Thursday, August 12, 2004

Say It Ain't So Rick!

Wassup, Y'all!

Looks like old Tyrone will be doing more in NYC this month than covering the Republican Convention. Duty calls, y'all. The Malone phone was blowing up all yesterday with the news that Rick Fox, former Laker thug, has dropped divorce papers on Vanessa Williams. 'Nessa? Oh hell no! Don't worry baby - Tyrone's on the way with some of that south side snuggle to get you over this rough patch. The hoopty's all gased up, boo. I'll be right there...

Dang Rick, let me move your greasy behind into my Big Dummy file along with Eric Benet and Ike Turner. See now y'all know why sisters be burning our clothes in the back seat of our cars. Don't front Rick! The Enquirer peeped your ass engaging in all kinds of clownin'. You don't get any more journalistically solid than the National Enquirer, homeboy. Shame, shame. Actually y'all, I've been doing my own digging and the real skinny is even more shocking. My inside Laker contact Gin Fizz tightened me up with the Epson glossy you see here.

That's right, y'all! It was Phil Jackson in the conservatory with the candle stick! Apparently, Phil and Sly Fox have been kicking it together since the beginning of last season. You heard it here y'all - Rick's been on the Down Low. If y'all readers don't know what the Down Low is either fall through Winky's corner store when you're in Chicago or peep brother J.L King's book.

Woooo - looks like the Detroit Bad Boys exposed more than just the Lakers' weak game. Don't worry 'Nessa, I got the right stuff and I definitely saved my best for last. Just to cheer you up a little bit until I can get to you, I've designated you the official Tyrone Malone Shorty of The Week. That should give you that Miss American vibe all over again. Here's a free taste so brothers can compare 'Nessa to Phil and see if Rick made the right move or not. I'm leaning toward no...

A couple other insights before I close - to Mr. Donald Lucey, the British travel operator who's planning to sponsor a travel package to Iraq in September for ten willing participants -- didn't I tell you to stay away from that west side crack? Matter o' fact, I don't even think the west side homeys mix enough chemicals in their brew to warrant that kind of foolishness. However, if persist you must, I can point you to a few folks to add to your travel party, like GW, C-Rice, Rum Shot, Off The Chaney, Uncle Clarence and a couple others. We'll keep Colin stateside for now and see if we can get him into detox and back into shape...

Quick Crack on Mac: Word on the street is that John McEnroe's new talk show on CNBC pulled in a robust 0.0 rating (twice!!) Dude, if I'm not mistaken that's the same market share I pulled in last night and I don't even have a show. Perhaps a new career is in order. (John: I'm not hatin' man, I'm just sayin'). No hard feelings, J-Mac. You're a welcome guest on this blog anytime you're in Chicago!

Don't forget y'all Alien vs. Predator drops tomorrow so go out and support my girl Sanaa Lathan! Old girl was going to be my Shorty of The Week this week, but this recent Sly Fox revelation warrented a script flip.

Alright, I'm out. If I pull out now, I can be in upstate New York in about twelve hours - thirteen if I include a quick side trip to pick up a few Radio Shack trinkets for my boo 'Nessa.



No comments: