Monday, October 30, 2006

Jay-Z: Showin' em what he's got

Wassup, Y'all!

By all measures, Jay-Z is big ballin' these days. A homey doesn't have to look further than his high profile 'Show Me What You Got' commercial for Budweiser Select on the October 16th Monday Night Football game (the MNF games that are, coincidently, bringing in record ratings for ESPN this season). Not only is Jigga starring in the commercial, he's been hired by Anheuser-Bush as the Co-Brand Director for Budweiser Select. As if that's not enough, take a walk through ad mecca Times Square in NYC or any major airport and you'll spot at least one or two billboards or mylar posters of Hova hawking anything from suits to watches. Jay has clearly separated himself from the wannabe rap entrepreneurs and now with his new found clout Z trying to be a champagne king maker...or is he?...

When we last left Jigga, he was acting all brody and orchestrating a boycott of Louis Roederer's Cristal Champagne after a perceived slight of hip-hop's infatuation of the bubbly by Frederic Rouzard, managing director of LR. Since the dust up there's been a vacuum in what's been termed the 'bling bubbly' world as hip-hop began a search for the new 'it' champagne. Enter the exotic gold foil bottle with the ace of spades on it featured in Jay-Z's high profile 'Show Me What You Got' MNF commercial debut. Buzz got hot and speculation was on that this was it - the new brew blessed by the Jay-Z midas touch. But did some digging and uncovered a tale that seems to have Jigga's hand in the cookie jar by trying to 'manufacture' this new brand dubbed 'Armand de Brignac'. Dang - I was just about to cop me a bottle and sit out in my driveway to show my homeys that I'm always ahead of the game!

Now this cloak and dagger marketing approach has me 1) giving two snaps up to Hova for playing the game just like the big boyz and 2) wondering if propping Beyonce as arm candy is just another image move of a savvy media mogul?

I remember when I first heard the news that B and Jigga were dating and I thought 'Man, how lucky is Jay-Z to pull a shorty like that? You know if he was just Shawn Carter from Bed-Stuy, he'd be lucky to pull Mo'Nique.' But now, it's clear that Beyonce got the better end of that deal as Jigga's potential seems unlimited and he's now making moves that would make Donald Trump drop a wink as their Maybach's pass each other on 5th Avenue. Can a tax evasion charge be far behind? I'm just playin', Jay - keep goin' for yours, homey!



Thursday, October 26, 2006

Straight Wrong...But Too Funny!

Wassup, Y'all!

Man I caught this glossy on the web and just had to post it (get it?)! Now this is clearly a homey on his game. So much so in fact that he has to get creative to keep his 'facts' straight. So wrong, yet so right... All hail the Post-It, y'all!



Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A Southside President? Copy That.

Wassup, Y'all!

I thought that with all the ruckus surrounding Smooth Barack's (aka Barack Obama) mention that the door to his running for President in 2008 is open 'a bit', it would be an opportune time to mention that he's already late to the party. A new southside President will be in the Oval Office *this* January...on my show 24 which bows in mid January. Yes, y'all - Jack's (almost) back and sitting in the big seat as the country's *second* southside President is none other than David Palmer's little brother, Wayne 'Mr. President' Palmer (aka D.B. Woodside - the homey on the right), which I'm pretty sure means that the flights on Air Force One will look a lot like those on the Soul Plane...

Just kidding - if you are fans of Fox's high octane thriller 24, you'll know that southside President David Palmer (the always good Dennis Haysbert) was serious as a heart attack so I expect nothing different from little Wayne. I've been fiending for my 24 fix since the end of last season when Jack was on the business end of the old okie doke and ended up on a slow freighter to China to pay for his role in the death of the U.S. Chinese Ambassador. My boy DLT (who needs to be on retainer here in the Malone Zone, but y'all know mama is on a fixed income...) hipped me to the latest trailer for Season Six so thank him for the hook up.

And far be it from me to mess with a successful formula but I'm thinking it's time to start introducing some 'Bauer Girls' to the series - an angle that has become a welcome staple in that other enduring secret agent franchise, James Bond. I wouldn't exactly put Teri Bauer (Leslie Hope), Nina Myers (Sarah Clark), Kate Warner (Sarah Wynter) or Audrey Raines (Kim Raver) in the same category as Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman), Dr. Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles) or Jinx (Halle Berry) so if Fox would allow a humble brother a simple suggestion it would be to give up two, maybe three terrorist attacks this season for at least one Bond-worthy main squeeze with a Bond-worthy name like Caprice Bootay or Dr. Julie F. Reek - just a really, really good thought.

In the meantime, I've got my calendar marked for January and TiVo primed and ready to tackle another twenty-four episode arc. Judging by the trailer, Jack's going to be in some serious trouble this season :-)



Monday, October 23, 2006

Monday Crackbacks - 10/23/06

Wassup, Y'all!

This whole Madonna adoption ruckus is getting a little ridiculous. After initially signing off on the paperwork, now the father of Malawian boy adopted by the Material Girl is coming to realize that 'adoption' means that he ceases to be the boy's father - forever. Suddenly he's having second thoughts - which makes sense to me. What doesn't make sense to me is the jibber-jabber being raised about these groups who oppose mixed race adoptions. My view on that is this - stop crying about other folks who step up to adopt ophans (any ophans) while other folks don't. If they're bold enough to make the committment while same race couples aren't then those other folks need to take a chill pill, sit down and shut up...

Well lookie, lookie, here. Turns out our boy Wesley Snipes - missing in action since Gangster Sam put out an IRS contract on his a$$ - is chilling in Namibia filming a movie. Interestingly, it seems that Namibia doesn't have an active extradition treaty with the United States. Hmmmm...

A quick check back on the 'Flavor of Love' ruckus. Turns out that VH1 needs to figure out a quick way to break up Flav and Deelishis so Flav can return for Season 3 since the finale of Season 2 pulled in 7.5 million viewers which makes it VH1's highest rated show - ever. Flava Flav and 20 hood rats. Even more embarassing for the southside nation, those numbers mean that 1 of every 3 southsiders watching TV Sunday night were watching this ruckus - a cringe-worthy statistic that includes my boy Cat Daddy. It's the end of the world as we know it, y'all...

Funny - after claiming to be a rape victim, word reaches the basement that our boy DMX is in a jimmy hat arms race with Vivica Fox's former man 50 Cent (hence Fiddy's 'former' status). It seems that for his shows DMX likes promoters to stock three boxes of condoms in his dressing room while Fiddy only requires two. See - I always had Fiddy pegged as a quality over quantity guy....

In the wake of slow sales of Janet Jackson's latest joint '20 Y.O.", her boo, Jermaine 'JD' Dupri, is blaming her distributor, Virgin Records, for the issue. Hmmmm...I'm thinking the problem is the fact that Janet's a$$ is played out and needs something more exciting than the same o, same o Janet isn't Beyonce...

Finally, how can I go out without a mention of Ice T and his stripper girl Coco? Unfortunately, when I bumped into Ice-T on the tram from Treasure Island to The Mirage in Vegas back in the day, he was kicking it with another chica, but I digress... It seems the rapper whose lethal weapon is his mind didn't think through the potential backlash to his most recent CD cover art which features he and Coco butt naked on a bed. Coco is face down, a$$ out with her leg strategically placed over Ice-T's package. Hmmmm, not sure what about that would offend anybody (especially given that 2 Live Crew's 'Nasty as They Want to Be' album).... And isn't Ice-T getting a little long in the tooth for the gangsta rap game? Or it could be that Coco is a walking 'Fountain of Youth'?? Hmmmmm....go 'head with your bad self, Ice...



Friday, October 20, 2006

Flavor of Love aka The Ghetto Bachelor

Wassup, Y'all!

I'll admit that there are times when ol Ty misses the boat and ends up hatin' unnecessarily. From way back (2004) I've been keeping my eye on that faux romance reality show The Bachelor (mainly because the premise is every homeboy's dream to have 20 women jocking for your attention. Yes, it's shallow but...) and openly wondering why they even bothered to put any minorities in the show because they would never get chosen and never be asked to be one of the bachelors. Then they flipped the script and would sometimes recruit a bachelorette from time to time (a shorty culled from the group of women cast offs from the Bachelor shows) who would vie for the attention of 20 men. Still the same comment applied - no minority would ever get picked to be either the bachelorette or one of the 'pick me!' bachelors. So y'all know me - I was crying about how unfair all that was when all I had to do was flip over to VH1 and tune into Flava Flav's reality the show, 'Flavor of Love' to get a ghetto-fied dose of The Bachelor....

For those not familiar with Flav's show (and how can you not if you're ever over at VH1? It's one of their top rated shows. Kinda similar to how Jerry Springer was once a top rated show...), the set up is very similar: 20 shortys get together under one roof and vie for the chance to be Flav's #1 shorty. In the meantime and in between time, there are copious amounts of clowning, cat fighting (both physical and verbal) and back biting. All to win the love of Flav (who, if you take some time to get past that gold grill and that 'Greatest Hype Man in the Business' act, is actually pretty cool. It's no coincidence that VH1 tabbed Flav for his own show once they saw how audiences reacted to him on their other reality show for B level entertainers called 'The Surreal World').

So here you have Flav giving all his shortys nicknames like Bootz, New York and Deelishis, putting them through the paces and kicking all but one to the curb just like The Bachelor. The difference here is that there's only one bachelor and in order for him to continue on next season, his romance with his 'one true shorty' must fall apart so he can return looking for a new love. The 'fall apart' part isn't difficult as with most people on reality shows these days, they're only there to get noticed, get their quick 15 minutes and hopefully get paid for it.

Now my boy Cat Daddy (who never misses an episode) hipped me to VH1 again cribbing The Bachelor's mojo by building a show around one of Flav's cast offs - Tiffany 'New York' Patterson. The new joint is called (not surprisingly) 'Flavorette' which will no doubt feature such ghetto-fied action as stealing each other wife-beaters, doo-rags, gin & juice and what not. I'll withhold judgement until I can check out an episode but I'm not holding out much hope for anything classier than Flav's original joint. I like's quotes which anticipates 'more over-the-top mess' (which is also known as a 'hot mess' down at Winkey's Corner Store) and NY feeling herself by stating "I like it when the guys go at each other," she says. "I'm a prize, I'm so worth it - frankly, it turns me on."

Hmmm...I wonder why Flav decided not to choose such a modest, demur shorty as New York?? Good luck Flavorette, homeys!! But you boyz might want to check in with Tony Parker first to see just what you need to do to step out with a HIGH MAINTENANCE shorty...



Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Mr. Biggs Warming up a bunk for Wesley

Wassup, Y'all!

What is it with southside homeys and taxes? I've posted again and again about how Uncle Sam is the biggest gangster running the streets yet homeys continue to flex on him and continue to get pimp slapped. The newest homey down in the gutter (figuratively since they can't yet locate his a$$) rubbing his jaw and trying to clear the cobwebs is none other than Wesley Snipes - the daywalking, half vampire from the Blade movie trilogy. Now some of you shortys out there may feel that it's poetic justice that Wesley end up on the business end of Gangster Sam's 'Bit#ch, where's my money?' pimp slap since it's been widely rumored that it was Wesley that delivered a similar slap to Halle Berry, causing hearing loss in her right ear. Halle later admitted an ex-lover cold-cocked her but never put a name to the felon. If it was our boy Wesley, well that bad karma finally came back home to roost...

Now y'all remember the financial shenanigans that Ronnie 'Mr. Biggs' Isely perpetrated to get his pimp suit exchanged for prison blues, but from the sound of it, Wesley and his accountant(s) took stealing from Gangster Sam to a whole new level. To wit:

* 8 counts of tax fraud accusing him of trying to cheat Gangster Sam out of $12 million by filing false refund claims

* Failed to file tax returns for *six* years

* Attempting to pay for some taxes with $14 million in bogus checks

You know Gangster Sam is steaming and currently riding all around America in his pimped out Impala with the sweet hydraulics looking for Wesley's 'To Wong Foo' a$$. Once he finds him, Wesley will very likely be doing a bid - possibly one as long as 16 years. If that happens, you won't see him in Blade IV until he's 60 and needs a little Poligrip to hold in those fangs. Dang.

Now ol Ty is so scared of Gangster Sam that if I found a lost $1 at the bus station, I'm claiming it as income on my 1040 so I have to admit I'm impressed with a brother who can claim $12 million in bogus refunds *and* not file for any taxes for *six* years. In the latter case, it's easy to blame your accountants but the problem is that you still have to sign your form every year so I think that after Year Three, he'd be wondering 'Hmmm, I haven't signed a tax form in a couple years now...I wonder if that's normal. Maybe I should check...'

But not Wesley - he must have thought he was half vampire for real and could disappear whenever he wanted (though I guess that applies until he shows up). If I were Gangster Sam, I'd gas up the Soul Plane and head to South Africa since it turns out that in 2005 South African officials refused to admit Wesley after '... he tried to enter the country with a forged passport'. I'm assuming he's worked that out and now has a better counterfeit joint. Probably hanging out in the same joint Dave Chappelle was when that boy temporarily lost his mind.

Regardless - you know Gangster Sam will track him down and when all's said and done, Wesley will be able to confirm that White Men Can Jump up on his top bunk to get a tossed salad. If I were Halle, I'd get a picture of a Wendy's Salad, mount it on a postcard and write:

"Dear Wesley: Just wanted to send you a reminder of what you'll be serving up for the next few years. Enjoy! Your Friend Always - Halle".

But that's just me...



Monday, October 16, 2006

Smooth Barack Really is an Everyman

Wassup, Y'all!

Tomorrow Barack Obama's (aka Smooth Barack) newest book 'The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming The American Dream' drops in bookstores around the country and you'll no doubt be seeing him all over the place as his publishing company drops the hammer on a high profile media blitz. Again we'll be hearing folks weigh in on whether Smooth Barack will be this country's first southside President as well as a continuing drumbeat from Democrats to get him to consider a run in 2008. With his star power glowing brighter than ever it would seem that the concept of a southside homey sitting in the oval office (a concept put forth in Irving Wallace's excellent novel, The Man, back in 1964. A story brought to the screen in 1972 starring my boy James Earl Jones) is ripe but is America ready? It only takes a quick scratch to get down to America's seedy racial underside but it's important to note that with Smooth Barack it ain't all about the southside...

When I say 'seedy racial underside' I mean if you watch TV or read a paper for the most part you'll get the impression that folks are getting more tolerant with racial differences - you've got commercials with mixed race couples, sit-coms and dramas with feel good, mixed race ensemble casts (like Grey's Anatomy and 24, which already featured a southside U.S. President and will again this season) but I think all that is just window dressing on a country that still has dysfunctional racial tension at its core. Case in point, I wrote a post a little while back on Chicago Police Commander John Burge who presided over, participated in and encouraged many jail house beatings of minorities to get confessions. Not a day later I had a commenter claiming to be a family friend of Burge asking me if I was a gay ni##er. Don't bother looking for it, y'all. I erased that hate as soon as I saw it but it's true. Recently Oprah mentioned that when she did a show that questioned the justification for the Iraq war she received the most hate mail ever including a warm greeting that referred to her as a ni##er bit#h. Get my point?

So any southsider who takes it upon himself to even consider a run, let alone potentially win and have to mingle with citizens from all corners of the country must do so with his eyes wide open and be secure with the notion that any day could literally be his last. Now that's also a whack a$ reason not to run and I'm sure that if and when Smooth Barack throws his hat in the ring he and his family will be at peace with the decision.

Given that though, if you take a peek into Smooth's life up to this point, there are huge demographics to which he can relate to. The article 'The Path to Power' by Jacob Weisberg in the Sept/Oct issue of Men's Vogue pointed to the following Smooth Barack life facts:

Royalties from his first book, 'Dreams of My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance', allowed him to pay back the last of his student loans - 11 years after graduating from law school - Smooths's no trust fund baby, y'all and he knows about managing his paper (regular folk demographic)

Southside father (southside demographic), northside mother (sensible northside demographic) who can trace her ancestory back to Jefferson Davis - President of the Confederacy (confederate flag loving northside demographic - is that even possible??)

Has two half sisters - one Auma (father's side - Kenyan), one Maya (mother's side - half Asian) (shorty demographic, mixed family demographic, eastside demographic)

While working through his feelings of racial displacement growing up, biddy-bop Smooth Barack was a drinker, smoker (still is occasionally), and drug user (pot and cocaine) (substance abuse demographic which ol Ty believes is the *largest* demographic in the country. Only problem is that it doesn't tend to vote because it sleeps through election day...)

I'd have to say I'd like SB's chances - especially given the same old, warmed over political candidates you see rolled out time after time. Smooth is not your average bear, y'all (check out that article and see what I'm talking about). I'm expecting to hear him roar sometime soon.



Friday, October 13, 2006

Australia's Real Favorite Son

Wassup, Y'all!

Overwhelmed by the hype over the death of Australian extreme Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin and largely overlooked by the U.S. press was the recent death of Peter Norman, the silver medal winner at the 1968 Olympic Games. '68 was a hellified year - Martin Luther King was assassinated, Bobby Kennedy was assassinated, the Chicago Democratic Convention had its ruckus, Apollo 8 carried the first humans around the moon and mixed in among all that was the famous protest during the '68 Games by Tommie Smith and John Carlos. If you look closely at this glossy, you'll see Peter Norman there as well - standing quietly while Smith and Carlos 'shock the world' with their silent protest of African American treatment north of the border in the United States. For the longest I just thought Norman was a silent bystander to this moment in history until my boy DLT pointed out how wrong I was...

As it turns out Peter Norman was doing more than just standing on a podium with two protesting brothers (unlike Mike Myers when Kanye West got salty with GW about the Katrina inaction. Though this clip shows what a good sport Myers was about it...) Publically, Norman himself was quietly participating in the protest by wearing a human rights badge along with Carlos and Smith. Privately, it was Norman's idea that the two split Tommie Smith's black gloves, which became the icing on the Black Power salutes the two threw up on the podium (Ty's note: I have to admit the glossy makes it seem like Tommie Smith, the gold medal winner in the middle, was more into it than his boy Carlos - but that's just me...).

Norman's seemingly innocuous act had his Australian homeys up in arms and he spent tall years on the business end of some racially charged ruckus Down Under. He's lucky his a$$ didn't end up on the barbie, but he did the right thing and was willing to suffer the consequences for it. Seems to me that it should have been Norman, rather than Steve Irwin who was offered a state funeral because in my mind what he did and what he stood for then and throughout his life was much, much bigger (that's my opinion Steve Irwin fans, I'm not hatin').

It turns out that Norman, Smith and Carlos remained good friends up until his untimely death and both Smith and Carlos flew to Australian to serve as pall bearers at his funeral. See, this is the type of friendship I'm talking about y'all. If you're boyz, you're boyz - doesn't matter what side you come from. Loyalty and character (which is sometimes defined as 'doing the right thing even when people aren't looking') still matter and if a northside homey can have the cajones to stand up in '68, then the least ol Ty can do is say 'Thank You, Homey. Good lookin' out.'

Rest in peace, my man. Rest in peace.



Monday, October 09, 2006

How'd Wanda and Sheneneh Miss The List?

Wassup, Y'all!

A little story over at ABC News caught my eye the other day when I was checking out something completely unrelated (that's why ol Ty can never get anything done...). It presumably highlights the Top 20 'Whitest' and 'Blackest' Names and I already found some *big* holes in the southside list. To start with - how's ABC even going to front and put together a 'Blackest' names list without including those southside staples Wanda (In Living Color) and Sheneneh Jenkins (Martin)!?...

First let me hop up on my soapbox right quick. ABC News! How are you gonna leave out all my westside and eastside homeys? Y'all need to take a quick trip to Cali to figure out that it's no longer a black and white country (actually it's never been a black and white country but I digress...). Case in point - Exhibit A - Selma Hayek. Funny su nombre didn't make the list. Get a clue ABC.

And what about the eastsiders? Y'all just caught that 'Oh Snap' glossy of Aishwayra Rai a few posts back but what about up-and-coming eastside shortys like Kim Yoon-Jin from 'Lost'? Hey ABC News - you guys ever talk to ABC Entertainment? KY-J is on one of the hottest shows you guys offer! I did say 'get a clue', right?

Anyway, Molly and Jake weigh in as the top northside girl and boy names while over on the southside, Imani and DeShawn take top honors. That southside list still seems suspect to me as hood rat names like Moesha, Punkin, Laquisha and Unique are nowhere to be found. For that matter, what happened to those preppy northside names like Paisley, Brittany, Agatha Anne?

I joke but the implications of a 'black' sounding names are anything but funny. The list of names actually came from a study that determined that job candidates with resumes which contained black sounding names where less likely to get a callback vs. their counterparts with white sounding names. Hmmm...that would be a situation I would consider *JACKED UP*. First it was 'driving while black', now you can't even 'job search while black'. But something tells me that those same black sounding names end up on all kinds of direct mailing lists that advertise currency exchange promotions and liquor store sales, though. That's whack and jacked.

So what's in a name? Sounds like plenty to me when it comes to the ease of hooking up a gig that will let you stack a little paper. So now here's the answer to the big question - 'Ty, is your name on the list, homey?' Y'all know better than to ask that - you know I had to represent despite the financial impact to my future endz (the reasons for my current basement living arrangement should be crystal clear now so stop sweatin' me about it).

Sometimes you just have to keep it real, y'all. That's also why I'll have a 'Donate a Dollar To Tyrone' link up shortly...



Friday, October 06, 2006

Cleopatra Jones' final take...

Wassup, Y'all!

I interrupt my normal postings to pay my respects to one of the original Blaxploitation Queens, Tamara Dobson, better known as the inimitable Cleopatra Jones, who passed away Monday at the young age of 59. If you've see any decent blaxploitation movie spoof, you know that it's not legit without a charactrer like Cleopatra Jones. Even Beyonce spoofed her in one of those Austin Power's joints when she fronted as 'Foxy Cleopatra'. As the poster glossy made clear - ol girl Cleopatra Jones was 'Ten miles of bad road for every hood in town!' Tamara's imposing 6' 2" frame was enough to intimidate any wayward homey and, though she couldn't give Pam Grier's Foxy Brown a run for her money (in my opinion), she carved a nice character niche out for herself and clearly created a blaxploitation icon for the ages...

This glossy pretty much sums up Tamara's unique appeal to both old school as well as biddy-bop homeys who were just coming up when Tamara and Pam and Teresa Graves and Diahann Carroll and Denise Nicholas (ahhh, Denise Nicholas...) and the rest were coming up. Side note: Man, you just can't look at a picture of Redd Foxx without cracking up - I don't care what role that brother was playin'.

The southside lights are a little dimmer with this news, y'all. It's not like we're just chock full of entertainment luminaries but without determined sisters like Tamara and the shortys listed above, people would be going Halle Who?, Alfre Who?, Whoopie Who? - y'all get my drift. So sleep well, TD - we appreciate you and will miss you. Thanks for the memories, homegirl.



Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Will Smith - Happy To Be Homeless

Wassup, Y'all!

I know, I know. What's up with all the Will Smith posts these days, Ty? Hopefully this will be the last one for a few since that brother really doesn't need any more free publicity (especially from such a globally recognized blog as this one) but I did want to give a quick heads up about his upcoming movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness' which drops December 12th. I caught the trailer yesterday and then did a little digging into the true story portrayed in the movie and I found them both moving and compelling - hence I'm passing it on to my trusted Malonites....

In the movie, Big Willy plays Chris Gardner , a single father of a toddler who goes from being homeless to a multi-million dollar stock broker and now owns his own Chicago based brokerage firm. The amazing leap from sleeping in transit station restrooms to big money boardrooms is enough to get anyone to sit up and take notice, but in this case, the real amazing part of the story (besides the fact its been out for several years now and my slow a$$ is just getting to it...) is the strong bond Gardner has with his son and his willingness to do whatever to care and provide for him. *That* story, particularly within the southside nation, is one that needs to be told and retold until it takes strong root.

In a clever casting move, Big Willy cast his own young son Jaden 'Little Willy' Smith as Gardner's son, Chris Jr. so the chemistry between them is genuine (as you can see in the trailer). I'm just wishin' someone would get that little homey a hot comb to tame his doo, but I guess they wanted to get that authentic 'homeless, jacked up doo' look - which they achieved very well.

Gardner's personal story reminds me a bit of the 'Antwone Fisher' story where he joins the Navy to escape the hood and abusive/unreliable parents. But Chris Gardner takes personal improvement to a whole new level - a level that has him enjoying the perks of the rich and famous as well as rubbing elbows with (among many famous others) my favorite financial shorty in Chicago, Mellody Hobson - President of Ariel Capital Management. Check her bio out too - that's a high powered sister who's always doing it big.

You can check out an excerpt from his book of the same name (In Pursuit of Happyness - intentionally misspelled to reflect how he saw the word scrawled on the wall of his son's daycare center) to get tips on how you too can go from homeless to stacking major paper. Might be a good holiday gift for all the homeless folks you meet on the street instead of that same dollar or fiddy cent you drop in their cup when you're feeling the holiday spirit. If you're feeling really good - do both, y'all, cuz if *this* brother could once be homeless - that ruckus can happen to any one of us.

Gardner's future ambitions include possibly selling his lucrative business and moving into entertainment and motivational speaking. He wants to shape a career (and ostensibly build an empire) similar to that of billionaire shorty Oprah Winfrey and reach back to help others similarly effected. After reading more about his personal story, I wouldn't put any of those moves out of his reach. His story really is extraordinary - read it for yourselves and tell me I'm lyin'.

*Big ups* to Big Willy for helping bring this story to the masses. I expect it to do big holiday box office business when it drops. Feel good stories around the holidays normally do...especially the true ones.



Monday, October 02, 2006

Monday Crackbacks - 10/02/06

Wassup, Y'all!

When will it end? When will it end! Beyonce and Mama Tina are back in effect, slyly pimpin' their House of Dereon fashion house by tricking the 'Got Milk' folks (thanks for the heads up, DLT! ConcreteLoop - thanks for the glossy!) Can Janet Jackson's 'Got Milk' joint be far behind? At this point, I'm expecting to see Beyonce's mug showing up on Sprewell 24" rims, Lil Jon's Crunk Energy Drink and Jacob The Jeweler's 'Jailhouse' Grillz. This chick is *everywhere* these days - might as well just go all out...

Anyway, if you ask me, I think the pre-cocaine Yasmine Bleeth 'Got Milk' glossy is still the cream of the crop, but it's clear milk isn't a cure for everything...

Barack Obama (aka Smooth Barack) and his wife 'Chelle are pulling in the chedda, Jack! EURweb reported that the new 'it' couple pulled in $1.67 million in 2005 (so you know 2006 is gonna be even more cheddery). Smooth Barack did most of the pulling with $1.2 mil - mostly from royalties and book advances but 'Chelle clocked in with over $363 K, yet somehow her boost in salary last year from her job as an administrator for the non-for-profit University of Chicago Hospitals seems to be generating a little hater blowback from Chicago types who see the U of C Hospitals' 12 administrators pulling in a little over $5 million collectively while medical care costs continue to spiral out of control...hmmm. Smooth Barack may want to get out in front of this one....

Seems those rumors of Steve Urkel's death have been greatly exaggerated. I actually hadn't heard the Internet rumor of Jaleel 'Steve Urkel' White committing suicide but I *did* hear the rumor (and see an obscure glossy of him wearing some 'gayish' gear and refusing to come out) of him being gay. It appears now that both whisper campaigns were incorrect. This glossy seems to infer that Stephon is back in effect....

X is gonna give it to you...unless you just take it from him. I'll wrap with the most outrageous piece of ruckus I've heard in a long a$$ time. Rapper DMX is claiming his most recent crumb snatcher is the result of being 'raped' by a D.C. woman. Okay, now that is a creative excuse but last I heard, I guy would need to be 'ready' in order for a shorty to have her way with him and if you aren't feeling it (which you would assume would be the case if you were being 'raped') chances are good you aren't going to be 'ready'. I'm thinking Earl has had one to many car accidents...