Ilinois Senate to Blagojevich - SEE YA!

Wassup, Y'all!

Daaaaang! 59-0? Not one friendly 'nay' vote not to kick F-Rod Blogojevich to the curb? Guess not. But last night I'm watchin' homey plead his case out in front of his crib, talkin' 'bout how 'he's gonna 'fight on', and 'do what's right' and trippin' on how many supporters he still had callin' out ridiculousness like, 'We love you Rod!' and talkin' 'bout how he got a raw deal.  Clearly there's a rampant drug problem in F-Rod's neighborhood - a lot of basement LSD brews being passed around like progressive pot luck dishes cuz there ain't a lot to love about F-Rod's corrupt behavior or his pathalogical attempts to distort the facts (which according to him were *all* taken out of context. Hey, if that didn't work for ol Ty when his old girl overheard him tellin' his boys that her hair was lookin' a little jacked up, why should it work for him when he's overheard sayin he needed a little somethin' for Smooth Barack's senate seat?)

So happy trails, F-Rod! Don't let the door knob hit ya, where the good Lord split ya! As for the rest of us? Ol Ty has the over/under on the number of days until the next Illinois political scandal at 15. Who's in?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Myron Rolle says No to NFL, Yes to MORE School

Wassup, Y'all!

I know. I said 'Whaaaaat' too, especially when I found out that homey was a southside safety from Florida State. You know FSU has a pretty good record of placin' their players in the NFL, so you can be assured that Myron Rolle was in line for some pretty tall ducets. It's rare when you find a college athlete who's lookin' for *more* school but I guess it's also rare for a college athlete to qualify for a Rhodes Scholarship to Oxford. Just how hard is it to get a Rhodes Scholarship? Follow me after the jump and find out...

The roster of former Rhodes Scholars reads like a Who's Who list. You've got former Presidents, Nobel Prize winners, former CIA directors, military admirals and generals, ambassadors, even Smooth Barack's current U.S. Ambassador to the UN, southside shorty Dr. Susan Rice. There's some rarified air in there, y'all.

Now I admit that if you have the option to do *both* - kick it in Oxford for a year or two, then still declare for the NF draft that's a pretty good option to have and that seems to be the route that My-Rolle is headed down but ol Ty still has to give cousin mad props for sayin' no to the money now when that NFL lifestyle is pretty tantalizing. So in the era of college and pro players behaving badly I'm encouraged by a story like this and hopefully in the new Smooth era, we'll be hearing more and more of this type of thing.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty Gets Hit By The Block

Wassup, Y'all!

As in writer's block. I can't explain it. I've got the topics but for some reason ol Ty can't string two sentences together at the moment. Bear with me, y'all. I'll get it worked out in a minute. I'm so ashamed. Smooth would be so disappointed with a brother. Must be time for another road trip to recharge my battrees...or time for a cheesesteak with a little Cheez Whiz.


Peace@Least,

Tyrone

President Barack Obama: Oh Happy Day!

Wassup, Y'all!

Surreal. Yes, there are a lot of adjectives ol Ty can attribute to yesterday, but the one that sums it up best for me is surreal. From seeing Smooth Barack and his telegenic family arrivin' at the Capitol in that massive motorcade, to seein' Smooth take the oath of office (despite Chief Justice Roberts giving him the wrong words), to seein' Justice Roberts congratulate him as Mr. President, to his well worded inaugural speech and his first entrance to 'Hail to The Chief'. All completely surreal, y'all but oh so satisfying. I watched the coverage over at my boy Cat Daddy's crib with his Madear and we both kept lookin' at the TV screen and askin' each other, 'Can you believe this?' Clearly we still can't. It's gonna take a few for this to all sink in. On my way out back to my crib I ran into my boy Big Mike comin' in and as we dapped up and I congratulated him on our new President, he said, 'You know - I got love for everybody today. Whether folks like the guy or not, I'm movin' on and just being glad in the moment'. Ol Ty couldn't have typed it any better. So I know y'all peeped in to hear my impressions on the day so check me after the jump...

First off - my people will be my people. Now I know it wasn't all southsiders chantin', 'Na,na,na,na, na,na,na,na, hey,hey,hey - goodbye' when GW showed up on the grandstand but I'm sure y'all were thick in the mix and I had to feel a little bad for GW and the fam since this was their last day and all. Even Count Chaney looked all frail and lost in his little wheelchair. I know GW was pretty bad, but no need to kick him on the way out.

Second, 'Chelle, Lil 'Chelle (Malia) and Cool Breeze (Sasha) were laid, y'all. They had the 'Beyonce' hair workin', cute little color coordinate outfits and they looked like they all walked straight off the set of 'The Cosby Show'. The Obamas are the new Huxtables, y'all. I also appreciated that 'Chelle's mama (who, thanks to 'Tini Mack, will now be referred to as the First Madear) fell right into her new role as caretaker of the First Kids. That's all good. I expect some spankins all around when they set some curtains on fire in the White House after playin' with scented candles in their room after being told not too. The First Madear looks like she doesn't play.

Third, there's a reason why I dubbed Barack 'Smooth'. There's no better adjective for homey. He's calm, cool, collected and humorous at every turn. He even tried to help out the Chief Justice when he blew the oath (that joint's like twelve words (okay - thirty-five but you feel me) *and* it's not like he didn't know the day was comin' - what happened to a little practice??). The speech was typical Smooth and homey just seemed so comfortable and poised in the moment. I have no doubt that demeanor will carry on into the Oval Office. He gave all the appropriate shoutouts to let folks know that the US is back in the business of leading the world both by word and deed. Gotta like the sound of that.

Forth, was there a better speaker (besides Smooth) during the ceremony than the Rev. Joseph Lowery (a brother who helped lead the Montgomery Bus Boycott)? Homey could have stayed up there all day. I appreciated him droppin' some of the oh so appropriate words from the 'Black National Anthem' - Lift Every Voice and Sing as well as his keepin' it real at the end by updatin' those old school sayin's by sayin' to the Lord, 'We ask You to work for that day when Black will not be asked to get back, when Brown can stick around, when Yellow will be mellow, when the Red Man can get ahead man and when White will embrace what is right' - ol Ty hit all three amens after that one, y'all. I love that brother.

Finally, I appreciate the appearance that Smooth and 'Chelle put in at the 'Neighborhood Ball' and, more importantly, the importance that they placed on that Ball - the People's ball. A lot of politicians talk the talk but it really seems like these two walk the walk too. They get that it's always been of, for and by the people, not themselves.

I also appreciate the way those two seem to genuinly love each other, the way they looked at each other during their first dance and the very appropriate Beyonce rendition of 'At Last'. 

In my mind, the Presidency has always been about being a leader and a role model and throughout the day (actually from the time he hit the national stage) Smooth proved over and over that he's the right person for job, at the right moment in history.

At last. Oh happy day, y'all. Oh happy day.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

NYC's 'Hudson Hero' Should Talk to NYC's 'Subway Hero'

Wassup, Y'all!

What is it with NYC and January? Remember back in 2007 when regular Wesley (Autrey), The Construction Worker jumped onto the subway tracks to save a strickened man just as the No. 1 train was speeding into the station? Now we have Sully, The Airplane Pilot who managed to successfully ditch a commercial airplane in the Hudson River and (assisted by a seriously unsung flight crew) managed to get all the passengers off safely. [Quick Aside, y'all - the fame and adulation for these two I can understand, but Joe, The Plumber? A perfect case of 'Empty Celebrity']. Okay I'm back.

In the wake of the national outpouring for Sully I thought it would be a good idea to check back in with Wesley to see how his hero celebrity has been treating him. You may think from that 'American Gangster' glossy that it's all good, but when it comes to fame and money we all know there's a dark side. Apparently it didn't take long for the 'Subway Hero' to get behind the velvet rope and be seated right next to Big Poppa Exploitation - also known as The Notorious E-X-P...

Now brother Wesley (deservedly) got what ol Ty calls the Platinum Steak and Cake Treatment. Meaning that no sooner had he emerged from the subway than folks were lining up to congratulate him, reward him, and tell his story. Oprah, Ellen, Letterman, GW, the governor, the mayor, Senator 'Sister' Hillary. The whole nine, y'all. Donald Trump even broke him off a piece of his chedda to the tune of $10K. Brother Wesley got two years worth of season tickets to the Nets (dang - how cheap are the Knicks!), a free trip to the Superbowl, a box seat at the State of The Union address, Disneyworld, free iMacs for the kidz - even the grinchy MTA, whose train almost killed him, kicked in with a year's worth of free rides. [Quick Aside: If a guy prevents your train from killing someone, don't you think that's at least worth rides for life just for him? I know the President of the MTA *and* his peeps probably ride for free all the time! Y'all cheap a$$es!] Okay I'm back. All pretty heady stuff for a construction worker.

Of course the price of fame is that the exposure that comes with it makes you known to other folks kindly referred to as 'scum'. It started right away with family and friends. Y'all know 'em - those fools who wouldn't give you the time of day when you're just Wesley, The Construction Worker but are all over you when you become Wesley, The Subway Hero - a phenomenon broken down raw style in Mike Jones' 'Back Then'). In this case, Wesley's Pops - who rolled when homey was 4 and had rarely been in touch since - called to let him know that it was a good that he did and that if he was coming to the family reunion to bring some of that money with him. Triflin'. Then there was the ol girl who dropped kicked his a$$ fifteen years ago who suddenly showed up all attentive-like and when she got called for bein' triflin' - 'where you been the last fifteen years?' - could only reply with the tired, 'Oh so it's like that?'. If y'all could see me as I type this you'd see me still shakin' my head at that tomfoolery. But y'all see what's comin', right? Just as clearly as you could see the end of Will Smith's 'Seven Pounds' about half way through.

Yes, Brother Wesley hired some 'people' to manage his interests and help him cultivate projects, signed a regrettable contract and went to court to get his property rights back and void the contract that stipulated he pay out 50% of any earnings over three years (which is about the shelf life of 'instant' celebrity). So Capt. Sully - recognize that there's some bad coming with all this good. Keep your eyes open and be thankful that brother Wesley has blazed a path that should help keep you on the right track should your Air Force Academy senses fail you in bright glare of new found riches. 

In the meantime, NYC! What y'all got up your sleeve for Act III? Somebody gonna rescue the passengers of a bus rigged to blow if it goes over 50? Somebody gonna foil the plans of the Decepticons when they infiltrate the city and take City Hall hostage? Somebody gonna keep the Mets and Giants from choking down the stretch? Oh - sorry. My bad on that...

Here's something to keep in mind while you're ponderin' - heroism isn't always spectacular. You have every day people at it everyday - you just need to look a little harder and hope that should your moment to shine come that your first thought won't be 'Oooo - dang, that's too bad' instead of 'Wow - that could be someone I know'.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Hey! Where are all the Black Folk?

Wassup, Y'all!

If it's Tuesday, January 20th then you really don't need to ask. Chris Rock alluded to this in his raw HBO special 'Kill The Messenger'. Since that joint came out pre-election, Chris said that should Obama win the election, northsiders shouldn't expect to see (or get any help from) southsiders the next day. At the airport? You better Skycap your own damn bags. Railway station? Same deal.

So you know on Inauguration Day the workplace is going to be a southside free zone, particularly with it comin' a day after the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday. Lady E. (ever ready with an article) hipped ol Ty to this joint on MSNBC.com talkin' 'bout 'Some Blacks Choose Inauguration Over Work'. "Some"? Let me hip, y'all to an actual factual. Those that 'choose work over Inauguration' will be gettin' Drop Squaded in the parking lot as soon as they leave for the day...

Ain't no missin' Smooth Barack's Inauguration! You either need to have your rusty butt in D.C. cold chillin' (literally - tho Tuesday temps are forecast to be in the 'balmy' 30's - which sounds pretty good when I'm lookin' out the basement window at -14 degrees as I type) or have your rusty butt parked in front of a TV watchin' this thing unfold *LIVE*. Don't let ol Ty hear that you timeshifted that joint with a DVR! You can DVR that bad boy for posterity, but if you don't watch it live, guess what? That's right - Drop Squaded. Like my boy the late Bernie Mac would say - 'I ain't scared of you [Mickey Fickeys]'. Do the right thing, y'all. If you can't get up for this, it's time for you to hit Liberia for real.

And for y'all misguided few who will chose work thinkin' that's gonna get you noticed, promoted, a bonus or whatever - I've got Jay-Z's original demo tape I'd like to sell you and a little bit of news for you. It's one day, y'all. Enjoy it. Celebrate it. And free your mind - if only for a day.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty Picks The Best Two TV Characters Of All Time

Wassup, Y'all!

Sorry about being MIA, y'all. This part-time Super-Target gig that Mama Malone got me workin' is KILLIN' a brother. That yang's got me all discombobulated. Anyway, I've been meanin' to drop this post for a few and since we just saw some bogosity unfold at the Golden Globes with the Hollywood Foreign Press thinkin' they know TV characters, it's a good time for ol Ty to drop his two coins in the fountain....

I'll start with the first runner up - Robert Knepper - better known to Prison Break fans (yeah - I know - that's show went two seasons too long) as Theodore 'T-Bag' Bagwell. I came to Prison Break late, y'all so I did the iTunes marathon catch-up thing and cracked the hell up when I first saw T-Bag walkin' across the prison yard with a young prisoner holdin' on to his out-turned pocket. He strolled up to the main character, Michael Scowfield, turned out his other pocket and told 'Pretty' he had another pocket to spare. T-Bag is a country 'Bama type who got turned into a sadistic pedophile at the hands of an abusive, backwoods father. 

Ol boy's what I call a 'cockroach' - one of those characters that no matter what occurs still ends up scurryin' back out once the lights get turned out. This a guy who had his hand chopped off after escapin then coerced a veterinarian to sew it back on - before killing him. Eventually that appendage had to go so he ended up killin' a vietnam vet to get his prosthetic hand. Given all this, why would I think he's a good character? Because despite all that heinousness, his ingenuity and knack for survival is always on display with a non-stop string of comical one-liners uttered with a country corn-pone accent. The fact that he can even come off likable - the ultimate tragic figure - is a testament to his acting. In a large ensemble cast - he *always* stands out.

The same can be said for ol Ty's all-time favorite character, 'Omar Little' from the recently ended HBO series 'The Wire'. I got to give it up to my girl Lady E for turnin' me on to that show (which I'm also catching up on thanks to iTunes - I'm on Season 4 of 5). Accordin' to Lady E. Michael K. Williams did what few other actors can do. Come on to a show to play a small, temporary part and be so good at it that the character becomes a mainstay of the show four seasons later. Jaleel White pulled that off with Steve Urkel back in the day but to do so on a show that already has a strong ensemble cast is pretty impressive.

For the uninitiated, Omar's self professed occupation is 'rippin' and runnin'' - rippin' off drug dealers and runnin' with their drugs and cash. He's got a scrupulous set of street ethics - he only deals with criminals 'in the game' and never bothers regular 'citizens'. His weapon of choice is a shotgun, which he hides under his black duster and you can hear him comin' (but never see him until it's too late) because he's strolling along in the dark whistlin' 'The Farmer in the Dell'. What's not to like? 

Ol dude is straight comic relief in a very gritty series but he can get down and dirty with the best of them. For instance, in one show he found himself in a dark alley at the business end of a gun wielded by some New York muscle - a Nation of Islam, bow-tie wearing gangster named Brother Muzone. Omar had shot Brother M. some weeks earlier thinkin' he killed a partner of his (yes - y'all Omar is also a gay rip and runner), but when he found he got some bad information, he called an ambulance and Brother M. pulled through. Now Brother M. has come back on him in the alley where the following conversation ensues:

BM: I see you favor a .45
Omar: Tonight I do. And I keeps one in the chamber in case you're ponderin'
BM: I suppose we could stand here forever
Omar: I suppose we could or end this once and forever
BM: I want to ask you something, brother
Omar (after a pause): Omar listenin'

You gotta like a brother who refers to himself in the third person, y'all! If you've never watched either show and you're lookin' for some iPod 'idle time' entertainment, I'd recommend all of The Wire and at least Season One of Prison Break. Even if you don't care for the shows, you'll be diggin' these two as soon as they hit the screen. Trust me.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Roland Burris Told To 'Get To Gone'

Wassup, Y'all!

You saw it comin' like an earth killin' asteroid from 100 miles out. Despite his cheesin' and premature declarations of being 'the junior senator from the State of Illinois' and lookin' forward to 'gettin' his senate legs under him', it now appears that for the moment all Ro-Bur will be gettin' is back after comin' to the Senate chamber to get sworn in and being told by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, 'You don't know me like that'. Daaaaaaaamn. That's cold, Harry! So now Ro-Bur says he'll huddle with his lawyers and probably chill in a downtown D.C. Super 8 Motel while this Illinois senate seat saga gets sorrier and sorrier by the day...

I was chillin' in Norfolk about to get busy with an egg sandwich that Mama Malone put together when I saw the breakin' CNN news that Ro-Bur had accepted the nomination for the seat by our recently disgraced governor F-Rod Blogojevich. My first thought was, 'What's he thinkin'?' For the moment that seat is about as radioactive as Chernobyl so all I could think of is 'power grab' since everyone related to pavin' the way to successfully securing the seat, including the Secretary of State, Jesse White, was saying that they wouldn't accept anyone put up by F-Rod. Once F-Rod put up Ro-Bur's name, Jesse made it his business not to certify the appointment which gave the U.S. Senate an easy out when Ro-Bur showed up. That does beg the question, however of what the Senate would have done had Ro-Bur showed up with legitimate credentials?

I find it interesting that some folk in the Ro-Bur camp would invoke the memory of former New York Congressman Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. A-Powell was the first southside congressman from New York and became one of only two southsiders in Congress at the time. A-Powell had to put up with a lot of racial foolishness just to get equal treatment from his peers, many of whom at that time were some a$$-backward thinkers. In ol Ty's opinion, tryin' to equate Ro-Bur's current situation with A-Powell's is disingenuous at best. That's on the order of Bush, The First replacing Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall with Clarence 'Uncle' Thomas, though not quite as heinous. Ro-Bur knew what was comin' before he even accepted F-Rod's nomination. He should have done like the others who were asked before him - politely decline, wait for the dust to settle and then get in line when the legitimate appointment process started up.

But apparently homey thought he could slip into the seat (which he still might) and kick it Senate style for a couple years since that's a pretty cushy gig. I'd have to say the media frenzy surrounding this whole thing would seem to make that gig a lot less cushier but power seems to be pretty seductive to some folk. Me? I prefer my seduction in a different package entirely (triflin' but true). That might change once I'm 71 though...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Barack TV: All Smooth, All The Time

Wassup, Y'all!

I spent quite a bit of time travelin' over the holidays so ol Ty logged more than a few minutes in airports from here to the east coast and back. One thing I noticed as I tried to steer clear of those tasty a$$ Cinnabons and big chocolated chip cookies from Starbucks was how many magazines Smooth Barack is coverin' these days. From Time to Men's Health homey has definitely reached 'maximum exposure'. Even 'Chelle is covering Essence mag this month lookin' all glamorous. I didn't have time to check out Nickelodeon or Tiger Beat to see if Lil 'Chelle (Malia) or Cool Breeze (Sasha) were handlin' the cover duties but I sure wouldn't doubt it.

No doubt Family Obama is now firmly in the global fishbowl - even the kids first day of new school is newsworthy. One recent article ol Ty read with more than a little interest was how the southside press is retoolin' their so so news coverage (in ol Ty's opinion) to finally step up and recognize that there are bigger things goin' on in the world than Bey and Jay-Z's latest Mediterranean yacht cruise...

According to the article, Essence will now have full time White House reporter, as will Ebony and Jet will have a weekly two page Washington Report - no doubt squeezed in next to the Beauty of The Week (check out their Smooth Barack-centric website). Maa fact, I bet if they put the Beauty of The Week between those two Washington Report pages, they might actually get a few more homeys to actually read them. Even our (southsiders) most popular cable TV ghetto, BET, is steppin' up with four hours of inauguration coverage. I wonder if the commercial breaks will still feature payday loans, Nellie ringtones and Blue Blocker sun glasses? Roman wasn't built in a day, y'all. Ol Ty will reserve his hate until he actually sees some coverage but until then I have to give BET a little dap, if only for their previous convention and election day coverage.

However, the excellent question that April Ryan, of American Urban Radio Networks, asks is 'What took so long?' Ol girl has been covering the White House for 11 years, so she can ask. I've been coverin' Smooth for four so so can I. Did news just get invented? Hasn't the doin's in the White House, regardless of the race of the occupant, *always* been relevant to the southside community? I'm pretty sure that's the case. What do y'all think?

But it's a new year and ol Ty has resolved to look forward instead of back so I'll look upon this as welcomed news and hope that this is the beginnin' of a new era in serious southside news coverage (even once Smooth has moved on to elder statesman). Barbara Ciara, president of the National Association of Black Journalists put it best, “There is a sense of going to back to the roots of where we used to get our news. When we first learned of something that was going to happen in our community, it hit the black press long before it hit the mainstream.” No doubt. Wasn't that the main reason for the rise joints like Ebony, Jet and the Chicago Defender? Looks like yet another thing to be thankful for courtesy of Smooth Barack.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Happy 2009, Y'all!

Wassup, Y'all!

If you haven't guess by now, ol Ty is off on vacation with Smooth Barack in Hawaii rechargin' his batteries. My fault for not informin', y'all sooner! I figured if I did, a few of you more radical readers might try and track a brother down, hence my need for both movements on the down low *and* Secret Service protection.

Anyway, y'all I would like to take this year end opportunity to thank you for your readership and comments throughout the year. Although I blog here in the Malone Zone for fun I do like to hear the varyin' viewpoints of you Malone Zone readers so I appreciate you takin' the time to holler back with your views.

It's been quite a year. We've lived through a hair-raising presidential election with oh so satisfying results, survived the prime time debut of the Wasilla Hillbillies, Lisa Raye gettin' medieval down in Turks & Caicos, Boy King Kwame and C-Beat checkin' into the Graybar Hotel...along with OJ, Rev. J-Wright, Sister Hillary, Citizen McCain - man, time does fly y'all. 2009 looks to be interesting if for no other reason than to see how well Smooth Barack can work in the Oval Office. Let's hope it's REALLY well given the state of the country at the moment.

I should be back in regular rotation next week, y'all! In the meantime, make some meaningful new year's resolutions, be thankful for the family and friends still with you and hang on for the wild ride in 2009!

Happy New Year!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone