Sunday, September 04, 2005

Eric Benet Wants To Be Loved...

Wassup, Y'all!

Okay, I know it's been pretty deep around here lately and that we're still in the midst of this crisis, but I'm also aware that part of my value here in the Malone Zone is to bring a smile to your mug, so, though my heart's still heavy, I'm headed back into the game. First, y'all will notice the lead glossy is not typical for the Malone Zone but I'm also aware that I *do* have some well informed, shorty readers (including one down in FL that I just redirected here yesterday) so I'll donate to their cause by profiling ho-ish, Halle Berry heartbreaker Eric Benet who recently dropped a new album called Hurricane (in stores now!!) If y'all dip over to that link, you'll get to hear a few samples from the album (and the title song is actually pretty good), but there's one cut on the album that I just had to crack on. It's the joint aptly titled, I Want To Be Loved. Hmmm, pretty ironic for a self proclaimed, 12 step sex addict...

Now I'm not hatin', y'all. I'm just statin'. Well, actually I am hating a little bit since I'd kill for old boy's bone structure (which seems to be the fuel for his sex addition from jump - if he looked like Flava Flav he'd have a whole lot fewer opportunities to stray...). But I have to be honest, y'all, every time I see a glossy of Halle (or catch her in live action on the silver screen or TV) I'm like, Eric - homeboy - WTF? Man, that addiction must have had its hooks into you DEEP, man! Kinda like sex crack or something like that.

But then I start going back to a view I had with Thandie Newton once I saw her in Crash that had me wondering is the Halle outside as tight as the Halle inside? She seems sweet enough - a little goofy, good sense of humor and clearly doesn't take herself too seriously since she did pick up her Razzy Award for Worst Actress (Catwoman) in person. But either she has turrrible instincts for choosing appropriate men (your Honor, we'd like to submit Wesley Snipes, David Justice and Eric Benet as state's exhibits Dimwit, Knucklehead, and Fool) - and I'm kinda leaning in that direction - *or* those boys know something we don't.

Seems to me the only real way to find out for sure is for Old Tyrone to take one for the team and conduct his own experiment. Unfortunately, my calls to Ms. Berry have gone unanswered for the last six weeks. That's 2,329 calls, y'all! Old girl's eating up my Anytime minutes like Raisinet in the movie theater, but I'm determined to see this through. I think it's only right that I clear her name once and for all. As for the Ho-ish Halle Heartbreaker, well old boy's going to put those 12 steps to the test when he hits the road to prop his new album. In that case too, even though I think what he did to Halle was most foul, I'd be willing to help the brother through it by sitting outside his hotel room and redirecting all those temptations down the hall to my room. *sigh* The sacrifices I make, y'all just don't know!



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