Saturday, August 14, 2004

Tiger Slump? Blame the Elin Effect

Wassup Y'all!

I know, I know. Ease up off Tiger Woods, our Caublinasian brother. I don't know y'all I got to say my piece on this joint and if Tiger can have a Tiger Slam, the brother can have a Tiger Slump. Just like the Tiger Slam wasn't an official grand slam, the Tiger Slump isn't an official slump, especially when his 'slump' would still be a career year for the lower echelon tour players. I submit that the slump is a direct consequence of the Elin effect, as in Swedish nanny, hottie fiance - Elin Nordegren. I submit the following picture for your inspection...

Now come on, y'all! Who can spend hours practicing golf when in the back of your mind you know you've got this waiting for you back at the crib? Our boy Tiger's only human. But y'all know I always go beyond the story and y'all know there's got to be more to it than a case of romantic jungle fever (or reservation fever or Thai kitchen fever or ...). Perhaps y'all forgot about that little food poisoning story that flew under the radar last year as Tiger was crushing folks at the Bay Hill Invitational. It seems Elin pulled a quick Lucretia Borgia and slipped Tigro a plate of pasta that gave him food poisoning and had him callin' EARL (no not his daddy - y'all know what I'm talking about). See, I'm saying old girl is stealing the brother's mojo. According to my undercover FL contact Lil Punch, the pasta play was unintentional - old girl actually meant to only slip in a little bit of salmonella, just enough to have Tigro pootin' through the Bay Hill tournament and get him off his game. Since that time, I suspect she's been slippin' him all kinds of mickeys as part of a vast, right wing conspiracy to replace him as the #1 golfer with Philly Phil Mickelson. What else could explain Tigro's inexplicable nose dive since the days of the jaw dropping Tiger Slam?

Tiger, brother, find you a girl who can cook man! Check out Thursday's blog, my brother, there's a fine shorty who's back on the market who I'm sure would welcome a call...

My work here is done. I'm out, y'all!



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