Tyrone At The Movies...

Wassup, Y'all!

I finally made it out to the back row of a movie theater so I thought I'd report back on that one (Fracture) and another jacked up joint I caught on video a little while ago (The Wicker Man). Fracture had a tight little plot that revolved around a husband (Anthony Hopkins) who caps his wife when he finds out she's been having an affair, while The Wicker Man is a remake of a 1973 joint with what ol Ty would have to consider one of the top three jacked up endings of any movie he's *ever* seen....

Although I mentioned Anthony Hopkins in Fracture, I'm also diggin' the young cat Ryan Gosling these days. He first hit my radar from his role in Murder By Numbers with Sandra Bullock. I pretty much ignored homey when he popped up in that sappy Notebook movie then he came hard again in a small movie - Half Nelson - that garnered ol boy an Academy Award Best Actor nomination. He's a good actor and apparently is keepin' it real by eschewing the bling Hollywood lifestyle by kickin' it low town by living in Hollywood's Skid Row district. Can't hate on that, y'all.

Anyway, Gosling plays an Assistant District Attorney who draws what he believes is an open and shut case: Hopkins' confession to the murder of his wife. As always with Anthony Hopkins' azz, things aren't what they seem and...well - go check out the flick. You'll like it - I'm giving that joint Three Spinners.

Now, on the other hand, I can't even remotely recommend The Wicker Man, unless you're into confusing movies starring Nicholas Cage that have JACKED UP endings. I plugged this joint into the hoopty's DVD/8-Track player to pass the time and knew things weren't going to work out well when I found out that Cage was heading to a 'remote island only accessible by seaplane'. Even Stevie Wonder could see it coming...almost. I knew things would be bad, but the director outdid even my imagination on this one, y'all.

I'll let IMDB do the summary honors:

While recovering from a tragic accident on the road, the patrolman Edward Malus receives a letter from his former fiancée Willow, who left him years ago without any explanation, telling that her daughter Rowan is missing. Edward travels to the private island of Summerisle, where Willow lives in an odd community that plant fruits, and she reveals that Rowan is actually their daughter. Along his investigation with the hostile and unhelpful dwellers, Edward discloses that the locals are pagans, practicing old rituals to improve their harvest, and Rowan is probably alive and being prepared to be sacrificed. When he locates the girl, he finds also the dark truth about the wicker man.

'Dark Truth'...that's what's known in the business as an 'understatement', y'all! If you decide to check it out, don't say ol Ty didn't try to warn you away from this one. Homeboys in particular will find this movie...disturbing. As far as Spinners - I can't go further than 1.5 and 1.4 of that is due to the 'dark truth about the wicker man'.

If you can find this joint in the discount rack at Blockbuster, you might want to give it go...and then not sleep right for a couple weeks...ol Ty *still* gets the shivers from that joint from time to time...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Larry Fish The Next James Earl Jones?

Wassup, Y'all!

It would be an understatement to say that the man has ol Ty down since he's been wearing my azz OUT the last few weeks. Despite that, I've finally found a little time to do what I do especially since I heard that my boy Laurence Fishburne has been tabbed to provide the voice of the cold azz Silver Surfer in the Fastastic Four sequel: F4: Rise of The Silver Surfer due to bow on June 15th. Voice work is a cushy gig if you can get it - you can do it from home, in your draws and stack a lot of cheddar. Regardless of that, I can't think of a better brother to be the voice of anything since Larry Fish has got to be the most enunciating brother on the planet (that's right y'all - he's even got Sidney Poitier). I like to call him Mr. 'Anti Ebonics'...

Now we all know the previous gold standard for voice work was our boy James Earl Jones. His rendering of Darth Vader pretty much cemented his spot ('Luke, I'm your fa-ther'). Given, the Fantastic Four series isn't on the level of Star Wars, but a tight showing with this Silver Surfer gig will invariably lead to others. Eddie Murphy is cashing some nice checks with his Donkey act in the Shrek movies (and he'll be back in the saddle in Shrek The Third on May 18th)
and with a L. Fish baby on the way with foine shorty Gina Torres I'm sure the extra cheddar will come in handy.

Man, doing voice work...at home...in his draws...with Gina Torres in the next room - that's pretty much what ol Ty calls the perfect storm . Like this brother needs more good luck after scoring big as smooth azz Morpheus in the Matrix trilogy. I have to give it up for ol boy though - he put his work in so the least he can do is collect his propers. I'll be looking foward to the movie to see how he pulls it off.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

New Home Model: The LeBron...

Wassup, Y'all!

Barbershop? Check. Casino? Check. Theater? Check. Bowling alley? Check. Stripper pole with mirrors in the basement? Probably. When it comes to LeBron James' new crib, we're all just squirrels tryin' to get a nut (well unless you're Tiger or Mike). I read about this joint over on EURweb and I'm still trippin. Surprisingly, after getting over my two big gulps of Hater-ade, I found myself understanding how a brother could legitimately need a crib that incorporated such features. Now the two story, 40'x56' walk-in closet may be a bit much...

Last Saturday Ol Ty found himself in his favorite breakfast joint - The Pancake Cafe - debating LeBron's crib with my boyz LC and Soda and my girl NS Shorty. LC and I were trying to make the point that when you have celebrity status at the LeBron level, chances are you can't just go enjoy doing regular things (like gettin' your wig busted at the local barbershop or settlin' into a plush rocker seat at the megaplex to catch the hottest movie out) without being mobbed, jocked and interrupted. Given that, we could see how a brother of means would try to build his own sanctuary where he could chill, where he could relax, where he could...chillax like Spock, far away from ill mannered fans.

We got nothing but rolled eyes and salty commentary on this viewpoint from Soda and NS Shorty. They were poppin' some yang about how much better that type of money could be spent, how many people it could help if King James just built a house half the size with half the amenities. Now ol Ty would tend to agree when it comes to a brother who drops $500K on a damn grill, but for your crib? The spot where all the magic happens? How can you put a price on that? Besides, as big as that bad boy is, I can see LeBron bringing in a bus load of foster kids to help clean it. That's what ol Ty calls win-win, y'all :-)

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

The free press is a Southsider's BEST friend

Wassup, Y'all!

For a few now I've been preparing a post on the Shaquanda Cotton story and the power of the free press and coincidently, NS Shorty directed my attention to a similar story that ran on ABC's Primetime on 04/07 and I have to admit it's the perfect bookend to the Shaquanda post. So let's begin the sordid story with Tyrone Brown, a brother who was sentenced to life in Texas prison for testing positive for marijuana while on probation. At first glance you might say - 'Hey - don't mess with Texas! That's how they roll!'. But strip back the veneer on that nonsense and you'll see that justice in the great state of Texas ain't blind at all, y'all...

Recently released from prison on March 16th ('conditionally' pardoned from his life sentence by Texas Governor Rick Perry), Tyrone Brown is finally free from an ordeal that began in 1990 (ironically the same year Nelson Mandela was freed from his 27 years of bogus imprisonment) while out on bail from a $2 stick up, he violated his 10 year parole by smoking one joint. When appearing before original sentencing judge Keith Dean Dean sent him to prison...for life...with a curt "Good luck, Mr. Brown".

Tough judge, you say? Doesn't care for parole violators, you ask? Hardly. It turns out this same judge Keith Dean also sentenced northsider John Wood to 10 years probation but not for a $2 stick up, but rather for a guilty plea for shooting an unarmed male prostitute...in the back. Even after catchin' that gift, Wood repeatedly failed drug tests while on probation, yet did Dean send him to jail? No, my bizzle - "late last year [Dean] released Wood from most of the usual conditions of probation" (e.g. no more drug tests, no ban on firearm ownership and no more sit downs with his probation officer). Needless to say, Keith Dean is no longer a judge in the 265th judicial district having recently lost his bid for re-election. The voters have spoken but only after the press jumped in and pointed out Dean's inexplicably unjust sentencing standards. Without it, I'm pretty sure Tyrone would be starting his 18th year in prison trying to avoid the Tossed Salad man...

Similarly, about 100 miles northeast of Dallas lies Paris, Texas - the cheerful home town to the infamous Paris Fairgrounds, site of "several of the most notorious public lynchings of black southside Americans in the late 19th and early 20th Centuries, where thousands of white northside spectators would gather to watch and cheer as black southside men were dragged onto a scaffold, scalded with hot irons and finally burned to death or hanged. Y'all may remember my comment on this bogus azz form of northside, back-in-the-day entertainment in my 'What Not To Joke About' post.

Paris, Texas is also home to 15 year old Shaquanda Cotton who last year was sentence to 7 years for pushing a teacher's aide. The act was not disputed, nor was the teacher's aide injured by Cotton's actions, yet Lamar County Judge Chuck Superville saw fit to sentence Cotton (who had no priors) to a 7 year bid, while sentencing a 14 year old northside girl guilty of arson (burning down her family's house) to probation. In this case, Cotton was recently released after serving a year of her sentence - again primarily due to intense press scrutiny.

Now it's not too hard to draw a couple simple lessons from all this: 1) if you feel a need to get your swerve on, Texas is not the place to do it, particularly if you hail from the southside, and 2) y'all better be givin' it up to those press folks every chance you get since you're about one irate cop and judge away from a bid in the box your damn self.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ghost of Tawana Brawley Past...

Wassup, Y'all!

Damn. That's all a brother can say in the wake of the news that all charges have been dropped in the Duke lacrosse rape case. The fact that charges have been dropped is no surprise given the recent revelations and sketchy evidence and now that the accuser - Crystal Gail Mangum - has been revealed to be the new Tawana Brawley, the fallout from her actions will last at least as long as Tawana's did (and that ruckus kicked off 20 years ago!) and make it that much harder for real victims to press and win similar cases. Damn...

As I've said before, messin' with strippers will eventually lead to heartbreak (hey Pacman! I hear you won't be playin' until 2008 if then, homey). In the case of the Treacherous Three (David Evans - strip party host, Collin Finnerty and Reade Seligmann - strip party audience members) I have this piece of advice - in the future, pick your strippers wisely or better yet, drop some money and go to a club with lights, bouncers and surveillance cameras for an iron clad alibi. Of course, eschewing strippers from now on will probably be your best course of action...

Talk about conflicted, y'all. It's not like stuff like this doesn't go on that never sees the light of day, but in this case, it appears the wrong crew got blasted. The blogs and comments are runnin' red hot with 'I told you so's' and 'where the hell are Rev. Al and Jesse now?'. That last question is completely appropriate as I expect them to come out with some statement on the matter. Not to would make them look foolish and less credible than they already are. That mea culpa will be bitter medicine, I know, but it's the right thing to do. Especially with Rev. Al being in the middle of the Imus dust up (which is a big time legimate issue to highlight) and a ringleader of the Tawana Brawley mess.

Given that, northsiders do need to stop assuming that Rev. Al and Jesse speak for the southside nation - they don't. We've been speaking for ourselves for the longest so, again, here's my statement on the matter: Damn.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Pause for the cause

Wassup, Y'all!

You've no doubt noticed my mediocre posting rates these days. I'm a little under the weather at the moment and entertaining house guests, but Ol Ty should be back in action by the weekend tho so don't stray too far...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Action & Consequence? Meet Snoop

Wassup, Y'all!

Who knew that parents all over the world would be able to point to Snoop Dogg to teach their kids a life lesson? In this case, there's no better popular symbol who embodies the power of action and consequences than our boy Puff, Puff, Pass.......

I'm sure y'all remember the news that came out of the UK back in April 2006 when Snoop and his posse created a ruckus up in Heathrow's Terminal 1 throwing liquor bottles and what not because they got denied entry to British Airways' first class lounge - an affront tantamount to being velvet roped out of VIP at the clizzub (have to admit tho - those bad boyz are plush, y'all). Now fast forward to April 2007 - Snoop and cheap azz Diddy plan a series of concerts in the UK. The Cristal is chillin, the roadies are in country rounding up a bevy of hoochies for pre and post concert festivities, Diddy gets a visa to enter the country and Snoop gets the finger!

That's right, y'all. The British Home Office (like the US State Department) isn't backing off the lifetime ban (which goes along with his lifetime British Airways ban...) that they slapped on Snoop following the fracas. So consequently they said 'Hell to the nizzle' to Snoop Dizzle's visa request leaving Diddy to go it alone on the London leg of their 'One Love Peace Tour'. Daaaaammmnn. Talk about being sent to the corner.

Snoop was so 'sad and upset' over the slight that he had to go inhale his sorrows away over in Amsterdam so don't cry too much for Puff, Puff, Pass. Man - Snoop and his boyz in A-Dam? That's like leaving an alcoholic next to an olympic swimming pool full of beer (and I'm sure endo didn't have a thing to do with Puff, Puff, Pass gettin' into a car accident there...). Apparently, there's going to be a reefer shortage in Amsterdam for years to come, y'all. Dang! Knew I should have gotten there earlier!!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

'Skegee Red Tails Finally Get D.C. Dap

Wassup, Y'all!

60 years after whuppin' azz during World War II over the skies of Europe, the Mediterranean and North Africa, the fabled Tuskegee Airmen finally got some long overdue dap from the President and Congress in the form of handshakes, Congressional Gold Medals and speechifying. Yet, as happy as ol Ty is about this honor, I can't help but wonder why it is, after 60 years, that Air Force historians chose this moment to disprove one of the Tuskegee Airmen's most enduring legends - their perfect bomber escort record...

Just like any other minority that chose to fight in the war effort, the 'Skegee Red Tails returned home to a country that, while eternally thankful to their northside counterparts, was a little less so to the southside homeys as this glossy shows.

Throughout the years, there have been several shows that have highlighted the exploits of the Airmen. I particularly liked the 1995 The Tuskegee Airmen movie starring my boy Laurence "Larry" Fishburne, Cuba Gooding Jr., New Jack City's Allen 'Gee Money' Payne and The Cosby Show's Malcom Jamal Warner. In that movie and in pretty much every article I read on the Red Tails, they made a special point to note their spotless bomber escort record. It's even a pivotal part of the movie's ending.

Suddenly, after 60 years, the Air Force decided to reexamine this contention last year and, surprise, surprise, they broke the results of their reexamination right around the time that the surviving Tuskegee Airmen get their Washington reception. Now I'm not disputing the findings, just the long wait to uncover the truth and the bogus timing of it's announcement since as Air Force Historical Research Agency historian Daniel Haulman said, "All of these records have been here all along. It was just a matter of putting them together." As in 'Hey fellas, let's see if we can get these results together in time for the big Tuskegee Airmen ceremony in Washington! Can't have those boyz gettin' too much dap now can we?'

Ah well, at least the boyz finally got their due. Can't hate on that, y'all. Can't hate on that.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone