Tuesday, July 18, 2006

O Trapped In the Closet...

Wassup, Y'all!

So it's come to this. Now in a blatant attempt to sell magazines 'coming clean' moment, our girl Oprah and her girl Gayle King have officially refuted the lingering question as to whether their close girlfriend relationship has crossed the line into gayhood. I've always felt there was a deeper reason behind Oprah's steadfast refusal to make an honest man out of poor Stedman and this whole business of talking to Gayle 'four times a day' smacks of some grade school phone addiction, which as we all know that in this day and age also includes O IM'ing Gayle hourly and texting her repeatedly when she gets Gayle's voicemail or her IM status indicates she's 'Away'...

O's got it bad, y'all and you can tell by her recent apparent weight gain that she's not happy and we all know that shortys tend to either hit the chocolate, ice cream or both when they're not happy. Clearly Stedman's not the answer, yet I'm figuring O is measuring the impact on her financial empire if she decides to come out of the closet. Let's face it, Ellen and Rosie didn't exactly come out unscathed but both seemed to have recovered nicely so I'm not sure why O is so scurred to just drop the news and live happily ever after.

Me? I'm waiting on a statement from Stedman - why's that brother always so quiet?? Man up, Steddy! You've enjoyed that gravy train long enough, homey and I'm sure Gayle and O will be glad to keep you on as a pool/cabana boy motivational consultant once they settle in.

In the meantime, let's close with a quick analysis of O's comment on the matter (in the August issue of O Magazine...). To wit:

"Something about this relationship feels really gay otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own that's compelling me to hide my true feelings for Gayle . Whatever this closet relationship friendship is, it's been a very fun ride cuz I always get to be on top."

O - to thine ownself be true. Come on out, homegirl. You'll still be our girl.



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