Friday, May 30, 2008

Ty's 10 Tips to Save A Ton of Time

Wassup, Y'all!

With so much information flyin' at you everyday from TV, radio and the web, most folks find it difficult to process it all and still have quality time left over to hang out with friends, family and maybe get your bar-b-que on. So just in time for the weekend, here's ol Ty's public service tip of the week - ten timely tips to save you a ton of time. Keep in mind that *not* reading Ty is not one of them!....

  1. If you listen to Sean Hannity everyday, repeat the following for 15 seconds: Barack Obama, Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers, 'What's he hiding?'. When you're done you'll know everything he talked about on the show.

  2. Repeat the same for Rush Limbaugh's show but but add 'Mr. Snerdly' and say it all with a self important air. These two tips alone will save you nearly six hours!

  3. Only watch the last two minutes of a NBA basketball game

  4. Don't start watching NBA basketball games until the playoffs start

  5. Only watch the first five minutes of any CNN news broadcast

  6. When your girl asks, 'Can we talk a minute?' say 'no'. You know it's gonna be waaay more than a minute

  7. When your man comes home late after you asked him not too, don't ask 'So where were you?' or 'So what took you so long?'. Just have a naked picture of you propped up next to the pillow you already put on the couch with a Post-It note on it that says, 'What you won't be seeing until this time next month'. It sends a powerful message, saves you time listening to lame excuses and frees up a ton of 'me' time.

  8. Microwave everything (even your draws)

  9. Iron nothing - buy wrinkle-free gear (or live in a basement with your moms and get the hook up)

  10. Stop reading Top Ten Lists
** Monday, 6/2 Update!! **
For Tips #1 and #2 - also add 'Father Pfleger' and 'Trinity Church' and you'll be straight - may bad, y'all!
** ** **

Have a great weekend, y'all!



Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Beyonce to sing Bond Theme? No, No, No

Wassup, Y'all!

Anyone who is a James Bond aficionado like ol Ty will know that when it comes to singin' Bond movie theme songs, Shirley Bassey is the gold standard. When I heard that the producers of the newest Bond flick, Quantum of Solace, were considering having UK soul singer, Amy Winehouse do the honors this go 'round I was like - 'Man, that's a perfect fit! Similar singing styles, both UK based shorties and both have deep, soulful voices'.

I know, I know. Amy is five alarm train wreck at the moment. True - but ol girl can sang and hopefully sooner or later, something is going to snap her out of her death spiral - what better than a high profile Bond theme gig? Unfortunately, her train wreck continues and that situation has moved her off the table as an option and now rumors are swirlin' that the gig might go to Mrs. Jigga Man! Let me just be the first to go on record with a definitive, 'Oh HELL NO!'

Y'all have heard me weigh in more than once on Beyonce. The only thing more annoyin' than ol girl's weave is her singing voice. Now ol Ty's not saying that 'Yonce can't sing, he's just sayin' that her voice is not in the Bond theme realm. Diet Coke, Juicy Fruit Gum, Mentos, McDonald's - all 'Yonce friendly venues, but J-Bee-zee? Oh HELL NO! How's a brother go about short circuiting' this madness before it goes too far? Aren't there any other Jennifer Hudson roles she can try out for?



On Obama, Curious George and the Georgia Fool

Wassup, Y'all!

I know you didn't think this Smooth Barack T-shirt flap had passed ol Ty by did you? A timely article pointer by Northside Shorty helped me pull it all together but together it is and it seems that once again ol Ty's ringing the class bell to educate y'all (just like I did when some folks thought it was appropriate to joke about nooses and lynching) on why putting a damn monkey on an Obama '08 T-shirt ain't funny either...

The short version is that equating an ape to a southsider is considered a derogatory stereotype that's liable to get you laid the %#@# out if you try it in mixed company. Now good ol Georgia boy Mike Norman, the unabashed purveyor of these T-shirts out of his Marietta, GA store professes there is no racist intent behind the shirts and thinks it's funny because Smooth and Curious George 'look so much alike'. Of course meathead Mike says it's because they both have 'big ears'. Ol Ty's not buyin that load - particularly from a Georgia good ol boy.

But let's get to the longer story of where this nonsense comes from. Most of this controversy can be traced back to Charles Darwin and his theory of evolution. In his later book, 'Descent of Man', Darwin postulated the following jibber-jabber:

At some future period, not very distant as measured by centuries, the civilized races of man will almost certainly exterminate and replace throughout the world the savage races. At the same time the anthropomorphous [i.e., most human-looking] apes … will no doubt be exterminated. The break will then be rendered wider, for it will intervene between man in a more civilized state, as we may hope, than the Caucasian, and some ape as low as a baboon, instead of as at present between the negro or Australian and the gorilla.”

If you managed to stay awake through that and divined his meaning, ol boy was essentially saying that there's an evolutionary pecking order that starts at Caucasian (northsider) runs through lower species such as Negro (southsider), Australian (aborigines) and gorilla before getting to the lowly apes like the baboon. There's an implicit link formed between black races and gorillas - apes - which continues to fuel the explicit thinking that southsiders are an inferior 'species'.

This book, 'Descent of Man', has been attributed by many to be the touchstone of those who espouse ethnic cleansing or want to find justification in portraying southsiders as an animalistic sub-species. This thinking made it over to the US by way of the European settlers and gave rise to popular southern colloquialisms such as 'Spear Chucker' and 'Jungle Bunny' and the retarded thinking that blacks and apes where equivalent.

This isn't the first time this tomfoolery has caused a ruckus. Some old heads may remember when AT&T was called on the carpet for publishing a cartoon in their internal employee magazine which depicted people of the world talking on their phones. Each continent featured a representative person, while Africa featured a gorilla talking on the phone. Yes, y'all - ignorance is not contained in a single Marietta, GA bar - it can even run rampant in the upper echelons of Corporate America. To be honest, during Smooth's campaign I'm shocked that we haven't see more of this type of stupidity. I have to believe that once Smooth secures the nomination, we'll begin to see more overt signs as the status quo becomes threatened.

Unsurprisingly, this ruckus has led to death threats. Not to meathead Mike, mind you. No - these death threat were directed toward pro-latino activists in Georgia who had the nerve to protest these damn t-shirts. That's how upside down this stuff is. I'll say this again to my westside homeys - we have more in common than not and this westside / southside friction is non-productive. Rolling the hoopty down the ave just yesterday, I caught a bumper sticker that said, 'Keep Working Hard! There's a whole lot of immigrants who need their taxes paid'. Y'all know it wasn't referring to Canadian immigrants.

Now I'm not kicking anyone out of the One World / One Race / One Love boat but there's still a lot of work to do and there's strength in numbers. There's nothing innocent about a northside homey stackin' paper from a T-shirt linking a southside homey to a monkey. Don't let the Smooth Barack 'Good Times Express' fool you into a false sense of security. Be happy, be proud, but be alert. Those warnings your grandparents offered about where to be and not to be, what to say and not say to be safe? They're still valid, y'all.

We've all heard that there's nothing more dangerous than a cornered animal. Well ol Ty holds that if this thing plays out and it looks like Smooth is headed to the Oval Office, there's gonna be a harder edge to a whole lot of unappreciative people who don't plan to or don't want to move forward. It'll be a new day, but I guarantee the old day won't go gentle into that good night. Keep your guard up.

In the meantime, for you folks who 'don't plan to or don't want to move forward', may ol Ty suggest a little light reading on the subject?



Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Diversity: The GOP vs. The Bachelorette

Wassup, Y'all!

It's too funny that news outlets are reporting that the republican party is having trouble implementing its 'diversity plan'. reported last week that the 'GOP Fails To Recruit Minorities'. The national response to that was 'Well Duh'. How was that even newsworthy to print? That's like reporting that 'ducks have feathers' or 'water is wet' or 'Sister Hillary won't let go of the democratic nomination until it's pried from her cold, dead hands'.

If y'all want a good laugh then go ahead and read that joint and get your giggle on to factual nuggets like, 'the GOP is heading into the 2008 election without a single minority candidate with a plausible chance of winning a campaign for the House, the Senate or governor' or 'At the start of the Bush years, the Republican National Committee — in tandem with the White House — vowed to usher in a new era of GOP minority outreach'. You need to quit, Politico! You're killing me! This is almost as bad as the GOP diversity plan Jesse Helms put forth back in 2000!

No rather than that tired reportin', Politico needs to be diggin' deep like ol Ty. My regular readers will note that back in 2004, I was uncovering the ridiculous lack of diversity on the ABC reality staple The Bachelor/Bachelorette. Well, it's 2008 - four damn years later. Last week they roled out a new Bachelorette - DeAnna Pappas - and once again included 'Token Brother' in the initial crop of 25 bachelors. Hmmm...wonder how homey did...

First, a quick profile of 'Token Brother'.TB Jeffrey hails from Miami but now calls Orlando home. He is a math teacher. He has all his teeth. Current status after one week on The Bachelorette? SENT HOME. Somehow, I didn't see that comin'.

Now I know y'all are all like, 'Well dang, Ty! What you doin' watchin' that stuff anyway?' Quite simply - research. I put it out there four years ago, so I have a journalistic obligation to keep watchin' until they flip the script and have a southside shorty Bachelorette, twenty-four southside homeys and one northside homey. See VH1 tried to get a brother all distracted with 'Flavor of Love' and 'I Love New York' but ol Ty is holdin' out for a major broadcaster to get with the program.

In Episode 1 last week, poor Jeffrey had a quick chat with homegirl when he hopped out of the limo, then instead of gettin' some 1-on-1 time later, he got backdoored and interviewed by DeAnna girlfriend. Clearly her later report back to her girl wasn't favorable (uh DeAnna, you know he's black, right? I mean oh my gawd).

So Jeffrey went home - good job, good teeth and all and DeAnna is left to revel in the attention of the 15 northside homeys who remain. That's what I call good, safe programming. After all, supposed Jeffrey had made it to the final three and garnered a date home to visit DeAnna's parents? That would have been a whole new show, y'all with language only heard on late night cable...or Grand Theft Auto IV.

So rest assured, y'all. I'll stay in the watchtower on this one. I plan to report back in 2012 at which time the Bachelor/Bachelorette will be off the air and ABC will be picking up the option on Flavor of Love 16 cuz we all luv us some Flava Flav - Yeaaaaaaaa, boyeeeeeeee!



Monday, May 26, 2008

Judge Does Wesley a solid

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, just when ol Ty was about to get his countdown clock on for Daywalker Wesley Snipes, word from is that the judge in the case has decided to let him remain free pending bail instead of making his vampire a$$ report to prison on June 3rd. What kind of ruckus is this?

