Friday, June 30, 2006

Bin Laden Video Praises Star Jones!

Wassup, Y'all!

Just when you thought the Star Jones saga couldn't get any funkier, breaking news this morning has Osama Bin Laden coming out in support of the beleaguered faux celebrity claiming that day time television has lost one of its 'greatest princesses' and issuing a pointed challenge to Barbara Walters - 'What scares you about Sister Star now that she's gone? You know that her new projects, if allowed to happen, will be huge showing the extent of sympathy and support of the mujahedeen'. CIA analysts are still working to verify the veracity of the tape which appeared mysteriously at The View's production studio (where old girl's mug is already off the web site), but if found to be authentic, it would represent what has been suspected for quite some time...that the mujahdeen doesn't have any taste either...

Man - *just* when I was getting used to Star sinking back into obscurity here comes Bin Laden stirring the pot again! I was telling my boyz 'Tini Mack and Cat Daddy just yesterday, as we were dissecting this latest dust up over lunch, that I could have sworn I saw Bin Laden in her wedding as one of the groomsmen (and if you peruse that glossy carefully, you'll see what I'm talkin' 'bout). My boyz were all like - dude, stop trippin', stop hatin' on Star - and now this.

The audio message was accompanied by a video showing an old photo of Bin Laden next to an image of Mrs. Reynolds taken after her drastic weight loss and plastic surgery. Judging by the AK's appearing next to 'Sister Star', old Ty suggests that Barbara lay low for a few. Rosie O'Donnell may want to lay low for a few as well... Funny how this association with Bin Laden didn't come up during Star's 'It Wasn't Me', Larry King interview last night. I'm sure she plans to take that ruckus on a national press tour. Hmmm...

To her credit, she has yet to pull the race card, but it's still early. In my view, old girl's time had been past and if I wanted to spend my time hearing people talk over each other, I'd tune into ESPN's Pardon The Interruption - that joint is shorter *and* focuses on sports - what homeboy can't appreciate that?

According to my basement wire, Bin Laden wrapped his jibber-jabber with the following: "In conclusion, I say that Sister Star was not just an honor to her show, her network and her faux celebrity nation, but to all chunky women, for she embodied the meaning of artificial body image manipulation and wedding nuptial excess pride and glory."

I prefer the wise words posted on a sign attached to The View's studio exit the day Barbara took Star to task: 'Star - Don't let the doorknob hit you where the good Lord split you." I'm sure that was meant with all due respect. Now that's funky, y'all.



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