Sunday, November 21, 2004

T.O., Nicholette, Christina & Britney - Whaattt?

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, there's too much madness blowing around for old Tyrone not to weigh in with his piece, Let's go right away to the Monday Night Football replays shall we? To paraphase that well known urban homey Lil' Jon - Whaatttt? Come on, y'all. What folks need to be up in arms about is not that fine shorty Nicholette Sheridan showing in a towel in the Eagles locker room but why it is that there are no black families living with the Desperate Housewives on Wisteria Lane. Not one, y'all (at least none that old Tyrone has peeped). Seems to be some real estate red lining going on. Don't get me wrong - Terrie, Felicity, Eva, Marcia and Nicholette are fine in their own way, but come on, you telling me there's no room for Vanessa Williams, Elise Neal or Jasmine Guy to move in across the street? What about the Huxtables? Shame, Shame. T.O. and Nicholette in a towel - come on, y'all! Grow up or head to Utah and start you one of those M. Night Shamalan villages.

Along those same lines, old Tyrone is happy to report that our favorite All American company Abercombie & Fitch has done nothing wrong yet they settled their "class-action federal discrimination lawsuit that accused the clothing retailer of promoting whites at the expense of minorities". A & F had to part with $40 million of their fat stack y'all for among other things "promoting a virtually all-white image in its catalog and elsewhere". Please. Not A & F. Go see how ridulous that charge is by checking out the ethnic diversity of its web site . Man, I hate frivolous law suits...

Hey, riddle me this Batman. What's the difference between Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears? It's basics, y'all. You see Christina can actually sing! Yeah she can look a little wigged out at time since she turned over her Christina X leaf but there's no denying old girl's got the pipes. Britney on the other hand has been looking pretty trailer trashy lately and would be lost in the woods without pre and post processing on her "singing" voice. Christina put her foot into a couple new tracks - Nelly's "Tilt Ya Head Back" and the remake of the old school standard "Car Wash" from the Shark Tale soundtrack. Awwww yeah. And speaking of Nelly, y'all noticing the new phenomenon going on in hip-hop with these cross genre collaborations? Nelly and country boy Tim McGraw in "Over and Over" (smooth cut y'all), Public Enemy and techno boy Moby in "Make Love, F**K War", Jay-Z and rap rockers Linkin Park in "Numb/Encore". I'm liking it. Our hip-hop brothers (even the cell block brothers who need to fall up into a church and find what they're not looking for) are sly, Jack. They're widening the audience and figuring out new cash streams just like the majority culture. Branching out into merchandise (clothes, beverages, perfume/cologne, etc.), media (offshoot video projects) and untapped musical markets. Who'd have thought we'd be here now when Sugar Hill dropped "Rapper's Delight" waaaay back in the day? My people, my people.

Finally, from the hootchie files - our 2nd favorite Pussy Cat (as in Josie and Pussy Cats and as in Rosario Dawson is our all time favorite Pussy Cat) Tara Reid is back at it again. The boozy babe pulled a unintentional Lil' Kim by going with the one breast in, one breast out look on the red carpet at our boy Diddy's 35th birthday bash. Typical - always trying to attract the attention of a casting agent. At first I was wondering how it's possible for one side of a dress to slip down without noticing that your breast is hanging out, then I went to the tape and took a closer look (research for this column don't you know) and it seems to me that bad boy's not 100% all natural (shocking!). Hmmm, must be the harder they are, the less you feel.... Big ups to for the glossies!

I'm out, y'all. I'm headed down to City Hall on P. Diddy's behalf to petition to get an opening on Chicago's Magnificent Mile for a Sean Jean store. Why should New York's 5th Avenue have all the fun?



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