Artest Redux - From Chapter III to Chapter XI

Wassup, Y'all!

Y'all know it's not me to kick a man when he's down, but I'm only writin' so let me crack back on our favorite knucklehead one last time (maybe) before moving on. My NYC contact Lil' Punch is on the front line tabulating the dailies on record sales and this just in....Eminem & Destiny's Child are safe y'all! It looks like R-Testy's newly produced CD Chapter III for the girl group Allure (how is it boys have bands and girls have groups?) is selling like...cold cakes. Here's a glossy for y'all's inspection. Can't be their fault...R-Testy, man how can you not properly prop a group of hotties?


Allure
Not many units flyin' off the shelves, y'all, surprising as that might be. But I'll hold out judgement since this is R-Testy's freshman effort. Word is most acts got their start hawking home pressed CDs from the trunk of their Pintos (Dr. Dre). Side Note: R-Testy! Congrats on makin' the cover of Sport's Illustrated's November 29th issue. I normally reserve my SI purchases to the annual shorty swimsuit joint but I had to peep this one in your honor.

Now onto a first for old Tyrone. I have it issue a retraction y'all. Y'all regular readers will remember my implicit crack on Lil' Jon in my November 17th column where I was fussing about Destiny's Child singing about needing a 'Soldier'. It turns out that I've been out of the loop. Silly me thinking hot shorties don't really go for...homely brothers. My bad, it turns out that hot shorties don't go for poor, untalented homely brothers. Yes, y'all in a world where even Flavor Flav can pull a hot shorty, my Entertainment Bureau Chief My-T Star called to tell me that not only was Lil' Jon dating lyrical shorty Mya, but now he's dating new 'it' girl shorty Christina Milian.

Now in case y'all aren't from this planet and don't know either of these top shelf shorties, let me drop a couple more glossies.


Mya - King Oct Issue


Christina Milian
How can life be so unfair? So here it go Lil' Jon - my bad. Okaaaaaay?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

P.S. If the previous glossy of Farrah Franklin didn't convince you to get a subscription to King Magazine, that Mya cover has got to have you ready to part with some paper, y'all! Quiet its kept - word is Christina was a former cover girl - don't miss it!

Artest, Artest, Where For Art Thou, Artest?

Wassup, Y'all!

The hard foul has been laid, the face has been pushed, the cup has been thrown, the fans have been beat down and the suspensions have been levied. Now all that's left is for old Tyrone to do is help you make sense of the Motown Mow Down, the Detroit Droppin', the Pacer Pound Down, the...man, y'all get the idea.

First (and on point) - Ron Artest - Shut up and stop crying. You did the crime, now thug up and do the time (and eat the fine). Homey, when the phrase "worst brawl in NBA history" is attached to your deal, you have to figure you're going to end up with the "worst suspension in NBA history". Cuz, look on the bright side - you've made NBA history twice in a week. That's got to be worth something. Get you a slick little T-shirt concept and market that bad boy during your down time. Maa' fact - those joints might come in handy as extra income generators during your upcoming rap album tour. Just look at how much time you'll have on your hands to to promote that bad boy? Is that convenient or what. You were just asking for a little time off to attend to that stuff anyway. The Lord works in mysterious ways don't he?

Now I understand that losing $5 million from your fat stack is going to sting a little bit but see, that's where that whole T-shirt gimmick can work for you. Think about it, homey. You could design you something fancy like a white crew-neck T with the words "Beer Attack" on the front and a picture on the back of a beat up face (one eye swolle, hickey on his forehead, two missing teeth) wearing a cockeyed Piston's hat and the words "Will Get Yo Face Smacked" underneath. Awww yeah - that joint would be simple and understated. The ultimate in urban elegance. Who wouldn't want one of those bad boys? Save one for me, y'all!

Now let's look at the story inside the story, y'all. First, old Tyrone is going to have to agree with one school of thought that says the quality of fundamental play in the NBA has been declining for years. To wit - our shabby showing in the 2004 Summer Games. It's been a long time coming and now it's finally here, y'all. The end of American basketball dominance. And how sad is that? We invented the game! Check my August 16th column for my initial gripe about this sad state of affairs. So now we have immature, unsound players (aka high schoolers) rolling into the league. A bunch of shake and bake, freestyle freelancers who never met a dribble they wanted to give up or a ball they wanted to pass. It's a trifling world full of players who prefer to skip practice and just show up for games and skip the regular season and just show up for the playoffs. Shame, shame. Now mix this madness with an equal part of pervasive hip-hop culture that attracts young black men like a Victoria's Secret video shoot (the Tyra collection) and you can see where this chest thumping madness is coming from. To wit Diddy's champagne bottle greeting, Shyne's shootout on Diddy's (and J Lo's) behalf, the still unsolved 2Pak and Biggie whackings (which deserves it's own column), Fiddy's 9 slugs and the latest highlight on the police blotter, Young Buck's attempted murder arrest for slipping a knife in during the Vibe brawl. These are the new role models for the NBA crew. The real question is why this type of brawl didn't happen sooner. Now we have fools flexin' and willing to protect their rep at any cost. It's Thug Life NBA style y'all. Please. You better nip this one - D. Stern or NBA will stand for NoBody Attending. We can just watch it all unfold in a rap video - at least those bad boys have video hootchies rocking it owwwwttttt!

My Shorty of the Week again goes to that fine multicultural shorty Rosario Dawson who's dropping in Oliver Stone's Alexander this week. Rosario remains atop my all time finest jail birds list (sorry - Martha didn't make the cut again this year, y'all).



Peace@Least,

Tyrone

T.O., Nicholette, Christina & Britney - Whaattt?

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, there's too much madness blowing around for old Tyrone not to weigh in with his piece, Let's go right away to the Monday Night Football replays shall we? To paraphase that well known urban homey Lil' Jon - Whaatttt? Come on, y'all. What folks need to be up in arms about is not that fine shorty Nicholette Sheridan showing in a towel in the Eagles locker room but why it is that there are no black families living with the Desperate Housewives on Wisteria Lane. Not one, y'all (at least none that old Tyrone has peeped). Seems to be some real estate red lining going on. Don't get me wrong - Terrie, Felicity, Eva, Marcia and Nicholette are fine in their own way, but come on, you telling me there's no room for Vanessa Williams, Elise Neal or Jasmine Guy to move in across the street? What about the Huxtables? Shame, Shame. T.O. and Nicholette in a towel - come on, y'all! Grow up or head to Utah and start you one of those M. Night Shamalan villages.

Along those same lines, old Tyrone is happy to report that our favorite All American company Abercombie & Fitch has done nothing wrong yet they settled their "class-action federal discrimination lawsuit that accused the clothing retailer of promoting whites at the expense of minorities". A & F had to part with $40 million of their fat stack y'all for among other things "promoting a virtually all-white image in its catalog and elsewhere". Please. Not A & F. Go see how ridulous that charge is by checking out the ethnic diversity of its web site . Man, I hate frivolous law suits...

Hey, riddle me this Batman. What's the difference between Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears? It's basics, y'all. You see Christina can actually sing! Yeah she can look a little wigged out at time since she turned over her Christina X leaf but there's no denying old girl's got the pipes. Britney on the other hand has been looking pretty trailer trashy lately and would be lost in the woods without pre and post processing on her "singing" voice. Christina put her foot into a couple new tracks - Nelly's "Tilt Ya Head Back" and the remake of the old school standard "Car Wash" from the Shark Tale soundtrack. Awwww yeah. And speaking of Nelly, y'all noticing the new phenomenon going on in hip-hop with these cross genre collaborations? Nelly and country boy Tim McGraw in "Over and Over" (smooth cut y'all), Public Enemy and techno boy Moby in "Make Love, F**K War", Jay-Z and rap rockers Linkin Park in "Numb/Encore". I'm liking it. Our hip-hop brothers (even the cell block brothers who need to fall up into a church and find what they're not looking for) are sly, Jack. They're widening the audience and figuring out new cash streams just like the majority culture. Branching out into merchandise (clothes, beverages, perfume/cologne, etc.), media (offshoot video projects) and untapped musical markets. Who'd have thought we'd be here now when Sugar Hill dropped "Rapper's Delight" waaaay back in the day? My people, my people.

Finally, from the hootchie files - our 2nd favorite Pussy Cat (as in Josie and Pussy Cats and as in Rosario Dawson is our all time favorite Pussy Cat) Tara Reid is back at it again. The boozy babe pulled a unintentional Lil' Kim by going with the one breast in, one breast out look on the red carpet at our boy Diddy's 35th birthday bash. Typical - always trying to attract the attention of a casting agent. At first I was wondering how it's possible for one side of a dress to slip down without noticing that your breast is hanging out, then I went to the tape and took a closer look (research for this column don't you know) and it seems to me that bad boy's not 100% all natural (shocking!). Hmmm, must be the harder they are, the less you feel.... Big ups to thatsnotright.com for the glossies!

I'm out, y'all. I'm headed down to City Hall on P. Diddy's behalf to petition to get an opening on Chicago's Magnificent Mile for a Sean Jean store. Why should New York's 5th Avenue have all the fun?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Surviving Destiny's Child

Wassup Y'all!

Is it me or is Destiny's Child more visible than GW in Florida between hurricanes? Our girls have been all over ABC - Monday Night Football, GMA, 20/20 (tomorrow). I caught them on my show, 106 & Park on Monday and saw Michelle take a fall when they came sauntering out for their performance of 'Soldier'. The fall was funny (cuz old girl wasn't hurt) but what was funnier was Kelly's reaction to it. She watched her fall, kinda had a look that said 'Girl, no your a** didn't just fall' and then went straight into her dance - didn't even try to help old girl up. To Michelle's credit she got up and slipped right back into the beat - Where they at? Where they at?

Now after all this time of trying to teach my nephew to be a fine upstanding gentleman with the shorties, here come Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle talking bout "Better be street if you're lookin' at me'. Now the little homey wants to wrap his teeth in gold tin foil, wear a tight wife beater and kick a doo rag with a hat cocked to the side. He and his little troopers are pimping out their BMXs with spinners and hydraulics thinking that's the way to get with fine shorties like Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle. Shame, shame. To their credit, DC does halfway redeem themselves with another cut on their new album called Cater to U where they sing about gettin' they man's slippers and what not. Can't hate on that y'all! Anyway, for all you young shorties who plan to adopt that whack dating blueprint, let me drop the following cautionary glossy.



Ladies - that your street soldier on the left. Have fun at the family reunion next summer - Yeeeahhhh!

Now, kinda like Pete Best the infamous 'fifth' Beatle, you have to wonder what former group members LaTavia Roberson, LeToya Luckett & Farrah Franklin are thinking about DC's' mega fortune and fame. Here's an early DC glossy to get y'all reoriented.



That's LaTavia at the top left and LeToya at the bottom right in happier days. I can't place those other two hard looking Houston sisters in the glossy - where's blonde Beyonce and cinnamon haired Kelly? Side Note: I might have to find LeToya and drop my digits... Word is all three ladies are still in the biz but unlike DC those three are about as visible as John Kerry after the election. Farrah did have time in her bizzy schedule to flaunt some femine wiles in the Mar/Apr '04 issue of King Magazine - The Illest Men's Magazine. To wit, our third and final glossy of the evening (it's worth the wait y'all).



Farrah Franklin

Take that Beyonce! Okay, okay, I'll admit it will take more than that glossy to bump you off your Crazy In Love video perch. My carpets are still steaming and the last time I cue'd up that video was about two months ago.... Woooo.

Alright y'all - I'm ghost. I'm a go lose my breath (by watching DC's Lose My Breath video...again...for the tenth time....tonight)

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

No Sunset on Selma

Wassup Y'all!

My bad for being away so long. You know old Tyrone took the election pretty hard. Just when you think you can trust Florida, here comes that 'hi' in the middle state. I been licking my wounds down at Winky's with the fellas, plottin' strategy for 2006. The revolution's still being televised, y'all! Today's Boondocks about sums up my feelings on that joint. In the future, I hope to have guest bloggers drop by while I'm vacationing cuz I know y'all be missing my daily dose - sho you right.

Now on with the show. In happier political news, our boy Smooth Barack is on Capitol Hill today grooving through 'freshman' orientation. Awwww yeah, y'all. Remember Freshman O on campus? A new class of fresh shorties every year... It was a simpler, more happy time. If y'all remember the TV movie Keep the Faith, Baby about Adam Clayton Powell's move to Washington as a freshman congressman from his "kingdom of Harlem", you can pretty much imagine the fun Smooth Barak is having adding some much needed contrast to the Harvard & Yale Boys Club of America aka the U.S. Senate. Of course the best part of that movie was my girl Vanessa Williams and her fine self (note to Rick - You Dummy!). It was also interesting to note that ACP built his momentum to get to congress by backdooring A. Philip Randolph for the nomination. But hey - as we now know - that's politics, baby. For y'all brothers down at Winky's corner store talkin' 'bout A. Philip Who? - Check out his story in 10,000 Black Men Named George on DVD or video - know your history, y'all!

Speaking of Powells - our boy Colin finally got it right, renounced the Dark Side and joined the revolution today. It's bittersweet though y'all as our girl Condoleeza has now been completely seduced by the Dark Side. I had to work my Chocolate City contacts to grab her upcoming official State Department glossy. It ain't pretty y'all....


Condoleeza Rice
If you thought those European homeys were nervous before wait until they get the feel of C-Rice's light staff up they backside. Old girl don't play and that ain't even an exaggeration. Shoot France and Germany might as well get to bending over right now....

Alright, alright - man can't live on politics alone and your boy Tyrone is here to drop some dessert on y'all. I happen to wander my way into that new Selma Hayek flick After The Sunset and I'm still trying roll my tongue back into my head. Daaaaaaaaamn! That's right y'all. Selma pulled a 10 'A' Damn performance. Man - I knew old girl was fine, but I had no idea she was fooooine (note to Ed - You Dummy!)! That movie was a showcase for the hotty with body where a jewel heist accidently broke out. I'm installing Senorita Selma as this week's Shorty of the Week (and check out my column from August 24th to make sure you feel me on this one), but I was also woofing on Naomie Harris. She previously starred in that living dead flick 28 Days Later and you will hardly recognize her. The island ambiance did old girl a world of good. Here's a glossy so you can confirm my actual factuals.


Naomie Harris

Fellas - you'd be wise to check it out while it's still on the BIG screen. Even though DVD's give you the ability to pause and rewind (even those instant bootleg joints you can get at Winky's), there's no substitute for seeing Selma and Naomi on the 20' x 30' widescreen (unless you're Shaq y'all know you ain't rolling like that in the crib). 'ear me now, rude bwhy!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Them Goodies

Wassup, Y'all!

Back in effect. Been making my way through the 106 & Park rotation and still can't quite get all the hubbub surround that Ciara cut "Goodies". Now I admit, homegirl is the epitome of a slim goody (I'm talking slim) and you got to respect any sister in a hip-hop video these days talking about her goodies staying in the jar (even with Petey Pablo's a** roaming around - y'all know how he do). Y'all can judge the glossy for yourselves....


Ciara

I think that's just one of those cuts that grows on you after awhile. Now LL's Headsprung video just makes a brother want to sneak through the back door (of the club) and live it up. Somehow my clubbing experiences never seem to match up with LL's though...

Speaking of sisters in hip-hop videos, looks like Lil' Kim's body guard C-Gutta is going to do a 12 year bid. I know y'all are saying wooooo, but seems to me he got off light after snapping twenty caps off. Maybe we can get Nelly to sport another bandaid in support of old C-Gutta. Dag and P. Diddy's boy Shyne only got a 10 year bid and is somehow making jailhouse videos with that hottie Ashanti. Only in America, y'all can you make more money in the hip-hop world by being 1) dead (Tupac & Biggie) or 2) a jailed felon (Shyne)

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

C'mon, Put Your Hands in Air Y'all!

Wassup Y'all!

I just stopped in from a quick trip over at iTunes and caught the new Public Enemy / Moby collabo - Make Love F**K War. That joint is HOT! The video reminds me of a cross between Alicia Keyes "Diary" around the world concert footage and Michael Moore's Farenheit 911. It's an anti-war piece y'all so if you ain't feeling it don't check it out.........Okay, now that all the Republicans have left the room we can talk freely.
Man, it's good to see Public Enemy back on the beat! They may not be the most successful rap act on the boulevard, but Chuck D and Flava never stop keepin it real. Fight The Power, Can't Truss It - those boys are the real town cryers, letting folks know what's what.

This new joint is all that and Moby laid a fat beat down on the track - Moby/P-E! Despite Peanut M&M's views on Moby, talent is talent and Fat Boy Slim's got nothing on Moby when it comes to a thumpin club beat. I also like that diversity - who the heck would have put Moby and Public Enemy in the same room? If you ask me - that's why America is the greatest country. Talent is color blind and when you mix different techniques like they did, you end up with a JAM like MLFW. Do yourself a favor before you download the track, peep the video. It kinda makes you ask yourself - WHAT THE HECK ARE WE DOING? I just caught a little piece of This Week With George Snuffelufagus and he profiled a photographer who was so fed up with no one really covering and reporting on the war wounded from Iraq that she put together her own photo collection together for public view. We may have recently crossed the tragic 1000 figure for war dead, but the figure for war wounded is around 7000! In a lot of those cases we're not talking John Kerry sized shrapnel wounds, but grievous, life altering wounds... Just makes the message in MLFW all the more relevant. GW shame, shame. All this for a family grudge (cuz we sure know there are no WDMs or links to Al Qaeda up in that piece).

I guess the other question which continues to go unasked is: How many Iraqi civilians have been killed in the war? Is it more than Saddam dropped out? If so, WHAT THE HECK ARE WE DOING? Lately it hasn't even been a red state / blue state debate. I'm a blue state guy but when I listen to a moderate voice like John McCain, I'm thinking the red state crew can't be that bad - it must just be GW, Off The Chaney and the rest of his fear mongering administration. Everybody keeps asking "Have you ever seen such a nasty campaign?" to which I reply, didn't Pappa Doc Bush roll out Willie Horton? The apple sure don't fall far from the tree....

Anyway - sorry to be so surly in this joint. I'm still tripping on the point jacking that happened to my girl Serena in the US Open. That was some serious umpire player hating going on y'all! Check out MLFW, y'all. I defy you not to nod your head to that beat.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

What's the Deal in Florida?

Wassup Y'all!

First, I need to apologize for my lackadasical reporting as of late. Old Tyrone's been a little distracted since I heard that Destiny's Child was getting back together to help the NFL kick off their season on Thursday. That's right, y'all! Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle are back for three times the fun. When I should have been blogging, I was thinking about Kelly's shimmy shake in their Bootilicious video (old girl is a fine, tall drink of Cherry Kool-Aid)...



Yeah, Beyonce is eye candy (especially in that "Crazy In Love" video - wooooo), but Kelly's the down home sister brothers want to take home to meet moms. Speaking of eye, that brings me to today's blog topic - what's the deal with Florida and those hurricanes? Man FL is getting spanked homeys and to add insult to injury, there's another bad boy brewing out in the Atlantic (Ivan the Terrible). So I had to ask myself, just what did Florida to to deserve such a biblical beat down? Hmmmm, perhaps it's not what Florida did (2000 Presidential election day shenanigans) so much as what Florida shouldn't do in a couple months. I submit the new poster child for hurricane alley is getting one of those chilly warnings about what could come if more election year shenanigans ensue. You know, like on the Soprano's when you've just taken out a sizable loan from the family and they take you to dinner, schmooze it up with you - "more bread? C'mon, have a little more of that ziti" - then walk you out back where a non-paying client is getting shoved into a wood chipper. See, that's what they call a warning, y'all.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not making light of the hardships our fellow citizens are enduring with these single minded hurricanes. After all, they did have to reschedule the FSU-Miami game. That's pretty harsh. Anyway, this FL/hurricane business is just another one of those things that make you go Hmmmmmmm.

Moving on - I was dipping and dodging through TV and the newspapers the other day and happened upon two outlandish boasts that both referred to my boy, old school crooner Teddy "Lady's Get 'em Ready" Prendergrass. Sometimes you just have to laugh. Like Whitney referring to bad boy Bobby Brown as the King of R&B after one hit album and a rap sheet longer than her hair extensions! King of Fulton County lock up, maybe, but R&B? According to R. Kelly - "What's R&B without the R?" Anyway, within days of each other I hear Ronnie from the rejuvenated group New Edition, propping their new album (on Diddy's Bad Boy label) and talking smack that there's a track on the album featuring Johnny Gill that will make him the new Teddy Prendergrass! C'mon now! Johnny's got some deep pipes but it takes a little more than that to bump Teddy out the blocks. How many ladies have been freely throwing their draws onstage at a Johnny Gill concert? Uh huh - see what I'm saying? Now flash forward a couple days and I read about Nelly propping his new double album set - Sweat/Suit. Actually that's a good gimmick - one album with fresh hip hop club beats and one with smoother, slow jams. Anyway, everybody knows Nelly and Jaheim collaborated on their current hot cut 'My Place' and didn't Nelly step out there and claim that Jaheim was the next Teddy Prendergrass? C'mon now! Jaheim? Yeah - old dude's got the pipes too and the cut is HOT, but for those who read my blog on carpetbagging Alan 'Skeleton' Keyes, you'll know comparing Jaheim with Teddy is like comparing Macy Grey with Beyonce (and I'm not referring to vocal stylings...). Y'all fools get off Teddy!

Alright I'm out! I'm still trying to get all that foul graffiti off the hoopty. Seems the Republicans were sharing a little more than just love (y'all know I'm kiddin', right?) at the convention. I've been scrubbing for about a day now and still can't get that picture of an elephant dropping his draws off the hoopty's hood. If y'all responsible are reading this blog (y'all know I'm kidding, right?) all I have to say is - that just ain't riiight!! Those were some big ass draws!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Free Rosario!

Wassup Y'all!

It didn't take long for the clowning in NYC to take a serious turn. I'm hanging outside Madison Square and catch the commotion up the street and get details that the cops clapped the silver braclets on my girl Rosario Dawson (a shorty supreme, might I add). I'm organizing the homeys cuz we ain't taking it no more! How'd Rosario get checked into the Greybar Hotel and Off the Chaney is still walking around a free man? Only in New York, y'all. Until her court appearance, I'll float y'all a glossy to remember her by...



C'mon now, Sipowitz! She's even kickin' the I Love NY gear!! NYPD - shame, shame.

Y'all may be noticing I'm not doing too much reporting on the convention that's cuz every time I sneak in I stand out like a sore thumb and security hustles me out. A brother can't catch a break up in that piece. So I'm outside MSG mingling with the salt of the earth folks and getting my laugh on about those parents up in arms about that Fact's of Life shorty Blair who wrote about putting a dab of hot sauce on her crumb snatcher's tongue to teach him not swear or speak out of turn. I just had to laugh about that one cuz I'm sure the parents complaining are the same ones with overweight kids who never miss a chance to let them stuff more food in their faces. I can see the dilemma - who's going to force their kid to put up with a minute's worth of tongue stinging vs. a lifetime of ridicule and health problems? Good call, y'all!

I see the nominations for the Darwin Awards are getting started early this year. I understand the front runner is the homey who got drunk with his buddy and decided to drive home. The buddy gets sick, hangs his head out the window to call Earl and the driver swerves, clips a telephone pole support wire and decapitates his partner. Here's where the story gets interesting, y'all. Old boy drives home, goes into his crib (bloody clothes and all) and falls asleep! Meanwhile headless Henry is just chilling in the passenger seat until a passerby spots him and calls the police. That's what I call a true friend - kill my ass and then leave me in the car all dead and decapitated. That's cold, my man!

Alright, y'all. I'm gonna pass the cap to see if we can scramble up some bail money for Rosario. In the meantime, she'll be honored as old Tyrone's Shorty of the Week.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Women's Beach Volleyball : Awwww Yeah!

Wassup Y'all!

After watching the hot postgame celebration of those shorties Misty May and Kerri Walsh , Old Tyrone has come to the conclusion that there is no better spectator sport than Women's Beach Volleyball...



How's is showing that on broadcast TV even legal? Wooooo. If I was running the Pro Beach Volleyball circuit, that joint would have it's own deal with DirecTV - The PBV Sand Serve Ticket. Matter fact, I'd probably kick it up a notch like old boy Emeril and recruit some stone hotties like Selma Hayek and Serena Williams to play in celebrity tournaments - y'all feel me? No? Let me drop a couple glossies and let you imagine the possibilities. As my dog Emeril would say: BAM




Feel me now? Thought you might. What network in their right mind wouldn't pick up that gold mine? That way, there'd be a little something for everybody - the hard body fans and the Daaaaaaaaamn body fans (if y'all need a little schooling on the Daaaaamn rating, check out my previous post on Halle Berry). Whoever gave the thumbs up to those uniforms ought to get at least one of John Kerry's medals. And while I'm on topic - big ups to the women's soccer team on their gold medal effort. I understand that Brandi Chastain managed to keep her jersey on this time - that's why I didn't lead with soccer...just playin' y'all!

Well, the Ides of August are almost upon us and that means some skullduggery is about to jump off in NYC as GW and the boys move center stage. For the fellas down at Winkey's corner store that means check your wallet at the door and don't bet on that Three Card Monte they'll be playin' on stage. I'll be there covering it live y'all. The hoopty's all gassed up and chromed out. Don't be scurred to watch them on TV, they can't come through the screen like old girl from "The Ring". But be warned, like old girl said in the movie - "Everyone will suffer...". Oooo, think I just gave myself a chill. Didn't think that would happen until Dick "Off The" Chaney hit the stage...

Alright y'all - I'm out! I need to see when Misty and Kerri are headed to Chicago to play up at North Avenue Beach cuz I'm there cousin!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone