Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Free Rosario!

Wassup Y'all!

It didn't take long for the clowning in NYC to take a serious turn. I'm hanging outside Madison Square and catch the commotion up the street and get details that the cops clapped the silver braclets on my girl Rosario Dawson (a shorty supreme, might I add). I'm organizing the homeys cuz we ain't taking it no more! How'd Rosario get checked into the Greybar Hotel and Off the Chaney is still walking around a free man? Only in New York, y'all. Until her court appearance, I'll float y'all a glossy to remember her by...

C'mon now, Sipowitz! She's even kickin' the I Love NY gear!! NYPD - shame, shame.

Y'all may be noticing I'm not doing too much reporting on the convention that's cuz every time I sneak in I stand out like a sore thumb and security hustles me out. A brother can't catch a break up in that piece. So I'm outside MSG mingling with the salt of the earth folks and getting my laugh on about those parents up in arms about that Fact's of Life shorty Blair who wrote about putting a dab of hot sauce on her crumb snatcher's tongue to teach him not swear or speak out of turn. I just had to laugh about that one cuz I'm sure the parents complaining are the same ones with overweight kids who never miss a chance to let them stuff more food in their faces. I can see the dilemma - who's going to force their kid to put up with a minute's worth of tongue stinging vs. a lifetime of ridicule and health problems? Good call, y'all!

I see the nominations for the Darwin Awards are getting started early this year. I understand the front runner is the homey who got drunk with his buddy and decided to drive home. The buddy gets sick, hangs his head out the window to call Earl and the driver swerves, clips a telephone pole support wire and decapitates his partner. Here's where the story gets interesting, y'all. Old boy drives home, goes into his crib (bloody clothes and all) and falls asleep! Meanwhile headless Henry is just chilling in the passenger seat until a passerby spots him and calls the police. That's what I call a true friend - kill my ass and then leave me in the car all dead and decapitated. That's cold, my man!

Alright, y'all. I'm gonna pass the cap to see if we can scramble up some bail money for Rosario. In the meantime, she'll be honored as old Tyrone's Shorty of the Week.



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