Thursday, December 01, 2005

Miss Penitentary 2005!

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, y'all know there was NO way I could let this fly by without a comment! Am I the only brother on the planet who thinks that prison should be just that - PRISON!?? Clearly our homies in Brazil have a different way of thinking. Yeah, yeah I know we need to be eternally grateful for their everlasting contribution to fashionable swim/strip club wear by dropping the thong bikini on an unsuspecting world but a penitentary beauty pageant for shortys on lockdown? Man, how does a brother get tickets to that?...

First let me apologize for dropping that vintage glossy cuz that's not actually Miss Penitenary 2005 (aka drug smuggler Angelica Mazua) but her foine predecessor Fernanda Maria de Jesus - Miss Penitentary 2004 who mysteriously gained early release after her walk down the concrete runway. Coincidence? I think not, y'all.

Hmmmm...according to prison officials, the Sao Paulo prison pageant is designed to "boost inmates' self-confidence". I can see it now, y'all - you know this ruckus will be making its way north in no time and Lil Kim's gonna get her roll on (she's got the talent competition all locked up) and primp and rap her way to the title of Miss US Federal Lock Up 2006! Here's a thought - why not help young women boost their self-confidence by 1) encouraging them to stay the hell out of jail, 2) getting society to pass along the message that it's not all about the body but what's going on inside your head?

Ooooo - I can hear y'all now yapping, 'Dang Ty, that's like the pot calling the kettle black, homeboy. I don't think you met a scantily clad glossy you haven't boosted to post on this site. Dude - kinda hypocritical don't you think?' To which I would reply with my patented, 'Please - don't hate. Appreciate!' If the Brazilians can boost inmates' self-confidence by letting them participate in a beauty pageant (least they made them kick the one-piece swimsuit. If they had busted out in thongs during the swimsuit competition you know a riot would have broken out in that joint!!) the least old Tyrone can do is help our American shortys feel honored and respected so they can get a little self-confidence boost too.' I'm only doing my part, y'all.



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