Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Ty Drops in on Mike Vick

Wassup, Y'all!

It's been about 111 days since the Mike Vick countdown clock went up to give Mike Vick something to look at while he's doin' his federal timeout so I thought it'd be a good time to check in with homey to see how his rollout away from the Tossed Salad Man is working out.

Currently, pilin' on is still in style as Mike Vick's seven largest creditors continue to hang outside the gates hollerin for the approximately $12.8 million he owes them. Takin' a page out of the southside 'Living Beyond Your Means' playbook, MV gave them the finger by filin' for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Dang. I know that brother owed ol Ty at least $7.50 for maintenance of the countdown clock. Guess I'm just a$$ out on that despite the fact that a judge ruled back in April that he could keep $16.5 million in bonus money he got from the Falcons. How the hell do you run through $16.5 million without breakin' off ol Ty's $7.50?...

Despite gettin' stiffed out of the bonus money, Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank has been doin' the right thing and correspondin' with Mike Vick from time to time. No word on whether Blank's letters show up laced with anthrax but all that would do is kill the guards who screen the mail before passin' it along to the yardbirds anyway. A-Blank says that Mike Vick is stayin' in shape by playin' football with the cons. Not organized football like in 'The Longest Yard' but pick up flag football like at the family reunion with Pookey an 'nem. You know those cats have to be runnin' back to the payphone back on the block hollerin' back at their boyz like, "Man, Mike Vick ain't all that. I be chasin' his little scramblin' a$$ down all the time. I shoulda gone pro." You know how we do.

Still, despite all the fun and hijinx goin' on at Leavenworth minimum security prison camp, with its touch football, S'mores and what not, Mike Vick still hasn't been granted entrance into the prison drug program that got him into the camp good life in the first place. Everybody and their mama have been speculatin' that the only reason Mike Vick decided to get with that program was to accelerate his release date (which would require me to adjust the countdown clock and bill cousin more money - which I also won't be gettin'). Yeah, you have to do 500 hours, pee in a cup a couple few times and say, "Hi, my name is Mike and I'm a drug addict' about 50 times while lookin' sincere, but on the flip side he could be out in a halfway house as early as January '09 lookin' for love from the NFL.

Clearly though, the Virginia state prosecutor has alternate plans for Mike Vick. Ol boy says he plans to wait until homey is released from Leavenworth to pursue their state case on dogfighting charges. That's cold, jack.

So Mike Vick has a Groundhog Day ahead of him, one which I'm sure is being cheered on by Virginia Tossed Salad Men from Lynchburg to Virginia Beach. That's appropriate since we all know that 'Virginia is for Lovers'. And once that Virginia ruckus is over? Well, don't forget that Hector still wants a quick word with Mike Vick too.

Bottom line? Mike Vick's still got a lot of scramblin' to do, y'all.



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