Monday, May 28, 2007

Anika & The Frog

Wassup, Y'all!

A couple months back Ol Ty dropped some knowledge about the upcoming Disney animated feature 'The Frog Princess', which was scheduled to feature their first southside princess. At that time names like Alicia Keys and Jennifer Hudson were vying to become the little animated shorty's voice but surprisingly Hudson's lesser known 'Dream' Anika Noni Rose managed to beat those buffys back and land the role her damn self. Two snaps up for Anika and a half hearted snap to Disney for finally bowing to the pressure - no doubt started here in the Malone Zone - to rework that JACKED UP title...

In the wake of beaucoup complaints about 'racial and ethnic insensitivities' related to 1) the title, 2) the main character's name (Maddy which sounded similar to the common slave name 'Mammy'), and 3) her vocation as a chambermaid working for a rich, spoiled northside debutante, Disney said 'Well we never said we had any southsiders actually contribute to the script but if all you're going to do is complain I guess we can change a couple things'. So now we have 'The Princess and The Frog' starring Tiana. Hmmmm, now if we could just get Disney to rename that 'Pirates of the Caribbean' ride to 'Boyz 'N The Hood' we'd finally be getting somewhere.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Ephinany Coming to Hip-Hop?

Wassup, Y'all!

Since the Imus dust up, there's been building pressure on the Hip-Hop community to likewise clean up their acts with respect to the N-word, the B-word, the H-word, the MF-word, blah, blah, blah. It's not the first time such pressure has been exerted by member of the southside community, but now that Russell Simmons has weighed in on the side of buffin' hip-hop's image with a brillo pad and some Mister Clean, strangely there FINALLY seems to be some movement to where I've been tryin' to get that crew to move for the longest...

Recently there have been a couple positive developments on this front. The first came from rapper Chamillionaire whose summer album, Ultimate Victory, has been announced to be curse, n-word and misogyny free.

Following closely on the heels of this announcement as a similar but larger reaching one by rap impresario Master P, who announced that he's creating a new rap record label that will focus on '100% clean lyrics'. I'm liking the sound of that and it's been long in comin'. It would be nice to think that this ephinany came from a desire to do the right thing but I'm more so thinking this shift as has more to do with green than common good. Sales for rap music have been on the decline - down 21% from 2005 to 2006 and no rap/hip-hop albums graced the Top 10 last year - and with Jesse and Al doin' all that yappin' about Imus, there's no way they can get away with not putting the focus on rap lyrics as well.

So given that, a brother would think that most rappers would consider gettin' on the bandwagon. Most rappers...then there's our boy Curtis Jackson. When asked by EURweb.com's Lee Bailey about his thoughts on the Imus backlash, Fiddy was quoted as saying, 'Man, fu#k that bull$hit, if I want to call a bit$h a ho, I'll tell her straight up and her bit$h ass ni%%er too! Or something like that. *Sigh*... well, nobody said that Rome was built in a day, but ol Ty is likin' the direction things are headin'.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Smooth Barack, Secret Service & Magic Negros

Wassup, Y'all!

The wires have been buzzin' lately about a request from Smooth Barack's campaign for Secret Service protection. Naturally various factions are weighin' in with just why they feel that that level of protection is needed, especially this early in the campaign season. Well, despite the ill thought out contention by many in the southside nation that Smooth Barack just isn't 'black enough', ol Ty seems to think that this type of request proves just the opposite and likely a little bit more courtesy of Rush Limbaugh...

Now we all know that race relations in the US have progressed to the point where there's a paper thin veneer of good will covering nearly four hundred years of ill will that routinely bubbles to the surface like pressurized lava. No need to delve into that madness as a reason for Smooth's protection request. Instead let's talk about the political hatred stirred up by the Grand Pooba of conservative commentators, Rush Limbaugh. Spend any amount of time suffering through his radio talk show and you'll quickly discover two things - 1) Limbaugh runs fast and easy with things like facts and accuracy and 2) his audience is huge, fanatically loyal and eager to eat up every morsel of separatist rhetoric that Limbaugh spoons out. He's a modern day snake oil salesman and his sales are very, very good. In my opinion, the effect of his political rabble rousing is no different than the racial rabble rousing put out by folks like David Duke or the Klan - it encourages unstable followers to commit unstable acts.

