Boy King Kwame's New Throne

Wassup, Y'all!

If you look hard in the lower right hand corner of the glossy on the right, you'll see the 'throne' Boy King Kwame Kilpatrick will be shi...sittin' on for the next four months as he takes up residence in jail cell 14J-4 in the Wayne County jail. Just a small token of appreciation handed down to Boy King for perjuring himself, embarassing the city of Detroit and costing it $14 million in legal settlements and court costs. LOL!...

Despite the spartan digs, it seems that due to Boy King's notoriety, he'll be gettin' the 'good cell' at County which is more spacious than normal cells (twice the size) and has an attached shower to keep Boy King from havin' to worry about bendin' over after droppin his soap. Also, since he'll be segregated from gen pop it seems that even a night time visit from Tossed Salad Man is out of the question. Yet, Wayne County Sheriff Warren Evans said that Boy King 'will be treated like any other prisoner'. Ol Ty would have to respectfully disagree. Put his big a$$ in gen pop! At 6'4" you figure homey can take care of himself...unless he's soft.

Anyway, in Boy King's new digs, there's a little mirror that previous cell tenants have used to mark their passing. Most just left their tags or nicknames - such incarcerated luminaries as Bam-Bam, Repo, Little Dee and Crew Dad (what happened to Ray-Ray or Lump Nasty? I know those brothers got cycled through there at some point too!). But it seems one brother got a little introspective during his time in 14J-4 and scrawled a single word that encourages us to do the one thing we need to do to ensure that Boy King will just fade away when he gets sprung around Groundhogs Day '09. It said simply, 'Pray'.

Amen, my brother. Amen.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

The High Tech Candidate Goes Virtual

Wassup, Y'all!

I'm sure a few of you regular readers, after enjoying (or suffering through) my endless post on Smooth Barack Obama, have asked yourselves, 'Just what is it that really makes Ty appreciate Smooth so much?' Is it his dazzling oratorical skillz? His calm, deliberate judgement? His ability to assemble a peerless political team? Put together a ground organization unrivaled in scope and operation in the history of politics? Raise more funds than all the political candidates in 2000 combined? His goal of uniting the country by emphasizing our common goals and ideals? His background in Constitutional law? That he's a family man? A man with a world view? A brother who's as comfortable eating cavier at a $3,000 a plate northside dinner as he is chowin' down greens and a slice of sweet potato pie with the homeys at a southside family BBQ? Naaaah, bump all that noise. All that jibber-jabber is just icing on the cake. The real quality that sold Ol Ty on Smooth Barack was his early and continued adoption of current technology into his campaign. I'll admit it - I'm a guy and when it comes to tech, Smooth had me at SMS...

From jump homey's website leveraged every social network out there - MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn. You could keep up with his campaign's every move by registering for his tweets at Twitter. You could use his own campaign website to set up your own social network, blog about your experiences as a foot soldier in the revolution, register for email alerts or, better yet, just get them via a RSS feed. When he announced Smokin' Joe Biden as his running mate, did you have to wait for the web or news outlets to break the news? Naahhh - that's old school, cousin. Smooth let you use your cell phone to register for a SMS message to hit you back at the appointed hour. My joint came in at about 2:00 in the morning and the only problem was my girl thinkin' it was Big Booty Julie chirpin' in for a booty call. That nonsense aside - it was just straight cool.

Now, not satisfied to rest on his high tech laurels, Smooth is droppin' the hammer in the final days of the campaign by going virtual and putting up campaign advertising in video games. That's some crafty $hit, y'all. From jump, younger voters have been the key to his ground game and he's reached out to them in every way they communicate. Could you see Citizen McCain even knowing what a video game or Twitter Tweet was? Me neither. Yet if you boot up a copy of EA's Burnout: Paradise, slip into a tight ride and hit the road, you'll be treated to a virtual billboard sporting Smooth's message to get out and vote. Strap on a helmet in Madden '09 and you'll see a similar message in the stadium advertising. I repeat - that's some crafty $hit, y'all. Look up 'innovative' on Wikipedia and you'll find Smooth's face right there (as soon as I edit that bad boy...).

Given all that, a brother has to hope that Smooth also has his tech team out monitoring these polling precincts and high tech voting booths up until election day - can't image he won't . Maaa fact he'll probably have the election day joint hooked up so once you cast your vote for him, you can use the screen to play a game of Madden for twenty minutes. Don't hate the player, hate the game, y'all.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Jon Burge: Didn't See It Coming Did You?

Wassup, Y'all!

A couple years ago, I dropped my 'Sweet Home Chicago' post lamenting the fact that former Chicago Police Commander Jon Burge was cold chillin' in Florida in cushy retirement still cashin' his retirement checks. Why was Ol Ty hatin' on homey? Only because he presided over a systematic program of suspect beatings and tortures that had finally come to light after years of suspects claiming such abuses. A final investigation proved the charges but, due to the statute of limitations, it came years too late to do anything about it...or so everyone thought until yesterday...

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald (who has my vote for the next U.S. Attorney General - ol boy is *always* doing top quality work) decided to take the 'Al Capone' approach to Burge. Y'all old time Chicago folk will remember that Big Al got sent to Alcatraz not for his gangland murder and mayhem shenanigans but for tax evasion. The thinking was that it didn't matter what Big Al did a bid for as long as he did a bid. Same story for Cattle Prod Jon. Pat Fitz is bringing perjury and obstruction of justice charges against his 60 year old a$$, charging that since the torture allegations have been proven, his former statements claiming otherwise now put him in legal jeopardy. You gotta love that angle.

So Cattle Prod found his limping butt back in Chicago taking a perp walk and getting the booking he so richly deserved. Of course Cattle Prod trying to play the 'old, harmless guy' role, saying to the press outside after his arrest and booking, 'I'm old. I'm hurting. Please leave me alone'. Wow - HE'S HURTING. That's rich. Poor Cattle Prod. Your hurting has hopefully just started homey. Tossed Salad Man! Order coming up on Table Two! Hopefully these charges will stick and Cattle Prod will get the full 20 year bid he deserves. While savoring pictures of that kind of delayed justice, take a peek at what other Chicago folk think about this happy turn of events.

Oh happy day, y'all. Oh happy day.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty Gets His Vote On

Wassup, Y'all!

Guess who's back? I had a hall pass for the last week (again rippin' and runnin'), y'all so don't hate on a brother. Well it's T-14 until E-Day and I'm happy to report that Ol Ty dropped his vote off yesterday. I'm here to tell you that voting (at least where I'm at) is a high tech affair now. No butterfly ballots, hole punchers or pregnant chads up in this piece. No - instead Ol Ty was treated to a customize keycard and a slick touch screen in the voting booth kiosk. Man - is everything a kiosk these days? You can get money, rent DVDs, process pictures, whatever. I was in the airport recently and saw an Apple vending machine that was selling iPods. Anyway - my vote is locked and loaded, y'all. I was happy to see that on my electronic ballot, Smooth Barack and Smokin' Joe were listed at the top, followed by Cynthia McKinney of the Green Party, *then* Citizen McCain and Say-Pay. Dang, Citizen! That's no respect slottin' you third behind the GREEN PARTY CANDIDATE!...

Yesterday it was pouring down raining and more than two weeks before the election, yet the voting room was packed, y'all. With that kind of action you have to know that November 4th is gonna be crazy so you might want to think about runnin' your butt down to the precinct now and gettin' your vote in if you're in an early voting state. I'm checking the pictures coming in from Florida early voting and see a couple homeys in doo rags makin' their way in to vote. Man, you know if the doo rag homeys are finding time to vote our folks are motivated, y'all. Get your early vote on, y'all. Like Smooth says - you never know what might happen to you on election day, flat tire, engine won't turn over, sheriff arrives to enforce a foreclosure, whatever. Y'all know what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Now before I go, I'd be remiss if I didn't give a posthumous shoutout to blaxploitation star, bawdy comedian and prototype pimp Rudy Ray Moore aka 'Dolomite' who passed away on Sunday. Y'all young biddy boppers out there may not remember Ru-Ray but just know that Snoop Dogg stole his whole 'pimp' persona from homeboy so everytime you see Snoop rockin' the look, give a nod to brother Ru-Ray. Everytime you crack up to The Boondocks' pimp 'A Pimp Named Slickback', give a nod to brother Ru-Ray. Everytime you find yourself at the barbershop gettin' your laugh on at the nonsense the brothers are spoutin', remember brother Ru-Ray who said that he developed his unique comedic style by 'sitting outside joints "drinking beer and lying and talking [$hit]." That brother raised talkin' $hit to a rare artform. Rest in Peace, my brother!

Man - I never thought I'd see the day that Ol Ty would put Smooth Barack and bawdy a$$ Ru-Ray in the *same* post. My bad Smooth!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty PSA: Beware the Nov 4th Surprise

Wassup, Y'all!

