2008. But amid all the hoopla and the massive glossys taken of the event (thanks for the link, 'Tini!) I'm wondering where my boy Dexter King - the 2nd youngest of the King kids- was?? I can't imagine homeboy had better things to do on such a remarkable day...

As you can see, this glossy shows 3 of the 4 King kids - Rev. Bernice King, Martin Luther King III and sister Yolanda King but no Dexter. Hmmmm. Reports on the groundbreaking also only mention these three. Ol Ty found that pretty strange since you have to figure there couldn't have been a schedule conflict big enough to keep Dexter away. So if any of my ATL readers are up on it, holler back and let us know if Dexter is illin'.

I remember reading an Ebony article way back where Dexter mentioned his feelings on his brother having his father's name rather than him, but he also pointed out that he got his father's looks so it was still all good. Couldn't be a family issue that has Dexter AWOL could it? Hmmmmm....

Anyway, it's events like these that show the real benefit of being a celebrity, y'all - the ability to get invites to once in a lifetime events and rub shoulders with people who have helped shape the country and the world. I remember reading about how Will and Jada got Bishop Desmond Tutu to preside at their marriage or how they got a chance to meet Nelson Mandela. I'm not even going to mention their invite to Tom and Katie's wedding in Italy...

Now you peep into the National Dream Gala, the companion event to the MLK Memorial Groundbreaking and you see a C brand celebrity like Nick Cannon, rubbing shoulders with a room full of civil rights heavyweights *and* Oprah Winfrey. Man, it just ain't right that ol Ty didn't get an invite to that joint. And check out our girl O at the Groundbreaking. Why is it that every pair of pants you see her in are skin tight? What if those bad boys had popped a seam during her speech? People could have been hurt y'all. She could have taken out *two* Presidents!! I can't believe that the Secret Service was that lax about security.

In addition to the old guards from the civil rights struggle, I would have loved to have sat on a couch and chatted with my girl Maya Angelou. That sister is just straight deep and I love how she showed up for the ceremony looking all gangster with her pimp cane and church hat. I love this glossy. Maya is an American original y'all and I could listen to her philosophize all day. You can hear the wisdom and thoughtfulness in every sentence, just like you could with Martin Luther King. It's nice to see that *finally* generations to come will be able to come to D.C. to learn about and honor him as they do other great Americans who have made this country what it is.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Whitney: Don't Call It A Comeback...

Wassup, Y'all!

She's been here for years. That's right y'all. Sister Whitney is back from her long trip on the Crack Pipe Express and (if recent photo evidence is accurate) she's looking like the old Whitney and sounding like the old Whitney on her upcoming Christmas album 'One Wish' (which drops on 11/18). If this all works out I'll have to admit that I'll be happy to see ol girl back. There's nothing like a mountain top / rock bottom / mountain top story to warm your heart - especially 'round Christmas time when everything seems to have that feel good vibe to it...

USA Today tried to draw some parallels between Whitney and Britney (Spears) and for the most part found several - deadbeat husbands with marginal entertainment 'careers' of their own (tho even Bobby on a bad day would smoke K-Fed), whack reality shows, and ultimately divorces and musical rebirths. I'll end the parallels there since Britney is more a manufactured, sexually charged, sideshow than a top notch vocal talent like Whitney (but then again Britney did manage to stay off the CP Express...).

If this comeback does work out for homegirl, I'm sure she'll have a good time getting back with all the folks who cracked hard on her during her low moments. Y'all know that type of trifling behavior was beyond ol Ty but some other folks may have some bad Karma coming their way.

Peace@Least,
Tyrone

In Memoriam: Everyone has a story

Wassup, Y'all!

I'm going a little somber today as I'm reminded that despite the brightening mood of the country in the wake of the political shift that occurred on November 7th, we are still a nation at war and that young Americans from all sides (north, south, east and west) continue to die far from home in Iraq and Afghanistan...

On Sundays I make it a point to watch This Week with George Stephanopoulos on ABC as often as I can. One reason is to keep up with the political new of the week but the main reason is because they have a weekly segment toward the end of each show called In Memoriam, which highlights the accomplishments of people of note who have died that week and lists the names, and ages of U.S. forces that have died that week in combat. It's a tangible reminder for me that while I'm all caught up with football, basketball, movies, K-Fed & Britney and what not, young American soldiers are dying mostly anonymous deaths in very heinous fashions. When they die, you mostly get their name, rank, age, hometown or a weekly number posted in the paper or on a website.