Lately, Limbaugh's been getting a lot of mileage out of cribbing Los Angeles Times columnist David Ehrenstein (a southsider - see the glossy on the left) reference to Smooth Barack as The Magic Negro. Homey Clarence Page does a good job of summing up that ruckus, while the national media watchdog group Fairness & Accuracy In Reporting (FAIR) does a good job of exposing Limbaugh's sloppy track record with the truth in their classic Limbaugh's Reign of Error report. Limbaugh's rebuttal to that report is pretty funny too until you realize the vast majority of his listeners seem to be soaking up that stuff without challenge or debate. His audience seems to revel in stocking up any ammunition they can get, real or imagined, to justify their extreme position on the far, faaaaar, right (even moderate Republicans don't get a pass from this crew). It doesn't take a 24 writer to come up with a scenario that would have someone from that crew trying to 'get with' Smooth Barack if it looked like he was going to win the Democratic nomination or, more dangerously for them, the White House. Now I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

That said, Limbaugh followers would do well to use a little thoughtful deliberation when listening to his show. A few of you biddy-bop readers may not remember another back-in-the-day snake oil salesman named Jim Jones. The major ruckus at his Jonestown compound gave rise to the popular phrase 'Drinkin' Kool-Aid', which is used to describe someone who ignores known facts while arguing his position ('Dude - how can you think the Clippers are going to win the NBA title? Stop drinkin' that kool-aid, homey'). Jones' followers had similar blind loyalty to the man and his message and, if I'm not mistaken, things didn't turn out too well for that crew...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Michael Jackson - The Transformation

Wassup, Y'all!

I should be out from under it shortly, y'all. Hang tight. In the meantime, I've been wasting a lot of time perusing the blogosphere looking for timely issues. Somehow I hit on that funky ruckus between Eddie Murphy and Mel 'Scary Spice' B. (who is truly scary these days). Mel's so hot to get Eddie's DNA to prove he's the father of her baby that the rumor is she plans to cause a ruckus on the red carpet during the Shrek 3 premier. That would be some tacky, bogosity that could look a little something like this...

I'm sure all this has y'all askin' - 'Ty, what the hell does all this have to do with Michael Jackson'? You know how the web is - Eddie Murphy leads to the Michael Jackson video 'Remember The Time', the 'Remember The Time' video leads you to the Michael and Janet 'Scream' video and suddenly I'm posting about how damn much Michael Jackson's appearance has changed from then to now. Remember this Michael? Okay, I'll admit that somewhere between 'little' Michal Jackson and 'Big' Michael Jackson cute got left behind, but was it that bad?

When the morphing started, it wasn't actually pretty good. This shot is kinda close to that 'Thriller' look he had going on. An admitted improvement over Big Michael and it would have been a good place to call it a day. But we all know how it is when you think just one more little tweak will make a good thing great. In MJ's case, it was the top of a slippery slope that ol boy still seems to be sliding down. Clearly this Mike was still a little too brown, so he eased into what I'll kindly call 'the bleaching years'.

Here, ol boy is lighter, yet still not too bad. Yes, he's a little strange looking but not quite ready for a vacant slot in the Ripley's Believe it or Not tent. I had actually started getting used to this look and was ready to give ol boy the benefit of the doubt and say - okay, you're a little eccentric but you've still got talent pumping out of every pore.

Ol Ty was actually hopeful that this was the last stop for the transformation train, but it was not to be. Instead the train kept right on going, ran over Michael more than a few times and when it finally cleared the tracks, it left ol boy looking like this. As my boy Martin used to say: 'Awwww damn, damn, DAMN'! There's really no rational explanation for a look like this and I did ol boy a favor by not dropping that scary ass looking mug shot that got snapped leading up to his trial.

Which brings me sadly back to the 'Scream' video. Man, watching his videos shows you just how creative this brother is. He and Janet put together some tight azz dance concept videos back in the day and Scream is still a pleasure since they're both in it doing their thing. Compare their old stuff to the videos in rotation these days. No imagination, no innovation, scant creativity. It's all about excess, bling, hoochies, cars, G4s, yachts, blowing money makin' it rain, blah, blah, blah. Say what you want about Michael's azz, at least the brother wasn't unoriginal. Weird? Check. Insanely eccentric? Check. Sexually inoppropriate? Can't say. But that's one original brother. Check those videos out and tell me I'm lying.

In the meantime, I'm going back to work and tell Boss man Mr. Cholly to 'Stop Pressurin' Me' because it makes me wanna scream :-)

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Tyrone At The Movies...

Wassup, Y'all!

I finally made it out to the back row of a movie theater so I thought I'd report back on that one (Fracture) and another jacked up joint I caught on video a little while ago (The Wicker Man). Fracture had a tight little plot that revolved around a husband (Anthony Hopkins) who caps his wife when he finds out she's been having an affair, while The Wicker Man is a remake of a 1973 joint with what ol Ty would have to consider one of the top three jacked up endings of any movie he's *ever* seen....

Although I mentioned Anthony Hopkins in Fracture, I'm also diggin' the young cat Ryan Gosling these days. He first hit my radar from his role in Murder By Numbers with Sandra Bullock. I pretty much ignored homey when he popped up in that sappy Notebook movie then he came hard again in a small movie - Half Nelson - that garnered ol boy an Academy Award Best Actor nomination. He's a good actor and apparently is keepin' it real by eschewing the bling Hollywood lifestyle by kickin' it low town by living in Hollywood's Skid Row district. Can't hate on that, y'all.

Anyway, Gosling plays an Assistant District Attorney who draws what he believes is an open and shut case: Hopkins' confession to the murder of his wife. As always with Anthony Hopkins' azz, things aren't what they seem and...well - go check out the flick. You'll like it - I'm giving that joint Three Spinners.

Now, on the other hand, I can't even remotely recommend The Wicker Man, unless you're into confusing movies starring Nicholas Cage that have JACKED UP endings. I plugged this joint into the hoopty's DVD/8-Track player to pass the time and knew things weren't going to work out well when I found out that Cage was heading to a 'remote island only accessible by seaplane'. Even Stevie Wonder could see it coming...almost. I knew things would be bad, but the director outdid even my imagination on this one, y'all.

I'll let IMDB do the summary honors:

While recovering from a tragic accident on the road, the patrolman Edward Malus receives a letter from his former fiancée Willow, who left him years ago without any explanation, telling that her daughter Rowan is missing. Edward travels to the private island of Summerisle, where Willow lives in an odd community that plant fruits, and she reveals that Rowan is actually their daughter. Along his investigation with the hostile and unhelpful dwellers, Edward discloses that the locals are pagans, practicing old rituals to improve their harvest, and Rowan is probably alive and being prepared to be sacrificed. When he locates the girl, he finds also the dark truth about the wicker man.

'Dark Truth'...that's what's known in the business as an 'understatement', y'all! If you decide to check it out, don't say ol Ty didn't try to warn you away from this one. Homeboys in particular will find this movie...disturbing. As far as Spinners - I can't go further than 1.5 and 1.4 of that is due to the 'dark truth about the wicker man'.

If you can find this joint in the discount rack at Blockbuster, you might want to give it go...and then not sleep right for a couple weeks...ol Ty *still* gets the shivers from that joint from time to time...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Larry Fish The Next James Earl Jones?

Wassup, Y'all!

It would be an understatement to say that the man has ol Ty down since he's been wearing my azz OUT the last few weeks. Despite that, I've finally found a little time to do what I do especially since I heard that my boy Laurence Fishburne has been tabbed to provide the voice of the cold azz Silver Surfer in the Fastastic Four sequel: F4: Rise of The Silver Surfer due to bow on June 15th. Voice work is a cushy gig if you can get it - you can do it from home, in your draws and stack a lot of cheddar. Regardless of that, I can't think of a better brother to be the voice of anything since Larry Fish has got to be the most enunciating brother on the planet (that's right y'all - he's even got Sidney Poitier). I like to call him Mr. 'Anti Ebonics'...

