Saturday, November 21, 2009

Ty Does 'This Is It'

Wassup, Y'all!

After checkin' out the Michael Jackson documentary, 'This Is It' a few weeks ago with Northside Shorty, I commented on the ride home that I really needed to drop a post on that joint. I initially fell through expecting to see some slapped together, recanned clips put together by the Jackson family to pull down one last payday. Instead what I saw still has a brother ravin' about this movie two weeks later.

Like Michael said in London during the announcement of his fifty show tour that it would be the 'curtain call' to his career, this film - due to his tragically early demise - fills that role all too aptly and, like most curtain calls at the end of a great concert, you really didn't want this movie to end...

First off - Ol Ty bestows 3.5 (out of 4) Spinners on this flick. Any movie that leaves me wantin' more has to get at least 3, y'all. I always reserve that last 0.5 for what I consider a 'perfect' movie - which this isn't, but it's seriously entertaining. I'm a sucker for behind the scenes movies - ol Ty likes to see how things are created before they hit the bright lights and all the behind the scenes footage in this joint hinted that had the concert series come off, it would have been the concert to end all concerts. The dancin' was tight, the concepts hyper imaginative and, despite all rumors, Michael seemed to really be at the top of his fifty! Ol boy still had the dance moves, there was *no* deterioration of his voice - his live singin' sounded just like the album tracks - and the sets were on point.

But the most fascinatin' thing about the movie was the undeniable fact that Michael really was a musical genius. Hold up, now. Ol Ty doesn't throw that title around lightly - check it out for youselves. MJ may have been soft spoken and painfully polite but when it came to his music he never half-stepped. He knew all his music down to the last beat and he would be quick to call out any musician who didn't get it right. One part that had ol Ty laughin' was when he called out the musical director for rushin' a piece on his keyboard and he told homey he needed to slow it down cuz the music needed some time to 'simmer'. He was similarly scrupulous about the choreography and it became clear that his perfection was not to satisfy himself, but to satisfy his fans who knew his music and choreography as well as he did.

On the drive home, ol Ty was reminded of another flick he checked out - Amadeus - about Mozart, another musical prodigy (didn't think ol Ty was that deep did, y'all?). At the beginning of that movie, Mozart's rival - Antonio Salieri - was lamenting the death of Mozart, an admittedly strange thing for a rival to do. Through flashbacks we see how initially, Salieri was all jealous of Mozart and minimized his musical abilities. Eventually, fate pulled these two together as Mozart was dying and tryin' to complete one last symphony for the King. It was Salieri's plan to steal it and palm it off as his own, but as the two worked together Salieri saw how effortlessly Mozart could weave the various musical pieces together - horns, percussion, strings - just by thinking about them and by the end of the night Salieri found himself in awe of Mozart's true genius and embarrassed at his juvenile behavior toward him.

It's the same deal with Michel, y'all. Yeah - he had Bubbles, the cosmetic surgeries, slept in a hyperbaric chamber, bought the Elephant Man remains, wore outrageous outfits, married Lisa Marie, lived at Neverland, preferred the company of children, named two of his children Prince Michael, blah, blah, blah. But in the end, in ol Ty's opinion, he finally gets the true recognition he deserves as a musical genius in his own right. It was no accident that he became the most famous Jackson. It's no accident that his catalogue of music - 98% self written - has no peer. It's no accident that his appeal remains global and knows no cultural boundary.

So if you haven't seen Michael's final curtain call, see that joint in all it's glory on the big screen, with the big sound. Even more so if you've been a MJ hater - a modern day Antonio Salieri. Your ephiphany is just a movie ticket away. It's true you never get a second chance to make a first impression, but it's also true that last impressions linger always. This is a really good last impression, y'all.



Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Limbaugh Caves - Booted out of NFL Team Bid

Wassup, Y'all!

As if ol Ty didn't see this comin'. Oh so satisfyin' news anyway but one way or another there was no way any group with Flush Rimjob as a partner was going to land an NFL franchise. An Idaho Klan compound maybe, but never an NFL franchise - not as pious as the NFL commissioner wants to make the league. If knucklehead players have to toe the line, it's nice to see that potential knucklehead owners don't even make it to the line.

So score a big one for Karma since I'm sure Flush was pretty much jonesin' to get his mitts on more oxycotin a franchise and smoke his big a$$ stogies in the owner's suite and expound on how all the suckers who buy his snake oil every day have allowed him to pony up the dough for such a thing. But sometimes, money doesn't talk and the persona that you've built up by consistently denigrating minorities comes back to haunt you. What goes around, comes around. You gotta love that.



Friday, September 25, 2009

Colbert's 'Blackwashing' - Satire 101

Wassup, Y'all!

See? This is what I'm talkin' 'bout. You don't have to be disagreeable to highlight a disagreeable point. Steven Colbert's take on the conservative right's complainin' about being called racist when they're only tryin' to 'make a point' is priceless and a textbook example of perfect satire.



Thursday, September 17, 2009

Belleville School Bus vs. Cracker Barrel

Wassup, Y'all!

Had to post on this recent cornucopia of beatdowns as both incidents have folk hot under the collar about racism, hate crimes and apparent double standards. I have to say that ol Ty is more than dismayed over the rising angry tenor of the national conversation, particularly from my high strung Republican homeys, and I think it's time for folk to go back to that age old chestnut - 'THINK before you speak'.

In the Malone household Papa Malone had his own chestnut called, 'Sit down and shut up' but since we're all New Age now and folk feel entitled to run around with their mouths half cocked we've now moved into a period I like to call 'The National Hysteria Age'. Now about these beatings...

As much as I hate to utter the name, Flush Rimjob (aka Rush Limbaugh) has made a lot of hay recently with the Belleville High School Bus beating which featured a young northside homey getting thugged up by several southside homeys. In this unfortunate vignette we have Captain Don Sax of the Belleville Police Department shootin' off at the lip claiming that,"In my estimation, it's racially motivated,". Here I would normally give Cap'n Don the benefit of the doubt as I'm sure he's witness plenty of racially motivated ruckus in country Belleville, but other observers contend that the issue was more basic.

Basic like the perceived right to a school bus seat and the right to force someone to sit somewhere else. Y'all may have seen this early on in 'Forest Gump' where once Forest boarded the school bus, no one wanted him sitting next to them except for Jenny. Had Forest pressed the issue and sat next to Jim Bob say, he likely would have feasted on a knuckle sandwich or two before the bus driver could get back there to break it up. Still, this type of dust up - which ol Ty contends happens every day - encouraged Flush to proudly crow that this is nothing more than the manifestation of 'Obama's America - White Kids Get Beat up With The Black Kids Cheering'. Of course that asinine assertion is nothing more than a classless radio huckster ginnin' up his radical right fringe base to keep sowin' seeds of national division vs. national unity. That jibber-jabber notwithstanding, here's ol Ty's question: 'Would this have even been news had the participants been either all northsiders or all southsiders?' Y'all know the answer - hell to tha nizzo - particularly if it happened on an all southside bus. I'm sure the prevailing sentiment among Flush's radio listeners in *that* case would have been, 'Dang! Why'd they break it up? They should have let those darkies kill each other that way they'd need less of my tax money for their welfare habit'. Sad but true y'all. Doubt me not.

Now let's fast forward to Tuesday, when a nice trip to Cracker Barrel turned heinous for a southside mother (a military vet) and her 7-year old daughter. In this equally unfortunate vignette, moms and daughter are entering as Troy Dale West and wifey are exiting. Apparently Troy Dale whipped the door open pretty quickly and nearly tagged the 7 year-old in the mug. As most mothers would do, she asked Troy Dale to be more careful as he almost hit her daughter and Troy Dale went the *$#% off. According to a CB employee, the ruckus unfolded thusly:

One Cracker Barrel employee, who asked not to be identified said when Hill politely told West to be careful, he went on a racial tirade.

The employee said Hill told West, “Please don’t do this, I’m in the military,” to which West responded “I don’t give a f***you black n***** b****and then started punching her." The employee said "I saw the foot motion of him kicking her. As he was punching her, he called her a black n***** b**** twice."

Pretty vile stuff and a nice way to reward a military vet for her service to the country. First, a homey never has cause to raise a hand to a shorty unless she's comin' at him with a pot of hot grits. Second...hmmm - doesn't seem to be a second in this case, because 'First' is about as basic as it gets. So because racial words were used in the beatdown, this incident got tagged as a possible 'hate crime' and some folk are up in arms that the Belleville incident didn't and want to smell a double standard.

To ol Ty - it really doesn't matter! What should matter is that the beaters - in both cases - get their legal just desserts as it appears they were all in the very wrong (tho ol Ty further contends that any fool who beats a woman - particularly in front of her child - needs an extra special judicial a$$ whoopin'). That's about as simple as it should be because again, if neither vignette involved mixed races we wouldn't even be talking about it. Wrong is wrong and, for those who want to continue to beat the racial flames in either incident, I refer you back to Papa Malone's wise words - 'Sit down and shut up'.


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Whitney Houston: Don't Call It A Comeback

Wassup, Y'all!

Okay, I'll admit when I heard the promo for Whitney Houston's upcoming September appearance on the GMA Summer Concert series, I had to stop and peep it.

They threw out all the accolades y'all - Global Superstar, the only artist to have seven consecutive multi-platinum albums, music's most awarded female artist of all time and that the countdown is on to the most anticipated morning television concert event of the year since Michael Jackson died...maybe ANY year! It was all workin' for me y'all - the clips showcasing her incomparable voice back in the day and that '91 Superbowl National Anthem rendition that still gives a brother chills (not to be confused with the Marvin Gaye Gold Standard tho). Then old girl opened her mouth at the end of the promo and the illusion died harder than Hans Gruber at the Nakatomi Plaza...

Despite the make-up, ol girl looks like she's lived the hard life these last few years, which we all know she has. But if I'm willin' to be on the bandwagon for the Mike Vick 2nd Chance Tour then I certainly need to give equal time to sister Whitney, but I'll be on pins and needles when ol girl steps to the mic live for this concert. I'm not sure she still has those magical pipes. No, not the crack pipes, y'all. I'm talkin' 'bout her vocal pipes. If you listen to the clips ABC pulled together for her promo, I'd put that pre-2K voice up against ANYBODY. Ol girl could sang! Now? Ol Ty's a little fretful.

And how many times has ol girl tried to comeback? Certainly less than Brett Favre but still more than enough for a brother to say, 'Look - either comeback or go away but don't keep a brother hanging!' Still I give her credit for avoiding that music career black hole that has swallowed many a promising career. Where's Nelly been? Chingy? Is that brother still 'one call away'? Still at the Holiday Innnnn? Jaheim? Heavy-D? Anyone seen 'the overweight lover'? Shaggy? Shabba Ranks? Shabba! Either one of the 'other two' Destiny's Child shortys? Man - I don't even remember their names Kelly & Michelle! Ja Rule?

Y'all feel me. Music is a tough business. It's always what have you done for me lately? How many records can you sell this go 'round? Less than before? Sorry - we're gonna have to drop your non-producin' a$$ from the label. So in that light, Whitney's already ahead of the game. She's built a big enough legacy that folk are still willin' to bankroll a comeback tour.

Ol Ty will be watchin' in September to either see the phoenix rise from the ashes or the final fall to earth. Either way it should be entertaining. Break a leg, Whitney.



Monday, August 17, 2009

Mike Vick, Donte Stallworth and Tiger

Wassup, Y'all!

I know, I know. First, where the heck you been, Ty?? Second, how'd Tiger get on that list? As for where've I been, I've been out, y'all. I haven't been feelin' it lately and I'm still tryin' to get my feet under me up in NC. It's comin' together slowly but I've had more distractions goin' on than a blind man with a lit candle in a firecracker factory. Suffice to say that they've all been good distractions but ol Ty needs to get his focus back.

As for Tiger being listed in the company of Mike Vick and Donte? We'll just count him as another homey who straight shocked the hell out of ol Ty. Two BIG snaps up to east side home Y.E. Yang for becomin' a smiling, shot-makin' piece of Kryptonite to the golfing world's Superman. Daaaaaaaamn, Tiger - that's GOTTA hurt! Now about Mike and Donte...

I caught the transcript of Mike Vick's 60 Minutes interview that followed Tiger's improbable implosion and, of course, it sounds like Mike Vick is sayin' all the right things. I'm on the bandwagon of lettin' homeys who have paid their judicial system determined debt to society have a second chance. I have to admit though that Mike Vick's confessions of guilt and disgust at his actions seem to ring a bit hollow. After all, this is the same homey who, in the midst of the swirling allegations, stood up and lied about his innocence and professed his intent to 'clear his good name'.

Well we know the end of that story so ol Ty can only hope that Mike Vick is sincere this go 'round because there's no coming back for Chance #3. Seems to me that there's a pretty big contingent of folk who don't even want to see him get Chance #2 and that ol Ty begs the question - 'What's the purpose of prison?' Or the multi-million dollar fines and restitution? I know the crime was heinous but there are actually people who killed other PEOPLE walkin' the streets getting less grief than this brother. My take - sit back and watch. If he walks the straight and narrow - get up off all that woofin' and let the brother become a productive member of society again. If not, I'll be right there with y'all to throw the first brick.

As for Donte Stallworth, wow. I'm conflicted on this brother too, y'all. Based on the light sentence he received for DUI manslaugher from a court of law (30 days, 24 days served), you have to believe that the accident was unavoidable and that he had the ultimate bad luck of it occurring after he had a couple drinks. But homey's behavior immediately after the tragedy and since then has, in my opinion, been exemplary and quite the opposite of the deceptive road that Mike Vick traveled in his desperate attempts to save his career and endorsements.

Donte, made the 911 call from the accident scene - no hit and run - despite the fact he knew he'd been drinking. He paid restitution to the man's family and he manned up to the charges and the repercussions. To hear him speak on the accident, ol Ty believes that it changed him FOREVER.

If you drive long enough you eventually will hit somethin' live - a squirrel, a bird, a raccoon, a skunk, a cat, a dog, a deer - somethin'. And we all know that sickening, squeamish feelin' we've had afterward, mostly stemming from the thought of the animal getting crushed as well as the sound and bump of the car while the car is rollin' over the remains. Donte experienced all that with a PERSON rollin' under his car. There's no rewindin' that experience out of your brain. That's somethin' the brother will have to live with the rest of his life.

When the NFL Commissioner handed down his sentence of 1 year suspension without pay, you didn't hear a bit of cryin' from Donte. No threat to get the Players Union involved to reduce the sentence and 'allow a man his livelihood'. A lot of fools in the NFL involved in similar circumstance would have tried to pull that bull$hit so I'm givin' props to Donte for really being a man during this whole ordeal. Hopefully, his peers in the NFL will take note.



Monday, July 27, 2009

Ty's Top 10 Web Videos

Wassup, Y'all!

It's Monday and those of you not livin' in your mama's basement and doin' the 9-5 thing probably need a bit of laughter to get your day going straight so I thought I'd throw together a quick Top 10 list for y'all featuring some recent (and some not so recent) web videos that *always* crack me up so. I know that there's a ton of good stuff out there on the web, but these are the joints that speak to ol Ty at the moment. Hit me off after the jump and get ready to get your laugh on (note: NSFW = Not Safe For Work!)...
  1. Star Trek Cribs - The Director's Cut - a classic featurin' my main man Charlie Murphy as the voice of Spock, who's showin' off his crib to the cameras. Bring the power, Scottie!
  2. I'm On a Boat - viral a billion times over on Youtube but this nautical themed, SNL joint is always funny, 'specially since I'm known to sit out in mama's garden from time to time in my flippy-floppies. NSFW - lyrics like an old Richard Pryor joint!
  3. Dick in A Box - the SNL bookend to I'm on A Boat - featuring Justin Timberlake and SNL homey Andy Samberg offerin' their shortys a 'personal' gift. NSFW
  4. Auto-tune The News #2 - a clever use of the auto-tuning effect (T-Pain) to make the news even more viewable than Jon Stewart's Daily Show.
  5. Blame It - Youtube's Obama impersonator-in-chief AlphaCat breaks down exactly why you're feelin' the economic blues.
  6. Tea Partay - straight outta Cape Cod, the Prepstas are keepin' it real! One of many 'nerdsta' video raps that show just how pervasive the rap culture is in advertising and in the northside world. Smirnoff knew the deal and dropped this one to great effect.
  7. All About the Roosevelts - Taco Bell took a page right out of Smirnoff's book and dropped this one for the cheap a$$, late night snack crowd who could only manage to scrap together some nickels and dimes at 2am but still wanted to get their grub on.
  8. Whatever I Like - Alphacat's Obama is back breakin' down just what he can do now that he's President.
  9. Jizz in My Pants - the SNL crew is back, this time with a couple homeys on a hair trigger. Man, just like back in grade school...for some of y'all.
  10. Puke in My Mouth - no list would be complete without the female comeback video. In this case, the shortys came back hard on the Jizz in My Pants concept with their thoughts on how hard it is to keep you lunch down in the presence of some wannabe romeo homeys.
Now if *none* of those videos made you laugh you really need to think about another line of work or head to Cali to catch that medical mary jane wave so you can loosen that tight a$$ up. Stay strong out there, y'all.



Thursday, July 23, 2009

Skip Gates Is A Friend of Mine

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, you know this is a big story when it comes up as a question during a Presidential news conference.

If I was the officer who ultimately arrested Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates in his own home after producing adequate ID proving it was actually his own home and then I had to hear it discussed by the President of the United States, I'd have to be callin' in today with a bad case of the 'Blue Flu'...

I have this to say about that, y'all - Amadou Diallo and Sean Bell. I'm sure everyone will make a little hay with Smooth Barack's comment about had he been caught tryin' to break into the White House that he'd have been shot. Now that statement can be taken a couple of ways but the one I think Smooth was tryin' to eloquate was that the Secret Service don't play when it comes to White House security. Unfortunately, Amadou, a 23 year old Guinean immigrant in NYC and Sean Bell, a 23 year old southsider from NYC both were shot (and killed). 41 and 50 times respectively. Both by officers who were eventually aquitted of the crime despite both being unarmed at the time of their Sonny Corleone style demises.

Skip Gates is lucky that all that woofin' just got him a dropped disorderly conduct charge and a $40 bail postin'. He could still be wedged up in his doorway leakin' from 40+ gunshot wounds after gettin' laid the f*** out. Harvard Professor or no Harvard Professor. Black may not crack but it punctures pretty easily from hot lead. Instead of Smooth Barack saying that 'Skip Gates is a friend of mine' he could have been up there sayin', 'Skip Gates was a good friend of mine'.

We've come a long way, y'all but we have by no means arrived. If ol Ty gets pulled over down here in NC, you can best believe my hands won't leave the steering wheel until requested to do so. No premature wallet reach for ol Ty, y'all. I've seen this play before. So Skip - I'm glad it all worked out for you, homey. Truly I am. But if even Smooth can admit he might get dropped tryin' to get into the White House on a dark night, what makes you think a Harvard professorship will keep you safe from a similar situation?

Nuff said on that.



Tuesday, July 21, 2009

North Carolina, Go on Raise Up

Wassup, Y'all!

If you can't tell by now, ol Ty has been going through A LOT of changes over the past few months. Changes that have seen the passing of Cool Papa Malone, a move by Mama and me to North Carolina (no more Windy, y'all!) and finally the burial of Cool Papa a little less than a week ago at Arlington National Cemetery. That's right, y'all - Malone's have been faithfully serving the nation for three generations now.

The Arlington thing was pretty overwhelming but a well deserved ceremony of naval pomp and circumstance that I know Pop was lovin' from his plush skybox seat.

The North Carolina thing has been workin' for a brother, y'all though I'm missin' my homeys from Winky's Corner Store (DLT! I got you homes - sorry I missed the call. I'll get at you tomorrow!).

I'm likin' the feel and the fact that most of my NC homeys seem to be transplants from other spots just like Mama and me. I've got my new basement pad pretty much fleshed out - Wi-Fi's hooked, flat screen and Slingboxes connected and the PS3 locked and loaded so now it's time to get back down to business.

The Urban Eye's back open starting Thursday, y'all so be sure to check back!



Saturday, June 27, 2009

Curtain Finally Closes on Jena 6

Wassup, Y'all!

According to USA Today, the Jena 6 case - a northside/southside dustup gone bad first reported here almost two years ago - has finally come to a legal conclusion.

It seems a little unsatisfying given the previously reported details of the case since five of the six had to plead 'no contest' to misdemeanor simple battery charges, but ol Ty has to admit that's a far cry from the attempted murder charges first filed against the six.

Seems they could have just come to this conclusion from jump street and saved folks a lot of grief and aggravation but - as with most things now - it is what it is. For the first Jena Sixer tried - Mychal Bell - his earlier conviction on second degree battery charges remains in effect as does is 18 month bid.

Given how heinous this all could have turned out for 'The Six' these boyz have to consider themselves extremely fortunate for 1) the power of public scrutiny and 2) the power of money to hire good attorneys. Similar cases back in the day would have surely netted this crew 20-to-life or worse...much worse. I guess in a twisted kind of way we can call this 'progress'.



Thursday, June 25, 2009

Basement Lights Dim for Michael Jackson

Wassup, Y'all!

You know something serious has happened for Ol Ty to interrupt his moving prep posting hiatus to drop a timely post. More on the move at a future date, y'all but right now, I'm a brother in serious mourning for The King of Pop

To tell you how out of the blue this was for me, I'm doing my thing and get a IM from Lady E. who asked, "Have you heard about Jacko?" To which I reply, "No, what's the fool done now?" To which she replies, "He's dead". To which I reply, "Whaaaaat!? Quit playin'"

Three seconds later I'm tuned to CNN and learning that the talent of the century has truly given up the ghost. Wow. It's the curse of the threes, y'all. Ed McMahon, Farrah and now MJ. He was the Mike everyone wanted to be like way before Jordan brought his tongue waggin' to the court.

I prefer to remember Mike from his Off The Wall/Thriller days before he completely morphed from a southsider into a soft spoken alien being, but boy did homey leave behind a body of work that will never be duplicated.

Rest in Peace (finally) brother Mike. And seriously, dude - thanks for the many, many memories.



Monday, June 15, 2009

Think Iran's bad? Let Something Happen to Obama

Wassup, Y'all!

The ruckus in Iran is pretty intense, but I'm glad to see that the Iranians aren't playin' the fool any more and are willing to sacrifice life and limb to fight for what they believe is right.

In this case what's wrong appears to be a minority candidate that got backdoored out of the Presidency by the incumbent who's intent to hang on to power by any means necessary. What's right is those who don't believe in the bogus election returns gettin' all Public Enemy-like to fight the power.

I shot a tweet out yesterday that alluded to me thinkin' this is how we should have reacted when GW stole the 2000 election. I know folks are thinkin', 'Now Ty, you know we're more 'civilized' over here and we resolve our differences through the court system'. True, but what happens when the (Supreme) court system fails you as well? I'm thinkin' in that case the only recourse is to take to the streets Iranian-style...

In the aftermath of the recent right-wing madness that culminated in the assassination of George Tiller by an unhinged 'Pro-Lifer' and the senseless murder of Steven Tyrone Johns, the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum security guard killed by an old school, unrepentent, life long white supremacist type, I'm noticing a palpable uptick of nervousness among my southside peeps related to the health and welfare of Smooth Barack. The cause of this nervousness can't be better expressed than it is here by Frank Rich's Washington Post Op-Ed piece entitled, 'The Obama Haters’ Silent Enablers'. I dare any Smooth Barack supporter to read that joint without having her hair stand on end.

Essentially, it makes the point that if there's some right-wing nutjob willing to take out a George Tiller based on his belief that he was a mass-murderer - a view fueled by right wing commentators - Bill O'Reilly in particular. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize the real danger posed to the first southside President given the insane, irrational and false rhetoric that continues to pour out of the conservative right-wing ranks. Things like Smooth is really a closet Muslim (no that didn't die during the election) or that Smooth is not a natural born citizen (no that didn't die during the election) or that Smooth is no longer a Socialist (which he isn't) but is actually a Fascist or that Smooth is a part of of a 'dangerous global movement' known as the 'Muslim Brotherhood'. Every last one of those assertions is false yet it doesn't stop desperate conservatives from continuing to put it out there and consistently refusing to step up to refute any of it.

So say you're the next James von Brunn or Scott Roeder - an idiot with a gun, some bullets and a death wish - whose head is filled with this non-stop barrage of garbage about the President? What would you do? Exactly. Which brings me to my final point, y'all. Let some madness like that jump off and what will happen here in the street will make this Iran ruckus look like a southside family reunion once all the liquor is gone and folks who haven't contributed to the food start breakin' out their tin foil to take home most of the leftovers.

Y'all remember what happened in the streets when MLK got assassinated, right? Small potatoes, y'all. SMALL potatoes compared to the outcry that will jump off if the same fate befalls Smooth because now, southsiders aren't the only ones with a vested interest in seeing Smooth succeed. It's anybody with more than two brain cells. It's anybody tired of the same old hate-filled, divisive dialog that has been holding back the country's true potential for renewed greatness. It's all those folk who cast a vote for Smooth Barack.

I know what Martin taught - peaceful, non-violence. Yes - that has its place. But if these right-wing knuckleheads keep stirrin' the pot and the worst jumps off?? It's Malcom X all day, y'all. By any means necessary.



Thursday, June 04, 2009

Ty Finally Finishes 'The Wire'

Wassup, Y'all!

Ol Ty just finished the watching the final episode of the final season of the acclaimed HBO series 'The Wire' and is missin' that joint already

I stated shortly after I began my five season, sixty episode, journey that the show had already cemented itself as the best show I'd seen on TV. More than 100 hours later (as I did watch a lot of the episodes in bits and pieces - mostly on my cousin Mike Mike's iTouch) I stand by that. I've seen no episodic series better. The only thing that stands taller is the 'Roots' mini-series...

You want to talk about keepin' it real? Watch this joint, y'all. They didn't take any easy ways out and never went for the unrealistic happy ending in any of the many story threads they expertly wove into a tight, authentic, urban tapestry. You ever wonder why the urban school systems are so jacked up? Watch The Wire and get a clue. You want to know why the urban drug trade is perpetual? Watch The Wire. You want to know just how down and dirty city politics (Marion Berry and Boy King Kwame aside) are or why there always seems to be a sense of futility and inevitability among our southside city folk? Watch The Wire.

Never watered down and always on point. And now, at least for ol Ty, it's over and I'm takin' it real hard, y'all. I looked forward to every episode and I'm not sure I could have even watched that joint conventionally - a week at a time with a long, cold summer in between each fix. The iPod route was definitely the way to go. It got so bad that ol Ty was actually hopin to get caught in line or have a long a$$ wait in the doctor's office or airplane gate so I could just catch an episode undisturbed. That's when you know it's good, y'all. When you're actually fiendin' for the next 'hit' and when the credits roll after you've mainlined it, the first thought in your mind is 'Damn, that was deep' followed by 'Do I have enough time to squeeze in just a little more of the next one?'

I can't believe this joint never ended up the most lauded series on TV. For five seasons it stayed just out of the limelight - appreciated only by those in the know who all uniformly also considered it the best show they'd seen. It's like going to a broadway play and watching certain unknown actors sing, dance and act circles around any Hollywood star you've ever seen and you asking yourself how it's possible that they aren't themselves big stars? Then you consider yourself fortunate for having seen a true, undiscovered gem. That's The Wire, y'all.

Props to Lady E for puttin' ol Ty's feet on the path. I owe you big, homegirl! Hopefully, if this post encourages you to take your own peep at that joint, you'll be feelin' the same way about ol Ty. Then after *you* finish Episode #60 and you're lookin' for a sponsor as you dry out from your addiction, I should be ready for your call.



Thursday, May 28, 2009

Why The Sotomayor Pick is Brilliant

Wassup, Y'all!

This is the kind of stuff that happens when you have someone with an IQ higher than a potato sitting in the Oval Office. With his selection of Sonia Sotomayor as his first (and hopefully first of many) Supreme Court picks, Smooth Barack has set in motion a chain of events that will have the Hispanic (westside) population trending Democratic for years to come. How? Follow me into the jump, y'all...

When it comes to Supreme Court nominations, y'all know just how it goes. The opposition party does a lot of hemmin' and hawin' and goes out of its way to find reasons why the pick should not be confirmed. In this case, since the opposition party is the Republican party (soon to be known as the Repulsive Party if they don't quit clownin') *and* since the Republicans have a history of shrill, xenophobic, homophobic and sexist knee jerk commentary (i.e. they really don't think through their arguments too well before shootin' off at the mouth with ridiculous statements) you know they're going to be trashin' poor Sista Sonia in the worst ways. And there's the rub, y'all. Westsiders are SKY HIGH over her well deserved nomination and rightly so. Not only does homegirl have a peerless legal resume, but, as Smooth pointed out in his presentation speech, she has a truly American story of hard work leading to high reward.

So this background will be contrast with the crass Republican smear machine that will literally seek to reduce such a well regarded legal mind to a unqualified, activist judge who was only nominated because she was 1) a westsider and 2) a woman. My westside homeys will get to see just how (dis)honorably Republicans will act during this process and how out of touch their views are with the mainstream. I'll bet a tall dollar that by the end of the confirmation process any westsider who identifies with the Republican party now, will be questioning that choice when the dust settles. And that will be all good for 2012, y'all. All good.

The ridiculous Republican jibber-jabber has already started with the likes of Flush Rimjob and Newt Gingrich claimin' that Sista Sonia is a 'racist' and Mike Huckabee (after figuring out what ol girl first name wasn't 'Maria' - too much West Side Story for homey) claim that her seating would turn the Supreme Court into the 'Extreme Court'. The confirmation hearings are going to be MUST SEE TV, y'all. I'm lookin' forward to those joints like a Chicago Style hotdog in the summer.

Got to give it up to Smooth, y'all. He figured out a way to select a supremely qualified Supreme Court nominee, help westsiders realize that southsiders aren't their enemies, teach the nation how to properly pronounce 'Sotomayor' *and* get the westside voting population to see the Republican Party for what it really represents...homogeneous folks out of touch with the changing make up of the country. Well played, Smooth. Well played.



Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day 2009 - Papa Malone

"Cool" Papa Malone

Memorial Day hits home for ol Ty on the real.

Your country thanks you. Your family thanks you. Your son thanks you. Thanks for everything, Pop. Good lookin' out.



Monday, May 18, 2009

Obama Smooths Notre Dame's Feelin's

Wassup, Y'all!

You have to admire that brother. Smooth Barack had *every* reason not to set foot on Notre Dame's campus. Bad PR move, potentially dangerous given how radical Pro-Life folk have become in recent years, no win situation. Put GW Bush in the same position and he'd have conveniently found something equally important to cite as a conflict and reason for not attending. But attend Smooth did - in the midst of the Pro-Life/Pro-Choice controversy - and delivered another thought provoking speech that shows just why he's the right person for the White House...

I can appreciate a President who will engage in debate, discuss topics that are socially difficult and provide thoughtful points for both sides to deliberate. I challenge anyone to view or read that speech and name another politician who could have managed that situation as even-handedly as Smooth did. The Republicans need to take a few notes on how to frame an argument. As Smooth broke it down with respect to arguing opposing views, 'we can do so without reducing those with differing views to caricature'. Amen, my brother. I'm pretty sure Limbaugh, Coulter, Hannity and Malkin will figure out a way to twist that quote into something negative as well. I'm sure they're carving sound-bites from the speech for their broadcasts today with they triflin' a$$es.

I also have to appreciate a President who is consistently seeking opportunities to educate folk on things that may help them check their own views. For the longest, ol Ty has been a serial Notre Dame basher. Touchdown Jesus, Knute Rockney, Fightin' Irish, bladda, bladda, bladda. I guess I'm just not a big fan of spots that come with built in bandwagons and in the midwest, you can find none bigger than Notre Dame. Well a significant part of Smooth's commencement speech focused on Father Ted Hesburgh, former President of Notre Dame. Turns out that 'Father Ted' was also named by President Eisenhower to the six member Civil Rights Commission that ultimate produced the twelve resolutions that would become the famed Civil Rights Act of 1964 (a bill's whose Senate debate brought Martin and Malcolm together for the first and only time). Father Ted proved instrumental in getting the six to overcome their differences and come to a consensus. That's big stuff, y'all. Big stuff.  Stuff that helps me develop a better context of the personalities at Notre Dame and why I shouldn't help the Illuminati with their grand plans (should you not know what the HELL ol Ty is talkin' about - check out the Angels & Demons movie or book - that's a deep plot, jack.)

Bottom line - Smooth again talked about things that needed talkin' about and again reminded folk that, 'we must find a way to live together as one human family'.

Can the church say Amen?


Monday, May 11, 2009

Wanda Sykes Rocks, Then Thrown Under Bus

Wassup, Y'all!

Me and 'Tini Mack were chattin' about the merits of Wanda Sykes monologue at the White House Correspondents Association Dinner - we both liked it, particularly the hard crackin' she did on Flush Rimjob. Smooth rocked it as well but Wanda broke it down the way it needed to be broke and because she wasn't the Prez she could pretty much say it the way she wanted. So imagine Ty's upsetness upon hearing that in the wake of the monologue, the White House thought her comments about Rush were inappropriate (in particular that 'he was the 20th 9/11 hijacker who missed his flight because he was strung out on Oxycontin'). You may think that's strong, but remember, this is the fool who said he wanted Obama to fail at his job - which she equated to Rimjob essentially sayin' that he wanted the country to fail. I contend that that comment is not half as irresponsible as 80% of Flush's outragous daily statements.

I know the WH needs to be a little politically correct, but certainly not when it comes to Flush's big, pompous a$$ so Ty's got to drop a BOO on the Smooth White House on this one. BOO! Quit hatin' on Wanda sayin' what other folks are thinkin'.



Saturday, May 09, 2009

Ty's Sweet Tweets

Wassup, Y'all!

I just wanted to let y'all know that not only am I back postin' I'm back Tweetin' via Twitter too. Y'all can follow the exploits on ol Ty's Twitter Feed. I'm droppin' plenty of tweets during the day, y'all - even scooped that Oprah chicken thing that could have gotten you a free grilled 2 piece (no hot pepper or hot sauce tho).  You can either subscribe to the feed or check the sidebar on the right to see what ol Ty's up to.  Don't say I didn't tell you!

Have a great weekend, y'all!



Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Smooth Barack's Swagga

Wassup, Y'all!

The other night when I watched Smooth Barack's latest primetime news conference, I noted at the beginning they always have that obligatory long walk down the hallway before steppin' up to the podium and ol Ty further noticed that Smooth was kickin' the 'pimp walk' all the way down. Now before y'all get all up on me about using the term 'pimp' and 'Smooth' in the same sentence, note that this is a southside, non-derogatory term. In this context all it means is a cool walk - all relaxed and what not. George Jefferson had an exaggerated version of it back in the day as did cowboy tough guy John Wayne. These days the new term for 'pimp walk' is 'swagga' and as I came to realize, I'm not the only one noticing Smooth's cool a$$ walk. CNN recently got big time cracked on for devoting air time to 'The Presidential Swagga' and even intro'd the piece with a the M.I.A sample of 'Swagga Like Us'. Can't say that crew ain't desperate for news creative....

If you ask me, things are gettin' pretty superficial, y'all. I see more ink spent on 'Chelle's clothes and hair styles than I do on her remaking of the role of the First Lady by being an active mom, volunteer whirlwind *and* First Lady of the nation. Ol girl does have a degree from Harvard you know - it ain't all about J-Crew and White House / Black Market y'all silly rabbits. But I digress.

I always get a good chuckle from hearing my northside homeys (like CNN's Kyra Phillips) droppin' some southside slang like 'swagga' and 'flava'. To her credit, she almost pulled it off - it wasn't as awkward as if say Betty White or Martha Stewart tried to drop those same terms but it was still awkward. However I like the fact that they aren't afraid to dip into such observations about the cultural differences. Kinda reminds me of that old bit from 'Airplane!' where the brothers are talking their jive and the stewardess needs someone to translate and an old northside woman volunteers. That joint's *still* funny!

We need more of that so our northside homeys won't feel threatened or left out by something that's completely innocent - it's just a part of the culture. So ol Ty is appreciatin' Smooth's swagga and ESPN's Stewart Scott's full body embrace of southside slang on the air and filmmakers who don't water down their southside movies so that everyone can get the gags. 

Case in point, I'm up in the show checking out the trailers before that Nicolas Cage movie, 'Knowing' - it's about 20 northsiders and me. Up pops the trailer to that new joint 'Next Day Air' about some delivery guys who accidently deliver a box of cocaine to the wrong apartment much to the glee of Mike Epps and Wood Harris. It's a straight homeys in the hood comedy and you could have heard the crickets chirping in the theater if I hadn't have been crackin' up  - just me, myself and Ty, y'all. Now if that had been the trailer to 'Pineapple Express' or 'Observe and Report' the whole joint would have been crackin' up - includin' ol Ty - so what's the difference??

Knowledge is power - ain't nothing to be scurred of y'all. We don't bite...except for that ludacris Mike Tyson... Y'all need to be more like the aforementioned Nicolas Cage. See his real name was Nicolas Coppola (of the Coppola family fame). Turns out homey is an avid comic book fan and took his stage name, 'Cage' from the comic book character 'Luke Cage' - one of the few southside superheroes. Homey gets it. We need more of that. Y'all feel me on the real, home slice? Check it.



Monday, May 04, 2009

Terrence Howard: The Crying Game

Wassup, Y'all!

I'm all about dignity and self respect, y'all and I have to admit that ol Ty is feelin' that Terrence Howard is losin' a bit of his like his weak a$$ movie director character in 'Crash' where he's sittin' on the curb while some rogue LAPD officers grope his wife. Yeah - that may be harsh but it seems to me that ol boy cooked his own goose with this Iron Man thing.

For those who missed the actuals factuals on that one, it goes a little something like this: T-How was cast in the first Iron Man movie as Tony Stark's sidekick, Rhodey (a significant part in the comic so it likely would eventually become a significant part in this big money movie franchise). He's the highest paid actor in the movie despite not being the star. Either demands for similar payment for IM2, bad set behavior on IM1 or both caused the movie makers to show him the door. As actors are known to do, they mistakenly assume they're irreplaceable but T-How found out first hand just how replaceable he was when the movie makers decided to recast my main man Don Cheadle for the role and leave T-How a$$ out. *sigh* When will they ever learn?...

This is a common Hollywood story, y'all. Don't get it twisted into a Southside/Northside thing. Northside actors have been gettin' drop kicked the same way. Remember David Caruso who was hotter than the sun fresh off the first season of 'NYPD Blue'? Ol boy got the big head, got dropped from  Season Two and spent some tall years in the casting wilderness before landing a key role in 'CSI: Miami'. His career though will never reach those NYPD Blue heights again. The *only* time this works is if the whole cast is in on the embargo, like that 'Friends' crew. They knew each one of they a$$es could be replaced individually, but there was no way the show could really go on if they all got recast. End result there? Copious Coinage. End result for T-How? A case of Whine with a side helping of The Bitters.

Ol boy needs to be careful before he gets branded 'difficult' and finds himself playin' more roles that WHACK Bah Humbug in 'The Perfect Holiday'. A worse movie character ol Ty has NEVER seen. The only thing that saved that movie from a dreaded ZERO spinners was Charlie Murphy and Kat Williams and they could only bump that joint up to a ONE. A word to the wise T-How from a brother who knows - it's hard out there for a pimp. Stop makin' it harder. Shut up, do your thing and make them regret the decision.



Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Why Johnny's a Broke A$$

Wassup, Y'all!

Remember those little exposés that used to come out back in the day exposing the poor job the school system was doing educating tomorrow's youth? Y'all know the ones - 'Why Can't Johnny Read?', 'Why Can't Johnny Write?', 'Why Can't Johnny Get A Damn Job And Move Out?'. Well Sports Illustrated - SI to you and me - started wondering why, after being given so much, that athletes tended to end up broke more often than not.

Before reading the article ol Ty was all like, "If I could just get me some of that T-O money life would be all good. Crack crib, fleet of cars, easy access to VIP (where I'd find Dwayne Wade hobnobbin' with Sanaa Lathan and Gabrielle Union), enough singles to make it rain down at Magic City every night and not have to worry about picking my singles back up like Pac-Man Jones' cheap a$$". That's a pretty good bedtime story, y'all, but just as karma tends to even out life, that other truism that 'a fool and his money are soon parted' seems to apply particularly well to athletes...

The article is pretty eye-opening. It throws around some ridiculous actual factuals like:
  • By the time they have been retired for two years, 78% of former NFL players have gone bankrupt or are under financial stress because of joblessness or divorce (more on that later)
  • Within five years of retirement, an estimated 60% of former NBA players are broke

Now don't go thinkin' that the recent 'economic downturn' had anything to do with this. These knuckleheads were throwin' their chedda out the car window even during the Clinton boom years.

Much of this is attributed to young minds who don't 'have time' to be bothered with the boring details of their money - like how it should last them their entire lives. Instead they outsource the management of their money to third party crooks family members or accountants who are always happy to handle millions of dollars no questions asked. It seems to me that if young southside athletes are going to listen to anybody it would be someone that looks like them and is clockin' major figures like Oprah who consistently says that she *always* signs every check that goes out. Instead it's how many cars can I get, how can I get a Shaq or Kobe crib or 'my boy Rolly really needs a recording studio to jump start his rap career'. Those boyz are all heart and no head - at least no 'big head'.

The 'little head' has also led many a brother into financial ruin. Kanye broke it down with Jamie in 'Golddigger'. There's a reason why honeys don't mess with broke brothers - there's no instant upside. Mess with a rich brother on the other hand and this too can be you Juanita Jordan. According to the article, the divorce rate for pro athletes ranges from 60%-80% and husbands 'routinely lose half of their net worth'. Understandably, agents - to whom athletes are their bread and butter, 'very strongly' recommend pre-nups yet the percentage of pre-nups among athletes is appreciably lower compared with nonathletes at the same economic level. Whaaat? Talk about nose wide open

Still I have to give it up to my boy Dikembe Mutombo. His girl refused to sign a pre-nup the day before their wedding (okay - that is tacky timing). 500 guests were converging on the wedding site - including Dikembe's crew from the Democratic Republic of Congo, yet ol girl still said, 'Hell no' and Dikembe called off the wedding and had to come out of his pocket to the tune of $250K to pay everything off. I guess women without pre-nups also don't fly in 'the House of Mutombo'. Daaaaaaaang, 'Kembe! Don't hurt 'em like that!!

With money flowing like this can a 'Tyrone Malone Athletic Financial Services' business be too far behind? I think not. After all - I still need to get me some of that T-O money, y'all.