Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Kobe Better Than Michael??

Wassup, Y'all!

That's the provocative (and well supported) theory posed by sports shorty Jemele Hill over on ESPN.com's Page 2. Here in Chi-town, folks have ended up in the Chicago river sporting cement swim trunks for even whispering such outrageous basketball blasphemy, let alone writing it down! In a city where members of the '85 Bears still receive the red carpet treatment, you have to know that there's already a drop squad heading to Jemele's crib to 'readjust' her thinking on this matter. Now frequent Malone Zone posse members know ol Ty ain't got the first bit of love for Kobe 'Cane Sporco' Bryant (hit the Babel Fish translator to break down that bit of butter soft Italian, y'all) but Jemele lays out a pretty convincing case that has me switchin' lanes...

Hate it or love it Kobe fans, despite his prodigious basketball talent (which seems to increase every season) and three championship rings, this is the enduring image that will haunt Cane Sporco even after he leaves the game. The 'I Love My Wife' press conference following the very public bustin' out of his undercover shenanigans up in Eagle, Colorado. I'll go on record as saying that had that never happened Kobe's basketball popularity, global impact and cheddar stack would be rivaling Tiger Woods' right now. His wallet would be swole, y'all. Jacked up? Check.

Now contrast that to Jockey underwear pitchman Michael 'Space Jam' Jordan. Hate it or love it Kobe fans but this is the enduring image we'll remember Mike by. Hitting the jumper after shedding Bryon Russell and leaving his right arm J'ed until well after the ball had hit the bottom of the net to win his sixth championship . MJ never hit 50 four games in a row and damn sure never sniffed the air around 81. If Mars Blackmon was callin' MJ 'Money', what the heck would he be callin' Kobe? Federal Reserve? Fort Knox? His game in insane, but it doesn't matter, yo.

Kobe's legend will continue to grow but it will never grow big enough to escape the indelible shadow cast by his completely unexpected and explicable fall from grace in that Eagle, Colorado hotel room. Jacked up? Check.



Thursday, March 22, 2007

Deconstructing Tyrone

Wassup, Y'all!

Oh snap! A brother has *finally* been fount out! Man, it only took nearly three years and over 300 posts to get recognized as the smooth raconteur than y'all know me to be. I was recently hipped to a relatively new novel out there titled: 'Deconstructing Tyrone: A New Look at Black Masculinity in the Hip-Hop Generation'. Now, to paraphase my beat stealing boy Timbaland, I don't know these two shorty authors from a can of paint, but I riffled the pages (tho I must confess I haven't read it all) and they seem to have done an excellent job of capturing ol Ty's good side...

Okay, okay. This joint isn't *exactly* about me, tho the authors could have saved a lot of research by just fallin' through the basement and hollerin' at a player. Penned by shorty journalists Natalie Y. Moore (left) and Natalie Hopkinson (right), D-Con Ty poses the provocative questions: Do you know Tyrone? That smooth-talking, irresistible fellow whose essence is full of swagger, [flavor], rhythm, and flow? Yeah - y'all know me.

With sample chapter titles like: Tyronitity, The Pole Test [gotta love that one], Babydaddy, Tyrone at Work, Raising Tyrone, & Tyrones in Training there seems to be enough of ol Ty to go around.

Be that as it may, what caught my attention was an excerpt from the book that breaks down an urban legend surrounding the Boy King of Detroit, Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and it goes a little something like this - hit it!

From Chapter 1 - 'Boy Born Saturday'

"As the yarn goes, Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, the polical scion and former college football player elected at age 31 to lead the blackest big city in America, hosted a party at the mayoral residence, the Manoogian Mansion, months after he took office in 2002. The party got rowdy, the story goes, with strippers. Supposedly, Detroit's first lady came home early, and promptly beat a stripper's ass, sending her to the hospital."

Strippers? Beat downs? Can you come up with a better hook than that? You had me at 'Party', homegirls. Side Note: When will brothers ever get strippers figured out? Those chicks lead to more heartbreak than psoriasis...tho hey Kwame - I ain't hatin', I'm just statin'...

You can check out more on the book and what the authors are up to on the book's blog. If you happen to leave a comment, don't forget to tell the two Nats that OT (Original Tyrone) Ty Malone sent your azz over there and that I still have a few interview slots open to help them out with their sequel if they're interested. Least they can do is help a brother stack some paper after exposing his flow to the world....



Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Happy 50th Spike!

Wassup, Y'all!

Can it be that Mars Blackmon (Please, baby, baby, please!) is 50?? I think I've caught every Spike Lee joint with the notable exception of 'She Hate Me' which I guess I'll eventually see but didn't feel too drawn to. You can catch a nice retrospective of Spike's career to date in an article from The Columbus Dispatch, which tabs Spike Lee as the 'most significant black director of all time'. Can't disagree with that can you John Singleton? Antoine Fuqua? Chris Rock? Didn't think so. Happy 50th Spike! Lookin' for many, many more, homey!



Saturday, March 17, 2007

Disney FINALLY taps the southside

Wassup, Y'all!

Well it's only been 82 years and a procession of 10 other types of princesses but Disney has finally noticed that it has never rendered an animated, southside princess and decided that now's the time. With the announcement of 'The Frog Princess', an 'American fairy tale musical set in New Orleans during the 1920's Jazz Age', Disney will debut Maddy, a 19 year old chambermaid, a southside homegirl and a character that has some of the hottest female southside talent vying to be her voice...

Now before I get to a discussion of that talent, let me do a little bit of nitpicking with the fact that although Disney has decided to break the mold, I'm a lttle disappointed in 1) the title - Frog Princess? Not Cinderella or Ariel (The Little Mermaid) or Belle (the beauty of Beauty and the Beast) but Maddy, The Frog Princess. Hmmmm...hopefully there will be a logical explanation for that choice when the movie drops... and 2) How you gonna drop a 2D animated movie when the state of the art is now 3D (Computer Generated Imagery - CGI)?? You know the crumbsnatchers are geared for 3D now so when the box office reciepts don't meet the budget, the Disney execs will be going 'See? I told you fools that folks wouldn't buy any damn southside princess!'

If I'm not mistaken, the last big 2D movie out was Sinbad: Legend of The Seven Seas and despite voice talent like Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta-Jones that joint lost about $34 million domestically (give or take a few ducets). No one is feelin' 2D animation anymore, especially after you peep what they can do with CGI.

Now getting back to that voice talent for Maddy. Word is that names like Alicia Keys, Jennifer Hudson and Anika Noni Rose (the third Dream in Dreamgirls) are flexing for the opportunity. I'd have to give the inside track to J-Hud just based on the fact that they can add 'Academy Award Winner Jennifer Hudson' to the movie PR and ol girl is hotter than the sun these days (you have to know that somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight that Beyonce is wondering why her name isn't being mentioned...). Alicia would be a good pick but she'd have to be a dark horse given her homegirl, New York accent (ol Ty is feelin' it but it doesn't seem to fit a 19 year old chambermaid from Nawlins' unless she can mimick that Nawlins Cajun type speak). Should be interesting to see how that race works out.

In the meantime, grudging kudos to Disney for finally gettin' it *and* announcing that Maddy will become a character at their theme parks - good news for biddy bop southside shortys who have been wondering why no princesses there look like they do. Shoot - ol Ty might even chip in for a Maddy doll if they come out lookin' like Alicia Keys...



Thursday, March 15, 2007

Cherokee Nation close Teepees to Southsiders

Wassup, Y'all!

From time to time, ol Ty has to drop it into serious mode and get up on his soap box. Y'all know those times aren't often and, in this case, one of my boyz had to wheel out the box and put my azz on it. Yes, y'all - ol Ty got called out by his boy Top Cat who had this unfiltered reaction to the news that the Cherokee Nation recently voted to "revoke the citizenship of the descendants of people the Cherokee once owned as slaves"...

"Ain't this some S***! This really makes my blood boil. How can someone that was so oppressed as this group attempt this BS?

Like the genocide in Darfur, we are too focused on Anna Nicole, Britney, Paris, Angelina, Brad, the Oscars, the Grammy's, Am Idols, Lost, 24, RAZR, Q, Greys Anat., ER, Sponge Bob, Nick Toons, South Park, ........... , to notice real issues."

- Top Cat

Hmmm, that seems to cover about 99.9% of my posting material. He could have just said 'now ain't this some ol bullsh**t' and left it at that but then I probably wouldn't have gotten the point and the point is key.

Since the 19th century, Indian Nations have been considered sovereign nations - essentially nations within a nation. So when the Cherokee Nation says that it's revoking your Cherokee citizenship, that's a situation similar to the United States State Department revoking your American citizenship - essentially you lose any and all rights associated with that citizenship, including benefits and all fundamental rights to services provided by the nation.

Historically, the Indians and Africans frequently intermixed back in the day and it was common for Indian tribes to 'absorb' African slaves when they escaped their European captors leading to factions of 'Black Indians' among many of the Indian Nations including the Cherokee. In many cases, the Indians would hook the escaped slaves up and hide them but in other cases, just like the Europeans, Native Americans would also 'own' slaves.

"When slavery became part of US law, Native Americans were legally allowed to own black slaves. The Cherokees held the most black slaves out of any Native American tribe. Records from the time period show several cases of brutal treatment of black slaves by Indian masters." No more brutal than this ruckus.

So now we have a situation where "76 percent [of the voting Cherokee Nation] voted in favor of an amendment to the tribal constitution that would limit citizenship to descendants of "by blood" tribe members as listed on the federal Dawes Commission's rolls from more than 100 years ago (this despite a March 2006 ruling by the Cherokee Nation Supreme Court that said an 1866 treaty assured freedmen descendants of tribal citizenship). The Dawes Commission "drew up two rolls, one listing Cherokees by blood and the other listing freedmen, a roll of blacks regardless of whether they had Indian blood".

That's some tacky azz ruckus, y'all because as Top Cat points out, it's not like the Cherokee Nation has ever been on the receiving end of milk and honey kindness from the U.S. government so you figure if a crew was ever going to be sympathetic to the discrimination or ill treatment of others it would be this crew. Yet interestingly, the Cherokees aren't the only one of the 'Five Tribes' to try giving southsiders the bum's rush. The Seminole Nation pulled the same kind of shenanigans back in 2000 before finally backing down and letting the homeys back in.

Yo, Cherokee Nation! Discriminating against Black Indians - seems that's one lesson y'all could have refused to learn from the Europeans who are still discriminating against you.

Shame, shame, y'all. Shame, shame. Free clues available to all who want one down at Winky's Corner Store...



Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Timbaland rebeating the beat?

Wassup, Y'all!

Instead of runnin' around 'feelin' Britney Spears pain', Timbaland's azz needs to man up and cop to reachin' all the way to Finland for the beat he laid on top of Nelly Furtado's jam 'Do It'. Wired magazine (03/2007 - Did Timbaland Do It?) laid out enough OJ Simpson style circumstantial, digital forensic evidence that it seems pretty clear that Timbaland is involved in some creative borrowing that continues to help stack his cheddar....

At issue is a digital track created by Finnish artist Janne 'Tempest' Suni called 'Acidjazzed Evening' back in 2000. Fast forward to 2005 when MTV hired Timba to create a set of ringtones (side note: how do these bad boyz make so much money??). Timba dropped a tight tone called 'Block Party' that sounded strangely similar to Suni's original beat. In 2006, Timba pulled together the track 'Do It' on Nelly Furtado's 'Loose' CD based on his 'Block Party' ringtone and once that bad boy blew up ears all over the world started askin' questions.

For his part, Timba is denyin' the scurrilous accusations in typical hip-hopper fashion tellin' MTV:

"It makes me laugh. The part I don't understand, the dude is trying to act like I went to his house and took it from his computer. "I don't know him from a can of paint. I'm 15 years deep. That's how you attack a king? You attack moi? Come on, man. "You got to come correct. You the laughing stock. People are like, 'You can't be serious.'"

Hmmm, 15 years deep? 15 years deep into copyright infringement maybe. At any rate, the Euros have their 'Timbaland is Whack' campaign in full effect, even pulling together a video that's in steady rotation on YouTube.

It was pretty easy pullin' off this type of stuff back in the day (Vanilla Ice got busted for the same type of ruckus back in the 90's...) but now? In the global digital age? Man, come on Timba! How you gonna do it like that? Break a little bit off for the obscure, unknown Finnish guy - it won't kill you, homey! You're 15 years deep! You're a king! Yes, vous!

In the mean time, y'all can check out Timba and Nelly rubbin' it in homeboy's face as they kick it together this coming Monday (3/19) on GMA's Winter Concert Series. Dang Janne - that's gotta hurt...



Thursday, March 08, 2007

24 Boosting Smooth Barack's Chances?

Wassup, Y'all!

I'm looking at the season ratings for my show 24 and I'm noticing that it's holding steady at #15 averaging about 13.7 million viewers a week. Now based on the fact that only about 1.2 million southsiders are tuning in each week, I'm going to go on record and say that more northsiders than southsiders are watching that joint (go 'head and check my math, y'all if you're feeling dubious). Given that, an educated brother has to ask the question: Can the fact that 24 has featured not one but *two* southside Presidents help boost Smooth Barack's chances as he takes a decidedly non-fictional run at the Whitehouse?...

For those non 24 historical scholars (like NS Shorty), in Season One Maryland Senator David Palmer (played by my boy Dennis Haysbert) was a southside candidate running for President and the target of an assassination plot. Eventually the plot was foiled by super counter terrorism agent Jack Bauer and Palmer went on to become President.

Now here we are in Season Six and somehow, David Palmer's brother Wayne has also been elected President. For the record, David Palmer will always be *the* southside President as "Lil" Wayne comes across as a warmed over, weak azz seconds. I appreciate the attempt but somehow Lil Wayne doesn't come across as presidential.

Now, in my opinion, Smooth Barack comes across as very presidential but there's always that elephant in the room about whether enough northside voters will overcome past prejudices and preconceived notions about who should hold the country's highest office and actually cast a vote for Smooth? I'm thinking that shows like 24 can only help that cause as it provides the positive service of showing a southsider holdin down the job and takin' care of business under some pretty dire circumstances (terrorist nuclear attack, terrorist biological attack, etc.) and at no time do you see rappers smokin' chronic in the Lincoln Bedroom, video hoochies draped over the couches in the Oval Office, rims on the Presidential limo or the President kickin' back with a 40 of Old E. So far, so good, y'all.

Yes, I know it's a fictional show but images are powerful and, in this case, I'm thinking the '24 effect' will be showin' up in Smooth's poll numbers if it hasn't already. Now if a brother can just figure out how to get a fictional, southside President on American Idol and Survivor, we'd be all good...



Saturday, March 03, 2007

JD, Nelly and Pacman Makin' It Rain?

Wassup, Y'all!

My fault for being MIA - ol Tyrone's currently out of the country gettin' his swerve on yet, I've found a free minute to post a thought so that's why I'm so damn late weighin' in on this Adam 'Pacman' Jones ruckus. It's gotten so bad for Pacman that his shenanigans are startin' to look like Britney's right down to his family expressing worry that homeboy is 'out of control'. Yeah whatever, I'm more interested in this whole 'makin' it rain' concept (also now a hot track by Fat Joe and Lil Wayne) and how hanging out with strippers seems to only lead to heartbreak...

Now if y'all will remember, ol Ty broke down the actual factuals on how super producer Jermaine Dupree and rap star Nelly (pictured in the glossy just minutes before they drop Janet's butt off at the crib and head to the local shake club) are old hands at pulling up to any neighborhood strip club and 'makin' in rain' for the ladies inside. For those not in the know, 'makin' it rain' is a ridiculously crazy waste of money where you cash in a large chunk of change - say around $10,000 - for singles, and literally throw the money into the air and let it 'rain' down on the dancer who's meeting your needs. I had to look that up on Google, y'all as I have no personal experience with such ridiculousness myself...

Apparently during NBA All-Star Weekend in Vegas, Pacman tried to horn in on JD and Nelly's fun at the Minxx Gentleman's Club by mixing his cheap azz $3,500 singles with their $10,000 singles. Somehow between the money rain and the take at the door, $81,000 flew into that joint (the event was so lucrative that each stripper had to pay $300 to participate in the night!) , a stripper tried to make a grab for the money on the floor after being warned not too, caught a beatdown, patrons rushed the stage to grab some loot and all hell broke loose ending with three people getting capped (one who remains paralyzed). Depending on who you talk to, the shooter either was or wasn't part of Pacman's entourage (hey it's Vegas, y'all. Nothin' is ever clear there - just ask Tupac) and Pacman's name pops up yet again as he assumes his rightful title as Prince of the NFL [police] Blotter Boyz (the Cincinnati Bengals fill out the rest of the Knights of the Clown Table...)

I like homegirl Temele Hill's take over on ESPN.com's Page 2 concerning how this should all play out. Ol girl postulates that the NFL should institute a three strikes rule and name it after Pacman (i.e. 'The Pacman Rule'). Sounds appropriate since just like in the Pacman arcade game you only get three chances to make good before your game's over. The sooner they do that, the sooner Pacman Jones can stop wastin' time makin' it rain at the club and start tossin' those salads in federal lockup...