Now we all know the previous gold standard for voice work was our boy James Earl Jones. His rendering of Darth Vader pretty much cemented his spot ('Luke, I'm your fa-ther'). Given, the Fantastic Four series isn't on the level of Star Wars, but a tight showing with this Silver Surfer gig will invariably lead to others. Eddie Murphy is cashing some nice checks with his Donkey act in the Shrek movies (and he'll be back in the saddle in Shrek The Third on May 18th)
and with a L. Fish baby on the way with foine shorty Gina Torres I'm sure the extra cheddar will come in handy.

Man, doing voice work...at home...in his draws...with Gina Torres in the next room - that's pretty much what ol Ty calls the perfect storm . Like this brother needs more good luck after scoring big as smooth azz Morpheus in the Matrix trilogy. I have to give it up for ol boy though - he put his work in so the least he can do is collect his propers. I'll be looking foward to the movie to see how he pulls it off.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Thursday, April 19, 2007

New Home Model: The LeBron...

Wassup, Y'all!

Barbershop? Check. Casino? Check. Theater? Check. Bowling alley? Check. Stripper pole with mirrors in the basement? Probably. When it comes to LeBron James' new crib, we're all just squirrels tryin' to get a nut (well unless you're Tiger or Mike). I read about this joint over on EURweb and I'm still trippin. Surprisingly, after getting over my two big gulps of Hater-ade, I found myself understanding how a brother could legitimately need a crib that incorporated such features. Now the two story, 40'x56' walk-in closet may be a bit much...

Last Saturday Ol Ty found himself in his favorite breakfast joint - The Pancake Cafe - debating LeBron's crib with my boyz LC and Soda and my girl NS Shorty. LC and I were trying to make the point that when you have celebrity status at the LeBron level, chances are you can't just go enjoy doing regular things (like gettin' your wig busted at the local barbershop or settlin' into a plush rocker seat at the megaplex to catch the hottest movie out) without being mobbed, jocked and interrupted. Given that, we could see how a brother of means would try to build his own sanctuary where he could chill, where he could relax, where he could...chillax like Spock, far away from ill mannered fans.

We got nothing but rolled eyes and salty commentary on this viewpoint from Soda and NS Shorty. They were poppin' some yang about how much better that type of money could be spent, how many people it could help if King James just built a house half the size with half the amenities. Now ol Ty would tend to agree when it comes to a brother who drops $500K on a damn grill, but for your crib? The spot where all the magic happens? How can you put a price on that? Besides, as big as that bad boy is, I can see LeBron bringing in a bus load of foster kids to help clean it. That's what ol Ty calls win-win, y'all :-)

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The free press is a Southsider's BEST friend

Wassup, Y'all!

For a few now I've been preparing a post on the Shaquanda Cotton story and the power of the free press and coincidently, NS Shorty directed my attention to a similar story that ran on ABC's Primetime on 04/07 and I have to admit it's the perfect bookend to the Shaquanda post. So let's begin the sordid story with Tyrone Brown, a brother who was sentenced to life in Texas prison for testing positive for marijuana while on probation. At first glance you might say - 'Hey - don't mess with Texas! That's how they roll!'. But strip back the veneer on that nonsense and you'll see that justice in the great state of Texas ain't blind at all, y'all...

Recently released from prison on March 16th ('conditionally' pardoned from his life sentence by Texas Governor Rick Perry), Tyrone Brown is finally free from an ordeal that began in 1990 (ironically the same year Nelson Mandela was freed from his 27 years of bogus imprisonment) while out on bail from a $2 stick up, he violated his 10 year parole by smoking one joint. When appearing before original sentencing judge Keith Dean Dean sent him to prison...for life...with a curt "Good luck, Mr. Brown".

Tough judge, you say? Doesn't care for parole violators, you ask? Hardly. It turns out this same judge Keith Dean also sentenced northsider John Wood to 10 years probation but not for a $2 stick up, but rather for a guilty plea for shooting an unarmed male prostitute...in the back. Even after catchin' that gift, Wood repeatedly failed drug tests while on probation, yet did Dean send him to jail? No, my bizzle - "late last year [Dean] released Wood from most of the usual conditions of probation" (e.g. no more drug tests, no ban on firearm ownership and no more sit downs with his probation officer). Needless to say, Keith Dean is no longer a judge in the 265th judicial district having recently lost his bid for re-election. The voters have spoken but only after the press jumped in and pointed out Dean's inexplicably unjust sentencing standards. Without it, I'm pretty sure Tyrone would be starting his 18th year in prison trying to avoid the Tossed Salad man...

Similarly, about 100 miles northeast of Dallas lies Paris, Texas - the cheerful home town to the infamous Paris Fairgrounds, site of "several of the most notorious public lynchings of black southside Americans in the late 19th and early 20th Centuries, where thousands of white northside spectators would gather to watch and cheer as black southside men were dragged onto a scaffold, scalded with hot irons and finally burned to death or hanged. Y'all may remember my comment on this bogus azz form of northside, back-in-the-day entertainment in my 'What Not To Joke About' post.

Paris, Texas is also home to 15 year old Shaquanda Cotton who last year was sentence to 7 years for pushing a teacher's aide. The act was not disputed, nor was the teacher's aide injured by Cotton's actions, yet Lamar County Judge Chuck Superville saw fit to sentence Cotton (who had no priors) to a 7 year bid, while sentencing a 14 year old northside girl guilty of arson (burning down her family's house) to probation. In this case, Cotton was recently released after serving a year of her sentence - again primarily due to intense press scrutiny.

Now it's not too hard to draw a couple simple lessons from all this: 1) if you feel a need to get your swerve on, Texas is not the place to do it, particularly if you hail from the southside, and 2) y'all better be givin' it up to those press folks every chance you get since you're about one irate cop and judge away from a bid in the box your damn self.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Ghost of Tawana Brawley Past...

Wassup, Y'all!

Damn. That's all a brother can say in the wake of the news that all charges have been dropped in the Duke lacrosse rape case. The fact that charges have been dropped is no surprise given the recent revelations and sketchy evidence and now that the accuser - Crystal Gail Mangum - has been revealed to be the new Tawana Brawley, the fallout from her actions will last at least as long as Tawana's did (and that ruckus kicked off 20 years ago!) and make it that much harder for real victims to press and win similar cases. Damn...

As I've said before, messin' with strippers will eventually lead to heartbreak (hey Pacman! I hear you won't be playin' until 2008 if then, homey). In the case of the Treacherous Three (David Evans - strip party host, Collin Finnerty and Reade Seligmann - strip party audience members) I have this piece of advice - in the future, pick your strippers wisely or better yet, drop some money and go to a club with lights, bouncers and surveillance cameras for an iron clad alibi. Of course, eschewing strippers from now on will probably be your best course of action...

Talk about conflicted, y'all. It's not like stuff like this doesn't go on that never sees the light of day, but in this case, it appears the wrong crew got blasted. The blogs and comments are runnin' red hot with 'I told you so's' and 'where the hell are Rev. Al and Jesse now?'. That last question is completely appropriate as I expect them to come out with some statement on the matter. Not to would make them look foolish and less credible than they already are. That mea culpa will be bitter medicine, I know, but it's the right thing to do. Especially with Rev. Al being in the middle of the Imus dust up (which is a big time legimate issue to highlight) and a ringleader of the Tawana Brawley mess.

Given that, northsiders do need to stop assuming that Rev. Al and Jesse speak for the southside nation - they don't. We've been speaking for ourselves for the longest so, again, here's my statement on the matter: Damn.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Pause for the cause

Wassup, Y'all!

You've no doubt noticed my mediocre posting rates these days. I'm a little under the weather at the moment and entertaining house guests, but Ol Ty should be back in action by the weekend tho so don't stray too far...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone