Eddie + DNA = Tall Cheddar

Wassup, Y'all!

Dang! What a difference a week makes! Last week our boy Donkey was clinging to the slim hope that our girl Scary Spice was steppin' out on him during the time that they were knockin' boots. Scary maintained from the beginning that Eddie was her baby's daddy but Eddie said 'no, we have to wait to see if that baby is mine' - a jacked up statement that followed a jacked up public jilting of Scary. Well, the waiting is over and Donkey is now the proud papa of a six pack of kids (five by his ex-wife and one by Scary). Man - if that back alley prostitute hadn't turned out to be a transvestite back in the day we'd probably be talking at least seven crumb snatchers and that's getting into Shawn Kemp territory...

I'm here in the basement watching live coverage of shortys high fivin' all over town. I'm sure all are waiting with baited breath for a ruling on what the support payments will be. I'm thinkin' no more than 25 large a month if Eddie does the wise thing and hooks up with 50 Cent's lawyer cuz Fiddy is takin' his baby's mama Shaniqua (yes, that's right - Shaniqua) for a ride. Yes, yes, y'all - the top is so much better than the bottom - so much better...tho Eddie would have been wise to avoid both positions with Scary.

Homeboys, here's yet another cautionary tale of the benefits of safe sex. Not only can it save your life, it can also keep a stack of paper in your pocket, egg off your face and a whole bunch of crow out of your mouth. Hopefully when Scary makes it to Chi-town on that leg of the Spice Girls Reunion Tour, she'll break a bit off for ol Ty - given my support of her position - and help a brother finally get up on outta the basement.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

20 years later it's STILL HALF, Eddie

Wassup, Y'all!

It's been 20 years since Eddie Murphy dropped his seminal RAW album based on the live concert. There were some funny a$$ bits in that joint but none more so than Eddie's take on potentially having to part with half his money should he get married and subsequently divorced without a prenup in place. To prevent such a unhappy circumstance, he reasoned that the best thing to do would be to go to Africa and marry an African 'bush woman' who had no notion of American shorty's sense of marital entitlement. Fast forward 20 years and somehow, Eddie decides to knock unprotected boots with a chick nicknamed 'Scary Spice' and now a substantial chunk of his cheddar is balanced on the results of a paternity test. Hmmm...doesn't sound like progress to me...

Ol Ty has to admit he didn't exactly see what Eddie was looking at when he decided to tap that...unless he was checking out this CD cover... Once Melanie Brown aka Mel B. aka Scary Spice got pregant, the only one of her aliases that really applied was Scary Spice or maybe Really Scary Spice cuz ol girl blew up, jack! Her hair was alway a hot mess and her outfits were less than flattering (sez the brother in his mama's basement who's never been pregnant, but I digress...). Seems Eddie caught on to that as well since he dropped Scary like a fat rat and started stepping out with Baby Face's old girl Tracey Edmunds (apparently without telling Melly Mel that she had been sent to the end of the bench - dang! Brothers are still doing that ruckus!?).

Mel then broadly proclaims she's pregnant with Eddie's baby, Eddie broadly proclaims it may not be his and he'll need a paternity test, the test was broadly proclaimed to have been recently taken and now the world waits as Eddie's cheddar hangs by a thin strand of DNA. Shoulda gone the 'bush babe' route, Eddie. Tho in the end, ol girl demanded half as well...dang - can't win for losing, homey.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Smooth Barack's New Groupie Demographic

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, first it was the rockers, then the athletes, then the dot.com billionaires and now, thanks to Smooth Barack, Presidential candidates have their own groupies too. That's right y'all - Smooth Barack's Number One Fan Obama Girl has dropped a single on YouTube that headin' for number one with a bullet. Don't let this photoshopped glossy fool you into thinking that Smooth was a willing participant in this slick production - he wasn't, but I gots to give it up to the crew behind this video. It's creative, the tune is catchy, the visuals are lush and, if this is any indication of things to come, it's gonna to be an off-the-hook political season as the 2008 campaign heats up...

According to abcnews.com:

"The song was performed by Leah Kauffman, a 21-year-old undergraduate at Temple University in Philadelphia, who wrote the lyrics with a friend, 32-year-old advertising executive Ben Relles, and the music with her producer, Rick Friedrich.

An actress/model named Amber Lee Ettinger [homegirl in the glossy, who, on her website, cites none other than our boy Denzel as her favorite actor. Dang Will! You snooze, you lose, homey.] then lip-synched the song for the video, shot by filmmakers found on Craigslist two hours before Relles and Ettinger hit New York City one Friday in May to shoot the video on a DV camera."

Various new sites and blogs have described Ms. Ettinger as nubile, comely, & hot. Having peeped the video for research purposes, ol Ty will have to go with Daaaaaaaamn! instead. That's right, y'all - a solid 8 on the Shorty Damn Meter.

Given that, a brother has to wonder what 'Chelle is thinking about all this ruckus (since the Smooth camp seems to be might quiet at the moment). Now we all know that Southside sisters don't play this mess and 'Chelle is a shorty who looks like she plays even less. You can almost picture her in this glossy saying 'If I see that black haired Buffy in the street tonight, I'm a put my foot so far up her...". Smooth on the other hand must be trying to figure out a way to slip his Secret Service detail for a couple hours. Man - I'm just playin', lighten up y'all! We all know Smooth's a family man.

Anyway - Yo! Where are all the blog groupies at?? Y'all need to show a brother some of that Smooth Barack love and start blowin' up the basement hot line talkin' 'bout, 'Yo T., it's me' :-)

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Et tu, Isaiah?

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, you knew it was coming but now that it's here, it's still a little shocking. Word has reached the basement that our boy Isaiah Washington (I-Dub to you and me) has been kicked to the curb and will no longer appear on the hit show Grey's Anatomy as heart surgeon Preston Burke. This word comes from ABC who took the route of 'not renewing his option' vs. outright firing, but you know that with the clout that series creator Shonda Rhimes has with the network, ol girl had to have signed off on I-Dub's walking papers as well. You have to think there would be a little conflict in the southside household over that but we can't rightly jump on Kramer and Imus without expecting our kin folk to get held to the same standard...

Shorty Shonda (seen here with I-Dub peepin' over her shoulder) really didn't have a choice - though during initial interviews on the matter, she diplomatically said that they would resolve the issue 'in house'. Over the intervening weeks, it seemed as if I-Dub's naive a$$ actually believed that going to counseling and reaching out to gay and lesbian groups would actually help his outcome. Similarly, ABC and Shonda seemed to have let that notion fly until after the series wrapped for the season before putting a foot on I-Dub's a$$ and pushing him out the studio door.

Man - and I thought that ruckus on the Sopranos was foul. They should have at least whacked I-Dub from jump street (and written a tight story line that had him getting killed trying to foil a bank robbery or something instead of slinking off after leaving his bride-to-be in the church foyer and later hyperventilating in their crib when she found out he had moved his gear out) instead of giving a brother hope and then smacking him down.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone