Sunday, August 08, 2004

How do you spell 'Carpetbagger'?

Wassup, Y'all!

That would be K-E-Y-E-S for those takin' the test. Yes, yes, y'all. Maryland resident and new GOP 'go to' guy, Alan 'Skeleton' Keyes has made it official. He'll be Barack Obama's opponent for the vacant Illinois Senate seat. Can't say the debates won't be erudite entertainment (for you brothers down a Winky's corner store, that's how Hah Vahd brothers say 'knowlegeable')...

Can the world stand two Harvard educated brothers going toe to toe?

Can the United States Senate survive a fifth black senator since the U.S. Senate has been open for business, y'all? What's that work out to? Lemme see now, congress has been in business since 1789, it's 2004, hmmm, take away 1, okay 215 years since the first gavel fell, now divide the number of years by Senate term which is 6 and round up to get 36 possible times a black person could get elected to the Senate. Now divide the number of actual black folks that have been elected (including the one coming in from Illinois barring assassination prior to seating...) by the number of sessions a black person could have been elected and we get 0.14... And there you have it, y'all. 0.14 black folks elected to the US Senate per term since the opening gavel in 1789. I vote we establish 0.14 as the official United States That's A Damn Shame ratio. I was feeling kinda put out by that ratio until I crunched the Hispanic and Native American (who ran the joint before we did) numbers. Trust me y'all - you don't want to know...

Anyway, get out your Webster's y'all. When Skeleton Keyes hits the podium you're gonna need some fast fingers. (Alan: Man, I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin' - I saw you in the '96 and '00 debates. How do you think I learned the word 'erudite'?)

Alright, I'm gonna hop off Skeleton for a minute (plenty of time to hop back on in the days to come) although I did see Smooth Barark drop his appropriate quote about the clownin' going on. When asked about the choice of Skeleton to represent the right, he said it was:

"a hopeful sign for the country"
- Smooth Barack

Hmmmm, he must have peeped my That's A Damn Shame ratio...

In other news, I was rolling in the hoopty with my home slice Tater Tot and bumped up on Nelly's new slow jam "My Place". Nelly seems to have found the formula for hip-hop slow jams. It's a good follow up to that 'Dilemma' joint he cut with Kelly Rowland (that slim goody shorty from Destiny's Child). Me and Tot were vibing on the hook - big ups to Jahiem - but we were both like - What's up, Nelly? Kelly Rowland to Jaheim??? Man, y'all know Jahiem be hanging with Flava Flav, Lil Jon, Petey Pablo, Jodeci and Anthony Mason in the 'FMFR Club' (face made for radio). Shoot - Tot should probably be up in that joint too, but I digress... (Jahiem: Man, I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin'...) Anyway - shout out to Nelly: Dude, I appreciate you sharing the love with the other brothers, but come on, now! Let's tilt back toward the shorties - brothers just can't get into a slow jam thinking about you and Jahiem. Ya heard me?

I'm out y'all. It's Sunday night and I got a few job interviews to hit in the morning. Word on the street is that Halle hasn't made her mind up yet(contrary to those tabloid rumors of a hook up with that buster Michael Ealy), so I'm submitting my paperwork for consideration...again. I'll let you know how that goes.



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