Friday, September 22, 2006

Will Smith - You Ain't Slick Homey!

Wassup, Y'all!

See, some brothers think their slick cloak is wrapped around them so tightly that that's all anybody can see. Anybody but me that is, cuz just like shortys are born with built in Homeboy Bullsh#t Detectors (though some become defective because of 'love' and shortys suddenly ignore the beeping...), ol Ty has what he calls the 'Player's Sense', which is the keen ability to anticipate a player's moves well before he executes them. In this case, the player is Will Smith and the move he's trying to execute is so slick even ol Ty almost missed it. Almost....

Now y'all regular Malone Zone readers will recall back in June (See! The Player Sense was tingling way back then, y'all!) I penned a post on Will titled: Big Willie Style - Playin' Both Sides, which outlined that while he was saying all the right things to his boo Jada Pinkett Smith (seen here holding up her end of the new school, Royal Hollywood southside couple), his inner player was trying to get all the tumblers to line up so he hook up with the foine Bollywood actress, Aishwarya Rai (yes y'all - the shorty in the opening glossy - the single Scorpio with the exotic grey-green eyes...).

Now in my previous post you can read all the warm comments Big Willie had for Aishwarya and how he really wants to work with her - going back to his Hitch days. Well now word has reached the basement that slick Willie, along with his business partner and his production company are partnering with UTV , India's leading media and entertainment company, to produce two movies for $30 million. Now officially, Big Willie spins it like this:

"India is one of the most remarkable places on earth and it's motion picture industry always fascinated me."

But look through that slick cloak and you'll really hear:

"India has some of the most remarkable women on earth and I've always wanted to get with its foinest actress, Aishwarya Rai."

(Exhibit B here is former Miss World 2000 and Bollywood actress Priyanka Chopra who, coincidently, just beat out Aishwarya for the unofficial title of the Sexiest Asian Woman of 2006 - who you kiddin', Big Willie?)

So here's my Shorty Public Service Announcement (as I do appreciate the shorty readership and do want to break y'all off a little somethin' somethin' from time to time to compensate for all these homeboy skewed glossys):

If your man takes you to a business function and introduces you to his co-worker, who happens to be the 2nd foinest shorty in the room next to you, and your Player Sense starts tingling - don't ignore it!

If, after questioning your man about how closely they work together, he just rolls his eyes and says 'Girl, please. We work on different projects' and your Player Sense starts humming - don't ignore it!

If on the ride home from the function your man mentions that there's a hot new project coming up that he really wants to be a part of, which will boost his career and the project involves a lot of traveling and Miss '2nd foinest shorty in the room' will also be working on the project and your Player Sense starts jack-hammering - don't ignore it!

Plan to book yourself a seat next to him on those business trips and tell him you really need some 'quality bonding time' with him. Make sure that last tumbler doesn't fall into place (unless, of course, you're tired of being married and are looking for a fresh start with half).

Now since you shortys are all tight and look out for each other, I expect at least one of you to give Jada a call and pass the word. Just keep ol Ty's name out of it since I wouldn't want to be known as a hater...



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