If you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll know that I have a habit of posting glossys of women who most guys would lump into the 'Hot' category. Sure there might be some air brushing going on, a strategic lean forward or arm squeeze to accentuate an already eye popping pair of breasts, or 'second skin' fitting jeans or skimpy lingerie to showcase all the back baby's bringing to the party. Normally after a quick peep, our first thought goes something like this, "Damn - I'd like to get with that, jack! Could you imagine waking up next to her every day?" Now contrast this knee-jerk reaction with the reality that these girls are getting dumped by their entertainer boyfriends on a regular basis and it begs the question - "Is it possible that these glossy shortys are just like the regular shortys we hang with now who are working our last nerves? Can life be that cruel?"....I offer up exotic shorty Thandie Newton as my own personal example since I just checked old girl out in the movie 'Crash'. (Side Note: Excellent flick, y'all - spend your money - you won't be disappointed). Now let's start with the superficial - she's fine, kicks a sexy British accent (I think I have a thing for south side shortys with British accents, y'all) and she played a sexy, smart British health care worker in Africa on ER. Now based on that flimsy resume, old Tyrone is ready to jump the broom with Thandie until I checked old girl out in 'Crash'. In 'Crash' she plays the boozy, American wife (still fine) of a young Hollywood directer (homeboy Terrance Howard) and spends most of her time ragging on homeboy. So I'm in the theater, thoughtfully munching my popcorn and thinking, 'Dang - Thandie's kinda bitchy. I don't know if I could put up with that bricka-brack every damn night' and then it hits me - 'I wonder if old girl is really like this chick or like the smart hottie from ER?' See what I'm saying y'all? So now I'm thinking maybe I was too hard on some of those entertainment brothers who I cracked on for kicking some of the finest women on the planet to the curb - Jamie Foxx and Leila Archieri, Rick Fox and Vanessa Williams, John Singleton and Tyra Banks, blah, blah, blah. Man - I'm shuddering just thinking about that bleak possibility because what's a homeboy without his dreams? Bascially - he's you right now rolling your eyes while your girl jibber-jabbers on and on and on and on and on and...
I bet if we could take a peek in Tiger Woods' crib on a Saturday (like tomorrow since old boy *missed* the Byron Nelson cut!) we'd see the following: Tiger chilling on the couch watching a Tivo'd episode of '24' as his hot, Swedish nanny wife Elin Nordegren (refer to glossy for a visual refresher) comes in the room steaming:
It's Clear Who Wears The Pants
In The Woods Household
"Damn it, Tiger! How many times do I have to tell your Caublinasian a** to get up off the couch and take the trash out? Is it that #$%@#$ hard? Look, I'm not your damn mother - we don't play that $%&# in Sweden - we expect our men to actually do some housework! You just keep watching that '24' and the only thing you'll be tappin' tonight are the digits on your cellphone so you can cry to your daddy about how you're not getting any a**! Are you listening to me?!!"
I don't know about the rest of you homeboys, but I plan to do my best to erase that chilling alternate reality from every neuron in my brain and foolishly hang on to the 'perfect' dream where glossy shortys *act* as good as they look. It can happen, right?
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
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