Man, I 'bout fell the hell out when I caught the word over on EURweb.com that Funmo.com - a mobile entertainment company - is offering ringtones (gratis) featuring Shaq's recently mentioned hook, 'Kobe, tell me how my a$$ tastes'. Dang!! If that ain't insult to injury, I don't know what is. Now not only will Kobe be drivin' by little wannabe, crumbsnatcher, street corner rappers droppin' that hook, but now when he's tryin' to get his swerve on in the club, every cell phone around him will be blowin' up Shaq's rap about him tossin' Shaq's salad. Ol boy's *got* to put out a comeback rap now.
I need to get crackin' on my T-shirts before the NBA season rolls back around. Y'all know the ones - they're white, sizes go from small to XXXL (cuz Mo'Nique's gonna want one) and they feature a black silhouette of steam coming off an upside down donkey on a dinner plate, a stick figure wearing a #8 Laker's jersey and napkin around his neck holding up a knife and fork with 'Kobe, Tell me' curved over the top and 'how my a$$ tastes' curved under the bottom. Those are gonna be hot sellers, y'all. Holler back with your advanced orders before I go into full production.
And straight out the 'Never saw it comin', y'all' files - word hit the basement that the two month old marriage between Nick Cannon and Mariah 'Mimi' Carey is on the rocks. Not because those two could make a bag of rocks look smart but because of Mimi's 'Diva behavior'. Wow. Mimi never struck me as that type, y'all.
All I know is that these two better not break up until a sex tape 'accidentally' leaks. Y'all know those celebrity sex tapes are the new celebrity children's books. Celebrities aren't too original when it comes to figuring out how to stay in the public eye. Anyway, it sounds like Mimi is layin' the whip to NC Tina Turner style - nice and rough. Word to the wise on this one, homeys - all that glitters is NOT gold. When we will ever learn?