Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Why Johnny's a Broke A$$

Wassup, Y'all!

Remember those little exposés that used to come out back in the day exposing the poor job the school system was doing educating tomorrow's youth? Y'all know the ones - 'Why Can't Johnny Read?', 'Why Can't Johnny Write?', 'Why Can't Johnny Get A Damn Job And Move Out?'. Well Sports Illustrated - SI to you and me - started wondering why, after being given so much, that athletes tended to end up broke more often than not.

Before reading the article ol Ty was all like, "If I could just get me some of that T-O money life would be all good. Crack crib, fleet of cars, easy access to VIP (where I'd find Dwayne Wade hobnobbin' with Sanaa Lathan and Gabrielle Union), enough singles to make it rain down at Magic City every night and not have to worry about picking my singles back up like Pac-Man Jones' cheap a$$". That's a pretty good bedtime story, y'all, but just as karma tends to even out life, that other truism that 'a fool and his money are soon parted' seems to apply particularly well to athletes...

The article is pretty eye-opening. It throws around some ridiculous actual factuals like:
  • By the time they have been retired for two years, 78% of former NFL players have gone bankrupt or are under financial stress because of joblessness or divorce (more on that later)
  • Within five years of retirement, an estimated 60% of former NBA players are broke

Now don't go thinkin' that the recent 'economic downturn' had anything to do with this. These knuckleheads were throwin' their chedda out the car window even during the Clinton boom years.

Much of this is attributed to young minds who don't 'have time' to be bothered with the boring details of their money - like how it should last them their entire lives. Instead they outsource the management of their money to third party crooks family members or accountants who are always happy to handle millions of dollars no questions asked. It seems to me that if young southside athletes are going to listen to anybody it would be someone that looks like them and is clockin' major figures like Oprah who consistently says that she *always* signs every check that goes out. Instead it's how many cars can I get, how can I get a Shaq or Kobe crib or 'my boy Rolly really needs a recording studio to jump start his rap career'. Those boyz are all heart and no head - at least no 'big head'.

The 'little head' has also led many a brother into financial ruin. Kanye broke it down with Jamie in 'Golddigger'. There's a reason why honeys don't mess with broke brothers - there's no instant upside. Mess with a rich brother on the other hand and this too can be you Juanita Jordan. According to the article, the divorce rate for pro athletes ranges from 60%-80% and husbands 'routinely lose half of their net worth'. Understandably, agents - to whom athletes are their bread and butter, 'very strongly' recommend pre-nups yet the percentage of pre-nups among athletes is appreciably lower compared with nonathletes at the same economic level. Whaaat? Talk about nose wide open

Still I have to give it up to my boy Dikembe Mutombo. His girl refused to sign a pre-nup the day before their wedding (okay - that is tacky timing). 500 guests were converging on the wedding site - including Dikembe's crew from the Democratic Republic of Congo, yet ol girl still said, 'Hell no' and Dikembe called off the wedding and had to come out of his pocket to the tune of $250K to pay everything off. I guess women without pre-nups also don't fly in 'the House of Mutombo'. Daaaaaaaang, 'Kembe! Don't hurt 'em like that!!

With money flowing like this can a 'Tyrone Malone Athletic Financial Services' business be too far behind? I think not. After all - I still need to get me some of that T-O money, y'all.



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