Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Mr. Biggs Catches a Real Case...

Wassup, Y'all!

(*My fault on the lack of glossys this morning - technical issues, y'all!*)

Back in November, regular readers here in the Malone Zone will remember I dropped a little knowledge about Ronald Isley's trial for tax evasion and the subsequent guilty verdict. My take was that Ronnie had taken his character persona 'Mr. Biggs' a little too far and apparently U.S. District Judge Dean Pregerson was seeing it my way, y'all, cuz he dropped the hammer on RI to the tune of a 3 year bid (could have been worse as *26* years was on the table...) and orders to repay the IRS $3.1 million in back taxes. Daaaaang - $3.1 mil!! Did ol boy *ever* pay any taxes? Talk about catchin' a case...

Now ease up, y'all. I'm just playin', but it's not like Ronnie's 65 year-old butt is even in prision shape. You at least need to have some moves to dodge Tossed Salad Man so the fact that RI's still recovering from stroke complications and kidney cancer make it even tougher. Don't get it twisted, I am a *little* sympathetic to his *jacked up* situation, but I mean ol boy did enjoy a pretty cushy he could still be enjoying if he had had the sense his mama gave him to break off a piece for the *real* Tony Soprano Uncle Sam. In fact what's even sadder, since ol boy is 65 he could have been gettin' a little *extra* grip from Big Uncle. Straight up, y'all. I don't know how people think *that* chicken won't come home to roost? Man, I know everybody has a simple math error or two on their forms (which is why mama fills my joints out), but I'd have to back the judge on this one when it came out in court that RI didn't even *file* returns for four years (1997-2001). Seems to me that's the kind of ruckus that might get flagged at the regional IRS office.... That's like walking into the IRS office, dropping your draws, and tellin' the auditors to kiss your black a$$ - pretty poor form, if you ask me.

Of course now one has to wonder how all this is effecting Ronnie's recent bride, Kandy Johnson, (Gold Digger alert! Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke...) a shorty 35 years Mr. Biggs junior. They've only been hitched since last September and I'm thinking that along with the IRS, there were a few other folks who made their wedding a 'fairy tale' that got some of that Christmas coal Ronnie's been handing out. That list likely includes:

- The Beverly Hills Hotel - scene of the garden wedding ceremony
- Harry Winston - provider of the 14-carat white diamond wedding ring (in a platinum setting) and $3 million diamond wreath necklace with matching earrings *and* matching wedding bands
- Jazz great George Duke - reception entertainment
- Kiiiiiiid Capri - reception DJ (member homeboy from Def Comedy Jam??)
- Designer Arming, owner of R-Mine Bridal Couture - $15 K custom gown featuring ivory silk duchess satin w/ 1,500+ hand beaded Swarovski crystals, a sweetheart neckline and a dropped waist ball-gown skirt with bustles cascading down to a cathedral-length train
- Designer Bijan - custom-made tuxedo
- Ol boy's travel agent - whirlwind two-week honeymoon in the south of France
- South of France

I also imagine his daily fare is going to be a little less sparse than the crab cakes, shrimp, lamb chops and sushi appetizers, steak, chicken and baked salmon entrees along with spinach salad with walnuts and sliced pears (although salads with nuts are likely to be plentiful...)

My boy DLT thinks this is all bad karma returning to Mr. Biggs for his drop kicking of Ahn-gela Winbush for Kandy girl. Could well be...So there it is, y'all. Ronnie Isley perpetrating like Al Capone ends up just like Big Al - doing a bid in the big house on the same damn charges - tax evasion. That's what we literary types refer to as 'irony'. But all's not dark and gloomy, y'all. There is a ray of sunshine peepin' through the clouds. Isley and R. Kelly will be able to continue their collaborations just as soon as Kells' trial is wrapped up (assuming it ever starts). With Tossed Salad Man on the prowl, that situation would give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Chocolate Factory'....



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