Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Wanted: Creative Rappers

Wassup, Y'all!

First - bad news.... My Halle Berry "Be My Boo" job application was denied again. That's three strikes for old Tyrone, y'all so I guess it's time to move on. So let me just pull out my list and pencil her name off and see who's next...well what do you know? Sanaa Lathan! And just in time too since her new movie Alien vs. Predator is about to drop. Look for me escorting her down the red carpet at the next Oscar's y'all. I got a feeling about this one!...

Okay - now on to the main point of today's blog. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of hip hop and 106 & Park and what not, but y'all I'm telling you, I had my little niece up in the hoopty the other day and I'm piping my iPod through my banging Nakamichi amplifier and trunk mounted Nakamichi speaker array and found myself with a dilemma. Is there a way to separate the banging beat from those foul lyrics? See I'm already hip to that game of dropping some duckets for a hot single only to see the hotter remix come out about a month later. Y'all also think you're slick with offering both an 'explicit' and 'clean' version (with more skips in it than a Sprint cell call in mid-town Manhatten at lunch time) of your cuts. When you get done slicin' and dicin', y'all rappers can make about a G note from one sharp cut. I say it's time to give back to community.

Here's what you do:

Issue one version of your cut - this should in all cases be an extended remix of your jam.

Next, be creative and substitute some valid words for all those foul lyrics. Here's a little starter kit from your boy Tyrone. Drop ni**er/ni*ga and use 'brother/brotha'. Drop bi*ch and use 'sister'. Drop 'ho' altogether although 'doe' would work in a pinch. Drop sh*t and use 'stuff' or 'sheet' if you want to be edgy. Drop F*ck and use 'tap' unless it's intended in a non-sexual way, in that case use 'forget'. Instead of 'smoke weed every day', try 'just read every day'. See y'all - it's not that hard. Consider it a public service to all the players out there who are trying to jam in their hoopties and drive their little nieces around. This way we can keep out hands on the hydraulic switches instead of the pause or song skip button. Hook a brother up!

Finally, I tightened up a new hot link for y'all. The Boondocks is now available for perusing so you can get your laugh on. Those little roughnecks are a trip!

I'm out! Got to got snap a few glossies to paperclip to my Sanaa Lathan "Be My Boo" job application and pick up a new bottle of Burberry Cologne to scent my envelope. Yes, yes, y'all - old Tyrone is going all out this time - I'll let you know how it goes.



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