Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Booty Beauty - To Thine Own Self Be True

Wassup, Y'all!

I know. I know. You see that subject and think, 'Dang, Ty! The PA election is today, dude. How you gonna be focusin' on something as trivial as a booty?' We'll I've seen the polls and though it's alway possible that Smooth can sneak out a come from behind victory like the 76'er put on Detroit on Sunday, I'm doin' what candidates commonly refer to as 'lowerin' expectations'.

So speakin' of 'behind', I catch this article yesterday, which outlines the extreme lengths that shortys go through to cosmetically alter their bodies. It seems that we've reached a tippin' point due to the media's carpet bombin' portrayal of the 'perfect female body'. Now as a homey, I'm not completely hatin, but that's only because ol Ty is a heathen, but as an uncle with an impressionable teenage niece soakin' up all that nonsense, I've got concerns. Little shorty's got her head on straight right now, but as powerful and pervasive as media images are, not to mention peer pressure by other 'mean girl' shortys, it would be hard to not eventually get caught up...

Not convinced that there's a direct correlation between media images and cosmetic surgery? Sure women have always preferred to have larger breasts to smaller ones (but that's only because they see the positive effect they have on guys they're tryin' to attract - it's got nothing to do with being able to more efficiently feed their babies...), but in the Beyonce, J-Lo, Blame It On Rio era, the move now is to get your booty enhanced. Back in the day, southside shortys used to catch all kinds of grief for their ample boo-tays from non-southside women. Fashion moguls never catered to it with their clothes and rather than being called sexy they, more often than not, heard a more crass cat call - 'fat ass'.

Now the big booty is in and shortys of all shades are lookin' to plump up their rumps. Bootys are becomin' the breasts of the millennium, y'all. But if you read that article you'll also see that shortys are goin' in for all kinds of new jack cosmetic procedures - labia reshaping (you may know it better as coochie contouring), toe shortenin' and even in an extreme case, belly-button removal. As my uncle Mumford would say, 'What the hell is goin' on?'

Shortys, let me let you in on a secret that's going to save you a lot of pain (and potentially your life) should this be the road you plan to travel. Looks fade and they're only valuable to get you in the door. In order to stay in the house you need to be a good person (aka possess a plethora of non-bitchy qualities) and have a tight personality and as far as I know, you can't get any of that from a cosmetic surgeon.

And homeys, if you try to bring home a cosmetically enhanced, personality challenged shorty, plan to get a high five from Pops and an eye roll and back room neck slap from Moms. And while you're resting your drink on your girl's newly plumped out a$$, take a look across the room at your niece and think about the message you're sendin' her with your triflin' self. Keep it real, y'all. Literally.



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