Apparently ol boy wasn't deemed a flight risk despite the fact that he can turn himself into a bat and fly anywhere he wants. Isn't that the text book definition of a flight risk? Who is this judge? Hasn't he seen any of the 'Blade' movies? I don't remember Mike Vick gettin' a hook up like this? As of this typing, ol boy's countdown clock is hoverin' at 533 days! Where's the justice?



Thursday, May 22, 2008

Spike Lee Starts PR Tour by Snappin On Clint

Wassup, Y'all!

Word reached the basement yesterday about Spike Lee's pointed criticism of Clint Eastwood's two Iwo Jima based movies during a free moment at the Cannes Film Festival. Mars Blackmon accurately pointed out that neither World War II based movie featured a single southside actor - a glaring omission that skews historical accuracy given that fact that southsiders also served and died during the last great war.

Now while ol Ty does appreciate Mars steppin' in to highlight rarely recognized southside contributions to the war effort, I find his timing a bit self serving given the fact that he's dropping his own World War II themed movie in October - 'Miracle at St. Anna'. Given the quality of his recent movies - Mystic River, Million Dollar Baby, Letters from Iwo Jima - I'm willing to give Clint a pass on any claims of implicit racism. I'm not seeing it. And ol Ty is thinking that Mars' grown, 51 year old a$$ would be better served talking about the merits of his own project vs. mudslinging with a fellow director. That said, I'm giving Mars big props for bringing such an interesting story to light...

Similar to the story of the Tuskegee Airmen, which followed the exploits of the southside 99th Fighter Squadron which eventually joined with the southside 332 Fighter Group in flying highly successful sorties in both the North African and European WWII theaters, Miracle at St. Anna follows the exploits of four southside American soldiers who are part of the Army's all-southside 92nd Infantry Division (aka The Buffalo Soldiers) stationed in Tuscany, Italy during World War II.

The cast, featuring Derek Luke, Michael Ealy, Laz Alonzo, sounds like a lot of shorty eye candy, but I still plan to be in the theater for this one to learn a bit more about the only southside infantry unit to see combat in Europe during World War II. It sounds deep. Like I mentioned before, you always have to give Spike dap for his persistent efforts to highlight the southside experience (in a quality way) but when it comes to proppin' his movies, I think he'd be wise to follow the unit slogan of the Buffalo Soldier Division - "Deeds, not words". Dude - let your film making do the talking. Leave the woofin' to ol Ty.



Wednesday, May 21, 2008

All Grown Up Just Like Rudy Huuuuxtable

Wassup, Y'all!

Before I get into the topic of today's post (sorry 'bout yesterday y'all - ol Ty was suffering from sleep deprived writer's block!) I need to drop a couple quick comments on yesterday's events.

First, congrats to Smooth Barack and Sister Hillary for sticking to 'The Plan'. Smooth gave a great speech last night (what's new) and Oregon dropped it like it was hot - Kentucky...not so much. I was also happy to see at least one person in the Tennessee GOP has some common sense - TN Senator Bob Corker told his political kin folk to quit snapping on 'Chelle and focus on real issues. Man - how refreshing would that be from the GOP? Finally, Ted Kennedy. Damn. This cancer thing is out of control. If you weren't sure how wide spread his impact was just check out how his senate colleagues took the news. It's a true blow to the heart of the Democratic Party. Good luck and Godspeed Brother Ted.

Now on to (not so little) Keisha Knight Pulliam aka Rudy Huxtable from The Cosby Show. Daaaaaamn. Don't think that ol Ty hasn't noticed the type of film roles ol girl has been gravitating to. She first popped back on ol Ty's radar playing a fast little number named Darnelle in Beauty Shop with Queen Latifah, now word has it that her next role will be as a prostitute in Tyler Perry's upcoming movie, 'Madea Goes To Jail'. That's enough for ol Ty to spot a trend and make a call to stop the madness...

Now I've been chastised on many occasions for talking about the film role choices our southside actors make - most notably when I cracked on Oscar winner Cuba Gooding, Jr. for his less than inspiring choices (outside of Nicky Barnes in American Gangster where ol boy handled his business). My yapping a$$ was quickly smacked down by readers pointing out that 1) good role offers to southside actors are still few and far between and, 2) southside actors have to eat too. Good points, but a ho? Rudy Huxtable playing a ho. How is this career progress?

To be honest, I'm a little ambivalent about the whole Tyler Perry thing. I know I say that at my peril since southside shorties have long held ol boy and his projects in fond affection, but the jury's still out with me on that one. One thing's for sure though - he's found a successful, lucrative niche fueled by the southside nation and he has clearly shown that you don't necessarily need crossover appeal to stack tall paper.

I also noticed that KKP was featured in an episode of Perry's hit TBS show 'House of Payne'. One thing you notice about Perry and his casting choices is that once you're in one of his projects, chances are he'll be coming back to you for more. I need to start a Six Degrees of Madea chart for southside actors.

But what's going on with the corruption of little Rudy? I guess it's just hard for us (me) to change a mental image. I'm still tripping on how big my niece and nephew got when I wasn't looking. Today Keisha's damn near 30 but I still remember ol girl lip synching the Margie Hendrick's part of Ray Charles' 'Night Time Is The Right Time' as a five year old on Cosby. Baaaaby! Baaaaby! Oh Baby! Do I looooove you? No one abooove you! Hold me tight!

