Hillary 3-1: Mama Nooooo

Wassup, Y'all!

Well that was disappointing. I know Smooth's delegate lead will pretty much stay the same and there's no mathematical way that sister Hillary can overcome that lead without running the table on the rest of the states by big margins or by brokering a deal with the Superdelegates or figuring out how to make the Michigan and Florida results count (I found it interesting that Hillary listed Florida as one of her 'won' states in her victory speech last night, despite the fact that no one campaigned there...). Still, ol Ty is wakin' up today feelin' bamboozled.

I have to give it up to ol girl for continuing to find a way to tip things her way in the eleventh hour - the Red Phone thing, the Canadian thing, yada, yada, yada. It would have been nice to see a definitive end to this thing since John Sidney McCain has wrapped up the Republican nomination against competition that was exposed as exceedingly weak.

Ah well - on to Wyoming on Saturday and Mississippi next Tuesday. I expect two wins there but I'm also lookin' for the next thing to come out of sister Hillary's sleeve. That chick is Houdini in a skirt.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

The Debate about SNL's Obama Choice

Wassup, Y'all!

If you've tuned into Saturday Night Live lately, you've no doubt noticed that they've chosen SNL cast member Fred Armisen to parody Smooth Barack Obama. If you've read the news lately, you've no doubt heard the mini-controversy about SNL creator, Lorne Michael's decision to go with and stick with Armisen as the shows Obama mimic.

Several racial demographics have been attributed to Armisen - northside, eastside and even westside, but no southside, hence the controversy. Personally, I've got no beef with a northsider playing a southsider or vice versa as long as the portrayal is positive and tasteful. So if Freddie is the best of the current SNL cast that they can trot out to parody Smooth, that's cool, but here's my overall issue with SNL (beside it no longer being very funny), with all the southside comedic talent in the country, why does it always seem so hard for them to find and hire more?...

Before Freddie A. got the Smooth gig, there was big yappin' going on from SNL about their plans for a big search for a Smooth mimic, a search which would presumably bring in a number of southside comics. Well just like Dick Cheney's VP search lead to him becoming the VP, SNL's search lead to one of the existing cast members assuming the role. Hold up. In NYC alone, you ought to be able to find at least one southside comedian who can do a Smooth impression at least as well as Freddie's. Sounds like weak a$$ lipservice to ol Ty. Very weak.

In fact, SNL's entire history of fieldin' southside comics is pretty weak. A quick look over at IMDB shows, by my count, nine southside cast members since the show began in 1975:

Garrett Morris
Tim Meadows
Tracey Morgan
Eddie Murphy
Chris Rock
Finesse Mitchell
Danitra Vance
Maya Rudolph
Kenan Thompson (Current Token in Residence)

Late last year, the rumor was that Kenan Thompson was plannin' to get into game shape to play Smooth. He wanted the gig, but since K-Thom is still a biscuit away from 300 lbs. he couldn't match up with Smooth's wiry physique. So we're left with this, y'all : 33 years of SNL. Nine southside cast members. And now the contention that they can't find one to be the show's Smooth Barack mimic - a gig that could run for 8 years. Somehow, I just don't find that funny.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

How *Not* To Do Your Kids

Wassup, Y'all!

I know this post is a bit off season, but I just caught the video on Engadget and I'm still trippin' on how cold it was. At issue is a young homey who desperately wanted an Xbox 360 for Christmas. His kinfolk thought it would be funny to get an empty Xbox 360 box, fill it up with Christmas clothes, wrap it, pawn it off as the real thing on Christmas day and video tape little homey getting first the joy then the disappointment of thinkin' he got what he wanted then, realizing that he didn't. That's some cold hearted ruckus on par with The Grinch and little Cindy Lou Who....

The video was posted by little homey's brother who claims that he actually did get an Xbox 360 that Christmas, but Engadget checked into it and it seems that he really didn't and they thought the hoax was so cold blooded that they decided to try and track homey down so that they could give him a real Xbox 360 and some games - for free. That's what I call steppin' up to help out a fellow gadget lover. Two snaps up, Engadget!

As for homeboy's jacked up kinfolk - man, I'm thinkin' Ed McMahon needs to get the Publisher's Clearinghouse Prize Patrol together for a fake drive-by...or just keep it real by hittin' 'em with some hot grits. If y'all parent's don't have the cheddar for gifts like that, then just don't set the expectation and, damn sure don't front like these fools did.

In Chicago, those busters would be henceforth and forever referred to as Mickey Fickeys. Ask my boy 'Tini Mack for a translation in the comment section if you can't figure that one out on your own!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

New Orleans and 'Noble' Leonard Riggio

Wassup, Y'all!

The basement wire alerted me to the solid just done for New Orleans by Barnes & Noble Chairman, Leonard Riggio. His family foundation plans to donate '$20 million from his family foundation to build new houses for residents displaced by the storm 2 1/2 years ago'. Riggio, a self made businessman who gradually turned the NYC based Student Book Exchange into Barnes & Noble - the largest bookseller in world, is clearly a homey who gets it...

These types of moves engender what ol Ty's calls Passive PR. By that I mean the next time I go book shoppin', B&N moves to the top of my list. Of course, I'll still be comparin' prices and what not since mama's always trippin about the rent, but since I know B&N has such a philanthropic CEO (and in an area I care about), when I hit a brick and mortar bookstore, given a choice, I'll plan to split some paper with B&N.

According to the article, Riggio's "Project Home Again," plans to build '20 new, elevated houses for lower-income families. ...Gentilly residents — those who lived in the racially diverse, mixed-income neighborhood at least two years before Katrina and who still own property there — to swap their uninhabitable, storm-damaged homes or empty lots for houses that would be built on roughly 3 1/2 acres. Those families then would get forgivable mortgages, over five years, before owning the new houses outright'

Man, that's a better deal than the joint I got with mama right now! Wow, with a move like that I might have to pop for a Caramel Macchiato and a scone to go with my copy of King Magazine. Two snaps up, L-Rig!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Do Images Matter? Ask Derrick Ashong

Wassup, Y'all!

My old roommate hollered at me a bit ago with a couple videos that he thought I should see. Naturally, I sat on them for a few days cuz I'm so busy so I just got to them last night and knew as soon as I saw them that I needed to get them up. If you're a frequent consumer of YouTube you've probably seen them already but if not, let me set the stage for you...

If you were a non-southsider from anywhere in the world and got a constant dose of American news that featured sound bites from BET or urban southsiders with Jheri Curl bags on their heads at the scene of the latest drive-by shootin', you'd probably swear that all southsiders in America were like Ms. Peachez in that 'Fry That Chicken' video. I have to believe that a lot of American *northsiders* have that view as well - media images are powerful, y'all.

That's just why I need to share these videos of Derrick Ashong, a young southside actor from West Africa who is now a naturalized citizen and is completely dialed into American politics and particularly the candidacy of Smooth Barack. He was interviewed outside of an Obama/Clinton debate (while lookin' like a homey from Winky's Corner Store over on Cottage Grove) and got hit with a barrage of probing questions about his support for Obama and got medieval on the interviewer and showed such a depth of understanding of the issues that he basically leaves about 90% of the electorate in the dust - particularly those knuckleheads who continue to insist on referrinig to Smooth as 'Barack Hussein Obama' as they parrot the company conservative talk show host line.

Turns out that once the video hit YouTube it pretty much went viral to the point, that homeboy posted his own video explaining the effect the video's popularity has had on him but more importantly, why he feels the need to be so engaged in the political process. The end result is a nice, tight, on time, stereotype smashing ,extemporaneous, verbal riff that makes a brother go, 'ahhhhhhhh'

The two videos are 13 minutes of time well spent. Trust me on this - you won't regret it.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

How To Shadow A Superdelegate

Wassup, Y'all!

Admit it, you always wanted to be either John Shaft or Foxy Brown. We'll here's your chance since it may all come down to Superdelegates at the Democratic National Convention in Denver. The Superdelegate Transparency Project lets you be your own bad mother shut-your-mouth and look up the SDs from your state and district.

Armed with this information, if you find they're leanin' in a direction contrary to popular opinion, you can wave them over to your car with a big Tony Soprano smile and tell them that you just want to 'talk to them for a minute'.

I just checked on Illinois and so far all of our SDs are toeing the line for Smooth Barack - even my westside boy Luis Gutierrez who's going against the grain of his district, which supported Hillary. Man, I'm all for getting the actual factuals straight and uncut. If you ask me, we can use more websites like this and less of Wolf Blitzer.

That said, based on the debate last night, I'm startin' to get the feeling that it won't even come down to the Superdelegates but if it does, here's all the information you need to see who's up to what.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

The Race Race

Wassup, Y'all!

If things play out the way they're looking like they should, this Fall we'll have a ring side seat at the nerve racking side debate in the presidential election on whether race still matters in America. If Hillary wins, since both she and John McCain are northsiders, the side debate would have been focused on the 'been there, done that' gender question. But if Smooth Barack wins, outside of the age question, it's clear that the side debate will focus on the "Is America ready to elect a southside President?' question.

The anecdotal evidence seems to point to a definitive 'yes', but America's collective feet have yet to really be put to the fire. The March 2008 issue of Men's Health magazine had a nice article on 'Pride vs. Prejudice', a survey where they asked 1,229 men 'where they stand on matters of race and prejudice'. The participants did weigh in on the specific presidential question (check after the jump for their take), but answers to other questions (as well as another proposed confederate flag license plate) tells me that there's still work to do...

The demographics of the MH survey respondents broke like this: 65% northside, 17% southside, 6% eastside, 5% westside and 7% otherside. On the presidential question, 55% said America is ready for a nonwhite president. Then things got interesting:

- 53% said there's some tension in the state of race relations in America (no doubt)
- 63% said that they had a least some racist feelings
- 50% believe that we will never achieve racial equality

To be fair there was other good news in the survey:

- 89% approve of interracial relationships (remember these are *guys* being surveyed, shortys may feel differently...)
- 74% agreed that racism is a learned vs. an innate behavior
- 44% vs. 39% said it's never okay for authorities to racially profile suspects

So just when I started feeling a little hopeful again, I see this article in USAToday about a Florida legistator proposing a 'Confederate Heritage' license plate. Now as a southsider, I've got zero love for anything confederate. The flag is a permanent reminder to me of states that were willing to divide the nation in order to keep slavery legal. I can't understand why anyone would want to continue to perpetuate such a divisive symbol so maybe some of my northside homeys can educate me on that one.

Representative Donald Brown, the Republican (I'm shocked!) legislator who introduced the bill claims it 'has nothing to do with race' and 'It's a part of our history, whether we like it or not'. Hmmm...lynchin' and firebombin' southside home across the south are a part of our history too. I'm choosing the 'or not' option on that one.

So it's a mixed bag for me y'all. As I've mentioned before, I'm completely astonished that Smooth Barack is doin' as well as he is. On the other hand, I continue to share an unsettling concern about his safety the longer this thing goes. I've heard this concern voiced in mixed company as recently as Saturday at a party I attended. In my mind, we're either at the launching pad of a new era in race relations in America or at the precipice of a long fall that will clearly reveal just how deep our dysfunctional racial roots really go.

That seems to be the definition of 'cautiously optimistic' to me. Buckle up, sports fans - it's going to be a wild ride.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty's Vegas Update: Told you so

Wassup, Y'all!

Regular readers of The Urban Eye should remember an excellent post I wrote titled, 'The Power of The Pole...'. It documented my exploits tryin' to get into a Vegas nightclub (Jet at the Mirage) and the little shadow economy goin' on between wannabe VIPs who want quick access into a club and the doormen who control the velvet rope. Just based on my contribution and the others I saw flowin' toward Jet's doorman, I estimated that ol boy cleared about a grand of tax free money that night.

Well, it appears that not only was ol Ty doin' some under estimatin' of Vegas doormen's lucrative cash take but so was Gangster Sam's accounting firm the Internal Revenue Service. A recent column by Norm Clarke at ReviewJournal.com points out a recent raid at the hyper-popular Pure nightclub in Vegas by the IRS who are lookin' into allegations that many doormen at the Vegas nightclubs are clockin' more chedda a year than the President. That would be $400,000 to you and me. So although Norm, who began his column with 'A lot of people saw it coming', all he really had to say way, 'Just like Ty told you'...

According to Norm, 'Sources have been telling me that doormen at several clubs are clearing $8,000 to $10,000 a night before they share tips. So much cash is pouring in that some doormen are making $400,000 to $500,000 a year, several nightclub executives told me.'

Now don't you feel silly, y'all? You could have skipped high school *and* college, med school *and law school, slept in all day, played video games, never bothered to study for any test, decided not to sell [your drug of choice here] risking life and limb and demanding that you sleep with one eye open for John Law or the Big Payback. You could have met hundreds of hot women willin' to do whatever and only had to fill out a 1040 EZ form every year. Who knew that all that could be possible just by being a doorman at a Vegas nightclub?

Every year when I was helpin' mama fill out her 1040, I always wondered what the deal was with my other homeys who worked in cash based businesses. Did they always do the right thing and claim all of their income? Would you? If the temptation is there to cheat on your taxes when you have a job with verifiable income - it's got to be almost impossible not to with a gig with *no* verifiable income. $4K-$8K - a night! Cash.

I expect now that Gangster Sam has booked a high roller suite in Vegas and plans to stay for a while, nightclub doormen throughout the city are gettin' a whole lot less sleep than they used to. I also expect that today, a nation full of homeys turned away from hot nightclubs all up and down The Strip by haughty a$$ doormen - an indignity magnified if you're with your girl - are whistling all the way to work and givin' up a double chest tap to that great mythical equalizer called Karma.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Should We 'Be Kind' To Mos Def?

Wassup, Y'all!

When I saw the movie poster to Mos Def's upcoming movie (out today, y'all), 'Be Kind, Rewind', I just sadly shook my head and kept walkin' to Will Smith's joint 'I Am Legend'. A few days later, I was cruisin' the web and had an opportunity to watch the trailer to that joint and a strange thing happened - I liked it.

I've been a Mos Def fan for a few. Homey's an original, has that old school, NYC hip-hop flavor (nah mean?), good comedic skillz and always seems to keep it real...until I saw him on that movie poster surfin' on an old school a$$ VHS video tape. That got me thinkin' about Cuba Gooding Jr.. Not the 'American Gangster Nicky Barnes' Cuba, the 'Daddy Day Camp Charlie Hinton' Cuba since MD has also been takin' on questionable roles lately like homey in 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy' and '16 Blocks'...

A quick peek at IMDB shows a large body of work for MD, who has an easy ability to move between the big screen (Bamboozled, Brown Sugar, The Italian Job, etc.) and small screen (Lackawanna Blues, The Chappelle Show, the voice of too funny 'Gangstalicious' on The Boondocks, the host of Def Poetry Jam, etc.) Ol boy was too good in 'The Italian Job' so I'm happy to see him popping back up in the same role in the sequel, 'The Brazilian Job' due out next year. I also see he plans to take over the role of 'Mouse' (a role played to perfection by Don Cheadle in the film adaptation of Walter Mosley's 'Devil In A Blue Dress') in 'Little Scarlet'.

Anyway, 'Be Kind' looks pretty funny. It's about two guys who run an old school video store and one guy (Jack Black) inadvertently erases all the videos so the two of them decide to refilm all the movies as twenty minute shorts. It's kinda like those Angry Alien Bunny Movies. Check out the one on Jaws (in honor of Roy Scheider's recent passing) to get an idea of what ol Ty is typin' about. It's pretty amazing to be able to summarize a two hour movie in thirty seconds.

Still I'm not sure I'd pay anything but $5 matinee prices to see that joint, Mos Def or no Mos Def but at least Rottentomatoe.com agrees with a brother. If you check it out, holler back and let me know if you liked it!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Smooth Barack goes 11-0 Is it over?

Wassup, Y'all!

I know, I know. Got a little caught up yesterday after landing in the Sunshine State. I'm actually here to make sure they don't sway the nomination to Hillary so it took me extra time to get my boy LoJack through security with his aluminum baseball bat.

So here we are - Smooth has run off a string of 11 straight primary and caucus wins, McCain is now zeroing in on homey like he's going to be the Democratic nominee and Hillary has pushed all in with her two hole cards, Texas and Ohio. Will her risky bet pay off or is she whistling in the dark?...

From what I'm hearing and reading, it sounds like the latter. Three days ago, Max Brantley of the Arkansas Times - a Hillary backer - wrote simply, 'It's Over'. He predicted correctly that she'd 'get clobbered' in Wisconsin and laments that, 'The media talk, the popular mood, the times -- they all work for Obama'.

The pundits on CNN all paint a picture where the delegate math, even if Hillary were to win Texas and Ohio, doesn't work for her unless she wins both states by 3-1 margins - margins she has yet to hit in any of her previous wins.

So given all that, why is ol Ty still nervous about all this? Why am I still believin' that the Okie-Doke is waitin' just around the corner for Smooth? Let me list a few reasons why:

1) Gore / Bush 2000 Election
2) Kerry / Bush 2004 Election
3) Giants / Patriots Superbowl XLII
4) Jermaine Dupri / Janet Jackson hook up

In other words - things happen that you'd never expect to happen in a million years. So I'm still on alert, y'all. Smooth's new campaign song needs to be Lenny Kravitz's 'It Ain't Over, 'til it's Over'. Forget that Stevie Wonder 'Signed, Sealed, Delivered' nonsense he's been playin' since New Hampshire.

Southsiders are historically suspicious and pessimistic when it comes to the right things happenin'. If it works out for Smooth, that may begin to change (which would be a gooooood thing), but until then, to prevent a spike in southside heart attacks and strokes if and when the Okie-Doke occurs, I suggest it's best to keep healthy doses of suspicion and pessimism in reserve until the dust settles.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone