Ty's Top 10 Web Videos

Wassup, Y'all!

It's Monday and those of you not livin' in your mama's basement and doin' the 9-5 thing probably need a bit of laughter to get your day going straight so I thought I'd throw together a quick Top 10 list for y'all featuring some recent (and some not so recent) web videos that *always* crack me up so. I know that there's a ton of good stuff out there on the web, but these are the joints that speak to ol Ty at the moment. Hit me off after the jump and get ready to get your laugh on (note: NSFW = Not Safe For Work!)...

1. Star Trek Cribs - The Director's Cut - a classic featurin' my main man Charlie Murphy as the voice of Spock, who's showin' off his crib to the cameras. Bring the power, Scottie!
2. I'm On a Boat - viral a billion times over on Youtube but this nautical themed, SNL joint is always funny, 'specially since I'm known to sit out in mama's garden from time to time in my flippy-floppies. NSFW - lyrics like an old Richard Pryor joint!
3. Dick in A Box - the SNL bookend to I'm on A Boat - featuring Justin Timberlake and SNL homey Andy Samberg offerin' their shortys a 'personal' gift. NSFW
4. Auto-tune The News #2 - a clever use of the auto-tuning effect (T-Pain) to make the news even more viewable than Jon Stewart's Daily Show.
5. Blame It - Youtube's Obama impersonator-in-chief AlphaCat breaks down exactly why you're feelin' the economic blues.
6. Tea Partay - straight outta Cape Cod, the Prepstas are keepin' it real! One of many 'nerdsta' video raps that show just how pervasive the rap culture is in advertising and in the northside world. Smirnoff knew the deal and dropped this one to great effect.
7. All About the Roosevelts - Taco Bell took a page right out of Smirnoff's book and dropped this one for the cheap a$$, late night snack crowd who could only manage to scrap together some nickels and dimes at 2am but still wanted to get their grub on.
8. Whatever I Like - Alphacat's Obama is back breakin' down just what he can do now that he's President.
9. Jizz in My Pants - the SNL crew is back, this time with a couple homeys on a hair trigger. Man, just like back in grade school...for some of y'all.
10. Puke in My Mouth - no list would be complete without the female comeback video. In this case, the shortys came back hard on the Jizz in My Pants concept with their thoughts on how hard it is to keep you lunch down in the presence of some wannabe romeo homeys.

Now if *none* of those videos made you laugh you really need to think about another line of work or head to Cali to catch that medical mary jane wave so you can loosen that tight a$$ up. Stay strong out there, y'all.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Skip Gates Is A Friend of Mine

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, you know this is a big story when it comes up as a question during a Presidential news conference.

If I was the officer who ultimately arrested Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates in his own home after producing adequate ID proving it was actually his own home and then I had to hear it discussed by the President of the United States, I'd have to be callin' in today with a bad case of the 'Blue Flu'...

I have this to say about that, y'all - Amadou Diallo and Sean Bell. I'm sure everyone will make a little hay with Smooth Barack's comment about had he been caught tryin' to break into the White House that he'd have been shot. Now that statement can be taken a couple of ways but the one I think Smooth was tryin' to eloquate was that the Secret Service don't play when it comes to White House security. Unfortunately, Amadou, a 23 year old Guinean immigrant in NYC and Sean Bell, a 23 year old southsider from NYC both were shot (and killed). 41 and 50 times respectively. Both by officers who were eventually aquitted of the crime despite both being unarmed at the time of their Sonny Corleone style demises.

Skip Gates is lucky that all that woofin' just got him a dropped disorderly conduct charge and a $40 bail postin'. He could still be wedged up in his doorway leakin' from 40+ gunshot wounds after gettin' laid the f*** out. Harvard Professor or no Harvard Professor. Black may not crack but it punctures pretty easily from hot lead. Instead of Smooth Barack saying that 'Skip Gates is a friend of mine' he could have been up there sayin', 'Skip Gates was a good friend of mine'.

We've come a long way, y'all but we have by no means arrived. If ol Ty gets pulled over down here in NC, you can best believe my hands won't leave the steering wheel until requested to do so. No premature wallet reach for ol Ty, y'all. I've seen this play before. So Skip - I'm glad it all worked out for you, homey. Truly I am. But if even Smooth can admit he might get dropped tryin' to get into the White House on a dark night, what makes you think a Harvard professorship will keep you safe from a similar situation?

Nuff said on that.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

North Carolina, Go on Raise Up

Wassup, Y'all!

If you can't tell by now, ol Ty has been going through A LOT of changes over the past few months. Changes that have seen the passing of Cool Papa Malone, a move by Mama and me to North Carolina (no more Windy, y'all!) and finally the burial of Cool Papa a little less than a week ago at Arlington National Cemetery. That's right, y'all - Malone's have been faithfully serving the nation for three generations now.

The Arlington thing was pretty overwhelming but a well deserved ceremony of naval pomp and circumstance that I know Pop was lovin' from his plush skybox seat.

The North Carolina thing has been workin' for a brother, y'all though I'm missin' my homeys from Winky's Corner Store (DLT! I got you homes - sorry I missed the call. I'll get at you tomorrow!).

I'm likin' the feel and the fact that most of my NC homeys seem to be transplants from other spots just like Mama and me. I've got my new basement pad pretty much fleshed out - Wi-Fi's hooked, flat screen and Slingboxes connected and the PS3 locked and loaded so now it's time to get back down to business.

The Urban Eye's back open starting Thursday, y'all so be sure to check back!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Curtain Finally Closes on Jena 6

Wassup, Y'all!

According to USA Today, the Jena 6 case - a northside/southside dustup gone bad first reported here almost two years ago - has finally come to a legal conclusion.

It seems a little unsatisfying given the previously reported details of the case since five of the six had to plead 'no contest' to misdemeanor simple battery charges, but ol Ty has to admit that's a far cry from the attempted murder charges first filed against the six.

Seems they could have just come to this conclusion from jump street and saved folks a lot of grief and aggravation but - as with most things now - it is what it is. For the first Jena Sixer tried - Mychal Bell - his earlier conviction on second degree battery charges remains in effect as does is 18 month bid.

Given how heinous this all could have turned out for 'The Six' these boyz have to consider themselves extremely fortunate for 1) the power of public scrutiny and 2) the power of money to hire good attorneys. Similar cases back in the day would have surely netted this crew 20-to-life or worse...much worse. I guess in a twisted kind of way we can call this 'progress'.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Basement Lights Dim for Michael Jackson

Wassup, Y'all!

You know something serious has happened for Ol Ty to interrupt his moving prep posting hiatus to drop a timely post. More on the move at a future date, y'all but right now, I'm a brother in serious mourning for The King of Pop. 

To tell you how out of the blue this was for me, I'm doing my thing and get a IM from Lady E. who asked, "Have you heard about Jacko?" To which I reply, "No, what's the fool done now?" To which she replies, "He's dead". To which I reply, "Whaaaaat!? Quit playin'"

Three seconds later I'm tuned to CNN and learning that the talent of the century has truly given up the ghost. Wow. It's the curse of the threes, y'all. Ed McMahon, Farrah and now MJ. He was the Mike everyone wanted to be like way before Jordan brought his tongue waggin' to the court.

I prefer to remember Mike from his Off The Wall/Thriller days before he completely morphed from a southsider into a soft spoken alien being, but boy did homey leave behind a body of work that will never be duplicated.

Rest in Peace (finally) brother Mike. And seriously, dude - thanks for the many, many memories.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Think Iran's bad? Let Something Happen to Obama

Wassup, Y'all!

The ruckus in Iran is pretty intense, but I'm glad to see that the Iranians aren't playin' the fool any more and are willing to sacrifice life and limb to fight for what they believe is right.

In this case what's wrong appears to be a minority candidate that got backdoored out of the Presidency by the incumbent who's intent to hang on to power by any means necessary. What's right is those who don't believe in the bogus election returns gettin' all Public Enemy-like to fight the power.

I shot a tweet out yesterday that alluded to me thinkin' this is how we should have reacted when GW stole the 2000 election. I know folks are thinkin', 'Now Ty, you know we're more 'civilized' over here and we resolve our differences through the court system'. True, but what happens when the (Supreme) court system fails you as well? I'm thinkin' in that case the only recourse is to take to the streets Iranian-style...

In the aftermath of the recent right-wing madness that culminated in the assassination of George Tiller by an unhinged 'Pro-Lifer' and the senseless murder of Steven Tyrone Johns, the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum security guard killed by an old school, unrepentent, life long white supremacist type, I'm noticing a palpable uptick of nervousness among my southside peeps related to the health and welfare of Smooth Barack. The cause of this nervousness can't be better expressed than it is here by Frank Rich's Washington Post Op-Ed piece entitled, 'The Obama Haters’ Silent Enablers'. I dare any Smooth Barack supporter to read that joint without having her hair stand on end.

Essentially, it makes the point that if there's some right-wing nutjob willing to take out a George Tiller based on his belief that he was a mass-murderer - a view fueled by right wing commentators - Bill O'Reilly in particular. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize the real danger posed to the first southside President given the insane, irrational and false rhetoric that continues to pour out of the conservative right-wing ranks. Things like Smooth is really a closet Muslim (no that didn't die during the election) or that Smooth is not a natural born citizen (no that didn't die during the election) or that Smooth is no longer a Socialist (which he isn't) but is actually a Fascist or that Smooth is a part of of a 'dangerous global movement' known as the 'Muslim Brotherhood'. Every last one of those assertions is false yet it doesn't stop desperate conservatives from continuing to put it out there and consistently refusing to step up to refute any of it.

So say you're the next James von Brunn or Scott Roeder - an idiot with a gun, some bullets and a death wish - whose head is filled with this non-stop barrage of garbage about the President? What would you do? Exactly. Which brings me to my final point, y'all. Let some madness like that jump off and what will happen here in the street will make this Iran ruckus look like a southside family reunion once all the liquor is gone and folks who haven't contributed to the food start breakin' out their tin foil to take home most of the leftovers.

Y'all remember what happened in the streets when MLK got assassinated, right? Small potatoes, y'all. SMALL potatoes compared to the outcry that will jump off if the same fate befalls Smooth because now, southsiders aren't the only ones with a vested interest in seeing Smooth succeed. It's anybody with more than two brain cells. It's anybody tired of the same old hate-filled, divisive dialog that has been holding back the country's true potential for renewed greatness. It's all those folk who cast a vote for Smooth Barack.

I know what Martin taught - peaceful, non-violence. Yes - that has its place. But if these right-wing knuckleheads keep stirrin' the pot and the worst jumps off?? It's Malcom X all day, y'all. By any means necessary.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty Finally Finishes 'The Wire'

Wassup, Y'all!

Ol Ty just finished the watching the final episode of the final season of the acclaimed HBO series 'The Wire' and is missin' that joint already. 

I stated shortly after I began my five season, sixty episode, journey that the show had already cemented itself as the best show I'd seen on TV. More than 100 hours later (as I did watch a lot of the episodes in bits and pieces - mostly on my cousin Mike Mike's iTouch) I stand by that. I've seen no episodic series better. The only thing that stands taller is the 'Roots' mini-series...

You want to talk about keepin' it real? Watch this joint, y'all. They didn't take any easy ways out and never went for the unrealistic happy ending in any of the many story threads they expertly wove into a tight, authentic, urban tapestry. You ever wonder why the urban school systems are so jacked up? Watch The Wire and get a clue. You want to know why the urban drug trade is perpetual? Watch The Wire. You want to know just how down and dirty city politics (Marion Berry and Boy King Kwame aside) are or why there always seems to be a sense of futility and inevitability among our southside city folk? Watch The Wire.

Never watered down and always on point. And now, at least for ol Ty, it's over and I'm takin' it real hard, y'all. I looked forward to every episode and I'm not sure I could have even watched that joint conventionally - a week at a time with a long, cold summer in between each fix. The iPod route was definitely the way to go. It got so bad that ol Ty was actually hopin to get caught in line or have a long a$$ wait in the doctor's office or airplane gate so I could just catch an episode undisturbed. That's when you know it's good, y'all. When you're actually fiendin' for the next 'hit' and when the credits roll after you've mainlined it, the first thought in your mind is 'Damn, that was deep' followed by 'Do I have enough time to squeeze in just a little more of the next one?'

I can't believe this joint never ended up the most lauded series on TV. For five seasons it stayed just out of the limelight - appreciated only by those in the know who all uniformly also considered it the best show they'd seen. It's like going to a broadway play and watching certain unknown actors sing, dance and act circles around any Hollywood star you've ever seen and you asking yourself how it's possible that they aren't themselves big stars? Then you consider yourself fortunate for having seen a true, undiscovered gem. That's The Wire, y'all.

Props to Lady E for puttin' ol Ty's feet on the path. I owe you big, homegirl! Hopefully, if this post encourages you to take your own peep at that joint, you'll be feelin' the same way about ol Ty. Then after *you* finish Episode #60 and you're lookin' for a sponsor as you dry out from your addiction, I should be ready for your call.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Why The Sotomayor Pick is Brilliant

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Memorial Day 2009 - Papa Malone

"Cool" Papa Malone
1932-2009
Memorial Day hits home for ol Ty on the real.

Your country thanks you. Your family thanks you. Your son thanks you. Thanks for everything, Pop. Good lookin' out.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Obama Smooths Notre Dame's Feelin's

Wassup, Y'all!

You have to admire that brother. Smooth Barack had *every* reason not to set foot on Notre Dame's campus. Bad PR move, potentially dangerous given how radical Pro-Life folk have become in recent years, no win situation. Put GW Bush in the same position and he'd have conveniently found something equally important to cite as a conflict and reason for not attending. But attend Smooth did - in the midst of the Pro-Life/Pro-Choice controversy - and delivered another thought provoking speech that shows just why he's the right person for the White House...

I can appreciate a President who will engage in debate, discuss topics that are socially difficult and provide thoughtful points for both sides to deliberate. I challenge anyone to view or read that speech and name another politician who could have managed that situation as even-handedly as Smooth did. The Republicans need to take a few notes on how to frame an argument. As Smooth broke it down with respect to arguing opposing views, 'we can do so without reducing those with differing views to caricature'. Amen, my brother. I'm pretty sure Limbaugh, Coulter, Hannity and Malkin will figure out a way to twist that quote into something negative as well. I'm sure they're carving sound-bites from the speech for their broadcasts today with they triflin' a$$es.

I also have to appreciate a President who is consistently seeking opportunities to educate folk on things that may help them check their own views. For the longest, ol Ty has been a serial Notre Dame basher. Touchdown Jesus, Knute Rockney, Fightin' Irish, bladda, bladda, bladda. I guess I'm just not a big fan of spots that come with built in bandwagons and in the midwest, you can find none bigger than Notre Dame. Well a significant part of Smooth's commencement speech focused on Father Ted Hesburgh, former President of Notre Dame. Turns out that 'Father Ted' was also named by President Eisenhower to the six member Civil Rights Commission that ultimate produced the twelve resolutions that would become the famed Civil Rights Act of 1964 (a bill's whose Senate debate brought Martin and Malcolm together for the first and only time). Father Ted proved instrumental in getting the six to overcome their differences and come to a consensus. That's big stuff, y'all. Big stuff.  Stuff that helps me develop a better context of the personalities at Notre Dame and why I shouldn't help the Illuminati with their grand plans (should you not know what the HELL ol Ty is talkin' about - check out the Angels & Demons movie or book - that's a deep plot, jack.)

Bottom line - Smooth again talked about things that needed talkin' about and again reminded folk that, 'we must find a way to live together as one human family'.

Can the church say Amen?

Peace@Least,
Tyrone