Monday, June 25, 2007

Eddie + DNA = Tall Cheddar

Wassup, Y'all!

Dang! What a difference a week makes! Last week our boy Donkey was clinging to the slim hope that our girl Scary Spice was steppin' out on him during the time that they were knockin' boots. Scary maintained from the beginning that Eddie was her baby's daddy but Eddie said 'no, we have to wait to see if that baby is mine' - a jacked up statement that followed a jacked up public jilting of Scary. Well, the waiting is over and Donkey is now the proud papa of a six pack of kids (five by his ex-wife and one by Scary). Man - if that back alley prostitute hadn't turned out to be a transvestite back in the day we'd probably be talking at least seven crumb snatchers and that's getting into Shawn Kemp territory...

I'm here in the basement watching live coverage of shortys high fivin' all over town. I'm sure all are waiting with baited breath for a ruling on what the support payments will be. I'm thinkin' no more than 25 large a month if Eddie does the wise thing and hooks up with 50 Cent's lawyer cuz Fiddy is takin' his baby's mama Shaniqua (yes, that's right - Shaniqua) for a ride. Yes, yes, y'all - the top is so much better than the bottom - so much better...tho Eddie would have been wise to avoid both positions with Scary.

Homeboys, here's yet another cautionary tale of the benefits of safe sex. Not only can it save your life, it can also keep a stack of paper in your pocket, egg off your face and a whole bunch of crow out of your mouth. Hopefully when Scary makes it to Chi-town on that leg of the Spice Girls Reunion Tour, she'll break a bit off for ol Ty - given my support of her position - and help a brother finally get up on outta the basement.



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