Let's face it. The poll numbers look good, 'cautious optimism' is the phrase of the day and on 'last debate eve' everyone is still wondering if there will be an 'October Surprise' - an incident big enough to shift the election sentiment back toward Citizen McCain. Well Ol Ty says bump that October Surprise ruckus! After Election 1.0 (2000) and Election 2.0 (2004) voting irregularities, I'm worried about a November 4th, Election 3.0 surprise. In previous postings Ol Ty has pointed out impending Republican hatched shenanigans in the form of election day voter challenges based on foreclosed home lists, trickeration of older, lower income voters, blahda, blahda, blahda..

The good news is that early voting has kicked off in many states (including Illinois) so if you happen to be in one of those states, Ol Ty's advice is to get your vote in now before any okey-dokes can get put in place for 11/04. But if you insist on voting on Election Day, watch this instructional voting video and make sure this doesn't happen to you.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Drop Squad Call: Professional Southside Athletes

Wassup, Y'all!

I know y'all have been lookin' for a brother - my fault on that. Ol Ty had a couple welcomed crumb snatchers underfoot for few and I definitely have to give up to all y'all parents out there - daaaaaaaang! Anyway, my normal Sunday ritual is to OD on football. Yes, y'all - ol Ty is a BIG football fan, but I had to admit that after readin' an article in USA Today a couple days ago that featured quotes from a number of southside NFL players sayin' that they were 'conflicted' on who to vote for in the presidential election, I had to look at those numb skulls through a new set of kool-aid glasses.

You have to figure that 9/10 of these conflicted brothers come from middle to lower class backgrounds - precisely the demographic that would benefit most from a Smooth Barack Administration, but now because they're makin', 'Repubican money', suddenly they're 'conflicted' on who to vote for. What kind of bush league, self-centered bull$hit is this??....

Y'all can read this tomfoolery for yourselves and hopefully it will make you as mad as it did me. Maybe I'm reading this from the wrong side, but Ol Ty agrees with Smokin' Joe Biden's contention that those with more should shoulder more of the burden to help provide for those who have less and are tryin' to make their way into the 'have more' camp. You can even make an argument that it's the 'patriotic' thing to do - helpin' to keep the fabric of the country strong. Isn't it inscribed on the Statue of Liberty to, 'Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free'?

Let me break this down another way, particularly since our professional athletic homeys are so well paid (and we all know it not just the NFL homeys poppin' this ridiculous yang):

Let's say Joe Rag makes $1 and needs to get a double cheeseburger from McDonald's $1 menu to feed he and his young son. Let's also say that Joe Pro makes $12 and needs to get a dozen double cheeseburgers cuz he knows he'll be hungry on the drive home from the stadium. Before they get into McDonald's to order, Tax Man shows up and demands his cut. Under Smooth's tax plan, Joe Rag won't be affected so he can get his burger and he and his son can split it before they have to sign into the homeless shelter that night. Joe Pro, on the other hand, will feel a bit of tax bite that will cause him to only be able to get 10 double cheeseburgers instead of 12. Sure he'll be a little more hungry on the drive home, but he still gets a good meal. Flip the script and use the Citizen McCain tax plan and Joe Rag goes without his burger and Joe Pro gets 14 burgers instead of 12. Do you really need to think about this?

I could more so understand that 'Republican Money' argument from the folks making a little over $250,000 than I can from anyone making more than $5+ million a year. Now, there could be a little bit of hater-ness mixed up in this post since Ol Ty isn't makin' that kind of paper, but I'd like to think that if I was, I'd remember my humble beginnings enough to 'share the wealth'. It's not like 98% of these boyz come from 'old money' - they're all new jack millionaires so their memories of humble beginnings are less than a generation away. They ain't no Rockefellers or Carnegies or Waltons or Buffets!! So here's Ty's advice to those southside professional athletes still on the fence 22 damn days out from the election: Get your minds right and start thinking bigger than yourselves....and hook Ol Ty up with a couple pair of those Air Force Ones with the red stripe. You don't need 12 pairs of those joints either!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Debate II: Where My Money At?

Wassup, Y'all!

Wyclef Jean couldn't have summed up Debate II any better. If Citizen McCain thought he would be able to seize the high ground or turn the debate away from his weak suit - the economy - he should have had Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh set it up. Since that didn't happen and the debate format featured real questions from real American citizens they mostly wanted to know the candidates plans for putting some of that $2 TRILLION of paper lost in American retirement accounts over the last 15 months back in their pockets. Let's face it - folks are scared and rightly so. Ol Ty's become increasingly concerned that mama's 401(k) won't be enough to support us both as she enters her golden years and I ain't feelin' moving up out this basement. That's right, y'all - even ol Ty is feelin' the economic pinch....

So clearly the slash and burn approach that McCain/Palin hopes will bring them back from the brink isn't gaining any traction as family after family checks in on their 401(k) and requires two hits from a defibrillator to get back up off the floor. Given that level of personal involvement in the economic crisis, who the hell cares about Bill Ayers, Rev. J-Wright or even OJ? How 'bout you, Joe Six-Pack? No? You don't even have enough money left over for a six-pack now, do you? Hockey Moms - how y'all feelin'? What? Can't even afford lipstick so now y'all really do look like pitbulls? That's jacked up.

So if this duplicitous line of attack isn't really going to shift the momentum back to the Dark Side, what other purpose can it possibly serve? How about to harden the hearts and minds of people already in the Citizen McCain / Say 'Hachet' Pay camp. If initial reports of their behavior at rallies is in any way accurate, some of those folks have some serious problems. Knowing that their campaign rhetoric is inciting this type of anti-social behavior, if they should continue to encourage it, what does that say about their real morals and values? Certainly they wouldn't be worthy of any type of office, let alone the highest office in the nation. We'll see if they remain committed to this dubious strategy of character assassination.

My take on the debate is that 1) Citizen McCain clearly does like that format and seemed a little less 'Uncle Fester'-like but essentially remained Uncle Fester. Smooth Barack again looked Smooth and, in a nice trend, no longer suffers fools gladly and is now quick to call out Citizen on his jumbling of facts on his plans and motives. Ol Ty definitely isn't diggin' this perceived lack of respect (real or imagined - I'm thinkin' it's real) that Citizen has for Smooth. Is that the type of 'steady hand' you want at the tiller? A mean, grudgeful a$$ who gets cranky and disrespectful when things don't go his way? As my niece is known to frequently say to silly questions with obvious answers, 'Uh no'. I'm with you on that one, niecey.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Empress Palin has no clothes - Part II: Lizzie Borden

Wassup, Y'all!

Back in the basement *still* scratchin' my head over the Say-Pay debate reviews. Before I hit that again, let me do a quick aside Fred Sanford style: 'OJ! You big dummy! See you when I see you.'

Okay. Here it is, four days after the debate (and another hilarious send up of Say-Pay's performance on SNL) and a plurality of pundits continue to say how homegirl, 'held her own', 'exceeded expectations', 'gave the ticket an infusion of enthusiasm', bladda, bladda, bladda. Here's my take on that nonsense: The media has a vested interest in keeping this thing close and interesting. If they had all come out and voiced their real reaction to her ridiculous debate performance like old school Carl Bernstein, there'd be no drama left to keep viewers and readers rivited to the race. It's not reality, y'all - it's business.

So now, as I noted in my Thursday (10/2) post, comes the Kitchen Sink approach from the fading Republican ticket. Anything is now fair game and in subsequent days Say-Pay has been on the stump, rehasing old news, "callin' out" Smooth Barack on his associations with William Ayers and now Rev. J-Wright. To show just how potato-ey her head is, ol girl had the nerve to say this about the Smooth / Rev. J-Wright relationship, 'To tell you the truth, Bill [Kristol], I don't know why that association isn't discussed more'.

Where's this chick been? Did she miss the entire Democratic Primary? See what happens when you're out shooting wolves from helicopters, on the tundra field dressin' mooses and waiting for your husband to get back from snow mobile racing so you can sit your 17 year old daughter down to talk about the value of abstinence? I know Alaska is not part of the 'lower 48' but I'm pretty sure they get radio and TV uppair. How'd homegirl miss the coverage? She's now gone from 'outsider' to 'maverick' to Citizen McCain's personal 'Lizzie Borden' (the early American OJ). Ol girl's got the axe and is steppin up to take her whacks - all this from a simple 'hockey mom'. I heard about the lipstick. I must have missed the part about the axe. How's that for 'small town values'?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Empress Palin has no clothes - Part I

Wassup, Y'all!

I'm under the gun, y'all so I can't address this topic with my normal thoroughness but I *had* to drop a quick holler about last night's debate and the head scratchin' reaction I'm hearing and reading about. Sarah Palin sounded like a goof last night. I thought so, my diverse crew thought so but what are a lot of the pundits saying? George Stephanopoulos said she brought her 'A' game! Maybe for the vice presidency of the Wasilla High student Council. What's ol girl's B game look like??

For now let me just drop this one review from Politico that pretty much sums up the view I had. Man, it's like we're living in an alternate universe or something. I still maintain that you could have put a potato on Say-Pay's lecturn, left her at home and still had the same debate. That moose don't graze.

Back on Monday, y'all.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

The Endorsement: Ty Forgives The New Yorker

Wassup, Y'all!

Now this is how an endorsement should be written. Daaaaaamn. Ok, New Yorker - after that bogus Obama cover ol Ty has to admit you came back strong. Drinks on me when you hit the Chi'.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone