Monday, March 31, 2008

Ty lookin' for a baby mama for cover cash

Wassup, Y'all!

I need to get busy and post that joint on Craig's List. Especially after reading how entertainers are now lookin' at 'baby placement' as a lucrative side business and stackin' *tall* paper behind it. J-Lo and her twins pulled in a cool $6 million and now that word has leaked that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins the cover biddin' has 'opened' at between $8 - $10 million. $10 million...for baby glossys. How upside down is that nonsense?? But hey - if folks are willin' to pay it, I'm willin' to do my part. I'm sure an exclusive deal for Lil Ty would fetch at least $4 million. It'll definitely be more than the weak little $2 million Usher's baby's mama, Tameka Foster is holdin' out for...from Essence...

The interesting part about Usher's girl pimpin' their baby to Essence is that according to, Essence is now owned by the same company that owns CNN, People Magazine and Hmmm...Black Voices is owned by AOL and Viacom owns BET (or is that Beelzebub?) so who owns Ebony and Jet now? Telemundo? Even Diddy is cryin' that his little rib tip got shuffled to the back of People magazine to make room for the high gloss glossys of J-Lo's little empanadas. Dang - that's gotta hurt.

Well, y'all don't have to worry about me - ol Ty is an independent operator but it's not cheap keepin' things hummin' here in the basement hence my new money makin' endeavor. Call it New Jack Blaxploitation. The sad part is that with all this cover money floatin' around, you know some B/C/D list celebrities will hook up to have kidz just to try and cash in one last time. What ever happened to posin' for Playboy or gettin' on Dancing With The Stars to revive a weak a$$ career? Y'all need to leave the kidz out of it!



Friday, March 28, 2008

Oprah Losing her Shine?

Wassup, Y'all!

Just caught this blog post over on about an AOL Television poll that asked which daytime TV host 'makes their day'? Normally, Queen Midas Oprah would crush such a question, but in this case the voters went with quirky Ellen DeGeneres instead 49% to 19% - ouch...

Could O's insane popularity finally be cresting? Has old girl finally 'jumped the shark'? I'm gonna need a little bit more to go on than one AOL Television poll, but at some point homegirl will have to surrender her mantle as most popular and influential TV personality. I've heard plenty of grumblin' about her 'selling out' with her new reality TV show 'The Big Give', but I find that kind of chirpin' a little disingenuous given the fact that all the show does is give away money to people in need. Yes, it's a bit exploitative and yes it gives Big O yet another venue to prop herself but I think the show is well intended.

The other angle that folks don't seem to appreciate is her injectin' herself into the 2008 election by actively supporting Smooth Barack. At this point, with democratic voters buildin' up some seriously hard feelings and beginning to separate the party into the Bloods and the Crips (Sister Hillary's runnin' the Bloods, y'all :-) ), I'm wonderin' if that is also havin' a chilling effect on Oprah's popularity - particularly since Sister Hillary's biggest supporters (northside shortys) are also Big O's biggest demographic?

Just something to make you go hmmmmm as you head into the weekend. I'll keep my eye on it and let y'all know if Oprah gives me a call later today for some advice.

Have a good weekend, peoples



Thursday, March 27, 2008

T.I. Soon To Be C.O.N.V.I.C.T

Wassup, Y'all!

Again. You have to wonder what the brother was thinkin' about when he decided that before he hosted the BET Hip-Hop Awards it'd be a good idea to stock up on some machine guns and silencers. Never know when that stuff might come in handy at a BET after-party. For a previously law abiding citizen to consider such tomfoolery would be dumb, but for a convicted felon (as T.I. is) to try it is just plain stupid.

I guess it remains true that you can take the thug out of the hood but you can't take the fool out of the thug. At least homey was smart enough to take the deal but he'll still have to do 12 months up under it. Dang - he and Vick will probably be gettin' out of the slammer at about the same time.

Silver lining? That's gonna be a slammin' 'I'm Free Y'all' party!



Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Obama Girl to Hillary: Step off (the stage)

Wassup, Y'all!

You knew this chick would pop back up at some point but the said part about it? It takes a faux Youtube celebrity like Obama Girl (Amber Lee Ettinger) to publicly state the message that many democratic superdelegates seem unwilling to do - tell Sister Hillary it's time to go so that Smooth Barack can start focusing 100% on John McCain and the fall general election...

By all accounts, Sister Hill seems determined to stay in the race at least until June, but if she can't win the nomination without carrying the party down with her, what would be the point of such a Pyhrric victory? I can think of only one - ego. In that regard (only), Boy King Kwame has nothing on her.

Way back in February my boy D-Splash from tried to deliver this message using the Andy Sipowicz bad cop approach. Now Obama Girl is tryin' to deliver the message using the firm love Dr. Phil approach, but I still don't see any inclination on Sister Hillary's part to exit stage left. That leaves us with the final approach.

It's a well know southsider approach. A necessary skill honed over years of havin' to deal with friends and family who never seem to know when the party's over and when to go home. It's 2:00 in the mornin' and you've still got some knucklehead in your crib, lookin' in your 'frid, wonderin' if you can slap together some eggs before he borrows your car to go on another beer run. In this case, you simply open the front door and say somethin' interesting like "Hey, isn't that Halle Berry?". When he steps in door to look out, you put a foot on his a$$ and give a firm push, then as you close and lock the door behind him you say, "You don't have to go home, but you have to get the hell up on outta here!"

In Sister Hillary's case the superdelegates can pull this off by gettin' her to the door by sayin', "Hey, isn't that a plausible path to the democratic nomination?" before closin' the door and deliverin' the message. Just a thought.



Monday, March 24, 2008

The Audacity of Kwame

Wassup, Y'all!

"I believe that there will be a full airing of all the facts in this case that result in my full and complete vindication." - Brother Kwame Kilpatrick, March 24, 2008 after taking his last hit off the crack pipe

Now anybody can jump on this homey's shenanigans and ol Ty will step completely out of the room. There ain't a bit of defense for this fool or his eye rollin', neck snappin' girl Christine Beatty. Go to any dictionary and look up the words 'fool' or 'hubris' and you'll find pictures of your boy Kwame either texting 'LOL' to C-Beat or sittin' in his jet black, city provided Escalade, on his way to knock boots with C-Beat, eatin' a Popeye's two piece (with the red beans and rice side) and tellin' his driver to hurry the hell up while he pumps 30 gallons of gas and charges it to the Motown taxpayers.

If you can't tell by now, y'all - ol Ty has *no* love for Boy King Kwame and apparently neither does Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy as she dropped the hammer on ol boy with indictments for perjury, obstruction of justice and official misconduct ...

Official misconduct. Boy King has been actin' a fool for the longest and now even under indictment still says 'Damn that' to resigning from office forcing' the good folks of Detroit walk around town with brown paper bags over their heads.

C-Beat did the right thing - ol girl couldn't quit and get out of Dodge fast enough. She was like that high maintenance sister chillin' in the living room with curlers in her hair when her sister's boyfriend and boyz ring the doorbell - instant evacuation. Ex New York governor Elliott Spitz? Same deal - gone in a New York minute. The doorknob is still complaining that it never even got the chance to hit him in the a$$.

Then there's Boy King Kwame who seems destined to leave office the hard way - dragged out by former members of his security detail, desperately dragging this desk down the hall, hangin' on to people's legs, hangin' on to the door before they pry his fingers loose and throw his butt down the City Hall steps like a drunk who's pawed the cocktail waitress at the Town Pump Tavern one time too many.

Boy King's sense of entitlement is simply dazzlin', y'all. Got to give him props for that. And in a way, I can see why he's hangin' on so tight. What's that fool gonna do after he gets convicted and loses his law license? Be a store model for Irv's Big and Tall? That don't keep you in Escalades and Popeye's two pieces, y'all. Maybe he could move to Vegas and be a greeter at Ceasar's Palace like Joe Louis - if it was good enough for The Brown Bomber it's sure good enough for Boy King. Then maybe sometime down the road he could run for mayor of Las Vegas - a city much more suited to his personality. LOL!



Reverend Wright's 'White Noise'

Wassup, Y'all!

Old man Webster defines 'White Noise' as 'a constant background noise; especially : one that drowns out other sounds'. That's exactly what the cleverly edited Youtube sound bites of Reverend Jeremiah Wright poppin' off are doing - drowning out the sounds of the real messages behind his sermons. As I mentioned in my Friday post, it's important to gather your own facts and draw your own conclusions since neither the democratic nor republican PR machines can be trusted to provide the unvarnished truth.

Everyone has an opportunity to listen to more or all of Rev. J-Wright's dishonestly edited sermons to get the context of the infamous sound bites that continue on heavy rotation on conservative radio and TV shows. My brother in the struggle, Skeptical Brother, has even posted a few if you want to get started on that right now.

To illustrate just how disingenuous the '9/11' clip is, the one which outraged so many because of Rev. J-Wrights's use of the phrase 'chickens coming home to roost' inferring that the US 'had it coming' for the 9/11 terrorist attacks, it appears that Rev. J-Wright's biggest criticism should have been that he was unoriginal since the basis of that thought came from a (northside) former US Ambassador - a career US diplomat who spent 32 years in the US Foreign Service and served as Deputy Director of the White House Task Force on Terrorism under President Reagan - a man who has more credibility drawing such an inference than either you, me or a preacher from the southside of Chicago...

Three days ago, the Huffington Post reintroduced the world to Ambassador Edward Peck. It was Peck's comment on 'chicken's coming home to roost' that Rev. J-Wright referred to as described by the HP article:

"I heard Ambassador Peck on an interview yesterday," Wright declared. "He was on Fox News. This is a white man and he was upsetting the Fox News commentators to no end. He pointed out, a white man, an ambassador, that what Malcolm X said when he got silenced by Elijah Muhammad was in fact true: America's chickens are coming home to roost."

Wright then went on to list more than a few U.S. foreign policy endeavors that, by the tone of his voice and manner of his expression, he viewed as more or less deplorable. This included, as has been demonstrated in the endless loop of clips from his sermon, bombing Hiroshima and Nagasaki and nuking "far more than the thousands in New York and the Pentagon and we never batted an eye."

"Violence begets violence," Wright said, "hatred begets hatred, and terrorism begets terrorism."

And then he concluded by putting the comments on Peck's shoulders: "A white ambassador said that yall, not a black militant, not a reverend who preaches about racism, an ambassador whose eyes are wide open and is trying to get us to wake up and move away from this dangerous precipice... the ambassador said that the people we have wounded don't have the military capability we have, but they do have individuals who are willing to die and take thousands with them... let me stop my faith footnote right there."

I encourage all of the outraged to continue their own independent investigation of Rev. J-Wright - a well meaning preacher who has been cast as a bigot and racist, who has been compared to unapologetic White Supremacist David Duke (which is patently ridiculous) and, given the tenor of the hysteria over his comments, would do well to begin wearing a Kevlar vest before appearing in public again. To that craziness - all I can say is SLOW YOUR ROLL, AMERICA!

Be informed, focus on the issues and use the brain the good Lord gave you. In politics, especially when the presidency of the United States is on the line, nothing is ever black and white.



Friday, March 21, 2008

Trinity Truth Squad

Wassup, Y'all!

In the age of the Internet, which now provides a largely unfiltered or fact checked information pipeline directly to 'the citizens', political candidates have had to resort to providing their own 'fact check' sites for people to go to check out the latest whisper campaign, character assassination or outright lies told about them by their rival candidates or their surrogates...

Sister Hillary has hers and Smooth Barack has his. What's interesting is that now because of the Rev. Jeremiah Wright controversy and the associated character assassination of his former church, Trinity United Church of Christ now has its own fact checking site. The Truth About Trinity United Church of Christ - a new blog put together by a Trinity congregate.

I'm all for independently verifying all the information you hear so it might be good for all those who are fired up about brief Rev. J-Wright sound bites they heard to first listen to the whole sermons from which those sound bites came and then make your mind up. I'm not advocating that you take what you read on this new Trinity site as the gospel either. Spend some time getting multiple points of view then draw rational conclusions.

'Because 'Rush Limbaugh /Sean Hannity /Bill O'Reilly' said so' ain't enough, y'all.



Thursday, March 20, 2008

Ty - What's up with all the politics, homey?

Wassup, Y'all!

Yeah, I know. The last few days it's been Smooth TV here in the basement. I'm pretty sure y'all can't tell that I'm really into the election, but for those regular readers who can, I really do plan to flip the script back to a little lighter fare. After all, the PA primary isn't until April 22nd and we can all use a little levity after this J-Wright ruckus. So let me start lookin' through my mail bag to see what's poppin'...

Peabo - pass me that mail, homey. Okay, Diddy denying the LA Times story that his boyz had something to do with the '94 jackin' and shootin' of Tupac...nothing funny there outside of Diddy sayin' he didn't know anything about it. What's next, Peabo? Hmmm...the judge overseeing T.I.'s house arrest says that he can finally leave his crib to attend Easter service. Nothing funny there except for the judge tellin' homey that he better be home by 2:00...just like T.I's mama did when he was little. He was just little knucklehead Cliffy Harris then tho and he didn't even know that machine guns could have silencers...

Next? Oh hey what's this? The entire banned Boondocks episode bashing BET? Yep - I think that will do nicely. Enjoy that one, y'all...unless you work for BET...



Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Obama's search for a 'More Perfect Union'

Wassup, Y'all!

It all had to be said. It should have been said this loudly and this publicly well before now and by a northside president or presidential candidate who should have recognized the national need for such words. But it was Smooth Barack that stepped in - admittedly sooner than he expected - knowing that at some point in his campaign he'd be doing exactly what he did yesterday - saying what needed to be said about the state of race relations in America (if you're one of the few that missed Smooth's 'A More Perfect Union' speech you can read the text here and see the video here).

Few can deny that it was a presidential moment - under enormous pressure and huge expectations from all corners he stepped up and calmly broke down the actual factuals, doling out something for everyone to think about. I'm at a loss to think of any similar seminal event occurring during an election season which tells me that this one is more important than ever...

In a follow up interview on Nightline last night (which finished up this morning on Good Morning America - no, y'all, I ain't been gettin' any sleep!), Smooth continued to break things down. When pressed by ABC commentator Terry Moran about how he would feel if he were in a church where someone was preaching White Supremacy, Smooth called him on it and said that was not a correct comparison. Rev. J-Wright was speaking out (in inflammatory terms) on white racism and that no one in the church was ever espousing the view of black superiority.

Smooth went on to point out two further examples that highlight the racial rift among southsiders and northsiders. The first was illustrated by the polar opposite reaction to the OJ Simpson verdict. He said, 'I was ashamed for my own community to respond in that way, but I also understood what was taking place, which was that reaction had more to do with a sense that somehow the criminal justice system historically had been biased so profoundly that a defeat of that justice system was somehow a victory' He prefaced that by saying he though OJ was guilty (just like ol Ty).

The second example was southside/northside reaction to high profile crime. He noted that when southsiders hear the details about a high profile crime, they're always nervous and hopeful that when a picture is shown of the culprit that he doesn't turn out to be black. The reasoning is that southsiders are conditioned to think that we all get painted by a broad brush and that folks are quick to associate those actions to the race vs. the individual. He told Moran that he (as a northsider) would never feel similar nervousness because those general associations tend not to get made.

Yesterday, for a brief time, I believe I got to feel what my parents felt when they were huddled around their radios back in the day (as I listened to the speech on the radio in the hoopty) feeling pride over the defeat of Max Schmeling by Joe Louis or more significantly at the speeches Martin Luther King, Jr. was making around the country - saying things that needed to be said, pointing to the ideals of this country and challenging everyone to put their money where their mouths were. But more than just feeling pride for the moment, appreciation of the thoughtfulness of the words and admiration of Smooth's courage under fire, my overwhelming feeling at the end of the speech was hope (as corny as that sounds, y'all).

If Smooth can actually pull this thing off, I have to believe that the country will have truly moved forward and finally jump started the process of making the nation 'a more perfect Union'.



Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Big Thang's Poppin': Obama's Speech on Race

Wassup, Y'all!

So here we are. Little more than a year since Smooth Barack announced his candidacy for President on a chilly day in Springfield, IL, the time we (southsiders) knew would arrive is finally upon us. It's time for the 'race discussion' and Smooth is preparing to deliver on this in a major speech in my original hometown, Philadelphia, PA.

The location is altogether fitting since it was in Philadelphia that the country was founded and built on a set of high minded ideals that would initially only apply to one set of citizens (northsiders) and not another (southsiders). This was the origin of the racial experience rift I outlined in my The (Jeremiah) Wright Stuff? post...

It's a rift that made the 'black church' necessary. It's a rift that made 'black colleges' necessary. It's a rift that made 'Affirmative Action' necessary. It's a rift that kept southsiders and northsiders segregated into 'sides' - a phenomenon that still occurs to this day in many states, cities and towns and which still perpetuates a reciprocal suspicion that the other side is 'out to get us', 'up to no good', 'is all about self' and 'can't really be trusted'. All these feelings are understandable since they all come from ignorance and hopefully today, Smooth can begin to 'lift the veil of ignorance' from all sides when it comes to understanding where the other side is coming from.

When his campaign began, southsiders harbored no illusions as to how difficult it would be for a black man (since the 'One Drop' rule automatically makes Smooth black despite being 50% white) to win the Presidency in such a racially retarded country. That's a crack on all sides, y'all - don't get it twisted. Many of us seem to be happier divided into our camps of comfort and building our perceptions of others merely by anecdotal observation verse real person-to-person interaction. Walkin' a mile in another person's shoes takes too much effort - and why bother when you can take a virtual walk by watchin' TV or readin' someone else's words about who that person is? Ask yourself this - how can you judge the content of someone's character without gettin' to know them?

Here's the one thing I do know about all this - we've been a country now for nearly 232 years - since the founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence in a hall just a stones throw from where Smooth will be speaking today - and race is still an issue. Somehow, I have to believe that a presidential candidate who is half black and half white can do more to start movin' us past this ridiculousness than the other candidates who have no such racial investment. The bigger question is: 'Do we really want to move past this ridiculousness?' Given the tenor of the rhetoric flyin' around these days, my sense is 'no', but the glossy to the right illustrates just why we need to. Either we're the United States or not. United States - just words?

Hopefully today, Smooth will give all sides something to think about....



Monday, March 17, 2008

A Different Perspective on Jeremiah Wright

Wassup, Y'all!

Clearly with the events of the past few days involving the 'outing' of Smooth Barack's former pastor Jeremiah Wright, Smooth's denunciation of his remarks and the casting by conservatives some of not only Rev. Wright but the entire congregation of Trinity United Church of Christ and Smooth himself (a man with a northside mother who raised him with her northside parents) as racists, northside and southside nerves have been touched - big time.

As I mentioned in my 'The (Jeremiah) Wright Stuff' post, what this has really done is shine a billion megawatt spotlight on the racial divide in America. There's no better way to highlight this than to reprint the comments of my boy 'Tini Mack, a regular Malone Zone reader who has the unique perspectives of a Trinity United congregate and of a southside homey growing up and living in America. So without further ado, Mr. 'Tini Mack...

In reponse to my Smooth's Wright Rejection and Denunciation post:

"But let us be clear Ty, this shows that in order to run for the WHITE HOUSE, if you have been kissed by nature's sun, you have to give up a CERTAIN part of your BLACKNESS. I ask that anyone who heard the 39 seconds of Pastor Wright sermons to listen to all of it. He is a man who has played a very important part in the Black Church.

The experience of Blacks in America is much different than others who either stole the country or came over by choice. And where as Smooth-B has to play it down in order to still contend for the WHITE HOUSE, then so be it but he lost some points with me as Wright is NOT Farrakhan. But REST ASSURED that Rev. Wright was on the money in both of his sermons much like Minister Farrakhan is. So, in my mind Smooth-B just renounced and rejected the truth of my experience in this country. I'm cool with that 'cause I know you have to sell part of your soul in order to even have a chance at the WHITE HOUSE. I also know that Pastor Wright already knew this was coming and told the congregation a year ago that there would come a time when Smooth-B would have to distance himself from him and the church. So, there is not a fall out in the church. We are simply PISSED that our pastor has been made into a 39 second monster and that is unacceptable.

So, was Pastor Wright wrong when he called for an end to apartheid in [South Africa] a full 5 years before America called for it? Was he wrong to say that the biggest terrorist on the planet today is the USA as illustrated in the dropping of the atomic bomb on a city full in innocent people (not a military site like Pearl Harbor) [actually two cities]? How about letting brothers who had syphilis go untreated as a government experiment? I could go on but let me just end with what Fredrick Douglas said which is how many Africans in America view America while many whites and those who came over here by choice will never understand:

"The blessings in which you, this day, rejoice, are not enjoyed in common.-The rich inheritance of justice, liberty, prosperity and independence, bequeathed by your fathers, is shared by you, not by me. The sunlight that brought life and healing to you, has brought stripes and death to me. This Fourth July is yours, not mine. You may rejoice, I must mourn."

Fredrick Douglas 1852

I wish that one day an African who is running for WHITE HOUSE can stand up and boldly say what needs to be said so that true healing and understanding can begin. Smooth-B is not the one to do this as the country is not ready for real discussions on race.

Sorry for being long on this but attacks have long crossed the lines but now they seek to destroy the works of someone (Pastor Wright) who is more AMERICAN than the Mickey Fickey's who seek to destroy him."

More to come on this, y'all. It's too important to leave undone. 'Tini's not done and I need to weigh back in on this myself since 'Tini left me with my head bowed as well. I'll be back :-)



Friday, March 14, 2008

Smooth's Wright Rejection and Denunciation

Wassup, Y'all!

Didn't take long, but after reading my post from yesterday, Smooth Barack has clarified his position on his former pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright and explains his decision to remain affiliated with his Chicago church, Trinity United Church of Christ...

In his response to the furor surrounding Rev. J-Wright's 'inflammatory and appaling remarks', Smooth had this to say about that:

'Let me say at the outset that I vehemently disagree and strongly condemn the statements that have been the subject of this controversy. I categorically denounce any statement that disparages our great country or serves to divide us from our allies. I also believe that words that degrade individuals have no place in our public dialogue, whether it's on the campaign stump or in the pulpit. In sum, I reject outright the statements by Rev. Wright that are at issue.'

Smooth goes on to clarify that the statements at issue were parts of sermons that he did not attend, nor were they discussed with Rev. J-Wright in private conversation. He closes with the following:

'With Rev. Wright's retirement and the ascension of my new pastor, Rev. Otis Moss, III, Michelle and I look forward to continuing a relationship with a church that has done so much good. And while Rev. Wright's statements have pained and angered me, I believe that Americans will judge me not on the basis of what someone else said, but on the basis of who I am and what I believe in; on my values, judgment and experience to be President of the United States.'

After reading the entire statement, I'm satisfied with the explanation. I'm sure his statement will be micro-parsed by the conservative talk show hosts until November as they try to keep this an issue, but I'm thinking only those who didn't plan to vote for Smooth in the first place will discount this statement and follow along with that ruckus. In my mind the statement clearly delineates Smooth's views on America from those of Rev. J-Wright. 'Nuff said.



Thursday, March 13, 2008

The (Jeremiah) Wright Stuff?

Wassup, Y'all!

If you hop out into the blogosphere today, it's not hard to see just how low things can (and likely) will go in the days, weeks and months ahead. The Smooth Barack vs. Sister Hillary dust up is only the prelude and that's already funky and heading to funkier, but what's waiting on the other side of the democratic presidential nomination?

If Sister Hillary gets the nod (and the country survives a national 'Rodney King verdict Florence & Normandy' style outbreak at the 2008 Democratic National Convention in Denver), we're all pretty familiar with the coming attacks. Here's a sample...
  • Unable to get healthcare passed the first time at a cost of over $13 million
  • Assumed authority over selecting a female Attorney General. Her first two recommendations, Zoe Baird and Kimba Wood, were forced to withdraw their names from consideration.
  • Had the entire staff of the White House Travel Office fired
  • Refused to release the Whitewater documents, which led to the appointment of Ken Starr as Special Prosecutor. After $80 million dollars of taxpayer money was spent, Starr's investigation led to Monica Lewinsky, which led to Bill lying about and later admitting his affairs.
  • Blah, Blah, Blah
Add in some of her recent behavior and that's more than enough for her to spend the entire fall campaign defending allegations. Why do you think that there's a concerted effort among conservative Republicans to get out the vote for Sister Hillary? 1) it extends the democratic nomination process and allows more mudslinging between the candidates, and 2) it opens the possibility that Sister Hillary will win the nomination giving the republicans the fall candidate they desire.

If Smooth Barack gets the nod, one look at the Google Hot Trends list today (the list that tracks which search terms are most popular at any given time) will show you where the conservative republicans will be heading. You'll see the name 'Jeremiah Wright' firmly stuck at #2 on that list. Reverend Wright was Smooth's former pastor at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago. He's cut in the mold of Malcom X - a fierce advocate of southside rights with no sense of political correctness when speaking. There have been drips and drabs posted about Reverend J-Wright - most popped up when folks were trying to splice Smooth and Louis Farrakhan together.

Today, Good Morning America's investigative correspondent, Brian Ross, put J-Wright on full blast by splicing together clips of his most 'incindiary' sound bites. In one such bite J-Wright inferred that the 9/11 attacks were a case of 'chickens coming home to roost' - the result of American policies overseas. Publication of this comment can only serve to turn off northside voters the same way Malcom's ill timed 'chickens coming home to roost' comment did in the wake of the JFK assassination.

There is no justification for terrorism - foreign or domestic and I'll admit that if you're a northsider listening to those collected sound bites, you'll definitely be taken aback since several of the bites don't hold the American experience in complete fondness. So just like the Republicans pounced on people who disagreed with the conduct of the 'war on terror' by labeling them unpatriotic, the same will be happening here with Smooth, the entire congregation of Trinity United Church of Christ and anyone who dares to think that there are both good and bad things about America.

The binary view of the world espoused by GW ('you're either with us or against us') is now the entire convervative republican philosophy - the war is either just or unjust, America is either good or bad.

That's the kind of environment that got 'Chelle into hot water with her 'For the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my country' line. Historically, southsiders and northsiders have had uniquely different experiences in this country. When southsiders arrived, despite a Declaration of Independence, which held that 'All men are created equal' southsiders were slave labor and considered 3/5 of a human being. When southsiders tried to exercise our equal rights under the law, we were beaten, firehosed jailed and killed. When southsiders asked for help in New Orleans after a devastating flood, well we know how that worked out. There is a 'racial experience' rift in this country that can't be cloaked in stars, bars or red, white and blue.

Make no mistake, there is no greater country than the US, but it, like all things, isn't perfect and highlighting J-Wright's more controversial comments will only serve to highlight this glaring gap in racial experiences. It's the elephant in the room that needs meaningful dialog to bridge, not nationalistic platitudes. It's a discussion, which can only be faciliated by a leader who can see the issues from both sides - a leader who has experienced these issues from both sides. So given all that, I ask you this: Who would be the better candidate to facilitate that discussion - Smooth Barack, Sister Hillary or John Sidney McCain?

Truthfully, that question's not even multiple choice, y'all.



Florida & Michigan: Addition By Subtraction

Wassup, Y'all!

I caught an interesting blog post the other day that becomes more relevant by the day as Florida seems to be heading for a mail-in revote and Michigan is still trying to figure out what the heck they want to do. Despite both states being warned that they would be stripped of their delegates if they moved their primaries up, despite both states willingly doing just that, despite all democratic candidates agreeing not to campaign in either state, despite Smooth Barack going the extra step of removing his name from the Michigan ballot, these two states are *STILL* in play.

Sister Hillary has shown a shameful eagerness to flaunt the rules that she originally agreed to and her 'Win At Any Cost' wardrobe fits better by the day. She kept her name on both state ballots, did undercover campaigning in Florida under the guise of 'fund raising' and held a victory rally to celebrate the meaningless Florida election results. Since then she has included Florida in her list of 'won' states and now is demanding that either the original vote stand or that there should be a re-do primary vote. Clearly while Bill couldn't inhale, Sister Hillary has smoked her joint into a roach.

So what's Smooth to do in the face of this madness? Well Joseph Lane, an Obama supporter over on the Brittanica Blog, thinks he should concede both Florida and Michigan to Hillary now - a concept that initially seems to also smack of madness until you think through the details...

Joe's logic (which preceded the Mississippi primary) went like this:

'Today, after winning in Wyoming, we lead by somewhere between 141 (CNN) and 155 ( pledged delegates. We might reasonably expect to expand that lead to 160 or more by the end of the week with the completion of the Texas caucus results and another victory in Mississippi. If we concede Senator Clinton 60% of the 313 delegates from F&M on Friday, she would gain about 64 delegates. Therefore, on that day, we would still lead her by nearly 100 pledged delegates (maybe more), even with F&M in her column. The chances that she can make up 100 delegates in the remaining states, even with a 10-12 point victory in Pennsylvania, are virtually nil.'

I've checked the math (and this assumes that Smooth gets Michigan's 'Uncommitted' vote count) and tho the delegate lead is smaller than mentioned here, the principles look pretty sound - take the high road, get Florida and Michigan out of the way and essentially split the remaining delegates all the way to the convention arriving with a delegate intact. No last minute surprises, no need for back room wranglin' or a brokered convention. Man, that sounds like win-win to me.

I've sent a copy of this post over to my boy Rollo at Ray-Ray's Ribs and Cheese Steaks down on Broadway in Philly. I expect Smooth to be fallin' through there soon on a campaign swing. I've asked Rollo to slip this post in his bag between the complimentary cheese steak hoagie and Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets. No way he can't miss it. Check your local news cycles to see if Smooth takes the bait...



Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Drop Squad's Most Wanted: Ward Connerly

Wassup, Y'all!

Should Smooth Barack take office in January, his *first* order of business shouldn't be health care, gettin' troops out of Iraq or stabilizing the economy. No, the most important thing for Smooth to do his first day in the Oval Office is to task the Drop Squad to finally take out Ward 'Big Con' Connerly. I first posted my thoughts on Big Con a couple years ago and my feelins on homeboy haven't changed a wit. What has changed in that time? Since bamboozling Californians into approving his anti Affirmative Action initiatives, Big Con has added Washington and Michigan to his 'Dupe Troop'.

Big Con, the self appointed savior of the minority nations by rehashing Clarence Thomas' 'Boot Strap' mantra, is back at it again by attempting to get similar referendums on five more state ballots in November - Missouri, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Arizona (be interesting to hear John Sidney McCain's view on this...), and Colorado...

I still contend that Big Con and his cut buddy Clarence Thomas, are a couple of misguided brothers and it's got nothing to do with their fondness for hangin' out with noted conservative, drug abuser Rush Limbaugh. Now Big Con was born in 1939 and C-Tom nine years later in 1948. By my calculations, during this time southsiders were gettin' lynched with regularity in the south, George Wallace had yet to utter his whack 'segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever' line in his 1962 inaugural address, Chaney, Goodman and Schwerner had yet to be killed and buried in an earthen dam and 14 year old Emmitt Till had yet to be 'brutally beaten and had his eye gouged out before he was shot through the head and thrown into the Tallahatchie River with a 75-pound cotton gin fan tied to his neck with barbed wire'. Yet somehow, both homeboys managed to attend and graduate from college with C-Tom going on to also graduate from Yale Law School.

Now I ain't sayin', I'm just sayin' - to hear these two brothers tell it, all that occurred due to their own blood, sweat and tears. I'm not going to debate whether that's true or not but I do contend that if you aren't allowed in the door - it doesn't matter how much blood, sweat and tears you have.

I'll be the first to admit that Affirmative Action - as implemented - is a flawed system, but its original goals - to provide equal access to education, equal opportunities for jobs and equal access to business opportunities with a preference toward those more disadvantaged are valid. In Ty's world, 'disadvantaged' isn't something soley owned by minorities. It applies to poor northsiders as well. It applies to any group that's not well connected, well funded and well kept (in an unbroken home). Education is the key to a better life and that's a gift that keeps on givin' - generation to generation. So if preference needs to be given to help the have nots compete with the haves for that slice of the American Dream - I'm all for it.

So if you see ol Ty drivin' the Drop Squad van through any of the five states listed above, with a Clarence Thomas mask on lookin' for my 'homey' Big Con - don't hate. Just point a brother in the right direction.



Monday, March 10, 2008

Can Blacks and Hispanics Get Along?

Wassup, Y'all!

It's not quite West Side Story with the Jets (northsiders) and the Sharks (westsiders) (particularly since they wrote the southside Crunks gang out of both the Broadway and film versions of the story...), but with the clear division of Democratic political affection apparent in the Smooth Barack / Sister Hillary race, ol Ty is detectin' an uptick in the southside / westside Animosity Meter. In recent days that bad boy has been clickin' like a Geiger Counter at Chernobyl. For sure, the Democratic Presidential race didn't start that pot simmering but recent events have definitely turned up the heat...

Pressure valves have been slowly opening on this for a while now and there's plenty of blame to go around. By far the largest of those is the displacement of the southside nation as the country's largest minority by our westside homeys. Power shifts are never easy on the displaced party be it politically (Bill Clinton out, G-Dub in), culturally (westsiders in, southsiders out) or in-house (Obama in, Jesse, Al and the rest of the old guard civil rights leaders out) so the environment, by its very nature, starts out tense.

Add to that suspicion and fear that job and advancement opportunities will be siphoned away effectin' your paper and your ability to provide and you start to hear the steam pipes rumblin'. Add to that southsider's overwhelming support for Smooth Barack and westsider's similar sentiment for Sister Hillary and you start to feel the steam pipes rattlin'.

Prior to the Texas Primary, old school Adelfa Callejo, an 84 year-old Dallas lawyer and civil rights activist, spoke her mind and provided a glimpse into some hard westside feelins that also factor into this. She said, "when the blacks had the numbers, they never did anything to support us. ... There's a lot of hurt feelings about that. And I don't think we're going to get over it anytime soon." And there's the rub, y'all. I can't say that I disagree with this sentiment, though I think the primary reason for this was our focus on bringin' our own issues to the table to get them addressed, but it's also true that many of our issues transcend just the southside nation and apply equally to westsiders, eastsiders and othersiders - things like fair and equal access to higher education and jobs for instance. Our unfounded fear was that by being inclusive and providin' access to other sides, the message would get fractured, diluted and ultimately ignored.

Still I can see how hard feelin's can linger and how this will continue to linger until a democratic nominee is selected, but it damn sure shouldn't stop us from comin' together in the fall to support a common Democratic candidate, particularly if that candidate happens to be Smooth Barack. Now if it turns out that Smooth is the nominee and our westside homeys decide to switch their vote to John Sidney McCain because, as Ms. Callejo puts it, "Obama simply has a problem that he happens to be black", then we'll clearly have bigger fish to fry on this issue.

But I don't see it comin' to that point, y'all. We have more in common than we think. Fried catfish and empanadas never hurt anybody. Reggeton is good because it mixes the best of both worlds on top of thumpin' a$$ beats. We can get along, express our differences and work together on this - everybody just slow your roll.

Now I know some of you are sayin', 'No we can't', but as Smooth always says, 'Si se puede'!



Thursday, March 06, 2008

Ty Nasty Alert: Lemon Wedges

Wassup, Y'all!

I heard about this one from my boy Cat Daddy about a month ago and somehow it got misfiled down here in the basement. Apparently, those lemon wedges that you get for your water, soft drinks or tea at restaurants aren't always that clean and refreshing.

Now Cat Daddy is about the cleanest brother you're ever going to meet - crib is spotless, hoopty is spotless and he washes his hands about twelve times a day (which is good - I ain't tryin' to crack!), so when he dropped this nugget 'I'm like yeah, yeah, whatever'. But then I thought about it and the reasons why those lemons aren't always clean and refreshing made some serious sense to a brother so I started puttin' mine to the side...

Then one day I'm lunchin' with Cat Daddy and my boy 'Tini Mack at Famous Dave's. Me and 'Tini order the Sweet Tea and Cat Daddy his obligatory Diet Pepsi. All three hit the table with fat lemon wedges on the rim. Me and Cat Daddy both move our lemons to the side while we watch 'Tini squeeze his lemon into his tea and drop in the rind. That's when I nudge Cat Daddy and say - 'Homey must not have heard about the study'. 'Tini asks, 'What study?' We fill him in and he commences to callin' us both Mickey Fickeys as we crack up. Ahhh, lunch with the homeys.

Anyway, use your own discretion with those bad boys when you're out and about eatin' and drinkin'. Truthfully, with all the news about bad beef and lemon wedges and people with nasty sanitary habits roamin' (and workin') in restaurants, it's a wonder ol Ty even eats out in public anymore. I finally got mama to wear a hairnet when she cooks for me so I may start to take more and more of my meals here in the basement. Then I can cut my own damn lemons for my Sweet Tea.



Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Hillary 3-1: Mama Nooooo

Wassup, Y'all!

Well that was disappointing. I know Smooth's delegate lead will pretty much stay the same and there's no mathematical way that sister Hillary can overcome that lead without running the table on the rest of the states by big margins or by brokering a deal with the Superdelegates or figuring out how to make the Michigan and Florida results count (I found it interesting that Hillary listed Florida as one of her 'won' states in her victory speech last night, despite the fact that no one campaigned there...). Still, ol Ty is wakin' up today feelin' bamboozled.

I have to give it up to ol girl for continuing to find a way to tip things her way in the eleventh hour - the Red Phone thing, the Canadian thing, yada, yada, yada. It would have been nice to see a definitive end to this thing since John Sidney McCain has wrapped up the Republican nomination against competition that was exposed as exceedingly weak.

Ah well - on to Wyoming on Saturday and Mississippi next Tuesday. I expect two wins there but I'm also lookin' for the next thing to come out of sister Hillary's sleeve. That chick is Houdini in a skirt.



Tuesday, March 04, 2008

The Debate about SNL's Obama Choice

Wassup, Y'all!

If you've tuned into Saturday Night Live lately, you've no doubt noticed that they've chosen SNL cast member Fred Armisen to parody Smooth Barack Obama. If you've read the news lately, you've no doubt heard the mini-controversy about SNL creator, Lorne Michael's decision to go with and stick with Armisen as the shows Obama mimic.

Several racial demographics have been attributed to Armisen - northside, eastside and even westside, but no southside, hence the controversy. Personally, I've got no beef with a northsider playing a southsider or vice versa as long as the portrayal is positive and tasteful. So if Freddie is the best of the current SNL cast that they can trot out to parody Smooth, that's cool, but here's my overall issue with SNL (beside it no longer being very funny), with all the southside comedic talent in the country, why does it always seem so hard for them to find and hire more?...

Before Freddie A. got the Smooth gig, there was big yappin' going on from SNL about their plans for a big search for a Smooth mimic, a search which would presumably bring in a number of southside comics. Well just like Dick Cheney's VP search lead to him becoming the VP, SNL's search lead to one of the existing cast members assuming the role. Hold up. In NYC alone, you ought to be able to find at least one southside comedian who can do a Smooth impression at least as well as Freddie's. Sounds like weak a$$ lipservice to ol Ty. Very weak.

In fact, SNL's entire history of fieldin' southside comics is pretty weak. A quick look over at IMDB shows, by my count, nine southside cast members since the show began in 1975:

Garrett Morris
Tim Meadows
Tracey Morgan
Eddie Murphy
Chris Rock
Finesse Mitchell
Danitra Vance
Maya Rudolph
Kenan Thompson (Current Token in Residence)

Late last year, the rumor was that Kenan Thompson was plannin' to get into game shape to play Smooth. He wanted the gig, but since K-Thom is still a biscuit away from 300 lbs. he couldn't match up with Smooth's wiry physique. So we're left with this, y'all : 33 years of SNL. Nine southside cast members. And now the contention that they can't find one to be the show's Smooth Barack mimic - a gig that could run for 8 years. Somehow, I just don't find that funny.