Jay-Z's Girl Out Earns Will Smith's Girl

Wassup, Y'all!

I just threw that out there to start some ruckus, y'all. You know how competitive these celebrity couples are. You can bet your last money that they're all workin' ALL their connections deep into the night to make sure they can get the closest spot to Smooth and 'Chelle at the inauguration and you know they'll ALL be at Oprah's 'monstrous' inauguration gala (tho J's gonna have to check his two .9's and ankle knife at the door (dude - you ain't foolin' nobody with the Gucci tuxes) and Flava? Prolly his big-a$$ clock and all his teeth). But just like little kidz on the playground braggin' on their pops, celebrity husbands like to do some braggin' on their girlz - either the lastest movie/video they shot or the last plate of paper they stacked. In Beyonce's case - ol girl is getting big props on both. Forbes just tabbed J&B as the 'richest celebrity couple' clockin' their annual chedda-fest at $162 million - nearly twice the $85 million the Smith's brought home last year...

Now I ain't sayin', y'all - I'm just sayin' - is Jada even workin' or is she playin' the homemaker role? Yeah, yeah - Madagascar 2 notwithstanding ol Ty's thinkin' ol girl's not pullin' her own weight right now. Willow and Jaden's lil a$$es are big enough to be home alone while mama's out bringin' home at least $80 million. I'm sure now that the numbers are out, the Smiths will be headed to couples counseling shortly - you know Big Willie Style hates to be Number 2, especially when he keeps seein' Bey's new 'Single Ladies' video. The homeys have that one in heavy rotation. Man - Bey even has her own Youtube channel - what's Jada bringin' to the table besides two precocious kidz?

Forbes put the Jay-Z/Bey loot at pretty much fiddy/fiddy with J bringin' $82 million to the table (how the hell is hip-hop still so lucrative?) against Bey's $80 million. Man with that kinda money, I bet ol girl still looks good with curlers, green face cream *and* her mama sittin' next to her. Just playin', y'all. 

Anyway, now that the pressure's on, you gotta know Jada's gonna be tryin' to up her $5 million take next year. Maybe if she throws in a part-time Avon or Amway gig - like mama tried to hook me up with - that would at least help her jack that up by two or three hundred. Yo Jada - holler if you want the Amway kit - ol Ty still has a few extras...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Smooth Documentary Already Lined Up

Wassup, Y'all!

I have to admit that ol Ty is a sucker for historical documentaries so I was happy to hear that HBO recently struck a deal with Class 5 Films (Edward Norton's production company) to air their Smooth Barack documentary in Spring '09.

I've always been a fan of Edward Norton's in front of the screen work (Primal Fear remains in my Ty's Top Ten Movies list) but I also have to give him serious behind the screen props for having the foresight to lock down permission from the Smooth camp for 2 1/2 years of '"unprecedented" access to the candidate, his family, friends and campaign volunteers'. The cameras started rolling before Smooth's Springfield presidential announcement and kept rolling right through the election. It should be good stuff, but I'm wondering how noted southside actors and directors got caught flat-footed on this one? Spike? Denzel? Oprah? Will? I know y'all really don't need any more paper, but E-Norton did score a seven figure deal with HBO for thinking ahead. Not to mention ol boy was savvy enough to use the same cat - Sam Pollard - who edited Spike's own groundbreaking Katrina documentary, 'When The Levees Broke'. Dang, Spike! As NS Shorty is known to say, 'ooooo, ouch'...

But ol Ty ain't takin' nothing away from fast Eddie - the early bird gets the worm and I'm just happy that someone had the good sense to keep the cameras rolling on this history making run. Now hopefully, some new crew (or the same crew) will keep the cameras rolling for all that good behind-the-scenes footage that just keeps getting better with age. I just caught a documentary of the Kennedy days in office just a couple weeks ago and it's amazing the things you learn when you get an inside look at just how things were going down. Very cool.

At some point though, I'm expecting Will Smith to follow through on Smooth's notion of Big Willy Style playing the President-Elect in a future bio-pic. I expect his Overbrook Production company is already working behind the scenes to secure those rights. Now I'm just wondering who they would cast as 'Chelle? Any thoughts, y'all?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

House Negro? It's On Like Hot Buttered Popcorn

Wassup, Y'all!

Man - today's the beginning of the end of Al Qaeda now that AQ #2, Ayman al-Zawahri found it necessary to go all pre-reconstruction on President-Elect Smooth by dippin' into the Dixie dictionary and pullin' out 'House Negro'. What's homey know about 'House Negros' anyway? That's a term that supposed to stay in the fam. My cousin Rock-Mart can break that out on me or vice versa because we're both in the same fam - but a 3rd party? 'Specially a 3rd party livin' in a cave on the Afghan/Pakistan border? That's what the homeys from the hood fondly call 'talkin' out of school', an act worthy of a man-sized beat down even if you do try to clean it up by invoking the memory of brother Malcolm. Ain't no cleanin' up that ruckus.

The good news is that the 'House Negro' will soon be given the keys to The Big House and all the perks that come along with it. That would include tactical nuclear weapons, Predator unmanned aircraft, cruise missiles, smart bombs, bunker buster bombs and a host of other tools designed for cleaning out even the most well decorated caves. 

That stuff is moot though now that AQ #2 decided to go all 'House Negro'. Word on the street is that the homeys are already on their way to the Afghan/Pakistani border flush with some .9mms, brass knuckles and a few socks filled with quarters. I give them a week before a new video surfaces with the homeys cold chillin' in the Al Qaeda cave with AQ #2 servin' up Hypnotiq and rib-tip sandwiches.

AQ #2! Homeys don't play that!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ebony Magazine asks 'How You Like Me Now?'

Wassup, Y'all!

If you grew up in the Southside Nation or had a couple southside friends that you would holler at over at their crib, you no doubt saw either a copy of Ebony magazine, Jet Magazine or both splayed over the coffee table. Since Ebony debuted in 1942 as the more obviously titled 'Negro Digest', it became a southside staple by being pretty much the only large circulation magazine that profiled southside movers and shakers (celebrities, politicians, athletes, etc.) during a time that nearly all of the mainstream magazines chose not too. It was our 'separate but equal' People magazine and though now, southside folk appear in all manner of mainstream magazines, both Ebony and Jet maintain a genuine fondness in southsiders' hearts. So ol Ty was happy to hear that when it came time for Smooth Barack and 'Chelle to choose a magazine to give their first post election magazine interview and photo shoot to, they chose Chicago based Ebony magazine...

If I didn't know before (which I did, y'all) that Smooth and 'Chelle were going to be far from your ordinary First Family, I just checked out their 60 Minutes interview and as a couple, those two are typical - jokin', takin' sly digs and being imminently appreciative of the other. By choosing Ebony over any other of the hundreds of 'mainstream' magazines vying for the honor, they send yet another signal that this isn't going to be business as usual, y'all. Change has come to America any time a first time interview with Smooth and 'Chelle can be one page away from the latest on Jay-Z and Be's business or Ebony's advice columnist breakin' the sad news to Roshanda that her baby's daddy is likely already kickin' it with his other baby's mama.

Anyway - big basement props to Mr. & Mrs. Smooth for keepin' it real.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

P.S. Yo Ebony subscription department! My bad! Ol Ty's check is in the mail...

Biggest Climate Threat? Kanye West

Wassup, Y'all!

I have to admit that I've known some braggadocios brothers in my checkered past - Ali, Mike Tyson, Fiddy, all my homeys at Ray's Barbershop but all those brothers pale in comparison to the incomparable, high capacity carbon dioxide exhaust system known as Kanye West. You would think that after recent life events that this brother would take a pause for the cause and reassess just what's important in life. Here's a hint 'Ye - it ain't you..

You know how it is when you can take something good and turn it really, really bad? Like tiltin' back thirty Pixie Sticks in an hour and hurling for the rest of the night. Like forcin' down that thirteenth slice of pepperoni, sausage, mushroom, pineapple pizza and hurlin' for the rest of the night. Like drinkin' your way to the bottom of seven pitchers of beer and hurling for the rest of the night. That's Kanye when it comes to self confidence. He's turned that positive trait into a sad, twisted, unrecognizable parody of itself. K-West's latest bit of self aggrandizement came during a London interview where Kanye proclaimed himself, 'The voice of this generation'. In his estimatation when all is said and done, his voice will have been the loudest. Hmmm...it sure won't be the humblest.

I don't know. Maybe I'm lookin' at this climate thing with Kanye all wrong, y'all. You know I'm one to always try and turn a negative into a positive so I plan to petition Gov. Schwarzenegger to chain that brother up on a hill in Cali so he can power one of those wind turbine farms. I'm figuring that he could power most of the Bay area for the next ten years...twenty if he gets dissed on the Grammys again.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

What's Wrong With My Code Names?

Wassup, Y'all!

I had to note with a little saltiness that the Secret Service went ahead and dismissed my suggestions for Obama family code names and decided to use their own. I'll refrain from citing this as a return to politics as usual since they also rejected my suggestion for GW's code name when he came to office back in 2000. At that time, I quietly rolled by the Treasury Department and dropped my suggestion into their Presidential Code Name suggestion box. My choice was 'Doofus' but they went with 'Tumbler' - a code name I thought had already gone to former President Gerald Ford (Passkey) because his clumsy a$$ kept fallin' down. But then GW did bust is a$$ a few times, first falling off a Segway and then falling off his mountain bike so I decided to give the Secret Service the benefit of the doubt...

So instead of Smooth, 'Chelle, Lil 'Chelle (Malia) and Cool Breeze (Sasha) those boys took the easy way out by throwing a dictionary at the wall and turning it over to the 'R' section to pull out the bogus 'Renegade', 'Renaissance', 'Radiance' and 'Rosebud'. Oh the indignity! They must have forgotten how much ol Ty contributed to the campaign or directly influenced the electoral outcome with his timely and insightful postings during the heat of the campaign. What's the world coming to when a brother can't even call in a favor like being able to bestow the family code names? I'm disillusioned, y'all, but before I throw in the towel and accept this uncalled for dissin', I'm going try one last time.

I'm on hold right now with the Secret Service command center with my code name suggestion for Smooth's mother-in-law, who's coming to D.C. to help out with Lil 'Chelle and Cool Breeze. Matter of fact, this suggestion came by way of Smooth while we were talkin' national strategy last night between Sports Center highlights. When I asked him how he felt about the fact that his mother-in-law would be hanging around 24/7 which meant he and 'Chelle couldn't be runnin' around the White House naked when they felt like it once the girls went to bed, he summed it up in two words - 'Bad News'. 

Ahhh, I can hear it now, y'all. Secret Service agents whisperin' into their little mics - 'Bad Newz is on the move' or 'Bad Newz' is in the White House, repeat, Bad Newz is in the White House'.  It's perfect. Now let these fools go another way on that one and ol Ty's gonna know somethin'.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Camelot Gives Way to Mixalot

Wassup, Y'all!

There have been a lot of comparisons between Smooth Barack and John Kennedy flyin' around based on their youth coming into office, the torch passin' to a new generation, being fathers to young children movin' into the White House,  a well dressed, pearl wearin' wife and the list goes on. All my homeys are already talkin' about finally takin' down Kennedy's picture (you know the one that's always hangin' next to the picture of Jesus) and now going with the trio of MLK, Smooth Barack and Jesus. And as the Kennedy picture finally gives way to Smooth Barack, ol Ty is thinkin' that Camelot - the term used to describe the Kennedy years in office - will now give way to the more appropriate term Mixalot for the Smooth years....

Now I don't want any comments about the source of the term 'Mixalot' - far as I know, Anthony 'Sir Mixalot' Ray didn't trademark the term so ol Ty is co-opting it since it conveys just the theme I'm lookin' for the rep the Smooth Administration - inclusive, diverse, and poppin' with a little flava (gotta like the notion of the tired White House bowling alley givin' way to an indoor basketball court to help the entire staff keep the weight off...plus Smooth can't eeeeven bowl). They're gonna be mixin' a lot of that together, y'all. And if I may add (albeit quite inappropriately), 'Baby Got Back' does fit our future First Lady - another historic first, y'all. 'Chelle - I ain't sayin', I'm just sayin', homegirl. It's all good.

So, y'all heard it hear first. When you see the Mixalot term gettin' picked up by CNN, HuffPo and Politico - remember who dropped it first. Personally, I'm lookin' forward to settlin' in and enjoyin' the next eight years of Mixalot. American definitely headed in the right direction but a little additional mixin' never hurt anybody.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Republicans Get Their Bitter On

Wassup, Y'all!

You only had to watch the Citizen McCain concession speech and the Smooth Barack acceptance speech to realize that Republicans are some small, petty, bitter a$$ folk. At the mention of Smooth's name Tuesday night, the McCain faithful immediately broke out the boos and needed to be quieted by Citzen like a daddy talkin' to his ill-behaved child. Contrast that ruckus to Smooth Barack mentionin' Citizen's name (to a crowd over 200,000 strong). No boos, just a smattering of applause and a disciplined adherance to that adage we all learned in kindergarten - 'If you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing'. Smooth's 'bitter' comment was correct, y'all. It was just applied to the wrong segment of society. That segment is clearly the hard core Republican base. Ill mannered, ill behaved - truthfully that crew is just straight ill...

And those boos? That was the chariable stuff spewin' out of the red camp. Lately I've heard the conservative talkin' heads tryin' to excuse, or in some cases challenge the veracity of, all the hate talk buzzin' in those Say-Pay rallies during the closing days of the campaign. You know the ones. The ones where fools in the crowd were hollering 'Terrorist', 'Kill him' and all other crazy a$$ things at the mention of Smooth's name. Say-Pay didn't try to curb the crowd's hooligan behavior - instead she did her best to feed it. At every rally she stepped her 'Wasilla Hillbilly' behind into, she catered to the basest emotions of supporters who were obviously low brow troglodytes. Now the details are in on just how dangerous that tomfoolery was. Newsweek's behind the scenes report revealed that:

"The Obama campaign was provided with reports from the Secret Service showing a sharp and very disturbing increase in threats to Obama in September and early October, at the same time that the crowds at Palin rallies became more frenzied. Michelle Obama was shaken by the vituperative crowds and the hot rhetoric from the GOP candidates. 'Why would they try to make people hate us?' Michelle Obama said to a top campaign aide"

Exactly, 'Chelle. Why would they try to make people hate you? And just why, despite such dangerous and reckless behavior, does Say-Pay even remain popular among anybody? In my view, you're a reflection of the company you keep so what's that say about Say-Pay? Here's what ol Ty has to say - SEE YA, Elle May! Your exit from the public stage came about two months too late.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

P.S. And while I'm bashin' yo a$$ Say-Pay - thanks alot for the stock market drop yesterday! ABC News reported that retail sales were the lowest since 1969. Big losers? Saks down 16.6 % and Nordstrom down 15.7%. Dang, homegirl! This is not the time to stop buying clothes with other peoples' money!

Hail To The Smooth!

Wassup, Y'all!

If you've been missin' ol Ty the past few days it's because I've been pretty much paralyzed with nervousnous over the shrinkin' poll numbers in some key battleground states. Even tonight - early on - watching the returns come in I could barely stand to watch. Then came Pennsylvania and Ohio and New Mexico and the dawnin' realization that at that point, there was really no way Citizen McCain and Say Pay could win. After doing the happy dance with my girl and puttin' in a call to mama to hear her say once again that she thought she'd never see the day. Yeah - ol girl was a little emotional as was her baby boy who is absorbing just how big Smooth Barack's presidential win is.  To call it a seismic shift in the country would be greatly underestimating the case.

It's been a long haul, y'all. A loooong haul. I wrote my 'The Barack-Star U.S. Tour Begins...' back in February '07 when Smooth officially kicked off his presidential bid in Springfield. In actuality his campaign had been running since his keynote speech at the '04 Democratic convention. He survived it all, y'all. Rev J-Wright, Bill Ayers, Bitter-Gate, Joe The Plumber - all of it. That says a lot about the character of the nation and hopefully it will mean the gradual demise of the politics of hate and division as we've known it. Nothing stuck. Smooth transcended it all and now moves on to the hard work of putting it all back together again.

I'm looking forward to that process as well - it should be fascinating to see if his administration matches the historical prowess of his campaign operation and there's no reason to think that it won't. BIG kudos to his low-key master planners David Axelrod and David Plouffe who helped craft The Plan and stick to it with scrupulous discipline. Those cats have an open invitation to the basement anytime they want.

I have to admit I'm high on emotion and short on words at the moment. I'll have more to say about it - believe that, but for now let me just say that it's truly a great, great night. 

Peace@Least,

Tyrone