If You Don't Know, Now You Know...

Wassup, Y'all!

Sorry for the brief timeout but even ol Tyrone has to catch a little R&R *sometime*. The adjacent glossy is an actual location shot but it's up to you geographically inclined readers to match the glossy to the Caribbean locale. Anyway, after a quick jump down to the Carib, your boy is back in effect with something new to ponder. Before I hopped my cramped, kid screaming, commercial, economy class flight G4 down to the sun and sand, I had a chance to catch the flicks United 93 and Mission Impossible III and in both cases I left the theater trippin'...

United 93 (a docu-drama of the before, during and after of the only 9/11 hijacked airliner that didn't hit its target) had me reliving a 'Glory Moment' shortly after the beginning credits rolled. After all this time, it took this flick to get me to realize that there was a southside homeboy at the controls of the plane. I admit I'm a little slow on the uptake from time to time, but I do consider myself fairly newsworthy so I was wondering how it was that I completely missed that fact. That feeling was similar to how I felt when I checked out the back-in-the-day civil war movie 'Glory' about the Massachusetts 54th - the first southside regular Union Army regiment that garnered high praise for their sacrifice in what amounted to a suicide mission when it stormed Fort Wagner in South Carolina. In that case, I was pretty sure I was never taught that history lesson (versus catching 40 winks during the discussion in high school U.S. History class) so I was pretty shocked that 1) it ever happened and 2) it wasn't mainstream enough to mention.

Fast forward to May 2006 and I'm in the theater wondering who the southside homeboy dressed as a pilot is as he heads toward United flight 93. Turns out he was 1st Officer LeRoy Homer who happen to be flying right seat the day United 93 got hijacked and eventually crashed in rural Pennsylvania. His personal story is pretty impressive and I was wondering how it eluded the spotlight that shined so brightly on Todd 'Let's Roll' Beamer and his wife Lisa? since no one actually knows exactly what transpired on the flight. (Spoiler Alert On!) As portrayed in the movie, both he and the Captain of the flight went out very hard before the crash but whether it went down like that or not (some views say 'not') I still figure the brother deserved similar ink time as the other passengers. (Spoiler Alert Off!) A look back through the 'Net yields a few nuggets like the tight article by Sun Times columnist Mary Mitchell but little else - and I certainly didn't see his wife and little daughter in the balcony (like Lisa Beamer) when President Bush broke off his invitations to his follow up speech to Congress after the attacks. Hmmmm... Anyway, I gave the movie 2.5 Spinners and a 6 on the Homeboy Movie Viewing scale. It's deep - even more so when you realize it really happened.

As for MI: III - that joint was action eye candy galore. The action sequences were off the hook, the gadgets and 'cons' were tight, but it all felt like I'd seen it before. I'm a fan of director J. J. Abrams' TV stuff like Alias and Lost and MI: III felt pretty much like a big screen extension of those joints right down to the black screen, white character cut shots that inform the viewers where the action is about to take place - that's straight out of Alias (and that show got so tired going back to the same well that it's about to bow out for good). But any flick that props *both* Ving Rhames and Laurence Fishburne can't be all bad and MI: III isn't. I dropped the same 2.5 Spinners on that joint with a 8 on the HMV scale. Dang. They could have gotten 3 Spinners if they had figured out a way to get Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie in that joint... 'Course Tom Cruise seems to have his mind on other things these days y'all.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

The World In Black And White

Wassup, Y'all!

USA Today is reporting that Jason Taylor and his wife, Katina Taylor were the victims of a hate crime. Hmmm...we still can't all get along despite Rodney King's heartfelt plea three days after verdict day in LA way back in 1992. How whack is that? If that's the case, what heinousness might be brewing in the face of this recent Mexican immigration dust-up?...

In light of activities undertaken by George Clooney, Bono, Angelina Jolie, & Bill Gates, I'm still wondering why there isn't a well known southside celebrity consistently attached to publicizing issues on the African continent? I know there must be at least one but he/she must be practicing some mighty quiet diplomacy, though I thought the point was to *publicize* the issues. Could it be that southside stars aren't big enough to attract media attention like the big four above? I think not since Will and Jada were able to attract some ink for their recent educational vacation in Israel. Hmmm...wonder how their fact finding mission to Darfur went? Maybe they just need to have a few more Jazzfests over there...

Straight from the Malone Zone Player Hater file: A quick total of the Top 25 NBA player salaries (minus the two northsiders on the list Keith Van Horne at #11 (that's just straight stealing, Keith!) and Dirk 'Earning Every Penny' Nowitzki at #20) comes to just a shade over $358 million. Damn. No, let me rephrase that, Daaaaaaamn! That's *tall* chedder. Now let me add in a dash of Oprah Winfrey's $225 million earnings last year and a pinch of Tiger Wood's $87 million and we clock in at just over $670 million. Hmmm, yeah, y'all are right, you probably can't do much with just 10% of that over in Africa (or here in the inner cities for that matter). I know, I know, you hear of Tiger and Oprah giving back all the time and you can't watch an NBA playoff game now without hearing about how the NBA Cares, but you have to wonder why no one's thought about combining that type of economic clout before? Just thinking out loud...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Bell Tolling for The Hip Hop NBA?

Wassup, Y'all!

I feel moved today and I'm going long so hang tight. When I first started this blog I did so by alerting Malone Zone readers to the fact that my value wasn't going to be in breaking the news but rather in interpreting the news through an urban lenz (no need to thank me for that service, y'all. Your peeping the blog is thanks enough). Lately, I've been gathering subtle clues from the media and from the NBA front office that seem to me to be signaling the beginning of the end of what's been called the 'Hip Hop NBA'...

Y'all know - the New Jack NBA culture ushered in by Allen Iverson and other young bucks, which features braids, tats, doo rags, 'shorts' that stop just above the ankles, baggy clothes at game day functions and that ubiqutious hip hop accessory - the ill mannered entourage (the one featuring broke, high school homeys who expect VIP perks at all NBA venues that feature their boy).

Just like in Cali where homeowners can get ridiculous chedder for their 1 BDR, no kitchen or bath fixer-upper in a seller's market, the Hip Hop NBA (HHNBA) crew could pretty much call the shots since they represented the NBA's bread and butter (aka the best basketball talent available). You could feel the northside NBA owners cringing at the culture shock as their no-crust, watercress sandwiches and bottles of 'still' water crossed paths with Fatburgers and Crunk Juice - oh the horror! Lovey - look at his grill! Well this *is* America, y'all and you have to know that America is undeniably a nation run by northsiders, either out in front or behind the scenes. So it's only natural that such power and influence would eventually find a workable solution to the Hip Hop NBA 'problem'.

The other day I read a tight article by Greg Boeck of USA Today that clearly outlines the plan (at least in my conspiratoral mind). He points to a growing pipeline of basketball talent that is far removed from the inner city b-ball havens like NYC's Rucker Park and Oaktown's Mosswood Park. This pipeline has feeders in cities like Treviso, Italy and Barcelona, Spain and it seems, based on the ever increasing number of foreign players (aka 'internationals') in the NBA (a record 18% this season, y'all) that the NBA owners have found the chunk of Kryptonite they've been looking for to dismantle whatever leverage the HHNBA crew thought they had.

To the point, Boeck's essay dropped the following insightful quote:

"NBA teams are realizing it's less risky to draft internationals because they're more coachable, more socialized, have no posses and have not been Americanized," says former college coach George Raveling, Nike's director of global basketball. Raveling's prediction: International players will comprise 50% of the NBA by 2010

"More socialized"? "No posses"? Ouch. You have to know that Old George is only vocalizing what a lot of old school, NBA owners have been thinking. It also can't be denied that the way basketball is taught and learned in Europe and other parts of the world is more pure, fundamental and team based than the freelance, rim bending, bicep kissing, 1 on 5, break-your-boy-down on national TV style favored by the HHNBA crew. I'll be the first to admit, the Euros have skillz and that alone should send a shiver down the spines of the HHNBA crew.

As Boeck points out (and we all watched in road crash fascination) that in recent international matchups featuring NBA stocked teams, those teams finished third at the last Summer Olympics and sixth in the 2002 World Games (granted many big names opted off the national teams but Stevie Wonder could see how team play equalized individual athleticism on the court). Particularly in the last Olympics it was clear that despite the presence of AI on the roster, Team USA had *No Answer* for the funk the foreign clubs were bringing.

Seems to me the tide is turning, y'all - remember that recent dust-up caused by NBA Commissioner David Stern when he instituted a strict dress code for the players? It wasn't like he dreamed that bad boy up all by himself. Among items banned were: T-shirts, sleeveless shirts, shorts, headgear (aka ballcaps with the tag still on and cocked to the side, doo rags, etc.), chains, pendants, medallions worn over clothes (aka no Flava Flav clocks, no pendants with spinning rims, no platinum, iced out, 9 inch Jesus pieces, etc.), no sunglasses indoors (cuz their future's no longer so bright they gotta wear shades). Now don't get it twisted, y'all. I'm not hatin' (truly) but I am a purist and all for looking professional when it's called for so I'm with D-Stern on this one.

It seems that since most NBA players are rich (at least until their entourages sponge it all away from them) they assume they can run the show however they choose. But Chris Rock broke down the actual factuals when he described the difference between being 'rich' and being wealthy'. C-Rock said that Shaq is rich, but the owner who signs his paycheck is wealthy. So the smart player should be wondering what he can do to either 1) become wealthy or 2) keep their owners happy so they can keep being rich. Seems to me that the HHNBA culture runs counter to either of those goals.

I believe it was that wise hip hop sage Kanye West who heard 'em say - 'Nothing's ever promised tomorrow today'. The Hip Hop NBA crew would do well to listen closely to that message and 'never send to know for whom the bell tolls it tolls for thee', homey - it tolls for thee.

Can I get a witness?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Venus & Serena : Milk Carton Alert!

Wassup, Y'all!

My how the distracted have fallen. Frequent readers of the Malone Zone may remember my August '05 post about the many irons in the fire Williams sisters have and how their focus on all things non-tennis was beginning to register on the bottom line - in the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour Rankings and the WTA Tour Money Leaders lists. It appears our wannabe actresses / fashion models / clothing designers / interior designers are now nowhere to be found on the Money list and only semi-disciplined sister Venus is still in the Top 20 rankings, clocking in at a less than stellar 13th (I couldn't even find party-all-the-time sister Serena in the Top 100...) - 2,267 points off the pace of Amelie Mauresmo (who looks like she could qualify on the men's tour as well..)...

Seems our girls have now taken a page from the Anna Kournikova reference guide - "How to market yourself by leveraging professional tennis as a PR machine". I realize that slick Anna actually *never* won a professional tournament, but she sure has a lot of hot pictures orbiting the Internet!! It's a bit more disappointing with the Williams sistas since they're so inspiring to young southside shorty tennis hopefuls but I guess their off-court endeavours can be inspiring too. After all, everybody knows that we could sure use a few more bad TV actresses on UPN...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Panasonic's packing 103" inches!

Wassup, Y'all!



Yeah, baby! Yeaaaaah!

Okay, I'll be the first to admit that I haven't yet caught one of those Austin Powers joints, but I am kinda fond of one of Mike Meyers catch phrases in the movie, especially since it works so well for Panasonic's debut of a 103" High Definition Plasma screen TV...

In my book, you can boil homeboys down into three basic categories: the power tool set which I call Gearheads, the electronic gadget set which I call Techheads and the metrosexual clothing/grooming product set which I call gay Noheads (if you get my meaning...I hear women don't like guys who spend more time in the mirror than they do...). Me? Undoubtedly old Tyrone is a card carrying Techhead so I have to admit that the announcement had me going through all kinds of changes just thinking about the possibilities of owning a home theater with that bad boy as the proverbial 'draws dropper' (as my southside homeys are known to say).

When you start talking about a 103" HD Plasma, every homeboy in the Techhead nation immediately starts thinking about what choice DVDs he could peep on that bad boy that would show off such massive scope (a Nohead on the other hand would be worrying about how much dust that bad boy might collect and whether he needs to invest in another lint brush...). I'm thinking a few action joints like Heat and The Last Samurai, a couple classics like Top Gun and Glory, a little bit of eye candy like Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle and the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show - maybe Shakira's new 'Hips Don't Lie' music video. *Sigh*

According to the specs, Panasonic's wall buster clocks in at a hefty 400 lbs. so no matter how macho you want to look in front of your girl, you'll either need a couple homeboys to help with the installation or go the complete castration route and get a professional to do it for you (if you ask politely he might even date your girl for you if you're not up to that either...). Regardless, should you be able to pull off getting one of those bad boys, you'll be able to put a temporary halt to the neighbor flexing that always has your shorty rolling her eyes. You know how homeboys do. We're all into comparing our $hit with our boyz. It'd be all like:

Dude, you still packing that 72" over at your crib? Dang homes, you need to get with the times - you know I'm packing that Pana 103", right? That's right - so if you're feeling lonely tonight, that's cuz your girl will be over at my spot watchin' Desperate Housewives with me.

That would just be the tip of the iceberg, y'all. Yo Panasonic! Good lookin'out, homey-sans!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Proof RIP - He Kept it Real...

Wassup, Y'all!

When I first saw the initial reports of D12 rapper Proof's capping in a dingy Detroit nightclub...on Eight Mile Road...at 4:30 am ...I was all like, "Dang, that's tight - wrong place, wrong time'. After all, we know that there can't be a safer place to be than a dingy Detroit nightclub on Eight Mile Road at 4:30 am (unless Charles Barkley is up in that piece). Now as details slowly percolate up, it seems the real reason behind Proof's violent demise was his own temper or his desire to make sure he 'kept it real' and lived up to his thug soldier rap persona...

I know, y'all - no one said most rappers were bright since many of those knuckleheads seem to prefer a dirt nap in the boneyard to doing something positive with the ridiculously lucky breaks they are handed (should they be popular enough to sell some CDs or hook up as part of the entourage of someone who is...).

Pre-school Proof could have been living lavish without working at all. He was in like Flint with his mentor Eminem and with Kim back out on the curb, he likely could have moved into Em's crib and saved a few more ducets off the fat stack he was sponging. But nooooooooo, Pre-School Proof had to be all brody and start some static in a dingy Detroit nightclub on Eight Mile Road at 4:30 am. The end result - one to the dome, two to the chest and a dirt nap. Dang - hate it when that happens.

Now I did catch a bit of Fade To Black - the Jay-Z documentary about his 'last' concert and it only points to the fact that if you use the sense God gave you, you can parlay your good fortune into more good fortune. Jay-Z, Diddy, y'all know the tune. Seems to be a pretty obvious choice to me - Beyonce...one to the dome, two to the chest and a dirt nap...Beyonce...one to the dome, two to the chest and a dirt nap. Did I mention that most rappers aren't too bright?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Never Saw it Coming...

Wassup, Y'all!

Breaking up is easy to do...

I'm trying to pull myself back together after seeing the shocking news that Eminem has filed for divorce from his boo Kim for the second time. This one less than 3 months after marrying old girl again. *Sigh* I have to admit I never saw it coming, y'all. Maa fact, here're nine other nuggets that caught a brother *completely* by surprise...

Pissed off sisters in trouble!

Rep. Cynthia McKinney D-GA claiming racism after refusing to stop for a Capitol Police officer who didn't recognize her because she finally ditches those tired braids for an ill-formed 'fro. Now come on, homegirl! If 98% of southside brothers can't recognize their own shortys if they get their hair wet (northsiders: black hair + perm + water = unintentional afro...) who's gonna blame a northside Capitol Police officer? Ease up, Cyndy and stop selling those wolf tickets everytime things don't go your way! Mighty funny how she dropped a mea culpa when all of her Black Congressional Caucus colleagues took one, giant step back away from old girl...

What kind of job do you have when you have to sneak quietly around to avoid high velocity projectiles from impacting your dome? Special Forces soldier? Nope - try housekeeper for Naomi Campbell. Seems even laid back supermodels can go postal sometimes cuz we all know our girl Naomi is chill like a pill. What could have driven old girl to bounce her cell phone off her housekeeper's bean so badly she needed a couple staples to close the wound? Laying that cotton throw blanket on the couch a little too loud? Missing that one spider web thread in one corner of the kitchen's vaulted ceiling? I'm sure the details will surface now that old girl has been charged with 2nd degree assault. Homeboys - I know she's kinda cute and she has that British accent going on but who in their right mind is going to step out with Naomi? Man, one wrong word and she's mixing up a batch of hot grits to toss on yo a$$ the minute you go to sleep!

It wasn't me...

No jail time for Debbie Lafave. New math, y'all - cute, young blonde haired, blue eyed teacher + 14 year old hormone crazed boy = 0 years in jail. Wow - now that's what I call gender progress. Seems old girl was able to parlay a claim of being bipolar into a get out of jail free card. Hmmm, I can hear the wheels turning at Catholic parishes all over the country...

Beltway greed poster boy Rep. Tom Delay R-TX has decided to call it a day on his political career. Somehow you knew there were tears behind his bogus smiling mug shot and all that false bravado. He knew the deal but as a good Texan he was just trying to cowboy up and put a little lipstick on that pig he was trying to sell. Anyway, don't cry for him Argentina. The truth is he'll be making millions on the lobby circuit before you can say Jack Abramoff...

Payback's a Be-Yotch...

Nick Lachey is trying to get spousal support. Go 'head, Nick! Get yours, homey! Always good to see a little table turning going on. I remember when Joan Lunden's (former Good Morning America host) househusband went this same route and old girl asked loud and long why he could just get off his lazy a$$ and get a job? I'm sure many homeboys have wondered the same about their ex-spouses, but you didn't hear that from me.

Can I borrow a dollar and your make-up mirror?

Doc Gooden's back in county oranges again y'all. The only question here is where's his cut buddy Robert Downy Jr. Daryl Strawberry? You know neither of these brothers can figure out how to shake those Eightball cravings. Which brings me to another of our southside nation housemates - Whitney Houston. I'm too surprised that after she drop kicked her boo Bobby to the curb that her concerned sister-in-law Tina Brown dropped some unsavory tidbit to The National Enquirer about Whitney's seemingly unbreakable crack habit. Man - and in-laws normally get along so well too...

Money for nothing...

Katie Couric, arguably America's most overpaid and overrated television host is leaving NBC's Today Show for more money the prestigious CBS Evening News anchor job. I'm not hatin', y'all I'm just statin' and wondering how this chick ever became worth $15 million a year. In the pantheon of foine shorty news anchors, I believe Katie ranked a meager 0.025 on the Malone Zone Shorty Damn Meter. Clearly I wasn't consulted on this move but I wish her well as she vanishes into that obscure ratings black hole known as CBS news. Hmmm, that's kinda poetic...

And finally, after working just a little over 19 days this year, Congress goes back on break for Easter and only plans to work 2 weeks in April and only 97 days for the entire year in Washington. I'm all for those boyz mandating that type of work schedule for the rest of the American people (or at least GW's work schedule). You have to admire that crew though - they really know how to balance work and family life while pulling in over six figures a year from their day jobs. It's like Eddie Murphy said in The Distinguished Gentleman - working in CONgress is the biggest con in the world.

Hey, just in case y'all don't hear from me for a few - do me a favor and check the manifest down at Guantanamo from time to time...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Smooth Criminals

Wassup, Y'all!

Back in January, y'all will remember I was already catching the fever for the flavor of Spike Lee's movie Inside Man and in the wake of my recent viewing, all I can say is that Spike's table in the A-List director section is finally ready. That joint was smooth, stylish, wryly humorous and, included a rare, key ingredient missing from most movies lately (listen close Hollywood greenlighters...) - it was entertaining...

First, I'd be remiss if I just laid all the success of this movie at Spike's feet. The casting was top notch (though I've heard several sources of grumbling that Jodie Foster was miscast but I think that's just NS Shorty hatin' on old girl since Jodie was killing that skirt and those pumps... :-) Hmmm, might not be obvious which way I lean in that debate.) And you can't have a good movie without good writing and clearly Russell Gewirtz delivered the goods as well - the dialogue was tight and the plot was off the hook. It had a bit of that Pulp Fiction/Momento feel since parts of it were shown out of sequence. Also, in my opinion, no one films NYC like Spike does. He seems able to make the city and culture minor characters in his films (but I would like to see him drop that annoying habit of always putting in his 'signature' dolly shot where he has a character roll along with the camera dolly while the background recedes. Spike - that effect is played out, homey!)

I have to admit I'm a big fan of caper movies - joints where the criminals are so smooth that in the end you end up hoping they get away with it because they planned it out so well. You know - that 'back in the day' joint 'The Sting' and more recent joints like the remakes of Ocean's Eleven and the Italian Job. It's what I call Mack Daddy Crime. It's distinctly different from blue collar crime (aka The Sopranos) and white collar crime (aka Enron). A blue collar criminal will sneak up on you while you're making a late night ATM withdrawal, clock your a$$ with a lead pipe and steal your loot. A white collar criminal will encourage to buy more stock in a company he knows is more rotten than a wino's teeth, then leave you with no pension, 401(K) savings or health care while he gently descend on his Golden Parachute onto the soft, sandy beaches of Anguilla. A Mack Daddy criminal, on the other hand, will figure out how to infiltrate that fat cat executive's offshore bank, gain access to his safety deposit box, steal his stolen money and then use the rest of the box's contents to blackmail him for even more money before turning the goods over to the authorities. Mmmm, that's good eatin', right there y'all. Goooood eatin'.

Anyway - if you haven't seen that joint, it's good enough to drop the ducets to see it in the theater. Don't be tight cuz old Tyrone is giving it 3.5 Spinners and a 10 on the HMV (Homeboy Movie Viewing) Scale. I've provided the formula for your personal edification.

The HMV Scale specifies how a homeboy should view a movie given it's quality and the quantity of his endz:

10 - Movie Theater (either prime time or matinee)
9 - Official movie DVD (purchase or rental)
8 - Bootleg I (Internet obtained, high quality production DVD)
7 - Bootleg II (homeboy hookup DVD - low quality, filmed in theater, back row)
6 - Pay-Per-View (Cable or Satellite - your crib)
5 - Pay-Per-View (Cable or Satellite - your boy's crib)
4 - Premium Channel (Cable or Satellite - your crib)
3 - Premium Channel (Cable or Satellie - your boy's crib)
2 - Broadcast Channel (local channel Movie of The Week - your crib)
1 - Broadcast Channel (local channel Movie of The Week - your boy's crib)
0 - Never see it (Ever.)

Be sure to clip that for handy reference to future movie reviews in the Malone Zone, y'all.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

It Don't Matter If You're Black or White

Wassup, Y'all!

I've just cracked the first couple episodes of Ice Cube's new reality series Black White and like Public Enemy said a few years back - don't believe the hype. Don't get me wrong, y'all - it ain't all bad but it could have been sooo much more with the right families in the mix. For those who haven't peeped (or heard about) the show, it takes two families - one white (the Wurgels) and one black (the Sparks) - and through the magic of hollywood caliber makeup turns them both into the other race and (as if that weren't deep enough) they push the envelope and make them *live* together in the same crib! Anyway, anyone who's seen the movie White Chicks knows that the art of turning black folks white still needs a little marinating. The reverse move however, was more convincing (at least with Wurgel family daughter Rose - that's her in the glossy y'all). Check a few of the other transformations then join me after the jump to get the actual factuals on this 'social experiment'...

Now compare Shawn and Marlon to young shorty Rose and tell me I'm lying. Those boyz look like albino burn victims (as 'Tini Mack would say: I'm not hatin', I'm just statin', y'all). With all the hype this show's been getting (Oprah had the cast on her spot a few weeks ago and F/X has been proppin' this bad boy like crazy (it roped me in didn't it?) but even Ice Cube would have to admit that this really isn't virgin territory. My boy Melvin Peebles was on the tip back in 1970 when he dropped Watermelon Man with Godfrey Cambridge and fringe Brat Packer C. Thomas Howell took a similar twist in Soul Man back in '86. That joint had old boy OD'ing on sun tan tablets so he could sneak into Harvard on a scholarship set aside for a black student ('He didn't give up - he got down! y'all. What kind madness is that?). Somehow he managed to pull that off and mack that quirky a$$ Rae Dawn Chong before the end credits rolled. Hmmm..okay maybe that was a plan after all...

Anyway, I was tuning in to see some fireworks based on their mutual cultural immersions (e.g. the fake Northside family getting car-jacked in the 'hood, the fake Southside family taking a wrong turn during their weekend in the woods and stumbling into a Klan rally, you know - stuff like that there) but to me the show is taking the easy reality show way out by focusing primarily on the in house dynamics with each family tripping on the other about their stereotypical or paranoid thinking. That said, I've got to give major props to shorty Rose for stepping into a Poetry Slam class and actually dropping some verse. That took a lot of heart as did later 'coming out of the closet' to let them know that she was actually a Northside shorty. Her counterpart in the Sparks family - Nick - has yet to show me anything. He's hardly in the show - dang homey, at least do a reverse Soul Man on them and show up at a pick up basketball game and hustle the Southside homeys out of some money!

Anyway, I'm hoping the show will pick it up a bit as I like the concept. In fact, the Sparks father looks a lot like Eddie Murphy did in his classic SNL skit 'Two Americas' where Eddie dons white makeup and tries to prove that there are two America's - one white and one black. Hit that link y'all and tell me that joint *still* doesn't crack you up (what a silly Negro) all these years later.

One thing is clear though when it comes to mediocre reality TV, like Michael Jackson (who?) said: It Don't matter if you're black or white. Hee, hee, hee

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

That Nigga's Crazy

Wassup, Y'all!

No I ain't talking about Richard Pryor's dope 1974 comedy album, - wish I was. Y'all remember that track 'Have Your A$$ Home by 11'? That joint *still* cracks me up. Sadly, y'all the 'nigga' I'm talking about is that silly a$$ negro Damon Wayans. Regular readers of the Malone Zone will recognize old Tyrone has never been a fan of that whack Wayans family humor (In Living Color is the one exception). It seems I've been the only one out of the loop on DW's latest whack idea - to trademark the term 'Nigga' for an apparel and retail line of merchandise. Two snaps up to Northside Shorty for hooking a brother up with this 'Ghost of Christmas Future' glossy. I caught this jibber-jabber while peeping the Defamer blog and they snapped it up from Wired.com. Only a Wayans could think this is a good idea...

First, let me say that I think when it comes to this particular topic it's best discussed 'in house' among Southsiders. Just like it's okay for family members to crack on a member of their family but if a kid from another family does it - it's lights out for homeboy. The same thinking applies here. The "N-Word" is still too racially charged for it to be thrown around freely between Northsiders and Southsiders and Southsiders need to recognize that the more we do it, the more everyone else thinks it's all good to drop that bad boy in mixed company. This Damon Wayans Tom Foolery just feeds into that whack thinking.

A while back some email directed me to a offensive T-Shirt site on the web that propped T-shirts like the one pictured in the cartoon glossy. You know that's just wrong (and I have to admit that the site was an equal opportunity offender cracking on pretty much every racial stereotype out there) but the owners justified propping their offensive gear by referring to Dave Chappelle's Chappelle Show. Their reasoning was that if Dave could drop racial humor like that, they could too - didn't matter that they weren't Southsiders. See y'all? A slippery slope. In fact, Dave pretty much admitted on the Oprah show that the inappropriate racial humor on his show (that was fueling much of its popularity) was one of the reasons he decided to just walk away from all that chedder on the table (of course he was on Oprah to help prop his upcoming Dave Chappelle's Block Party movie...).

And then there's Damon Wayans trying to figure out how to trademark the word 'Nigga'. Damn - that brother really is Homey the Clown.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone