Ty's Monday Microwavables

Wassup, Y'all!

Thought I'd start servin' up some warm and tasty hits to get your Mondays off right!

Our boy Pacman Jones just can't seem to figure out that Pacman + Strip Club = Trouble *** Forest Whitaker looks to continue his run of biographic roles by playing Al Collins, the coach who guided Louisiana's John Ehret High to the state basketball title "a year after Hurricane Katrina tore apart the school and displaced most of its students" - I caught the story on ESPN - good stuff, y'all! *** Not to be left out Will Smith is considering playing Chicago 7 radical Bobby Seale for Steven Spielberg - wonder if there's a slot in that joint for Jamie Foxx like there was in 'Ali' so that brother can get his career back on track? *** Former NFL star Bam Morris has some words of advice on how to avoid the Tossed Salad Man for Leavenworth's newest tenent, Mike Vick... *** After being caught doin' 101 on I-71, Cleveland Cavilier LeBron James said, "I'm not going to jail or nothing like that. I wasn't drunk. I was just speeding. That's it." Ol boy probably didn't realize that those twelve school kidz he hit weren't I-71 potholes... *** Ice Cube is considering steppin' into Mr. T's shoes to play Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracas in John Singleton's remake of 'The A-Team'. If that ain't perfect castin', I don't know what is... *** Caught the trailer to Step Up 2 - The Streets and the dancin' is looking pretty hot - the sound track features Missy, T-Pain, Flo Rida, Danity Kane and Pretty Ricky (how'd Akon and Ne-Yo miss out?). The exact southside version of this joint is called 'How She Move' (stop hatin' - there's a writers strike on, y'all!). Sadly, can't say I felt that trailer as much... *** The Broadway version of 'A Raisin In The Sun' featuring Diddy, Sanaa Lathan, Phylicia Rashad and Audra McDonald is headed to Sundance then to the small screen on ABC - Monday, February 25 (8-11PM E) - Ol Ty was fortunate to catch this joint in NYC and Sanaa Lathan looks just as good in person, homeboys. Try to catch that bad boy...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Eddie Holler's "We Want Prenup!"

Wassup, Y'all!

I know I said I wouldn't post today, but I just saw this news about the real reason behind the Eddie Murphy / Tracey Edmunds fake marriage implosion and had to get a word in edgewise. Word is Eddie asked ol girl to sign a pre-nup and she said 'Hell to tha Nizzo'. You have to wonder about that (if it's true) since you would figure that Tracey has a ton of her own assets that she would want to protect (but not on the Eddie Murphy Shrek residuals level).

So apparently, Kanye's advice is resonatin' with homeboys these days, to wit:

"If you ain't no punk holla' we want pre-nup WE WANT PRE-NUP!, yeah
It's something that you need to have 'Cause when she leave yo' ass she gon' leave with half"

Cuz we all know that Eddie knows a lot about half...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty Catches 'Cloverfield'

Wassup, Y'all!

What the hell was that? That joint was like 'The Blair Witch Project' on steroids. If you're a fan of that old NYPD Blue herky, jerky, nausea inducing, jittery camera work, you'll love this joint. The story is pretty good but it felt worn after seeing similar mayhem and destruction in NYC in 'I Am Legend' (not to mention 9/11). The camera work is jacked up because the entire move is filmed from the point of view of a personal video camera. The good news about that? Since a personal video camera's battery lasts about 84 minutes, that's how long this joint lasted. The bad news? Ol Ty ralphed in his medium popcorn bag during the first five minutes when the camera work is at it's worst.

Can't say I agree with Rottentomatoes.com's 77% freshness rating on this one. This joint could only register 2 Spinners on the Hooptometer. Hopefully J.J. Abrams can deliver a little more meat with 'Star Trek'. He's on the right track with casting Zoe Saldana as Uhura, but ol girl can only carry a movie so far (like just past the credits...). Well see...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Billionaire Bob Backpedals Bull$hit

Wassup, Y'all!

Speaking of donkeys - fresh in from the 'What a surprise' department comes word to the basement that Billionaire Bob Johnson, BET founder, former BET CEO and current Clinton campaign attack dog, has issued an apology for some bull$shit he alluded to about Smooth Barack, then claimed he was alluding to something completely different, then came clean and basically admitted that people were right about his original allusion and he's sorry. What 'chu talkin' 'bout, Ty? I'm sorry, y'all. I've been listening to these politicians answer questions for so long now that I'm beginning to talk like them too. My bad. Let me try again....

In my Monday post, much was being made about comments that Bob Johnson made at a Hillary Clinton rally that sounded like this:

"As an African American, I am frankly insulted that the Obama campaign would imply that we are so stupid that we would think Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been deeply and emotionally involved in black issues, when Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood, that I won’t say what he was doing in the neighborhood but he said it in his book…”

Pretty much anyone with a brain knew what he was hinting at - Smooth's admitted drug use as a youth. When immediately questioned about the comment Billionaire Bob played it off saying his comments referred to Smooth's work as a community organizer in Chicago "and nothing else. Any other suggestion is simply irresponsible and incorrect,". This jibber-jabber came in a statement from the Clinton campaign. Now, as pressure mounted on his dumb, irresponsible and incorrect a$$, he decided to issue an official apology for his comments. Strange move since all he was talkin' about was Smooth's community organizing... Ol boy's mea culpa went like this:

"I'm writing to apologize to you and your family personally for the un-called-for comments I made at a recent Clinton event," Johnson said in a statement. "In my zeal to support Senator Clinton, I made some very inappropriate remarks for which I am truly sorry. I hope that you will accept this apology. Good luck on the campaign trail."

You can check the news report video here (thanks for the toss Lady E.!). Is it any wonder that BET is a hot mess? If I were Smooth I'd say 'bump that' Billionaire Bob. You want to really apologize? Put your money where your mouth is and drop some ducats into my campaign.

Man, crow really is a dish best serve cold, y'all.


Peace@Least,

Tyrone

TO's Crying Game

Wassup, Y'all!

Speaking of 'weird cats' - what the hell is this ruckus? I know I'm late on it, but I can still say WTF, TO? Despite helpin' ol Ty's fantasy football team win the title, I still ain't got no love for Money ever since his shenanigans in Philly! Now this brother is droppin' a tear over the heat Tony Romo is taking for being more focused on Jessica Simpson in Mexico than on the New York Giants in Texas Stadium. Where was all this quarterback love when you were throwing Donovan McNabb under the bus, homey? Please. Hold up, while I get my laugh on, fool.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

The Party stops for Eddie & Tracey

Wassup, Y'all!

Girl I can't understand it why you want to hurt me,
after all of the cash I've spent on you things I've done for you.
- Eddie Murphy, Party All The Time

Dang! Looks like the party's over. Even K-Fed's and Brickney's dysfunctional a$$es lasted longer. After having all the shortys swooning with his romantic nuptuals in Bora Bora, Eddie Murphy turned all Brody and laid down the law with his new, unofficial bride Tracey Edmunds and now rumor has it that the two will 'remain friends' and official marriage is off the table. Apparently Johnny Gill was feelin' left out. There's still alot of he said/she said goin' on but word is these two fools were already arguing after their Cinderella ceremony.

Cuba Gooding Jr. alluded to Eddie being a weird cat during their filming of 'Norbit' and this type of ruckus only helps confirm that. Guess he is a donkey after all.

In happier news, the most exotic couple I've seen, Djimon Hounsou and fashion mogul Kimora Lee, seem to be headed toward a future broom jump of their own. Man, they'd have some interesting lookin' kids.... Djimora is looking like Seal & Heidi 2.0.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Bush too busy for 'The Great Debaters'

Wassup, Y'all!

I saw this blurb a bit ago and had to stop and ponder for a minute. Now how does G-Dub have time for 'Harry Potter' and 'Charlotte's Web' but not 'The Great Debaters'? Could it be that it portrays Jim Crow Texas in an unflattering light? Could it be that they chose to debate at Harvard instead of Yale? Could it be that the subject matter focuses on oratory excellence? Michael Moore's not in it, so what's the dilly? Who knows. What ol Ty does know is that if it was a film he wanted to see, he'd make time - it's not like he's the President or anythi...oh, my bad. It's still 2008 - dang.

Oh well, at least he can still get jiggy with the homeys from time to time...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Southside Police Blotter: MJ, OJ , Bobby & Steroids

Wassup, Y'all!

You know a police blotter isn't complete without a Bobby Brown sighting or an OJ sighting for that matter. But what I plan to focus on today basement dwellers is the MJ sighting. No, not #23 Michael Jordan, but #057-33-0975 Marion Jones who recently crossed the tape and was awarded a 6 month bid in prison. In a eerie coincidence, no sooner did news drop on her sentencing for lying to FBI agents about her steroid use than news began sprouting up all over the blogosphere about an Albany Times Union story proporting that 'thousands of celebrities' have either received or used steroids and injectable Human Growth Hormone.

The who's who list includes Mary J. Blige (how do you think her hair turned blonde, y'all??), 50 Cent (why do you think this brother has a beef with everybody, y'all??), Tyler Perry (why does Madea look like a linebacker, y'all??) and Wyclef Jean (why...uh...why...uh...dollar bill...I got nothin', y'all). One might ask what celebrities have to gain from this type of ruckus? Mo'Kelly breaks down the actual factuals over on his mug, but the bottom line is when you're in an industry that pimps looks, you have to do what you can to pimp your ride (in a manner of speakin'). Now I haven't seen the entire list but I know it's all a sham if that bad boy doesn't include the following glaring abusers...

First, Vida Guerra. I know you shortys out there are thinkin' that ol Ty is just using this news story as a flimsy opportunity to post gratuitious glossys of scantily clad shortys. I'm hurt by the insinuation. I'm breakin' news here, y'all! Do you think it's a coincidence that this glossy of Vida was snapped at the premier of Tyler Perry's 'Madea's Family Reunion'? Me neither. Check the archives - ol Ty has long said that a body like that couldn't be natural. There's has got to be some HGH at work here. Got to. So Vida gets no dap in my book and she has *got* to be on the list.

Exhibit #2? Nicole Austin (aka Ice-T's girl, Coco). Now come on! Errrbody knows that chick ain't natural! When have you seen a woman with her genetic makeup bring the power like that? Exactly - never. Here is a clear example of what happens with regular HGH injections into the hind part area. What you don't see on her airbrushed glossys is the beard and back stubble that her waxing can't keep up with. Shortys - y'all are feelin' me now, right? Two seconds ago you were all hatin' and what not, now it's like 'hmmm...you know what? Ol Ty is on to somethin'. You know Coco's got to be on the list too.

Finally, Exhibit C, Buffy The Body. Damn. Here you see...uh...well, it's kinda obvious that...or maybe she's retainin' water...uh...okay, I got nothin'. I admit I was triflin' on this one and just wanted to put the glossy up. Ol Ty's human too - don't hate. I mean you could make a case that the 'Buff' in Buffy comes from steroids. She is all swole like Fiddy or like D'Angelo before he stopped usin' and began a long term relationship with the buffet at Sizzler. I also hear that the formerly buff Eminem is now being referred to as The Real Grim Shady in the wake of his mom's book which alleges a big weight gain, acne and addiction to pills (not to mention homeboy's erratic, hair trigger temper - typical reaction to steroid use followed by weight gain once you kick the habit. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. Of course, he could also be depressed due to the death of his boy Proof, the implosion of his romance with love her/hate her ex-wife Kim, blah, blah, blah, but that story is nowhere near as juicy...

Matter of fact, given the alleged wide scope of celebrity steroid (ab)use, I might have to throw Regina King under the bus as well, since she was looking pretty buff in 'This Christmas'. Don't think I didn't notice R-King! You're not as slick as you think trying to distract a brother with that lingerie, homegirl. As you can see from this post - nothing can distract ol Ty when he's on the case! Serena! Don't think I forgot about you either, homegirl!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Obama v. Clinton drops into second gear

Wassup, Y'all!

Just caught a tight post over on Skeptical Brotha about BET founder and former CEO Bob Johnson, pimpin' for the Clinton campaign and being used as an ill advised tactical weapon against the Obama campaign. By now, all basement dwellers should know my feelings on Bob Johnson. You only have to look at how shabby BET is (Skep's description of it being 'internationally embarassing' is right on point - if you caught a BET feed in a foreign country you would draw some pretty jacked up (and incorrect) conclusions about the southside community...). Check this upcoming Boondocks clip to see that Aaron McGruder is also feelin' me on this...

In these last few days since the New Hampshire primary with Bill and Hillary quickly dropping back into the same politics that got Bill elected to two terms, I have to admit, the bloom is off the Clinton rose for me. Now we see the vast difference between the virtual 'first black President' and the potential real first black President. The messed up part is that the Clinton campaign will have no shortage of 'respectable' southsiders to stand next to them at news conferences to help them throw Smooth Barack under the bus and how sad is that? Billionaire Bob will be the first of many but I wonder who told Hillary that southsiders even listen to Bob Johnson, let alone like or respect him? Who's next? Clarence Thomas? Ward Connerly?

It's amazing how quickly the democratic air of peace and love left the room. All of this makes the upcoming primary in South Carolina all the more interesting. It will be the first state where a large southside voting block can make a statement either for or against Smooth. Can't say I don't have that date circled on my calendar.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Mario Van Peebles bring New Jack to Pine Valley

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, look who's easin' up the ave to ABC soap All My Children's Pine Valley. When I first caught this news I'm like 'Dang - a soap!? What happened to ol boy's career?' But then I was reminded of a comment by Ms. Go over at D.C.Girl@TheMovies on my post crackin' on Cuba Gooding Jr.'s weak role selections. Ol girl said simply that 'Cuba's got a mortgage to pay!'. I guess the same holds true for MVP. Wonder if he'll end up mackin' Erica Kane? Still, bringin' his New Jack vibe to a soap opera feels like a setback, but a quick look at his upcoming movie projects on IMDB reveals that there aren't big thangs poppin' on his movie docket either...

He's got a joint in post production for 2008 called 'Multiple Sarcasms' - "A quirky relationship drama about a middle aged, successful architect who goes through a mid-life crisis and becomes a playwright". Hmmm, sounds like that joint should earn about $1.25 domestically and $0.30 internationally. The only other thing in the pipeline is a self written ,2009 pre-production joint called 'The Uniter' - "A fugitive escapes from the future back to the present day in order to teach a young kind how to use his innate abilities to bring the world together before global war tears it apart". Zzzzzzzz. So I estimate his total movie earnings over the next two years to be about $5.35...before taxes.

Suddenly playin' 'Samuel Woods, a U.S. District Attorney who is running for the Senate' in Pine Valley doesn't look so bad. Wonder if smooth poppa Melvin thinks this Pine Valley move will be as baaadaaaasss as Mario?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone