Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Mr. Biggs Warming up a bunk for Wesley

Wassup, Y'all!

What is it with southside homeys and taxes? I've posted again and again about how Uncle Sam is the biggest gangster running the streets yet homeys continue to flex on him and continue to get pimp slapped. The newest homey down in the gutter (figuratively since they can't yet locate his a$$) rubbing his jaw and trying to clear the cobwebs is none other than Wesley Snipes - the daywalking, half vampire from the Blade movie trilogy. Now some of you shortys out there may feel that it's poetic justice that Wesley end up on the business end of Gangster Sam's 'Bit#ch, where's my money?' pimp slap since it's been widely rumored that it was Wesley that delivered a similar slap to Halle Berry, causing hearing loss in her right ear. Halle later admitted an ex-lover cold-cocked her but never put a name to the felon. If it was our boy Wesley, well that bad karma finally came back home to roost...

Now y'all remember the financial shenanigans that Ronnie 'Mr. Biggs' Isely perpetrated to get his pimp suit exchanged for prison blues, but from the sound of it, Wesley and his accountant(s) took stealing from Gangster Sam to a whole new level. To wit:

* 8 counts of tax fraud accusing him of trying to cheat Gangster Sam out of $12 million by filing false refund claims

* Failed to file tax returns for *six* years

* Attempting to pay for some taxes with $14 million in bogus checks

You know Gangster Sam is steaming and currently riding all around America in his pimped out Impala with the sweet hydraulics looking for Wesley's 'To Wong Foo' a$$. Once he finds him, Wesley will very likely be doing a bid - possibly one as long as 16 years. If that happens, you won't see him in Blade IV until he's 60 and needs a little Poligrip to hold in those fangs. Dang.

Now ol Ty is so scared of Gangster Sam that if I found a lost $1 at the bus station, I'm claiming it as income on my 1040 so I have to admit I'm impressed with a brother who can claim $12 million in bogus refunds *and* not file for any taxes for *six* years. In the latter case, it's easy to blame your accountants but the problem is that you still have to sign your form every year so I think that after Year Three, he'd be wondering 'Hmmm, I haven't signed a tax form in a couple years now...I wonder if that's normal. Maybe I should check...'

But not Wesley - he must have thought he was half vampire for real and could disappear whenever he wanted (though I guess that applies until he shows up). If I were Gangster Sam, I'd gas up the Soul Plane and head to South Africa since it turns out that in 2005 South African officials refused to admit Wesley after '... he tried to enter the country with a forged passport'. I'm assuming he's worked that out and now has a better counterfeit joint. Probably hanging out in the same joint Dave Chappelle was when that boy temporarily lost his mind.

Regardless - you know Gangster Sam will track him down and when all's said and done, Wesley will be able to confirm that White Men Can Jump up on his top bunk to get a tossed salad. If I were Halle, I'd get a picture of a Wendy's Salad, mount it on a postcard and write:

"Dear Wesley: Just wanted to send you a reminder of what you'll be serving up for the next few years. Enjoy! Your Friend Always - Halle".

But that's just me...



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