Monday, December 22, 2008

Ty Ain't Got No Samuel L. Jackson Spirit

Wassup, Y'all!

I'll admit it. I'm so tired of Samuel L. Jackson's a$$ I'm thinkin' about sittin' out the upcomin' Christmas Day premiere of 'The Spirit' (in which he stars as the evil villan The Octopus) even though that's a movie that's right up my alley. That brother hasn't had a breakout role since he played 'Gator' in 'Jungle Fever'. 

Okay - I'll give him a little dap for 'Pulp Fiction' but that's it, y'all. The rest of his other 400 movies have been one note performances. When's this brother gonna say 'no' to a movie script - especially those sci-fi joints? What's next Samuel L.? A remake of 2001: A Space Odessey with you as Dave Bowman?? You gonna start hollerin' and get all medieval with HAL the homicidal computer? It's time you take a seat at the back of the room and get a little more selective with your choices. At least act like you're giving other southside actors a shot at more than a minute of screen time...

A quick look at Samuel L.'s upcoming docket reveals no less than five projects in 2009 (though three are voice work projects but that's the most annoying thing about his performances - all that hollerin' and enunciating) and already one penciled in for 2010 - ol Ty's beloved 'Iron Man'. Nooooooooo - don't let that brother mess up my Iron Man 2 experience!

Now don't get me wrong, y'all. I'm all for a well spoken brother that knows how to enunciate the King's English but a little proper enunciation goes a long, long way. Take Larry Fishburne for example. That brother can enunciate with the best of them. You hear every syllable of every word. You hear every accent on every syllable. But what you don't hear (or see) is Larry's a$$ every twenty-five seconds in an upcomin' movie trailer. It's like Mama Malone always says, 'Everything in moderation' - particularly when she spots me with half the Red Velvet Cake at holiday gatherings...but I digress.

Samuel L.! Take a page from the Will Smith book of becoming a blockbuster movie star - pick two or three diverse roles each year and play the hell out of them. Keep switchin' up - action one minute, romantic comedy the next followed by a meaty family drama of some kind. Quit being a one trick pony, fast paycheck ho - your Screen Actor's Guild card ain't going run away if you take a little time off! Let folks miss you and thoughfully ask, 'Man - when's Samuel L. gonna drop another one?' instead of seein' you in every movie trailer that comes out and thoughtfully askin', 'When the hell is that brother gonna go away?'. You feel me? Don't be the southside Sarah Palin. Take a break and take that under advisement.

In the meantime, holler back if you can hook me up with Eva Mendes' digits...



No comments: