First, I need to apologize for my lackadasical reporting as of late. Old Tyrone's been a little distracted since I heard that Destiny's Child was getting back together to help the NFL kick off their season on Thursday. That's right, y'all! Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle are back for three times the fun. When I should have been blogging, I was thinking about Kelly's shimmy shake in their Bootilicious video (old girl is a fine, tall drink of Cherry Kool-Aid)...
Yeah, Beyonce is eye candy (especially in that "Crazy In Love" video - wooooo), but Kelly's the down home sister brothers want to take home to meet moms. Speaking of eye, that brings me to today's blog topic - what's the deal with Florida and those hurricanes? Man FL is getting spanked homeys and to add insult to injury, there's another bad boy brewing out in the Atlantic (Ivan the Terrible). So I had to ask myself, just what did Florida to to deserve such a biblical beat down? Hmmmm, perhaps it's not what Florida did (2000 Presidential election day shenanigans) so much as what Florida shouldn't do in a couple months. I submit the new poster child for hurricane alley is getting one of those chilly warnings about what could come if more election year shenanigans ensue. You know, like on the Soprano's when you've just taken out a sizable loan from the family and they take you to dinner, schmooze it up with you - "more bread? C'mon, have a little more of that ziti" - then walk you out back where a non-paying client is getting shoved into a wood chipper. See, that's what they call a warning, y'all.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not making light of the hardships our fellow citizens are enduring with these single minded hurricanes. After all, they did have to reschedule the FSU-Miami game. That's pretty harsh. Anyway, this FL/hurricane business is just another one of those things that make you go Hmmmmmmm.
Moving on - I was dipping and dodging through TV and the newspapers the other day and happened upon two outlandish boasts that both referred to my boy, old school crooner Teddy "Lady's Get 'em Ready" Prendergrass. Sometimes you just have to laugh. Like Whitney referring to bad boy Bobby Brown as the King of R&B after one hit album and a rap sheet longer than her hair extensions! King of Fulton County lock up, maybe, but R&B? According to R. Kelly - "What's R&B without the R?" Anyway, within days of each other I hear Ronnie from the rejuvenated group New Edition, propping their new album (on Diddy's Bad Boy label) and talking smack that there's a track on the album featuring Johnny Gill that will make him the new Teddy Prendergrass! C'mon now! Johnny's got some deep pipes but it takes a little more than that to bump Teddy out the blocks. How many ladies have been freely throwing their draws onstage at a Johnny Gill concert? Uh huh - see what I'm saying? Now flash forward a couple days and I read about Nelly propping his new double album set - Sweat/Suit. Actually that's a good gimmick - one album with fresh hip hop club beats and one with smoother, slow jams. Anyway, everybody knows Nelly and Jaheim collaborated on their current hot cut 'My Place' and didn't Nelly step out there and claim that Jaheim was the next Teddy Prendergrass? C'mon now! Jaheim? Yeah - old dude's got the pipes too and the cut is HOT, but for those who read my blog on carpetbagging Alan 'Skeleton' Keyes, you'll know comparing Jaheim with Teddy is like comparing Macy Grey with Beyonce (and I'm not referring to vocal stylings...). Y'all fools get off Teddy!
Alright I'm out! I'm still trying to get all that foul graffiti off the hoopty. Seems the Republicans were sharing a little more than just love (y'all know I'm kiddin', right?) at the convention. I've been scrubbing for about a day now and still can't get that picture of an elephant dropping his draws off the hoopty's hood. If y'all responsible are reading this blog (y'all know I'm kidding, right?) all I have to say is - that just ain't riiight!! Those were some big ass draws!