Over the past couple days, I've read two articles about the lives of two such soldiers and realize that each of those numbers has a life story behind it and that we're losing a lot more than people, we're losing the potential that each of them would have brought back with them. One story which passed me by was about 2nd Lt. Emily J.T. Perez who died in Iraq on September 12, 2006.

Turn on the TV lately and you'll see plenty of southside shortys rump shaking on hip-hop videos, clowning for the attention of Flava Flav or reaching for that next doughnut before going on Oprah and asking for help. What you don't see (since they aren't nearly as entertaining) is a whole generation of southside shortys who are taking care of business and none more so than homegirl 2LT Emily P. Her death was profiled in the Washington Post on September 27th following her 9/26 funeral on the campus of the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. Yes, that West Point. 2LT Emily P. was doing it big, y'all. Real big.

Despite the military service academies having some of the most stringent acceptance requirements of any college in the nation, not only did she attend West Point, she graduated in the top 10% of her class and became the school's first minority female command sergeant in the history of West Point (that would be since 1802, y'all). Unfortunately, she also, at age 23, became the first female West Point graduate to die in Iraq when an IED exploded under her Humvee while patrolling southern Iraq near Najaf. Read the article and get to know homegirl.

That's just one story, y'all. Consider that as of today, 2,839 U.S. forces have died in Iraq and Afghanistan. Does each one have a story as impressive as 2LT Emily P.? Probably not, but each one has a story and each one has left a lifetime of potential on the battlefield. Ponder that for a few. And if you start thinking your work week is too hard or that you can't stand another minute of sitting in rush hour traffic, or whatever trifling detail happens to push your buttons, tune into This Week, watch In Memoriam and get your attitude adjusted.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Kanye, Naomi and the Sippy Sip

Wassup, Y'all!

Riddle me this, Batman: What's bigger than North America but can fit into a container the size of a pea? Give up? It's Kanye West's ego, y'all. By now I'm sure you've heard about his latest dust up at last week's MTV European Music Awards where after losing the Best Video Award to a group called Justice v. Simians he hopped up onstage during their acceptance speech claiming that he was done wrong - again. Now I like Kanye's music, but this buster gives new meaning to the phrase 'legend in your own mind'...

Homey truly believes that everything is does is gold and if it's not so recognized, it not because something else was better it was because your foolish a$ didn't know any better. In this case, KW pushed out a meager apology chalking up his jacked up behavior to the 'sippy sip' (aka dranking). Man, alcohol gets blamed for as much bad behavior as the dog does for pooting and in most cases both are innocent bystanders to folks with no self control.

Getting back to that riddle, y'all - that container would be Kanye's pea sized brain. Given his repeated shenanigans when losing awards to other artists and Naomi Campbell's repeated shenanigans with cell phones and domestic help, a brother has to wonder what the world would be like if those two got together and had twins:

Flash forward eight years, y'all: Little Kanye and Little Naomi are in second grade (and in the last school that will accept them before home schooling becomes their only option...).

Little Naomi is sitting in class taking a test when she looks up, snaps her fingers and points to the mug of hot chocolate on her desk. "Mrs. Rugmuffin, I need you to freshen this up for me...and how about a few marshmellows to go with?" To which Mrs. Rugmuffin replies, "Little Naomi, I'm a teacher not a maid. You're lucky I'm even letting you drink hot chocolate during a test." When Mrs. Rugmuffin looks back down at her book, Little Naomi takes her stapler out of her desk and bounces it off Mrs. Rugmuffin's bean. "Do you know who I am? Do you know who my mama is? You're lucky I'm even taking your tired little test." The mug of hot chocolate flies to the front of the room next just as security comes to haul Little Naomi off...

Little Kanye is standing next to his science project at the annual science fair waiting for the judges to award the prizes. The judges look over his project - the same, tired erupting volcano they see each year - and the other project, a detailed study of the effects of urban living on long term southside health. First prize ribbon goes to the urban living study, second prize ribbon goes to Little Kanye's volcano. When Little Kanye sees the ribbon he starts clowning: "Oh snap! That's some ol bull$hit. Are you people blind? My $hit's got baking soda and erupts and everything! You see those little army men on the side? And those little bushes? Do you even know what a volcano is? Obviously not, cuz this $hit is off the meter. Do you know who my father is?"

Nuclear winter would be a future less bleak than that nonsense. I think it's time to stop indulging all that whack behavior and just lock those two in a room together and see which one sucks out all the air first jibber-jabbering about how important they are. Then once they pass out, put them in a pair of jogging suits and drop them off in Darfur for a year-long sabbatical so they can finally begin to understand what's really important...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

LeBron - Cap The Hater-ade

Wassup, Y'all!

Frequent Malone Zone readers know by now that from time to time, ol Ty can be a hater, but as I grow older and wiser (and suffer through a non stop barrage of political ads that prop nothing but hate) I've realized it's time to grow up and give credit where credit is due. Originally, I thought the royal red carpet laid out by the NBA for LeBron James was a little too premature given the massive talent that preceded him that didn't receive similar accolades right off the bat. But given his play, humble demeanor and intelligent interviews I've changed my mind. Well...it could be all that or just his too funny, well acted 'The LeBrons' Nike campaign which brings back warm memories of Spike Lee talkin' about his 'main man Money' (aka Michael Jordan)...

Y'all remember those joints, right? If not, let YouTube take you back a few to when Michael Jordan was the league's young phenom and Nike built a humorous commercial franchise around his shoe - the Air Jordans.

Now your boy LeBron is stepping into that Nike shoe void that will never be filled by the likes of tarnished Kobe Bryant (though Bryant is now in the Nike stable as well). I like these 'The LeBrons' ads that have Lebron playing four distinct characters in each skit - Wise, the crotchety, old school patriarch of the family, Business, the silky smooth player of the family, Athlete (Lebron) and Kid, the hip-hop, fun lover of the group. The latest one has the crew out at the swimming pool with my favorite old school jam, Summer Madness, playing all chilly in the background.

I've seen NBA players in commercials before and I have to say that LeBron's acting is really good (better than Jordan in his joints) and he nails each character perfectly. Since I'm a sucker for good humor, all the sudden I'm overlooking such hate-worthy LeBron facts like:

1) $150 million in endorsements
2) 3rd highest Q rating (marketability) among *all* NBA players (only Tim Duncan and Shaq score higher) - this after only three years in the league...)
3) #46 on the Forbes Celebrity 100 list - up from #53 last year
4) only 21 years old

Hold up! Only 21!! Dang, I thought I could handle it but after hearing that, LeBron can kiss my a$$!

Just kiddin' LB - any brother who can drop a commercial with Summer Madness in the background can't be all bad, y'all. Consider ol Ty *finally* on the bandwagon.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Jay-Z: Showin' em what he's got

Wassup, Y'all!

By all measures, Jay-Z is big ballin' these days. A homey doesn't have to look further than his high profile 'Show Me What You Got' commercial for Budweiser Select on the October 16th Monday Night Football game (the MNF games that are, coincidently, bringing in record ratings for ESPN this season). Not only is Jigga starring in the commercial, he's been hired by Anheuser-Bush as the Co-Brand Director for Budweiser Select. As if that's not enough, take a walk through ad mecca Times Square in NYC or any major airport and you'll spot at least one or two billboards or mylar posters of Hova hawking anything from suits to watches. Jay has clearly separated himself from the wannabe rap entrepreneurs and now with his new found clout Z trying to be a champagne king maker...or is he?...

When we last left Jigga, he was acting all brody and orchestrating a boycott of Louis Roederer's Cristal Champagne after a perceived slight of hip-hop's infatuation of the bubbly by Frederic Rouzard, managing director of LR. Since the dust up there's been a vacuum in what's been termed the 'bling bubbly' world as hip-hop began a search for the new 'it' champagne. Enter the exotic gold foil bottle with the ace of spades on it featured in Jay-Z's high profile 'Show Me What You Got' MNF commercial debut. Buzz got hot and speculation was on that this was it - the new brew blessed by the Jay-Z midas touch. But hiphopgame.com did some digging and uncovered a tale that seems to have Jigga's hand in the cookie jar by trying to 'manufacture' this new brand dubbed 'Armand de Brignac'. Dang - I was just about to cop me a bottle and sit out in my driveway to show my homeys that I'm always ahead of the game!

Now this cloak and dagger marketing approach has me 1) giving two snaps up to Hova for playing the game just like the big boyz and 2) wondering if propping Beyonce as arm candy is just another image move of a savvy media mogul?

I remember when I first heard the news that B and Jigga were dating and I thought 'Man, how lucky is Jay-Z to pull a shorty like that? You know if he was just Shawn Carter from Bed-Stuy, he'd be lucky to pull Mo'Nique.' But now, it's clear that Beyonce got the better end of that deal as Jigga's potential seems unlimited and he's now making moves that would make Donald Trump drop a wink as their Maybach's pass each other on 5th Avenue. Can a tax evasion charge be far behind? I'm just playin', Jay - keep goin' for yours, homey!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Straight Wrong...But Too Funny!

Wassup, Y'all!


Man I caught this glossy on the web and just had to post it (get it?)! Now this is clearly a homey on his game. So much so in fact that he has to get creative to keep his 'facts' straight. So wrong, yet so right... All hail the Post-It, y'all!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

A Southside President? Copy That.

Wassup, Y'all!

I thought that with all the ruckus surrounding Smooth Barack's (aka Barack Obama) mention that the door to his running for President in 2008 is open 'a bit', it would be an opportune time to mention that he's already late to the party. A new southside President will be in the Oval Office *this* January...on my show 24 which bows in mid January. Yes, y'all - Jack's (almost) back and sitting in the big seat as the country's *second* southside President is none other than David Palmer's little brother, Wayne 'Mr. President' Palmer (aka D.B. Woodside - the homey on the right), which I'm pretty sure means that the flights on Air Force One will look a lot like those on the Soul Plane...

Just kidding - if you are fans of Fox's high octane thriller 24, you'll know that southside President David Palmer (the always good Dennis Haysbert) was serious as a heart attack so I expect nothing different from little Wayne. I've been fiending for my 24 fix since the end of last season when Jack was on the business end of the old okie doke and ended up on a slow freighter to China to pay for his role in the death of the U.S. Chinese Ambassador. My boy DLT (who needs to be on retainer here in the Malone Zone, but y'all know mama is on a fixed income...) hipped me to the latest trailer for Season Six so thank him for the hook up.

And far be it from me to mess with a successful formula but I'm thinking it's time to start introducing some 'Bauer Girls' to the series - an angle that has become a welcome staple in that other enduring secret agent franchise, James Bond. I wouldn't exactly put Teri Bauer (Leslie Hope), Nina Myers (Sarah Clark), Kate Warner (Sarah Wynter) or Audrey Raines (Kim Raver) in the same category as Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman), Dr. Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles) or Jinx (Halle Berry) so if Fox would allow a humble brother a simple suggestion it would be to give up two, maybe three terrorist attacks this season for at least one Bond-worthy main squeeze with a Bond-worthy name like Caprice Bootay or Dr. Julie F. Reek - just a really, really good thought.

In the meantime, I've got my calendar marked for January and TiVo primed and ready to tackle another twenty-four episode arc. Judging by the trailer, Jack's going to be in some serious trouble this season :-)

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Monday Crackbacks - 10/23/06

Wassup, Y'all!

This whole Madonna adoption ruckus is getting a little ridiculous. After initially signing off on the paperwork, now the father of Malawian boy adopted by the Material Girl is coming to realize that 'adoption' means that he ceases to be the boy's father - forever. Suddenly he's having second thoughts - which makes sense to me. What doesn't make sense to me is the jibber-jabber being raised about these groups who oppose mixed race adoptions. My view on that is this - stop crying about other folks who step up to adopt ophans (any ophans) while other folks don't. If they're bold enough to make the committment while same race couples aren't then those other folks need to take a chill pill, sit down and shut up...

Well lookie, lookie, here. Turns out our boy Wesley Snipes - missing in action since Gangster Sam put out an IRS contract on his a$$ - is chilling in Namibia filming a movie. Interestingly, it seems that Namibia doesn't have an active extradition treaty with the United States. Hmmmm...

A quick check back on the 'Flavor of Love' ruckus. Turns out that VH1 needs to figure out a quick way to break up Flav and Deelishis so Flav can return for Season 3 since the finale of Season 2 pulled in 7.5 million viewers which makes it VH1's highest rated show - ever. Flava Flav and 20 hood rats. Even more embarassing for the southside nation, those numbers mean that 1 of every 3 southsiders watching TV Sunday night were watching this ruckus - a cringe-worthy statistic that includes my boy Cat Daddy. It's the end of the world as we know it, y'all...

Funny - after claiming to be a rape victim, word reaches the basement that our boy DMX is in a jimmy hat arms race with Vivica Fox's former man 50 Cent (hence Fiddy's 'former' status). It seems that for his shows DMX likes promoters to stock three boxes of condoms in his dressing room while Fiddy only requires two. See - I always had Fiddy pegged as a quality over quantity guy....

In the wake of slow sales of Janet Jackson's latest joint '20 Y.O.", her boo, Jermaine 'JD' Dupri, is blaming her distributor, Virgin Records, for the issue. Hmmmm...I'm thinking the problem is the fact that Janet's a$$ is played out and needs something more exciting than the same o, same o Janet isn't Beyonce...

Finally, how can I go out without a mention of Ice T and his stripper girl Coco? Unfortunately, when I bumped into Ice-T on the tram from Treasure Island to The Mirage in Vegas back in the day, he was kicking it with another chica, but I digress... It seems the rapper whose lethal weapon is his mind didn't think through the potential backlash to his most recent CD cover art which features he and Coco butt naked on a bed. Coco is face down, a$$ out with her leg strategically placed over Ice-T's package. Hmmmm, not sure what about that would offend anybody (especially given that 2 Live Crew's 'Nasty as They Want to Be' album).... And isn't Ice-T getting a little long in the tooth for the gangsta rap game? Or it could be that Coco is a walking 'Fountain of Youth'?? Hmmmmm....go 'head with your bad self, Ice...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Flavor of Love aka The Ghetto Bachelor

Wassup, Y'all!

I'll admit that there are times when ol Ty misses the boat and ends up hatin' unnecessarily. From way back (2004) I've been keeping my eye on that faux romance reality show The Bachelor (mainly because the premise is every homeboy's dream to have 20 women jocking for your attention. Yes, it's shallow but...) and openly wondering why they even bothered to put any minorities in the show because they would never get chosen and never be asked to be one of the bachelors. Then they flipped the script and would sometimes recruit a bachelorette from time to time (a shorty culled from the group of women cast offs from the Bachelor shows) who would vie for the attention of 20 men. Still the same comment applied - no minority would ever get picked to be either the bachelorette or one of the 'pick me!' bachelors. So y'all know me - I was crying about how unfair all that was when all I had to do was flip over to VH1 and tune into Flava Flav's reality the show, 'Flavor of Love' to get a ghetto-fied dose of The Bachelor....

For those not familiar with Flav's show (and how can you not if you're ever over at VH1? It's one of their top rated shows. Kinda similar to how Jerry Springer was once a top rated show...), the set up is very similar: 20 shortys get together under one roof and vie for the chance to be Flav's #1 shorty. In the meantime and in between time, there are copious amounts of clowning, cat fighting (both physical and verbal) and back biting. All to win the love of Flav (who, if you take some time to get past that gold grill and that 'Greatest Hype Man in the Business' act, is actually pretty cool. It's no coincidence that VH1 tabbed Flav for his own show once they saw how audiences reacted to him on their other reality show for B level entertainers called 'The Surreal World').

So here you have Flav giving all his shortys nicknames like Bootz, New York and Deelishis, putting them through the paces and kicking all but one to the curb just like The Bachelor. The difference here is that there's only one bachelor and in order for him to continue on next season, his romance with his 'one true shorty' must fall apart so he can return looking for a new love. The 'fall apart' part isn't difficult as with most people on reality shows these days, they're only there to get noticed, get their quick 15 minutes and hopefully get paid for it.

Now my boy Cat Daddy (who never misses an episode) hipped me to VH1 again cribbing The Bachelor's mojo by building a show around one of Flav's cast offs - Tiffany 'New York' Patterson. The new joint is called (not surprisingly) 'Flavorette' which will no doubt feature such ghetto-fied action as stealing each other wife-beaters, doo-rags, gin & juice and what not. I'll withhold judgement until I can check out an episode but I'm not holding out much hope for anything classier than Flav's original joint. I like EURweb.com's quotes which anticipates 'more over-the-top mess' (which is also known as a 'hot mess' down at Winkey's Corner Store) and NY feeling herself by stating "I like it when the guys go at each other," she says. "I'm a prize, I'm so worth it - frankly, it turns me on."

Hmmm...I wonder why Flav decided not to choose such a modest, demur shorty as New York?? Good luck Flavorette, homeys!! But you boyz might want to check in with Tony Parker first to see just what you need to do to step out with a HIGH MAINTENANCE shorty...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone