Thursday, April 21, 2005

Ain't No Sunshine When He Drives...

Wassup, Y'all!

Hey - what rhymes with DMX? This one is easy. Maaa fact, I've hooked y'all up with a hint in the glossy to the right. If any of you clever readers guessed 'car wrecks', you're excused from this semester's final since you're already getting an 'A'. That's right y'all - our boy DMX is back behind the wheel and back in the news after triggering a three car pile up in NYC that included a cruiser from New York's finest - no not shorty supermodel Petra Nemcova but the cops. If you ask me, the cops are probably the *last* crew you want to involve in a chain reaction crash if you're driving on a suspended license...

Man, back in the day DMX used to be my boy. He was kicking it in the movies, spittin' that gravelly rap and just generally flexin'. Then sadly, like many other entertainers who get caught in a puzzling thought process I can't quite understand, the brother just wigs the hell out. That whack a** thought process goes something like this: "Hmmmm, I'm doing good. Making tall chedda, I'm blinged out from head to toe, so frosty I could loan Alaska some ice. Got my four point pocket square workin'. Bought moms a crib. All the talk shows want me, all the studios are sending projects my way now what can I do to f**k this all up? No - I mean *really* f**k this all up cuz I don't roll half a**ed." *sigh*

In X's case his well thought out plan to throw it all away started last year out at Kennedy Airport when his dumb a** tried to carjack a car by impersonating an FBI agent. He managed to make it as far as the parking lot gate before crashing into another car and getting busted for criminal impersonation, weapon and drug charges. I'm figuring this is probably where his license got suspended, y'all. X did a bid for that tom foolery and it seems got out just in time to drive into the back of another car. I think the only people more dangerous behind the wheel of a car are Paula Abdul and Halle Berry. The only good news is that he really didn't hit NY hottie Petra Nemcova as she's already been through enough.

Get Well Soon, Homegirl!

The only appropriate cap to this sad post is a quote from DMX himself - a few lyrics from his cut 'Ain't No Sunshine':

"You was ballin' a minute ago - in it for dough, then it was Yo! I swear to God I didn't know."

How to drive that is...



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