Sunday, March 27, 2005

Whitney: It's Time Homegirl

Wassup, Y'all!

Man - am I the only brother on the planet who's wondering what else needs to happen for Whitney Houston to finally drop kick Bobby Brown's a**? If Jennifer Aniston can knuckle up and file on Brad Pitt, what's Whitney's hold up? There comes a time, whether you're a homeboy or homegirl, when you realize that the one you're with is dragging you down like cement shoes in the Hudson River. With Friday's revelation that Whitney's headed back to rehab, you have to wonder if Bobby hasn't already pushed her off the back of the boat...

First - we all have to admit there's no shame in the game of admitting a mistake, particularly a mistake of the heart. Despite our complex behavior (particularly all that emotional shorty behavior) we're all wired pretty simply - show a guy a hot shorty in a low cut top and tight jeans and we're already wondering how we can ditch the girl we're with to get with that. Show a shorty a homey with an easy grin and a six pack you can wash clothes on and she's already picturing china patterns and how their kids will look. I'm not exactly sure what it was that Whitney saw in Bobby from jumpstreet (we damn sure know Bobby was seeing some big a** dollar signs...) but whatever it was it hooked old girl harder than two rocks of back alley crack.

Let's recap shall we?

Pre-Bobby Whitney
Misty Water Colored Memories
Of the Way She Was

Based on information gleaned from we find:

Before Bobby:
- Three albums released, two go to #1, one goes to #3 (excludes soundtracks)
- 51 million copies sold
- 0 stints in rehab
- 0 incidents in Honolulu Airport with weed in her purse
- 0 domestic abuse calls to police
- 0 letters written to husband in county lock up

After Bobby:
- Five albums released, 0 #1's, 1 #5, 1 #9, 1 #13, 1 #49 and 1 didn't rank in the US
- 19.8 million copies sold
- 2 stints in rehab
- 1 incident in Honolulu Airport with weed in her purse
- 1 domestic abuse call to police
- 2,500 letters written husband in county lock up

Y'all get the picture. When is enough enough? The self proclaimed King of R&B (this after seven albums in 10 years - one a remix album and another a Greatests Hits album - and none since 2000) needs to exercise his perogative and bounce. But then it probably wouldn't matter anyway. Any brother with the power to morph Whitney's butt from the glossy above to the glossy below has got to be pumping some industrial strength mojo that Whitney won't let go.

Bobby Era Whitney
Crack is Whack

Maa fact, my archeological field crew has determined that it was none other than B. Brown who architected that whole thug-love-I-need-a-soldier phenomenon mentioned in my Surviving Destiny's Child column back in November. A cautionary tale for all you shortys out there - be careful what you wish for... On the flip side homeboys, Robin Givens is still roaming around single - be very afraid....



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