That joint *still* cracks me up. *sigh* When did ol Ty get so old? Y'all better not answer that!



Monday, May 19, 2008

Obama: Talk about my wife and get dropped

Wassup, Y'all!

Just caught a quick interview on GMA this morning featuring Robin Roberts with Smooth and 'Chelle Obama where Rob-Rob brought up the fact that the Tennessee GOP has been airing a video which continues to distort 'Chelle's patriotism. When questioned about whether she's ready to see more of the same when the general election heats up, Smooth immediately jumped in and laid out in no uncertain terms that he's having none of that.

Smooth said, "The GOP, should I be the nominee, can say whatever they want to say about me, my track record - if they think they're gonna try and make Michelle an issue in this campaign, they should be careful because I find that unacceptable." He went on to say, "Whoever is in charge of the Tennessee GOP needs to think long and hard about the kind of campaign they want to run...these folks should lay off my wife - all right?" You could tell the topic pissed him off but he ended the comment with a smile and paused a couple seconds before finishing with "just in case they're watching"....

That type of exchange at least ought to at least pull in a few more votes from the Shorty Coalition. Shorties always love when a homey stands up for his boo - especially publicly - and this morning, if you could read body language as expertly as ol Ty, you pretty much knew that if the chairman of the Tennessee GOP was in the house, ol boy would have gotten dropped. There would have been some mischievous mayhem going on.

That said, I find it interesting that a recent Washington Times / Rasmussen poll, which asked the question, "Which mother had the most positive influence on America?", showed that Citizen McCain's wife Cruella Cindy came in last with 4% of the vote. Ol girl even polled behind Marge Simpson (9%) - the fictional cartoon mother on The Simpsons. That's gotta hurt.

Anyway, since it's Monday and I know y'all need a little humor to get your week started right, I thought you'd like to see what a fictional IM exchange between 'Chelle and Cindy looked like shortly after the poll results were released.

That stuff prolly isn't too far from the truth :-)



Friday, May 16, 2008

R. Kelly Reckoning Day FINALLY Near

Wassup, Y'all!

If ol Ty had been blogging when R. Kelly (Kells) was first indicted on 21 counts of having sex with a minor (June 6, 2002) I would have put up a countdown clock on his trial that would FINALLY be down to four days. After numerous legal maneuvers by his legal team that have delayed the trial nearly six years, a jury has finally been seated and the trial will finally begin in earnest on Tuesday, May 20th. Finally.

In past posts ol Ty has dubbed the trial Pee-Gate since one of the prime pieces of evidence is a video tape showing Kells not only having sex with the alledged victim in question but also getting his freak on by letting loose with a Golden Shower. That ruckus ought to be worth at least 4 more counts in my opinion since that act is not in doubt. What is is the age of the alleged victim at the time of the incident and, as Kells defense team put out, whether it was even R. Kelly in the video tape. The Boondocks clip after the jump should clear up any confusion on that...

Leave it to Aaron McGruder to drop a preview of how the trial will go. I have to agree, though I'm probably one of ten people in the southside nation who hasn't actually seen a bootleg copy of the video. An informal poll of my peeps who have seen it indicated overwhelmingly that they thought it was Brother Freaknik on the tape.

Money will do a lot to sway a trial in your favor. It can get you the best lawyers and it can soften up witnesses who would prefer a side slice of cheddar instead of personal integrity. Due to the delay, the alledged victim is now in her 20's and even if she did testify for the prosecution (which she won't), seeing a twenty-something woman on the stand vs. a 14 year-old girl will have a much different effect on a jury. Similarly, the alledged victim's parent's plan to testify for the defense. I'm sure their Cayman Island bank account is flush with cash.

Still, Kells vaunted legal team wasn't able to exclude the one prosecution witness they didn't want to see - a woman who will testify that she had a three way with Kells and the girl in question. That should lead to some fireworks when she hits the stand. Unfortunately, once again, I'll have to do my reporting from the courthouse steps since Cook County denied my press pass request again. How's a brother supposed to be the Urban Eye without a press pass? See? Yet another example of the man trying to keep a brother down...or an example of a brother who waited until today to call to see if any press passes were left. Man, Kells ain't that damn famous...

Anyway, hopefully this joint won't go on as long as the Michael Jackson or OJ trials did. Taste of Chicago's coming up in late June and I sure don't need any out of state press types trying to beat me to that last turkey leg.

Have a great weekend, y'all!



Thursday, May 15, 2008

1-2-3 Shoot! Or Not - The Threat Reaction Game

Wassup, Y'all!

A while back my girl, Northside Shorty forwarded me a link to a Diversity, Inc. article by Eric Hinton titled, 'I'm a Racist, huh?' My first thought was 'hmm...that's a provocative title for a story about West Virginia' but ol Ty was dead wrong y'all. Instead, this article focused on the phenomenon that seems to have been at play in the police murders of unarmed southside homeys like Amadou Diallo (shot 41 times as he reached for his wallet) and Sean Bell (shot at 50 times while being in a car, unarmed, leaving a strip club following his bachelor party)...

It's centered around a reaction test called Shooter001 that you can take on your laptop that puts you in the position of having a gun and the choice of either firing or holstering your weapon when pictures of northside and southside men pop up. Each time one pops up he'll either be holding a gun, a wallet or a cell phone. You have to make your move quickly (fire or holster) or you'll lose points and if you wait too long and homey has a gun, you get shot. The test, designed by the psychologists at the University of Chicago (how come the eggheads in NYC aren't working on this as well since the NYPD Blue seem to have itchy trigger fingers??)

The article author - a southside homey - was feeling bad because his results indicated that he shot southside homeys faster than northside homeys in both cases armed and unarmed. Perhaps that was an indication that southside homeys are always perceived to be more of a threat. Intrigued with how I would do, ol Ty decided to strap on his Nine and give it a go.

The test throws up 120 homeys against various backgrounds and I'll admit, it's tough to always make the right call. In the end, my overall score was 220 - which is not all that accurate - but it showed that I capped armed southside homeys about 50 milliseconds (yes - milliseconds) faster than armed northside homeys. I chalk that up to my familiarity with my southside homeys and knowing instinctively when something's up. However, I dropped unarmed northside homeys about 150 milliseconds faster than unarmed southside homeys - a clear indication that I've been playing too much damn Grand Theft Auto IV (but we all know that life is hard on the mean streets of Liberty City...)

It's a little scary knowing that, for whatever reason (I'm chalking up alot of that to skewed, pervasive media images), southside homeys don't get the benefit of the doubt in such split second, life or death situations. I have to admit I think about that every time I see the PoPo and how I could very easily go from Tyrone Malone, basement blogger, to Tyrone Malone, National Headline after being capped enough times to make Sonny Corleone's toll booth ambush look like a spitball fight - while reaching for my wallet. Law abiding Southside homeys learn early that during *all* traffic stops your hands never leave the steering wheel until permission has been asked and granted. How whack is that?

Anyway - give the test a try and see if you too have what it takes to don the blue in NYC (read that anyway you want...).



Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Day After WV: Reading The Tea Leaves

Wassup, Y'all!

Lucky for Smooth Barack that the West Virginia Democratic Primary didn't come on the heels of the Pennsylvania primary as Sister Hillary surely would have used it as a huge lever to pry the nomination out of his hands with her 'hard working white Americans won't vote for him' argument. Fortunately that wasn't the case and Smooth-friendly states are on the horizon as is a magic delegate number which has shrunk to 146 (according to today).

A look at the West Virginia exit polls should be enough to send chills down the spines of every southsider who feels good about Smooth's chances in the fall. 20% of northside voters said race was a factor in their vote. 68% of those voters said they'd be supporting Citizen McCain in the fall instead of Smooth. More encouraging was the fact that 51% of all West Virginia primary voters said they'd vote for Smooth although that percentage was the lowest of any other primary state so far. Plus - keep in mind that's also what voters are saying publicly. Also troubling to note is what's happening to Smooth's campaign operations under the radar by some folk with darker racial motivations...

Kevin Merida of the Washington Post penned an article picked up by MSNBC titled, 'Racism Alarms Obama Backers'. It profiled several stories by Obama 'foot soldiers' - campaign staffers who man field offices and/or call or go door to door soliciting votes for Smooth - during the recent primary run ups in Pennsylvania and Indiana. Those profiled confessed to being on the receiving end of overt racism in the form of 'name calling, vandalism and bomb threats'. In one case a volunteer on phone duty in PA reached a caller who confessed that he couldn't possibly vote for Obama and ended the call with 'Hang that darky from a tree!'. In another telling case of how the Obama camp actually doesn't want to make the campaign about race and division but about our common interests and unity, when a staffer wanted to send pictures that he had taken of a vandalized Obama field office - window smashed, American flag stolen, graffiti messaged sprayed like 'Hamas votes BHO' - the Obama campaign said 'no' - they didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

These type of things continue to go on daily. There was a reason that Smooth had to request Secret Service protect earlier than any other candidate. Yet, there's reason to hope that what's being painted by Sister Hillary and others as an insurmountable problem for Smooth is one that can be overcome due to a simple trade-off:

Option A
: Keep struggling under Republican policies.
Option B
: See if what the Democrats have to offer can offer relief.

Shortly, Smooth will be their only route to Option B and if you look at the special elections that have been occurring in strongly Republican districts - the most recent of which occurred last night in Mississippi - 'untouchable' congressional seats are going to Democrats - even when the candidates are tied to Smooth. It's looking like folk are hungry for Option B, even if it means a 'darky' is the means to get to it.

That insight coupled with the fact that there are also plenty of 'non hard working, middle and upper class white Americans' (at least according to Sister Hillary's demographic categores...) with open minds, would seem to bode well for a fall campaign against a Republican party that has clearly fallen out of favor with the voters (particularly Republican voters).

In the meantime, ol Ty can't get to Oregon fast enough.



Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Secret Service's Not So Secret Secret

Wassup, Y'all!

Since May 3, 2000 there's been a case pending that has yet to be resolved. No, y'all - it ain't the R. Kelly case - that joint's only been pending since 2002 and it's now FINALLY moving into jury selection as I type. No, this case was filed (eight years ago) by ten current and former southside U.S. Secret Service agents for racial discrimination and it still has yet to be decided.

This past Friday, a court filin' by the attorneys representin' the ten agents of internal emails that they had obtained revealed that, 'Secret Service supervisors shared crude sexual jokes and engaged in racially derogatory banter about blacks, and passed around an anecdote about a possible assassination of the Rev. Jesse Jackson...' (in case you have to register for that story and don't want to, you can also get a more detailed view from The Daily Kos...)

It's no surprise to southsiders that this type of behavior continues to go on. It may come as as surprise to many northsiders who continue to insist that this type of behavior is a relic of the past just like slavery and that southsiders need to stop complainin' about unfair treatment. My question is this: 'If this type of behavior can be uncovered within the United States Secret Service - an elite government organization comprised of well educated, well trained men and women - what's life like for Joe or Jane Southsider down at the UPS processin' plant or IBEW Local 25?'...

A sample of the nonsense goin' down at the USSS include the worn out email - versions of which continue to pop up everywhere - about the 'Harlem Spelling Bee'. This joint was sent out by 'Thomas Grupski, then assistant director for protective operations, who, according to the filing, now heads the Office of Government Liaison and Public Affairs'.

Then there's the message about southside lightnin' rod, Jesse Jackson (course this was before Rev. J-Wright jumped in to take his place...) that the New York Times summarizes like this:

'A March 3, 2003, message describing Mr. Jackson as the “Righteous Reverend” was passed among several Secret Service supervisors. The message, about a missile striking an airplane in which Mr. Jackson and his wife were traveling, concludes, it “certainly wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”'

It should be pointed out that only a very small fraction (10 out of 20 million over 16 years) of Secret Service emails contained this type of nonsense. However, it must also be pointed out that the USSS has been stonewallin' and fightin' this case for eight years, in that time it has been discovered that other records and emails relevant to the case have been destroyed and not everyone is stupid enough to write such trash in an email and actually send it out even if they really do feel that way.

It should also be pointed out that the emails were sent to and from the accounts of at least 20 Secret Service supervisors. Not the rank and file, but people in positions of power with the ability to guide or misguide another agent's career. Yet the prevailin' notion these days seems to be that we are now in the era of 'the level playing field' and tools to help produce that field (like *cough* Affirmative Action *cough* *cough*) are outdated and unnecessary because its been forty years since the Civil Rights heyday. We're certainly past that ugly point in our lives, right? Heck - one of 'them negras' is even about to become the democratic nominee for President of the United States.

Well, we'll see how far that goes but note, Smooth Barack is runnin' nationally and we've seen that racial sentiment varies widely depending on which state you're in (Exhibit A: check the West Virginia polls today). No, this post is about Joe and Jane Southsider tryin' to live the dream far away from the political spotlight, workin' side by side with the 'hard working Americans, white Americans'. Seems to me that there's still a lot of work to be done...



P.S. Note to Smooth: You may want to supplement your Secret Service detail with a few hard homeys from Chicago's southside. You *know* they'll have your back...

Monday, May 12, 2008

Sister Hillary's Swan Song

Wassup, Y'all!

The democratic primary process seems to be all over but the shoutin' and as this thing winds down, folk are still wondering if, when and how Sister Hillary will exit the stage. Most folk seem resigned to the fact that this will play out until mid June, but it should be interestin' to see how the dynamics of this change (or not) when SH wins West Virginia on Tuesday goin' away. Smooth has a mini-firewall in Oregon which votes the same day as Kentucky - another state which SH should win convincingly. He's pointin' to that day - May 20th - as VC Day (Victory over Clinton). I'm cautiously optimistic about ol girl holsterin' her weapons and movin' on to fight another day, but this election cycle has been anything but predictable...

New Malone Zone commenter Maria S. tossed a pointer to a humorous twist on the Dr. Suess saw 'Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!' That's the sweet. The sour is our boy Rev. Al (Sharpton) brushin' off the old Apollo Theater hook, announcin' 'It's over' and comparin' Sister Hillary to an entertainer 'who doesn't know when the show is over'. My first thought on that is that Rev. Al needs to take care of his tax business first before jumpin' in to alienate Sister Hillary supporters who are needed for the fall campaign. I love me some Rev. Al but this is a time for internal healin', not pilin' on. That said, SH also needs to start consistently rampin' down her stump speeches with respect to Smooth and turn her focus to Citizen McCain.

There are hurt feelings all over the place and I'm sure no small measure of anomosity between the Obamas and the Clintons. Word is already circulatin' that 'Chelle Obama is privately sayin' 'Hell to tha Nizzo' on Smooth pickin' Sister Hillary to be his running mate (though the Smooth Camp strenuously deny this). The conservative repub spin on that will be that now not only is 'Chelle anti-American, elite and an angry southside woman, now she's also anti-women - put money on that, y'all. None of it is true of course, but these days spin, not truth is what matters. I don't see Smooth tapping SH for VP either - I think we need a fresh, Clinton-free ticket - that we either sink or swim with. If it works - hopefully we're in for a whole new day in America. If it doesn't...

It's a eerie time right now, y'all - kinda like the eye of the hurricane. We've been blasted for months by this Category 5 nomination process but suddenly the rain has stopped, the wind is dying down and the sun is peeking through the clouds. We have a brief chance to come outside and survey the current destruction knowin' full well that we'll soon have to retreat back to our high ground bunker to weather the storm's ferocious back end. We can't quite see it, but that we know it's comin'. How nerve racking is it knowin' that the worst is yet to come?



Sunday, May 11, 2008

SNL's 'Hillary' Tellin' It Like It Is

Wassup, Y'all!

If you missed the latest peep at Amy Poehler's dead-on Sister Hillary impersonation on the latest Saturday Night Live, here's the clip. Satire at it's best. There was a time several weeks back where SNL was catchin' flack for seemin' to be pro-Hillary. Well - those days seem to be over...



Friday, May 09, 2008

Next Phase: From Rev. J-Wright to Bill Ayers

Wassup, Y'all!

Ty's PSA: Don't front! Go out and get your mama a little somethin' to show your appreciation this weekend! Now on with the show...

Wow - what a difference one primary day makes. Last week at this time the vultures were circlin' the Smooth Barack camp while Sister Hillary was lookin' like a phoenix risin' from the ashes of her crippled campaign to seize the momentum and win the day. Today? Superdelegates can't run away from ol girl fast enough and Smooth has shifted his attention to the fall campaign with Citizen McCain. That's the overcurrent. The undercurrent is that conservative radio has unsubtly shifted their Red Scare hysteria away from Reverend J-Wright onto the 'lightly vetted' 60's 'terrorist' Bill Ayers who has ties with Smooth that go back a couple decades.

There's be plenty of time to get into that nonsense as the fall campaign unfolds so while the democratic nomination dust begins to settle, I thought this would be a good time to wrap up my commentaries on Rev. J-Wright not with a defense of his words or recent actions but with some context and to demonstrate why no presidential candidate needs to throw the word 'obliterate' around lightly...

Bill Moyers, an admitted friend of Jeremiah Wright and original launch pad for Rev. J-Wright's recent media comin' out party, provided some perspective on the man in the wake of his ill advised performance durin' the National Press Club Q & A. Moyers didn't seek to give the reverend a pass, just perspective. It's a clip worth watchin' as we all travel down the road of racial understanding. One early quote sets the tone, "...where I grew up in the south, before the Civil Rights movement, the pulpit was a safe place for black men to express anger for which they would have been punished anywhere else. A safe place for the thunder of dignity denied, justice delayed." It's generational (similar to the seeming reticence of older northside voters to come out in strength for Smooth). It's cultural. It's complicated.

Now about this 'obliteration' thing. When questioned about what she would do if Iran were to attack Israel with a nuclear bomb, her response was that she would 'obliterate' them - tacitly implyin' that she would drop one or more nuclear bombs on Iran in retaliation. When I first heard the comment I felt it was a strong , unequivocal, sentiment in the face of what would surely be the beginning of the end of civilization as we know it. Then coincidently new pictures surfaced. Pictures taken by a Japanese photographer in the wake of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima, which were later 'found in a cave outside Hiroshima by a U.S. serviceman who was part of the occupation forces'.

What the pictures show (in extremely graphic terms) is the price a civilian population paid for the decisions and actions of their leaders and that got me to thinkin' about how we're trivializing our election process - gettin' hysterical over Rev. J-Wright, or Bill Ayers, or Rev. Hagee, or tax returns or race or ....

What those pictures tell me is that electing someone to lead your country is about the most sobering thing you can ever do. It should be approached thoughtfully, rationally and deliberately - it's not the game we've made it into. A president must be firm and decisive, but he/she also needs wisdom to measure the effects of actions taken not just against today but across generations. We need a statesman not a politician. In the democratic race and soon in the general election it's easy to figure out who's who. The question is, 'Will it matter?'

We're about to find out.

A little somethin' to ponder on as you enjoy your weekend.



Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Ty to Mainstream Media: No More Drama

Wassup, Y'all!

The interesting thing about the democratic primary contest is that despite how well the winners of each state are so well predetermined that the press (sometimes referred to as the MainStream Media or MSM) has to spend so much time buildin' in manufactured drama to attract readers, viewers and listeners. I'll admit - it's been workin' on ol Ty - big time. I havent' been so dialed into an election since...well let's just say never and now it's got me feelin' like a crack addict huddled in a rundown tenement with my laptop tryin' to find a free Wi-Fi signal...

The winner of the democratic nomination - Smooth Barack - was pretty much decided in February, the day after Super Tuesday, yet for the last two months we've been fed a steady diet of campaign hysteria that will presumably continue for six more weeks unless Sister Hillary does the honorable thing and coalesces behind Smooth or the superdelagates do the humane thing and put her campaign down.

Waiting for last night's primary results held drama simply because the MSM needed them to, but as I mentioned in my post about 'The Plan' - the Obama campaign's blueprint to the nomination - everything continues to map out exactly as planned. Ohio? Texas? Pennsylvania? All expected losses. West Virginia, Kentucky, Puerto Rico? All expected losses. Oregon, Montana, South Dakota? All expected wins which, if forced to play out, means Smooth ends the primary season on a high note with leads in states won, total delegates and popular vote.

Over the next week we'll hear theories on 'what we need to watch for in West Virginia' that will signal new 'vulnerabilities' in Smooth's campaign. How if the margin of a Clinton victory exceeds X percent, it could have a trickle down effect and damage Smooth's prospects in Oregon and if she can pull the upset in Oregon - look out! That's a scenario that will weigh heavily on the minds of the superdelegates and... Man - STOP THE MADNESS with this nonsense! My vote is to split the remaining states TODAY and call it. A brother's got NBA playoff games to focus on!

I know, y'all. You're sayin' - 'Just chill Ty - it's the election fatigue talkin'. You may be right since I'm already circlin' May 31st on my Real Clear Politics calendar here in the basement to see what the verdict will be on seatin' Florida and Michigan delegates, but I'm told the first step to recovery is admittin' that you have a problem so I'm taking that step today.

Hi. My name is Tyrone and I'm a political junkie. I watch political news all day. I read political blogs and websites all night. I've been caught out in the street at 2 am - in my draws - lookin' for early pollin' data. I'm so ashamed. Please stop me. Please, just get to the convention.



Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Was it Marvin, At The Club, With The Belgian Gun?

Wassup, Y'all!

Big primary day today, y'all but until the votes are in there's no use speculatin' so instead, ol Ty is focusin' on a story much more important to the people of Indiana - the growin' story out of Philly which features Indianapolis Colt's star receiver Marvin Harrison and some street thuggery that left one homey shot and one small child lucky to be alive.

There's confusion as to whether Harrison, a brother who on TV seems to be as quiet and meek as a church mouse in a league full of bombastic, clownin' wide receivers like TO and Ocho Cinco (Chad Johnson), was the trigger man in the shootin'. The investigation seems to be shapin' up into one of those Pacman Jones makin'-it-rain in the strip club deals - bullets flyin', mayhem jumpin' off and forty different stories about what happened, none featuring an eyewitness to the actual deed...or a witness willin' to sing...

The narrative of the story goes like this:

On 4/29, M-Harr got involved in a fistfight at his Philly bar, Playmakers (see the bar name is the first sign M-Harr might have an undercover ego...). A homey comes in - the two get to woofin', fists are introduced to each others faces and a homey walks out...followed by Harrision. Outside, shots are fired, a homey gets hit and an errant bullet shatters some glass that ends up cutting a 2-year old under his eye.

Police show up. M-Harr says, 'It wasn't me'. A homey says, 'I don't know who shot me'. Police collect the shell casings and run a ballistics test that shows the casings came from a custom made Belgian gun, a type of gun that M-Harr just happens to own. The police know this because it was legally registered.

Armed with the ballistics test, the police track down M-Harr at his car wash, located about a half mile from the Playmakers bar to question him about the gun. M-Harr say, 'Yes, I own one and no, it never left my crib'. However, amazingly, the gun turned up in a bucket at the car wash and tests show that it had fired seven of the bullets retrieved at the crime scene.

Dang, dude - not in the bucket! At least stash that joint behind the towel dryer or tape it inside the control box that runs those giant scubber brushes - anything but the bucket. Anyway, I should point out that no charges have been filed against M-Harr so up to this point, it may sound bad but not bad enough...yet...for the PoPo to take M-Harr on a perp walk.

I'll keep my eye on this one to see if the Colts will have a similar season to last year when M-Harr sat out most of it with a bum knee. That's my personal service to all you Fantasy Football owners. You're welcome.



Monday, May 05, 2008

The Myth of Smooth Barack's 'White Flight'

Wassup, Y'all!

To listen to all the jibber-jabber on the news and in the blogosphere about how northside democratic voters are fleein' from Smooth in droves, you'd think the jig was up and that it's about time to turn out the lights on the campaign. However, as Charles Blow's Op-Ed piece ("A Backlash?") in the New York Times points out (a piece supported by actual historical data - imagine that) and satirically highlighted by Al Giordan ("Operation Anti-Chaos: The Narrative on 'White Voters' is Fiction") in the Huffington Post it appears the whole notion of 'White Flight' away from Smooth Barack in light of the Rev. J-Wright dustups and Smooth's admitted ill phrased and ill-timed comment that fueled 'Bitter-gate' is more political smoke and mirrors...

Blow dug into national telephone polls conducted by The New York Times and CBS News going back to May 4, 2005 for Sister Hillary and January 21, 2007 for Smooth Barack (that seems to be all the data available on Smooth but it represents a time before and after his two most controversial episodes...). The polls measured registered southside Democrats opinion of Sister Hillary and registered northside Democrats opinion of Smooth Barack over those respective time periods.

The results? Southside favorable opinion of Sister Hillary has declined 36% and her Southside unfavorable opinion increase 17%. I can confirm those numbers based on my unscientific 'Basement Poll' of my homeys and homettes. What about Smooth? Based on the recent news, you'd expect to see similar or worse numbers yet there's been a 5% increase in Northside favorable opinion of him matched by a 5% increase in the Northside unfavorable opinion of him. Not only that, but as Sister Hillary's Southside favorable opinion continues in unabated freefall, Smooth's Northside favorable opinion, which had been trendin' down durin' the Rev. J-Wright maelstrom has now leveled off, which seems to imply that he's gettin' the benefit of the doubt from Northsiders while Southsiders are showin' little patience or tolerance for Sister Hillary's increasingly blatant attempts to highjack the nomination.

The interesting thing about this political spin on 'White Flight' is that the pundits are lookin' at the northside Demographic that both campaigns knew wouldn't be votin' for Smooth in big numbers in the first place - less educated northside voters and older northside voters - two contingents where one could presume that race is a prevalent decision point. Does it mean that Smooth will have more work to do in the fall to woo those votin' blocks? Yes. Does it mean that northside voters are running away from Smooth Barack? No. But whose campaign does that impression help? Hmmm... And why are Sister Hillary's Southside numbers so bad? Hmmmm...

Shame, shame.