Monday, November 14, 2005

Mr. Biggs Does it up Capone Style

Wassup, Y'all!

You know, there's a thin line between fact and fantasy. Nowhere is this more clearly illustrated than in Hollywood. You've got Russell Crowe playing a Roman Gladiator, Denzel Washington playing a corrupt LA police officer, Will Smith playing Muhammad Ali, Jamie Foxx playing Ray Charles, Halle Berry playing Cat Woman (Daaaaaaaamn!) blah, blah, blah, but I'm pretty damn sure none of those Hollywood luminaries ever took the next step - Russell jumping in an amphitheater full of live tigers, Denzel taking his saddity butt to East Los and mixing it up with the west side vatos, Will stepping in the ring with Evander Holyfield, Jamie playing the pian...okay skip that one, or Halle climbing the walls in an outfit featuring diamond-encrusted fingernails. That's because most folks have common sense and then there's our boy Ronald Isley aka Mr. Biggs...

Now for those of you without cable who consistently miss the video rotation on BET's 106 & Park, allow me a moment to drop some actual factuals on you and bring you up to speed. A while back, old skool Ronald Isley's butt figured out a way to ease his behind back into the mainstream by teaming up with R. Kelly and creating a video persona known as 'Mr. Biggs' - a fine dressing, no nonsense gangster/player who runs his crib with an iron fist and keeps his women on a tight lease. Think an older version of Deion Sanders but with better suits and a badder disposition. Now I'm all for being innovative and jumpstarting a career slipping down the downside, but if your goal is to sock away some loot to help you through the lean retirement years, a good approach is to 1) create a tripped out persona, 2) make your chedda *and* 3) pay your damn taxes! It seems Ronald forgot Rule #3 and pulled a patented Mr. Biggs move by trying to jack Old Uncle Sam. Dang Ronald - even old Tyrone knows Uncle Sam is the biggest gangster out there - he always gets his money.

Now it looks like Mr. Biggs might be headed for a nice little Alcatraz bid like old skool Al Capone and I saw it coming from way back, y'all. Ronald was a bit too into that Mr. Biggs role - kicking the rolly bling, puffin' those fat Cohibas and fiddling with those walnut size finger rings. Seems to me he caught one too many episodes of 'The Sopranos' or Harlem Nights. Now instead of telling his cheating girl to get out the crib before he 'catches a case', the only case he'll be catching is his own inside federal court. Ouch - that hurts. No, I take that back, y'all. What's really gonna hurt Mr. Biggs when sentencing rolls around is the fact that R. Kelly will be his only character witness...damn - now that *really* hurts...

P.S. Tap that link, y'all and get a peep at what Mr. Peabody is up to - more to the point check out the mini review of the new 'Boondocks' cartoon on the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup (y'all know how much old Tyrone loves The Boondocks) - that joint is funny and in-your-face and Episode 2 did a take on a possible outcome of R. Kelly's upcoming child pornography trial - done up the way only Aaron McGruder can.



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