Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Diamonds Are Forever?

Wassup, Y'all!

I'm coming to grips with the end of football season but it was the Superbowl halftime show that inspired this column. Mainly because I chose to skip the Paul McCartney fest and catch up on a Tivo'ed episode of My Wife and Kids instead. The premise was that Jay invented a holiday just to get a gift from Michael and expected to get diamonds!...

What is it with women and diamonds? Has there ever been a more commercially concocted conspiracy perpetrated than the Diamond Cartel's diamond hoax? Corner the market, restrict supply and perpetuate the myth that 'only a diamond will do'. Please. Now, shortys don't get me wrong, I'm all for dropping a gift or two at appropriate times and not adverse to spending a little cheddar to spread the love, but what ever happened to diversity of thought when it comes to precious stones? You're no doubt aware that flawless diamonds can now be manufactured that are as real in every way as one chipped from a diamond mine (and available for a fraction of the price) but tell a woman you bought her a manufactured diamond (that she wouldn't be able to discern without being told) and chances are you're in for some long, lonely nights with Rosy Palms.

Coincidently, I happened to hear Shirley Bassey's rendition of the James Bond classic Diamonds Are Forever and as I listened to the lyrics it became all too apparent what the magical draw was. To wit:

"Diamonds are forever. They are all I need to please me. They can stimulate and tease me. They won't leave in the night. I have no fear that they might desert me.

Diamonds are forever. Hold one up then caress it, touch it, stroke it and undress it. I can see every part, nothing hides in the heart to hurt me. I don't need love, for what good will love do me? Diamonds never lie to me. For when love's gone, they luster on.

Diamonds are forever. Sparling around my little finger. Unlike men, the diamonds linger. Men are mere mortals who are not worth going to your grave for..."

Daaaang ease up, Shirley! Not worth going to your grave for? Man that's foul. Anyway, sweating through that song got me to thinking, is there anything on the planet that guys lust after just as vigorously?

Hmmmm....fellas, isn't it ironic that you can't get one with out the other? The fix is in.



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