Friday, February 04, 2005

Oprah + Wisteria Lane = Madness

Wassup, Y'all!

That's right, y'all - Her Royal O-Ness Oprah Winfry busted a move in a customized episode of Desperate Housewives created just for her show. If you got a chance to peep the show, you probably noted two things: 1) it was pretty clever and 2) she looked very out of place...

Sure the regular 'wives' said and did all the right things to welcome her to the neighborhood but you have to know the whole town was waiting for sundown to toss a brick through her window with a note on it saying she needed to go because she would bring down the property values. Tell me I'm lying, y'all. Man, what's it got to be like being Oprah where you can just think about doing pretty much anything and then really be doing it two minutes later?

Her follow up show (don't get the idea that I watch Oprah regularly, y'all - somehow my Tivo accidently recorded a week's worth of episodes...) featured the inimitable Tina Turner and I have to be up front with you. All through that show all I was thinking was that Tina is a vintage shorty who can *still* get it. Man - talk about aging gracefully! Old girl can *still* rock the stage. Let me drop a glossy so you can feel me on this.

Tina Turner

Come on now! Wooooo. Old girl is rocking the vintage shorty Daaamn Meter at a steady 8.5, y'all (note the only 10 registered on the vintage shorty Daaamn Meter is the one and only Lena Horne). Modern shorties can only dream about genes that smooth. Sure you can be a slamming 8.7 on the modern Daaamn Meter today, but can you hold that 8.7 through the decades and pop it on the vintage Daaamn Meter down the road? Here's a public service message to all you fine modern shorties - get to eatin' right and exercising so that 30 years down the road you can still be looking fine standing next to your bald man with a beer gut. As a friend of mine is fond of saying: hahahaha! Yo - Ike Turner - you dummy!! Go on with your bad self, Tina!



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